Friday, March 17, 2017

Tails From Rainbow Bridge: Chelsea and I go on a Secret Mission


On the mortal side of the River of Life, folks have become obsessed with people spying on them.  I don’t want anyone spying on my parents.  Having lived with them my whole life, I knew what they do, and I certainly don’t want anyone else knowing.  I needed to spy on the spies to keep my parents safe.
I have learned never to go on a spy mission without backup.  Yorkies make the best sleuths.  We are quiet, smart, stealth, quick witted, and small.  I went to the top of the biggest apartment building and recruited my friend Chelsea.  When I told her about the spying she reacted as she always did when informed of my schemes:  Chelsea rolled her eyes, shook her head, but agreed to follow me because she was bored.
We went to my parent's house.  It was late at night.  My parents were sound asleep.  Chelsea and I wore lights around our heads.  I shined mine in the bedroom and motioned for my sisters to keep quiet.  Chelsea and I then flew over to the microwave.  We were both able to fit inside.  We found the camera.  Before we unhooked it, we posed for a dozen pictures.  If you are small enough microwaves are great picture booths.
“Foley, why is the government photographing people’s microwaves?” Chelsea asked.
“They want to know how much popcorn our parents are popping.”
“Why?”
“Corn is grown in Iowa.  The first Presidential caucus is held in Iowa.  I have been studying humans forever Chelsea.  They are consumed by two things.  Money, votes and their dirty bits.  Wait that is three things.  The are consumed by three things.  Write that down for me would you Chels?”
We moved to the laptops and tablets.  I opened them and began typing
“What are you doing?”  Chelsea asked.
“I am putting in codes so no one in the government can spy on my parents.  I don’t want the government to know what they, or more importantly we, are doing.”
“But Foley you have recorded every moment of your life on the Internet for the last ten years.  What do you have to hide?”
Just as Chelsea asked I wiped out my stash of kitty porn from the memory.  “We all have something to hide,” I told innocent Chelsea.
Our next target was the television.  I found a small camera contained in the remote control sensor.  I was able to pull it out with my teeth.
“Why would the government want to watch our parents watch TV?” Chelsea asked.
“The government loves to watch people watch.  You learn a lot about people by watching the watchers.  Plus they know what you watch.  That’s why you should tell Ashton to tell your mom only to watch Family Feud.  Plus Steve Harvey is darn funny.”
Before the night was done I removed a listening device from the toaster; lint from the dryer (darnit mommy!  It is a fire hazard); suspicious glasses from the dishwasher; the numbers eight and six from the clock radio (take that Agent 86); the mute button from the remote (our voices never will be silenced); and changed all the contacts on their phones to John Doe so the government doesn’t know who they are conspiring with.
We finished just before my parents awoke.  Chelsea and I flew back to the Bridge.
I told Chelsea that tomorrow night we would go to her mom’s house.
“That’s OK Foley,” Chelsea said.  “Frankly, I think you’re a paranoid nut job.”
Chelsea flew off to her high rise.  I sighed and shook my head.
To Chelsea’s mom, please be careful what you pop, watch, read, search for, or wash.  I am going to try and convince Chelsea to debug all your appliances.
And anyone reading this, your computer will self-destruct in one minute, unless it is a Samsung.  If so it likely that it is already on fire

8 comments:

  1. Please tell all my dogs who are at the RB to come to my house and do a privacy sweep. We are scared now.

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  2. We think if our house was bugged, it could be the cure for insomnia for the 'Watchers'. Bwahaahaa!

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  3. After all the "STUFF" on TV this week, your post was so welcome - thanks for the laughs.

    Happy St. Paddy's Day!

    Woos - Lightning and Misty

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  4. That was a very impawtent secret mission! We think you need to be in charge of security! There must be lots of troubles cuz our pawrents have been talking about cameras in microwaves too. Actually they use more HBO words too.

    Your Pals,

    Murphy & Stanley

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  5. I actually think that was the smart thing to do and you've covered all the bases. You can never be too careful with snoops or with aliens!

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  6. BOL! I would think somebody would get pretty bored listening on everybody's lives! ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

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  7. OMD! there really are cameras in the microwave??!!!???

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  8. That is the most hilarious tail from the Bridge *ever*!!! I'm so glad that you got all those cameras out of the dangerous microwaves, toasters, and TVs. Your parents are safe now. Could you come sweep my house?

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