If I want to be with you there is no stopping me. I have been known to, in bed, leaning against one of my parents so hard that my 14 pounds can shove them off the bed. I also, if I want some Dad kisses, can jump up on the recliner, stand on his chest, and pleasure myself.
Without the desire for licks, I become very shy about getting up in the chair. It’s not that I can’t do it. When my parents are out of the house they know I have been on the chairs and prowling the end tables. This Saturday I somehow turned off the Alexa Soothing Music For Dogs with Separation Anxiety and turned on the TV,
Just so you know Amazons’ Soothing Music For Dogs with Separation Anxiety sucks. I don’t know where they find these hipster crooners but their tepid tunes don’t soothe me but rather incite me to find a hammer and smash the tiny Echo so I can pace, worry, and drool in peace. After several tries adjusting my bark I was finally able to bark “Alexa, for the love of God, stop!” As for turning on the TV, I figured out how the remote works. If I can decipher how to scroll through the channel guide I will have mastered the home entertainment world.
While I fly around the house when it is vacant, if my parents are in their chairs, and I do not feel the urgent need to lick a face, I lose my lift. My parents call me to come sit in the recliners with them but I pace the floor, lick my nose, push off with my back legs, but my butt never leaves the floor.
I wonder if I need to go to a pup psychologist. I don’t yip when my parents are seated but I have the yips. Like a pitcher who can’t throw a strike, I am a dog who can’t jump in a chair. I overthink the amount of thrust I need, where I will land if I will fall and I fail to launch.
Worse, when my parents relent and bend down to pick me up, I retreat to the far side of the room and curl into a ball, too ashamed of my inability to do what should come naturally. Then I put my head down and bend away from my parents as I cower at my failure. Kindly, like I am an elderly dog who no longer has the ability, or worse, a shorty like Pocket, I am aided to the chair, where I contently sit until something catches my eye, I jump down and start the entire process again.
I do need to get over my chair yips. If anyone knows a good dog psychiatrist let me know. If that is not possible I need the number of a pharmacist who can get me a Cialis prescription. From what I hear it helps Dad to lift off when he can’t get off the ground.