Thursday, May 3, 2018

River Song and the Right to Smell LIke a Dog



I like to smell like a dog.  I want to have the scent of outdoors deep in my hair:  A combination of the grass I playfully roll in, the dirt I walk through and the smell on my whiskers from whatever I stuck my nose in.  

My Dad likes that smell.  When I am sitting with him, or we are lying in bed, and he gets a whiff of me in my natural state he finds it comforting.

Mommy does not appreciate it.  She thinks that we should smell like shampoos and conditioners that come in bottles.  She wants to wipe away the natural scents and replace it with something artificial like strawberries.

Pocket is not any help.  As much as she likes her walks she prefers the artificial fruit smell too.  Sometimes I think she is barely a dog.

It seems like as soon as I get the perfect amount of outside scent on me, Mommy decides it is bath time.  I think her olfactory settings are malfunctioning. She doesn’t know a good smell when she whiffs it. Like clockwork, when I smell my best, the tub faucet is turned on.

I must confess.  When it comes to baths, I like to watch.  Pocket is the first one in the tub. It would be wise for me to find something to hide under where Mommy couldn’t reach me.  But instead, I am drawn to the tub where a wet, scrawny Pocket is lathered, rinsed, and lathered again. I am addicted to Yorkies getting a bath.  That is why I have to keep clearing my Internet browser history.

I stay to watch Pocket quickly get dried, then see her hurry into the living room to run off the wet.  I realize I am trapped between the wall and the toilet. I spin around, seeking my only means of escape, putting my head up my butt, but fail.  I am lifted, plopped in the tub, and my natural earthy scent is washed away replaced by something in a bottle.

Then comes my favorite part of the wretched endeavor.  The drying off. I get Mommy’s sweet hands rubbing me, the warmth of the towel, and I think it is worth it, and then I get a whiff of my strawberry scent, and I realize all the rubbing in the world cannot make up for that.  

Once I am dry, I stand by the door to signal I have to pee.  I don’t really, although I do a perfect fake pee, I just need to get back outside and begin to get the clean smell off of me and return to my correct state of an earthy smelling dog.

15 comments:

  1. I love my bathes, but it takes me 24 hours to dry, mom thinks I must have layers and layers of fur, I must be some type of endangered species. I smell like coconut usually.......geeze. p>s. strawberries are my favorite fruit to eat. stellie

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  2. Just when we get the doggie odors on us it is off to the groomers. Bah.

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  3. My groomer Miss Jacquie has strict orders to not use anything perfumy on me. Ghostwriter breaks out in hives from those kinds of scents. She doesn't mind if I smell like "dirt and worms" when I come in from outside, as long as I don't make muddy footprints anywhere. If so, I jump into the bath tub and get my feet rinsed off. No smelly soaps for me!

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  4. The drying off after the bath does sound like the best part!

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  5. Thankfully our peeps don't like those sweet smells on us dogs. So we just get regular old shampoo baths. But WE prefer the dirt smell from outside too:)

    Woos - Lightning, Misty, and Timber

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  6. AMEN!!!! OMD, I can't tells you how frustrating it is to gets all my essence washed off! Like I didn't work REALLY hard for that just-right smell....sigh. Maybe we needs to start a protest or somethings! Good thing is, being a big dog that makes quite the mess of the bathroom, Ma bathes me only when she says she can't take it anymore ☺
    She said if I was a small doggie, i would gets bathes ALL the time! yikes! I thinks I feel your pain gurls!
    Kisses,
    Ruby ♥

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  7. The rub down with the towel is the best part of a bath. I dry fast but Hazel takes furever
    hugs
    Mabel
    Hazel too

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  8. I hate baths... and I like it to smell like a real dog... and I like it if my bed smells like me too... and I like it when the mama starts to smell like a dog LOL

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  9. "I am addicted to Yorkies getting a bath. That is why I have to keep clearing my Internet browser history." OMD!! I have to go downstairs now and watch Mom. She is grooming and BATHING 2 Yorkies, AS WE TYPE.

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  10. River, that last comment was from Lucy. You sound like every dog I bath, but they usually come out smelling minty or lemony. They, however, don't have a yorkie bathing fetish. Have you thought about seeking help for that?

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  11. Fur real why don't the peeps like our natural mantastic smell. I pawretty much has da same ritual as you except brudder puts his bathing suit on and I fink we are going outside fur him to get in da pool and me to sun bathe buts instead him sneak attacks me into getting in da stand up shower and closes da door...Ughhh

    xoxo,
    Matt (& Matilda)

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  12. We totally get it River...TOTALLY!!
    xoxo,
    Jakey, Arty & Rosy

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  13. River - You described it so eloquently and so perfectly! Now that you announced your fetish for Yorkies getting baths to the world, you don't need to clear your browser history anymore ;)

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  14. Oh River, we feel your pain!

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