Pocket's True Confessions

I don’t get to go to church often, so I need to make my confessions here and now.
Sometimes I pretend I don’t want to eat when I actually do. My parents give me attention and eventually more food.

I give River a mean look which causes her to snap at me and then I whine and get lots of snuggling from my parents.

On walks, when I want to sniff the ground longer, I pretend to pee because my parents don’t pull on the leash when I am peeing.

I have eaten both grain free food and food full of grain, and they both taste like crap.

Actually, that isn’t true.  If River poops on the pads and I  get there first, I eat her poop, and I like it more than kibble.

Sometimes, I will bark for no reason in the middle of the night to make my parents move so I can sleep on the warm spot on the bed.

During walks, when I endlessly bark at my neighbors, I am criticizing their fashion choices.  Long pants and flip-flops together annoy me.
If parents can yell at the TV during sporting events, the
n I can look out the window and bark at nothing.

I love to talk with my friends on the Internet, but if I met them in real life, I would probably just bark at them, wag my tail, and make a fool of myself.

The only thing I have learned that is close to a trick is acting like I didn’t get a treat and making my other parent give me another one.

I know what those signs with the squatting dog on a lawn with an x through it mean but I always leave a little poop in my system just for their lawn.

When it comes to pee-mail, she who pees last pees the longest.

It is weird that I don’t mind sniffing River’s butt, but I don’t like that we drink out of the same dish.


Sometimes I fake wagging my tail.  I’m not excited, but it makes my parents happy to think they are leaving me satisfied, and I just want to go to sleep, so a little fake wag never hurt anyone.