Friday, December 6, 2019

Stonewall Fought a Vacuum and the Vacuum Won

 Dogs have insisted for years that vacuum cleaners are the enemy.  We know, if given a chance, the vacuum will attack us. Our parents think it is cute when we bark at the vacuum.  Little do they know they are operating a puppy attacking machine.  

Stonewall, a 14-year-old Shih Tzu lives in Ballwin Missouri.  His days of being a rambunctious little boy zooming around the house are over.  He spends the majority of the time laying on the floor and remembering the sweet summer days of his youth. 
When he was young, he barked at the vacuum, warning it not to trifle with him. He had never had a problem since.   He had been confident that the loud machine would not attack him because his mother was operating it. Then something happened that would change him in a deep and profound way.

His parents got a robot vacuum which is no different than having a driverless car in the house.  It is simply dangerous. I could see having a robot do the cooking, cleaning, or dusting, but not vacuuming.  It's just moving quickly and sucking. The New York Giants do it every week.

This past week Stonewall was on the floor dreaming of catching a catfish in his mouth on a sunny summer day when he heard the low, steady rumble of the robot vacuum. He didn't pay it any attention. He no longer had the energy to bark. Simply ignoring it took all his strength. Stonewall had watched the sucker for years.  It was well trained. It never sucked where he was.  

The awful robot had slid pass Stonewall when it encountered the Shih Tzu’s trademark big, fluffy whitetail. The machine made a mistake.  The robot thought the long hair was merely debris and sucked it up. Surely a human would have recognized that the tail belonged to a living soul.  Robots have no such capabilities. What happened to Stonewall was Orwellian.   

Thankfully the machine realized it’s a mistake and shut down, but not before Stonewall's tail was caught in the gears.  He did not enjoy having a robot on his ass, and he rolled around, trying to get it off but failed. His mom saw him, and the robot flopping around on the floor and realized her baby’s tail was stuck.  She tried to pull it free to no avail. Unsure of what to do, she called 911.

The responding officers determined that the subjects needed to be separated for both to survive. To do so, they had to use the rarely deployed hair cutting scissors.  A specially trained EMT who studied at the prestigious Supercuts University was brought in. After three seconds, Stonewall was freed from the suck of death. 

His thankful mother snuggled Stonewall.  He fully expected the horrible monster to be removed from the house and shot.  Instead, the monster was unpunished, and Stonewall was told he could not be in the same room with the robot when it was working.  Talk about blaming the victim. 

At least now, thanks to Stonewall’s brave actions, we have proof of just how dangerous these vacuums are.  I hope this is the end of those roving suckers of death.


21 comments:

  1. ewe dawgs knead a ritez a book.....thiz iz price lezz !!!! ☺☺☺♥♥♥

    for what itz werth stonewall, catz R on de same page when it comez two de ma sheen~~~

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  2. hehehe...The New York Giants do it every week.

    This story would have been scary if we hadn't been giggling so hard.

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  3. Never thought about that happening! But we have always moved out of the way whenever SHE is wielding a cleaning implement of any kind.

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  4. Our Little Bit hated the vacuum. With a passion. We were careful about it too.

    I will admit I laughed about this robot mishap. I couldn't help myself.

    Have a woof woof day and weekend. My best to your peeps. ♥

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  5. Our robot vacuum was well behaved but, well, Zoe will explain tomorrow on our blog. I'm glad Stonewall is okay though.

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  6. We heard that story on the news, and we are so glad that Mom now is convinced she does NOT need one of those little robots in our home:) We feel a lot safer when SHE is the one guiding that crazy vacuum with her two human paws in control.

    Woos - Lightning, Misty, and Timber

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  7. OH NOES! Hope the pup's tailio is okay!

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  8. I'm sure I would not like one of those things roaming around my house! Nope. No thank you!

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  9. We heard our Dad discussing his plan to get one of tose dreaded robot vacuums and disguising it as a velociraptor. Talk about going from bad to worst! Xena and Lucy

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  10. That`s so, so funny! Junior has never felt fear for the vacuum cleaner but most of my doggies had and, on second thoughts, if you judge these devices not only for the unpleasant noise but for their menacing appearance they are right to show respect and make enough room when that horrible threat is near them, don`t you think?

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  11. Oh my word Stonewall bless your heart...Thank goodness for the intervention. I hope the robo went to robo he--
    Hugs Cecilia

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  12. Dear friends,

    The vacuum goes right past my face and I keep snoozing. My person says this is annoying, she would like me to move. But the truth is that if you don't poke the beast, it won't try to eat you!

    Licks,
    Cobi

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  13. OH MY COD! What a horrible terrible just awful happening. There are those of us who can stealthily kill the thing! Say the word.

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  14. I hope that your story is nothing but a story - not based on fact. If it's true, I shouldn't have been laughing so very very hard!

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  15. OhMyGod! we have one of those in our house!! We must kill it

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  16. My girls all challenged the vacuum and my boys all hid. A robot would choke on all the dog hair around here.

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  17. Katie Isabella told me we would come back here and tell you all how much she apurriciated your saying that the photo of her on the counter was photoshopped to make it look so! She loves when the truff comes out!

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  18. My mom even gave us a vacuum squeaky toy to try and make us not be so scared of the vacuum, yeah, good luck with that!

    Kiki and Rosie

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