Stonewall Fought a Vacuum and the Vacuum Won

 Dogs have insisted for years that vacuum cleaners are the enemy.  We know, if given a chance, the vacuum will attack us. Our parents think it is cute when we bark at the vacuum.  Little do they know they are operating a puppy attacking machine.  

Stonewall, a 14-year-old Shih Tzu lives in Ballwin Missouri.  His days of being a rambunctious little boy zooming around the house are over.  He spends the majority of the time laying on the floor and remembering the sweet summer days of his youth. 
When he was young, he barked at the vacuum, warning it not to trifle with him. He had never had a problem since.   He had been confident that the loud machine would not attack him because his mother was operating it. Then something happened that would change him in a deep and profound way.

His parents got a robot vacuum which is no different than having a driverless car in the house.  It is simply dangerous. I could see having a robot do the cooking, cleaning, or dusting, but not vacuuming.  It's just moving quickly and sucking. The New York Giants do it every week.

This past week Stonewall was on the floor dreaming of catching a catfish in his mouth on a sunny summer day when he heard the low, steady rumble of the robot vacuum. He didn't pay it any attention. He no longer had the energy to bark. Simply ignoring it took all his strength. Stonewall had watched the sucker for years.  It was well trained. It never sucked where he was.  

The awful robot had slid pass Stonewall when it encountered the Shih Tzu’s trademark big, fluffy whitetail. The machine made a mistake.  The robot thought the long hair was merely debris and sucked it up. Surely a human would have recognized that the tail belonged to a living soul.  Robots have no such capabilities. What happened to Stonewall was Orwellian.   

Thankfully the machine realized it’s a mistake and shut down, but not before Stonewall's tail was caught in the gears.  He did not enjoy having a robot on his ass, and he rolled around, trying to get it off but failed. His mom saw him, and the robot flopping around on the floor and realized her baby’s tail was stuck.  She tried to pull it free to no avail. Unsure of what to do, she called 911.

The responding officers determined that the subjects needed to be separated for both to survive. To do so, they had to use the rarely deployed hair cutting scissors.  A specially trained EMT who studied at the prestigious Supercuts University was brought in. After three seconds, Stonewall was freed from the suck of death. 

His thankful mother snuggled Stonewall.  He fully expected the horrible monster to be removed from the house and shot.  Instead, the monster was unpunished, and Stonewall was told he could not be in the same room with the robot when it was working.  Talk about blaming the victim. 

At least now, thanks to Stonewall’s brave actions, we have proof of just how dangerous these vacuums are.  I hope this is the end of those roving suckers of death.