Monday, May 31, 2010

Minutes of the Tanner Brigade Monthly Meeting

Foley Monster (banging her gavel): Can we all please sit. Please sit.

Whiskey: I am sitting, you should only say sit once, that what the human trainers say.

Foley Monster: We all haven't had your training Whiskey, but everyone follow his example and sit. (The dogs all sit or lay down.) Now our secretary Hattie Mae will read the minutes of our last meeting.

Hattie Mae: Last month Foley reported on her meeting with the Ning weasels and we decided to raise money to keep our group together; plans were made for our first anniversary celebration, and I wore a smashing matching pink top and skirt with a tan cap.

Foley Monster: Hattie, I have told you that you do not have to tell us what you wore at the previous meeting.

Hattie Mae: It is the only interesting thing about our meetings.

Gracie: That's true.

Foley Monster: (banging gavel) You must respect my authority! Now, old business. I would like to thank you all for making the Tanner Brigade anniversary party a huge success. Everyone enjoyed the free Matilda rides, Zoe Boe's drawings, tearing apart the furniture with Ruger. It was a great time. There was also frisbee playing with Hurley and ball playing with our German Shepard dogs. Let's all give ourselves a big howl of applause.

Tanner Brigade: All howl.

Foley Monster: I also want to remind you that there are Bauser bandanas for sale, they go for a very reasonable price and no Brigade member should be without one. Now let's take a moment of silence to remember Cooper and Kenya and the other pups we have lost since our last meeting.

(All Silent)

Foley Monster: OK, now let's here from our committees. Speaking for the Pocket Persistent Peeing committee will be chair dog Zoe Boe.

Zoe Boe: While Pocket's peeing has grown less thanks to advice from Button's Mom Nadine she is still leaking in the house. We know her Mommy hates pee stains on her rug and makes her wear a diaper so we move that she get advice from Hattie Mae about some nice dresses to go over the diaper so she doesn't quite look so foolish.

Foley Monster: All for.

Group: Aye

Foley Monster: So moved. Now we shall hear from the tribute committee. Lily?

Lily: We have decided, to honor our friend Kenya, that one day a month we shall eat nothing but donuts and ice cream.

Honey Bear: But shouldn't we do something to honor Cooper?

Foley Monster: Two days of donuts and ice cream. All in favor?

Group: Aye!

Foley Monster: All right. Now, I don't know how many of you have watched the news but the humans have broken the Earth again. I have appointed our Gulf correspondent Hobo Hudson to do a report.

Hobo Hudson: It seems the humans put a big hole in the bottom of the ocean to get oil and then the machinery they used to get the oil blew up.

Pokey: Why would they cut a hole in the earth at the bottom of the ocean?

Bobo Hudson: Humans aren't like us, we could sleep outside in a pack and travel on paws but they need a heated or air conditioned house, need to get in their cars and go places, so they need this oil.

Clemente: That sounds dangerous. Shouldn't the government been regulating what was going on. I mean if we put a big hole in the ocean Foley would assign one of us to watch it.

Baron: As an older dog I can explain this because I have a lot of experience with humans. I will give you an example. You know how humans will toss us a ball, we get it and bring it back.

Group: Yes

Baron: Well, at the start, humans do that with one another. Then they get bored, so they pretend to bring it back, and when the paperwork comes in the other human signs that they've been bringing the ball back like a faithful dog. Then the other human stops showing up and the first human just keeps throwing the ball and filling out the papers. Then neither show up they just fill out the forms.

Chelsea: Why do humans do that?

Baron: They never learned to keep their eye on the ball.

Hobo Hudson: So, in short, the humans didn't pay attention to what was happening, and now there is a big hole in the earth, and animals are getting sick, and they need our help.

Foley Monster: Thank you Hobo, now let's hear from the big hole in the Earth committee.

Leo: Thank you Foley. The humans have been doing a bunch of stupid things with silly names to try and clog the hole and none of them have worked so we have come up with ideas of our own. There is the Newfie haircut: This is where we take Matilda's hair and we fill the hole with it. Then there is the Pocket block: This is where we take Pocket's diapers and fill the hole, we have a lot of hope for this one. Also we have the tennis ball slam: We all donate a tennis ball and slam it down the chute. Finally there is the quick Vick slip where we take all our vicks and slam them into the hole.

Foley Monster: All those in favor of fixing the hole put in the Earth by the humans say aye.

Group: Aye

Foley Monster: And now that we have fixed all the world's problems we can adjourn....oh Pocket. Clean up aisle five.

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