Thursday, December 23, 2010

Foley's mid life crises

I believe I am having a mid-life crises.  One:  I plan to live to see my twentieth birthday which puts me smack dab in the middle of life.  Two:  I have exhibiting uncharacteristic behavior lately.  To wit:

Eating:  When I was a pup I would drive Mommy and Daddy to the edge of despair by refusing to eat.  Daddy would stick his index finger into the gross mixture of wet puppy food, then put it in my mouth and scrape his finger across the roof of it and my and teeth so the food would get into my tummy.  His finger tasted better than the food.  Even as I moved into adulthood I would skip meals if something during the day upset me, or I was angry with Mommy, because my not eating would upset her so.  Now, she could shave my tail and give my hair to homeless dogs and it wouldn't stop me from eating.  I eat my food.  I eat Pocket's food.  I lick the plates until there isn't a taste of food on them.  I lick the floor around the plates.  And when Mommy and Daddy are eating I make myself into quite the pest, barking and growling, even though mostly I only get kibble, even though Daddy occasionally sneaks me some human good.  If I could I would eat everything in the house.  I even picked up Pocket's bad case of poo eating until Mommy bought a treat that makes me not want to eat poo, which is fine, because now instead of gross tasting poo I get a treat.  I am always one step ahead.

Licking:  I love licking.  I lick everything.  I lick Daddy's face and hands.  He's a good tasting guy.  I like to lick Mommy but she really isn't big on being licked.  She was raised in the 50's.  I lick my paws.  It's my way of remembering where I have been.  I lick the floor, the rugs.  I lick Mommy's slippers.  It's the closest thing to liking Mommy.  I don't know why I lick so much.  Daddy wonders if it is something wrong with me.  Mommy just thinks I like to lick.  Personally, it is my quest to taste the best of life, and I am going to taste it all.

Ornery:  I have become more ornery the more I have aged.  As an example tonight Mommy's brother and his wife were over.  I bounced over to her and sat on the pillows next to her and grrrrddd until she pet me.  Then when she stopped I grrrrrddd some more.  When they were eating I grrrrrdddd for food.  When they were done I grrrdddd to have Daddy pick me up then grrrrddd to have him put me down.  When Daddy picked Pocket up I grrrddd to be picked up by Mommy.  Then I grrrdddd until Daddy reached across the table to scratch me.  When the sound of laughter made Pocket nervous and Daddy put her down and she put her paws on Mommy's knees I Snnnarrrrrrrrrrd at her and snapped loudly and Daddy had to pick her up to separate,  Now that I read this it seems more bitchy then ornery.

I am thinking of buying a corvette.  I am tempted to find a Mommy with a younger lap and make excuses to Mommy why I'm home late, while actually I am curled up on another woman's lap.  I am thinking of combing my hair over that little bold spot on my belly.                                                                                              

You only have one mid life crises.  It's important to do it right.

1 comment:

  1. Personally we find bitchiness endearing. But that's just us.

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