Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The Tanner Brigade Thanksgiving Day Parade

Foley Monster:  Welcome one and all to the Tanner Broadcast Network's coverage of the Tanner Brigade Thanksgiving Day Parade. 

Pocket:  The streets are lined with young pups anxious to see their favorite dogs in floats that they have been working on since late Wednesday night.

Foley Monster:  We can tell by the roar of the crowd that the first floats have turned down Ladybug Street and are headed to our broadcast booth on Sophie Square.

Pocket:  I am so excited I think I could pee myself a little, and, yup, I've done it.

Foley Monster:  Our first float is the 12, Chappy and Whiskey float and there is Chappy sitting at the front of the float looking as handsome as ever.

Pocket:  The entire float is adorned with pink ribbons in tribute to 12's victory over cancer.  Look at how proud he looks.

Foley Monster:  And Whiskey is on top of the float.  His parents are letting people in a prop door and he's not jumping on them.  What an impressive dog Whiskey has become.

Pocket:  You can tell by the roar of the crowd who is on our next float.

Foley Monster:  There she is, the Queen of the Parade, Hattie Mae.

Pocket:  She looks perfect dressed as one of Santa's Little Helpers.  I love the trim on her outfit.

Foley Monster:  And look she/s throwing candy to the little puppies.

Pocket:  Actually I believe those are fashion accessory suggestion cards.

Foley Monster:  Well it doesn't matter the kids are eating them up,

Pocket:  And I know from experience how hard they are to digest.

Foley Monster:  And here is the comeback float of the day, the Mollie float.

Pocket:  We didn't know if Mollie would be here today because of some physical problems she was having but it turned out to be just muscular and she is as good as new,

Foley Monster:  Look at her prance around her Mom, is all practically aglow with pride and relief from her recent health scare.

Pocket: Here is the Kolchak and Felix float.

Foley: And they are passing out delicious treats for everyone.

Pocket: I am going to get one now

Foley: Pocket Dog you get back here right now. And bring me one.

Pocket:  Oh my gosh, look at this, the most artistic float in the parade, lined with Van Gogh's and Monet's.

Foley Monster:  But the best part of the float is the work of her Mom's, of course it is the Zoe Boe float.

Pocket:  And in honor of her rescue day the float is surrounded by recently rescued pups, oh that is very impressive.

Foley Monster:  Look at the top, there she is, the lollipop of honor, getting a standing ovation.  It's Zoe Boe.

Pocket:  Oh can you hear the lovely Argentine music.  It's Luca's and Junior's float.

Foley Monster:  It is so good to see Luca, he hasn't been feeling well.

Pocket:  The children are all dancing to the Latin music, this is the most musical float we have seen.

Foley Monster:  And on top a wonderful statue of Fred made out of roses. That's the most beautiful thing I have seen.

Pocket:  And look here comes the giant computer projecting dozens of beautiful lay outs for your home page.

Foley Monster:  That could only be the float of the hugely talented Erin.

Pocket:  And there is Erin on top of the float.  She is looking as regal as I have ever seen.

Foley Monster:  I think every float here owes something to the way Erin designed her float.  We all owe her so much.

Pocket:  Here comes a new float in this year's parade it's the Sofie Boyd float.

Foley Monster:  Oh look how the crowd reacts to Sofie.  She is such a cute puppy and the crowd loves her.

Pocket:  Now here comes one of my favorite floats.  At the front you can see the lovely, regal Cocoa Puff taking in all the applause.

Foley Monster:  And on the level above them is Rugie Ruger, and oh look at Ruger eating that couch.

Pocket::  No dog can eat a couch like Rugie.  He is really chowing down on it.

Foley Monster:  And of course, at the top of the float, and being saluted by all the young dogs, is the inflatable Tanner Bub, smiling down at all his followers.

Pocket:  And look who it is now, it is Sierra and the Blob.

Foley Monster:  Oh look at Blob.  Ha!  He can't get anywhere near Sierra after the unfortunate tail pulling incident.

Pocket:  Oh I feel sorry for Nase, he was just playing and now he has to watch Sierra run around.

Foley Monster:  You can feel as sorry as you want but if you ever bit my tail you wouldn't get on my float for five parades.

Pocket:  Here comes the Savannah and Roland float.

Foley Monster:  Two of our more popular dogs, they always have funny comments and make us all smile.

Pocket:  They left their kitties at home since they like to run away so much.

Foley Monster:  And here is the float for one of our most popular new pups, the brave and strong Snicker

Pocket:  Such a handsome dog, and a wonderful addition to the Brigade.

Foley Monster:  Once again, proof that we take only the best and brightest dogs.

Pocket:  This next float has our youngest human.

Foley Monster:  That's right it's Brody and his adorable human baby Blake

Pocket:  Oh Brody is such a good baby sitter

Foley Monster:  I wonder what's it's like to be bigger than a human, we're smaller then all the babies in our family.

Pocket:  Here comes the Sandy, Maggie and Bo float.

Foley Monster:  Oh look at the three of them chasing one another around.

Pocket:  Now that's just about as happy a family as I have seen.  Go you dogs go.

Foley Monster:  And look out, here we go, the float everyone is looking for, the Reba, Dodger and Logan float.

Pocket:  And there goes Dodger, up, into the air and into the pool.

Foley Monster:  The crowd is going wild.  They love this act.  And here goes Reba and Logan into the pool.

Pocket:  Maybe this is just a warm up for Dodger's big Rose Bowl act, and if he is as successful as he is here his float will be the most popular on the route.

Foley Monster:  Oh my gosh I can barely hear myself think over the roar of the crowd.

Pocket:  That's because our next pup is so beloved:  It's Smoochy.

Foley Monster:  They are not booing, they are saying Smoooooooccch!

Pocket:  Look at him smiling taking in all the adulation.  Oh the young pups love Smoochy.  And why not?  What a wonderful dog he is.

Foley Monster:  Here comes a float shaped like the Texas and who is right in the heart of the float?  It's Chelsea and Ashton.

Pocket:  And they are throwing cartons of prune juice to all of their friends.

Foley Monster:  Word on the street is that the new owners of Doggyspace are rich dogs from Texas.

Pocket:  I think your right, I think Chelsea and Ashton have made a great investment.

Foley Monster:  And look at the beautiful little dog on this float.

Pocket:  It's the Shadow float.  All the little pups are taking pictures of Shadow.

Foley Monster:  And here is the Summer Grace float.

Pocket:  Poor Summer has two torn ligaments and can only lie down on the float.

Foley Monster:  And look at all the pups around the float passing out information on ACL surgery.

Pocket:  Speaking of health here comes the Health float put together by Sage and Saffron.

Foley Monster:  If you want to learn all there is about dog health you need to go to the Sage and Saffron float.

Pocket:  They certainly do have a lot of literature to pass out to the crowd.

Foley Monster:  I think it was a mistake they threw condoms.  The dogs are just chasing after them and chewing them.

Pocket:  And here is Lily's float.  Look how beautiful she is up there

Foley Monster:  The entire float is made of white flowers so you can barely see her.

Pocket:  No, there she is, on the top, you can tell, she is the only flower with a wagging tail.

Foley Monster:  Oh my gosh, can you smell the pasta, the wonderful tastes of Italy, it's Paco.

Pocket:  Oh he has made the entire float look like the Colosseum, that is very creative.

Foley Monster:  And there is Paco at the top waving to everyone.

Pocket:  Oh I love the hat, he is so stylish.

Foley Monster:  And, I don't know what is coming now, it seems like a deer float

Pocket:  No, wait, it's a Sandy float, he too can only sit and wave

Foley Monster:  He is our best deer hunter dog

Pocket:  You better not get too comfortable deers because Sandy will be back.    Oh my gosh this next float looks like it's dragging the entire universe

Foley Monster:  That could mean only one thing, it's the Shiloh Space float

Pocket:  Oh look at all the stars, and the planets, it is beautiful.

Foley Monster:  Careful Pocket, let's not go all Raiders of the Lost Ark on me here.

Pocket:  And here comes chant of "I like Ike."

Foley Monster:  That can only mean one thing.

Pocket:  It's 1952?

Foley Monster:  No, you twit, it's Ike's float.  Give Ike a big wave.  He looks so proud.

Pocket:  Hi Ike.

Foley Monster:  And here comes a float from our own home state, it's the Pokey and Maggie float

Pocket:  And the float is being driven by their Mom Laura.  Hi Laura!

Foley Monster:  And in the back seat is all the dogs she transported so they could go to their forever home.  Isn't that great?

Pocket:  It certainly is Foley, and more than a little smelly.

Foley Monster:  Well this is to be expected when you put 60 dogs in the back seat of a car.

Pocket: Here comes the float with all the cactus on it.  It must the the Dulce Float.

Foley Monster:  And there is Dulce sitting up there among the cactus.

Pocket:  I wouldn't want to get on that float, I would be afraid of getting pricked.

Foley Monster:  Oh we don't have to worry about that since Mommy removed our ovaries.

Pocket:  Look at this next float, it's high up on wheels.

Foley Monster:  That is because it's the Baron a.k.a Bear float.

Pocket:  And look there is Bear getting acupuncture and then showing how well he moves afterward.

Foley Monster:  My Mom never said not to go on a float with people with needles but they seem to know what they are doing.

Pocket:  Now this is one of the most glamorous floats I have ever seen.  It had white fur all over it.

Foley Monster:  That is because it is the Lambies float!

Pocket:  And there they are Tabaatha up on her throne and Baarney waiting on her.

Foley Monster:  Well that seems to be about right doesn't it

Pocket:  Oh look it is the Smartie and Fella float.

Foley Monster:  It says here that is is called the "We couldn't we be on the float with Hattie Mae float."

Pocket:  Well I think we all know the answer to that.

Foley Monster:  We're waiting for some more floats.  Don't know when this parade turned into a marathon.

Pocket:  If Canada was dead and gone there'd be no more Celina Dion.

Foley Monster:  Time for a kibble break for Pocket.  It's always bad when she quotes South Park

Pocket:  Oh I would know this float anywhere, with the garden, and the kitty workers.

Foley Monster:  It's out good friend Hobo Hudson's float.

Pocket:  And he has those kitties working hard on his garden

Foley Monster:  Hobo is the man.  He know how to get the job done.

Pocket:  Oh here comes a good smelling float, and look who it is, it's Ginger Dash.

Foley Monster:  No wonder it smells good, it has a dash of Ginger in it.

Pocket:  I prefer the Mary Ann Dash over Ginger.

Foley Monster:  Just be quiet and eat your kibble Pocket.

Pocket:  Am I still dizzy from lack of kibble or does the next float have a TV on it?

Foley Monster:  No, it does, and I know why.  Scooter and Mollie couldn't be here so they are broadcasting themselves here.

Pocket:  Oh that was so clever of them.  They couldn't be here because they are taking care of their Mom.

Foley Monster:  Hi guys!  Hope your Mom is feeling better soon.

Pocket:  And now comes our only walking pup of the day, it is Benjamin.

Foley Monster:  As an officer of the law he is walking in uniform.

Pocket:  And is that Hattie Mae walking with him, we just saw her on a float

Foley Monster:  That was two and a half days ago Pocket.

Pocket:   Hmmm.  Seems longer, now let's see who is coming up next.

Foley Monster:  The float is filled with library books.

Pocket:  Well that must be our friend Copernicus.  You can see him in his library.

Foley Monster:  He is the smartest dog I know.

Pocket:  Oh my gosh, someone call the exterminator, a bunch of rats have taken over the next float

Foley Monster:  No you little geek, that is Lauren's float with all her Hammies.

Pocket:  Oh and they are throwing chocolate chips to the crowd, and they taste great.

Foley Monster:  Oh Pocket those aren't chocolate chips, um, never mind.

Pocket:  And here is Leo's float, oh look how handsome he looks.

Foley Monster:  He is standing proudly in front of his float shaking his tail.  I don't think we have seen a prouder dog all day.

Pocket:  And here comes a German Shepard float.

Foley Monster:  It is the K and K Girls and Maya representing the GSD's in a float shaped like a German Shepard.

Pocket:  I applaud them for combining their efforts to make this wonderful float.

Foley Monster:  And anything to make this parade shorter is appreciated.

Pocket:  Our next float has Koda on it but I don't see Josie.

Foley Monster:  Wait a minute, there is a trash can!

Pocket:  Koda is opening it, and, it's Josie the Grouch yelling "I love trash."

Foley Monster:  Oh that's great, really great, heh heh, hum.  OK what's next.

Pocket:  And here is Einstein, Taz and Kameron.

Foley Monster:  Oh I love watching Einstein doing his agility drills, and the crowd love it too.

Pocket:  Go Einstein, go

Foley Monster:  And here comes our Be Kind to Pit Bulls Float with their leader Shiloh

Pocket:  I know people don't like Pit Bulls but there is no better pup then Shiloh

Foley Monster:  She is the role model for Pit Bulls everywhere.

Pocket:  And her Mom Kate is always the first in line to help raise money for dogs everywhere.  Wow, look at all those cheeseburgers she is eating.

Foley Monster:  Oh, I'd love to have one of those.

Pocket:  Now here comes on of our biggest families:  Lily, Moe, Scooter, Jack and Jill.

Foley Monster:  That's a lot of dogs for a Mom to have.

Pocket:  Can you imagine have four siblings like me?

Foley Monster:  Four Pockets are too much even on a fat man's pants

Pocket:  Here comes a float with a big hat on the top of it.

Foley Monster:  That can only mean one thing, it is Clementine's float with the girls.

Pocket:  And they all look so pretty in their hats.

Foley Monster:  I tip my tail as they tip their hats.

Pocket:  And here is our Hong Kong float with the pretty landscape from the island.

Foley Monster:  Totti and Foxy certainly know how to do a beautiful float.

Pocket:  And there they are now, we so seldom get to see them state side, it is a treat.

Foley Monster:  Look, even Tadertot is here.

Pocket:  Tadertot!  Really!  Haven't heard from Tader in months and you still had to work him into this 6,500 word blog.

Foley Monster:  He's throwing popsicle sitcks with jokes on them to the crowd.

Pocket:  Oops, got a kid in the eye.

Foley Monster:  Well you hate to see that at a parade you really do.

Pocket:  Look, it's a Facebook float from Chelsea and Junior

Foley Monster:  There Mom keeps in touch with out Mom on Facebook but it would be nice if they stopped in here once in awhile.

Pocket:  I'll have our Mom tell them.

Foley Monster:  Here is someone we here from all the time.

Pocket:  It's our friend Gordo!  He is leading everyone in singing Spanish songs.

Foley Monster:   He has been very busy taking care of his Mom.

Pocket:  Everyone give him a big hand, he's a good boy.

Foley Monster:  And here are two of our favorite pups, Cali and Hurley.

Pocket:  And their Mom is throwing the frisbee and look at how high Hurley is going to catch it.

Foley Monster:  And Cali is just watching like I do wondering why someone needs to chase something that isn't alive.

Pocket:  You and Cali are missing out on lots of fun.

Foley Monster:  Here is the Shakira and Napa float.

Pocket:  With a picture of Apollo surrounded by flowers, that is so nice.

Foley Monster:  Here comes Bauser throwing bandannas to the kids watching the parade.

Pocket:  If you don't have a Bauser bandanna you need to get one, no dog should go for a night on the town without one.

Foley Monster:  On a float representing the great state of Maine it's our friend Bentley.

Pocket:  And there is her Mom running next to the float.  Look at her go.

Foley Monster:  If she's run the length of this route it would be like running two marathons.

Pocket:  Oh my, I'm getting a tear in my eye, Blazer and Vicki, Blazer's wonderful Mom are here.

Foley Monster:  I think they are our longest on line friends.

Pocket:  Hi Blazer.  We love you.

Foley Monster: Here is another GSD we don't see enough of. It's Boudica. Hi Boudica. Still a very handsome dog.

Pocket: Oh, and it's Charlie too. Hi Charlie. I know Charlie doesn't feel like part of the family. But you are Charlie, you're our brother.

Foley Monster: Oh no. Look out, it's the vicious Poms float. Chase and Gucci, and their hair looks perfect.

Pocket: They don't look vicious to me.

Foley Monster: That's because we're smart enough to say on the good side of them and their Mom. At least I hope.

Pocket: Here is Buddy Boy, oh, he's a big dog, I don't know if that float will hold him. He looks more like a Buddy Guy.

Foley Monster: That's a blues singer.

Pocket: Oh I didn't know he could sing.

Foley Monster: Here comes Cooper, Chipper and Romeo.

Pocket: I am so happy Cooper is healthy enough to be here.

Foley Monster: Sometimes when you have an entire Brigade praying for you miracles happen.

Pocket: Oh there is our friend Daisy Mae. Such a sweet pup.

Foley Monster: Here comes Graycee and Hondo and their collection of really big dogs. I think I am going to hide under the table for awhile.

Pocket: Here comes Honey Bear. Oh she still has that baby afixed to her tail. She really needs to get that checked.

Foley Monster: Oh looks, it's Jack Jack. He is such a friendly looking dog.

Pocket: Did you notice these dogs are starting to march in alphabetical order?

Foley Monster: Just be quiet and announce the parade.

Pocket: And there is another perfect looking, well groomed, pretty dog, it's the fabulous Jenni.

Foley Monster: Here is the float from our wonderful little friend Macdougal. Oh look he is showing slides from his vacation. That's so cool.

Pocket: It's 2010. We're dogs announcing a parade on the Internet? Who still has a slide carousal?

Foley Monster: Don't be fresh.

Pocket: Oh look at this. It's Matilda. And she's waltzing.

Foley Monster: Oh my. You know if she falls she could kill a family of seven.

Pocket: No worries about that, she is go graceful.

Foley Monster: And here is a float shaped like a giant bowler hat.

Pocket: Yep, it's Nigel, and he's wearing one on his head too,

Foley Monster: We need to give a shout out and a get well soon to his terrific Mom too.

Pocket: And there is out good friend Otis, he uses his sense of smell to keep him from falling off the float.

Foley Monster: Otis is such a good natured and funny dog, it is wonderful to see him in our parade.

Pocket: Here are two more new friends Pepper and Ju Ju

Foley Monster: They have certainly fit right in

Pocket: And seeing JuJu reminds me to say Happy Hannukah to all our Hebrew friends.

Foley Monster: You did not just go there. Oh we're going to get bad comments now.

Pocket: And here is our Mexican friend Pintus and Rain. You know in Mexico....

Foley Monster: Stop right there. We are in enough trouble right as it is. Just wave to them and say hello.

Pocket: Sayonara.

Foley Monster: Here is Presley and Atlas, still fighting over that frisbee. I think they are going to be like that forever.

Pocket: And Raider Sinica. Oh look he is in the black and gold of the Raiders and he's got Alex Rodriguez's arm in his mouth. What a good dog.

Foley Monster: And here is Reba Messina. Reba is such a busy dog doing good work all over. I am so happy she came here to be with us today.

Pocket: Oh my god, all the way from Germany it is Rez Rez. The only kitty in the parade. Whatever you do, don't mention the way, I did it once but I think I got away with it.

Foley Monster: As we anger our third country I want to point out that two more GSD dogs have joined together. It's Ruby Duncan and Rocky.

Pocket: German dogs, German cats, it feels like we're in Paris in 1942.

Foley Monster: I swear I am going to slap you right off the announcer platform.

Pocket: Oh look, that float is like a giant diamond,

Foley Monster: No silly, it is a ruby, and there are our two other rubies Ruby Duncan and Ruby Rose.

Pocket: Oh this is so sweet. To pay tribute to their brother Jordan, it's Sonic, Sydney and Buddy in military uniform. Oh, and there is a pool beside them so they can show their water tricks. They are great.

Foley Monster: And here is a big group of dogs teaming up, the Nazario dogs and the Valdosta Pups are on one big float, and look at them run and play.

Pocket: Oh and there is Pocket. Wait, hold on, let me check my notes, no, that isn't Pocket, I'm Pocket. That is Trixie. But she's just as good a looking a dog as me.

Foley Monster: Oh this is one of my favorite floats. It represents all the wonderful greyhound dogs. And at the top of the float is Willow looking beautiful.

Pocket: And there is Zoey Wilson, she is leaving the DS castle where she was banished and headed for the DS ranch in Texas.

Foley Monster: Just don't forget your friends here at the Brigade.

Pocket: And the last member of the parade is Puppy Malatesta which is so fitting because behind him is all the puppies that they helped save.

Foley Monster: And our last float is the Rainbow Bridge Float and out in front is Tanner Bub and Sophie Bub. There are the late great K and K girrrllls. Oh, there is Moses, he is love. There is Buttons with his stack of books. There is Karly, taken so young and tragically. There is beautiful Ladybug and Morgan the Miracle Maltese. And there is Pepsi

Pocket: And next to Pepsi is his Mom Gina and they look so happy.

Foley Monster: One good thing about this parade taking six days to finish is we got to see Miss Gina and Pepsi together. And may I mention that Miss Gina has asked for donations to the colon cancer fund. I don't know if that is what she died from but people from Daddy's family have had that terrible disease. Daddy has to be tested every two years, and Mommy every five. This test could save your life, so, if I leave you with nothing else then please remember this. Get tested for colon cancer. Take it up the ass for Gina. It could save your life.

Pocket: True words. We sincerely hope we did not miss any floats. If we did let us know. That is what the edit button is for,

Foley: And now, since we believe in keeping the streets clean we have hired someone to clean up all the vick droppings with a dustpan and broom,.

Pocket: And there he is now.

Foley: Yes, Levi Thorton, cleaning up the TB vicks. Well at least he found honest work.

Pocket: Thanks for staying with us this long.

Foley: And don't forget. Take it up the ass for Gina.

Pocket: Good night everyone.

1 comment:

  1. OMG! How long did it take you to put that together. You are so talented and FUNNY and thoughtful to include everyone! I laughed all the way through. Still have laughing tears in my eyes at Levi finding honest work and the TIUTA for Gina recommendation (which is something we all should do). I think SOMEONE should send this post to Levi at Mad Frog Productions lest he be confused about how we really felt about him :)

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