Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Foley advertises for a good mover

As you know, because Pocket and I have been whining about if for two months, we will be moving.  Unfortunately the move will be during Holy Week which completely ruins my plans to use the Pope Mobile to transport my personal belongings.  I mean come on?  Who wouldn't trust The Pontiff movers?  I don't know why the Pope needs the mobile during Holy Week more than any other week but who am I to argue?

Daddy had lined up a mover for the bi-peds but I can't trust them with my fragile treasures.  While he assures me that the Crips Moving Company does an outstanding job, and he was impressed with their logo:  "We will get you there or kill you trying" I was not sold.  Plus I didn't want my Philadelphia Phillies, or Chicago Bulls memorabilia to be misconstrued.

So, if you know the name of a good mover please let me know.

They would be responsible for moving my leopard vagina Kitty Condo and it's contents.  Please be aware that my kitty condo is built using the same dimensions as a TARDIS therefore, while it doesn't travel through time and relative dimensions in space, if is bigger on the inside then it is the outside.
Among the appliances I am most concerned about is my hot tub.  Like my condo, I cannot time travel in the hot tub either, but it is my personal space, where I go to get the ache out of my weary bones, drink Foleytinis and read Dog Fancy.

Then there is my Renoir.  This must be first wrapped in plastic and then put into a sturdy box.  I spent a lot of kibble on the Renoir and do not want anything to happen to it.  The same care must be given to my wide screen television and collection of dog movies where dogs don't die in the end.
There are three.

Finally, and most importantly, is the world famous Foleytini fountain.  This has to be carried with great balance.  There cannot be any splashing.  The fountain is the perfect blend of Foley and tini.  Any splashing will ruin the formula and I could be laughed out of dog society. 

I believe I would rather have my workers move our toys than the Crips  What isn't well known about the Crips is their love of stuffies.  Actually the Crips do not like this information spread about so Pocket remove the preceding in the editing process.    The last thing I need is trouble with the Crips.  These toys would include Pocket's beloved, small, torn tennis ball.

Please don't forget the ball, you would not want to deal with Pocket until she's had her first ball of the morning.

My Daddy and I am at an impasse about our bed.  He wants the Crips to handle it.  I think it is bad luck to have a vicious street gang touch your mattress.  I don't have a lot of kibble but I would appreciate it if you could move the bed and not the Crips.

And my blanket at the end of the bed,  It is red and the Crips love the color red.  I don't want to go to snuggle into my blanket and find some kid with a glock in there.  Then it would be on like Donkey Kong.

Finally, if there is room, could you take Pocket.  If not, I understand, she can sniff her way along.

Then again I don't want her joining the Crips and having to read about major violence that broke out between gangs because someone got peed on.
So just toss her in the hot tub.  Pocket's float.




2 comments:

  1. Strange, all this time I thought a Foleytini was a near toxic but still delicious mix of whatever hootch, swill and moonshine you happen to have in the house. Somehow I always imagined it served in a gutted pineapple or a half a coconut? Who knew it was a carefully crafted mix? Good luck with the movers. Just make sure Pocket doesn't learn any gang signs - and put away any blue coloured bandanas. You don't wanna eff with these boys.

    ReplyDelete