Wednesday, September 7, 2011

What I have learned in four years by Pocket Dog

I have learned many valuable lessons during my four years in the Monster Pack. I am a truly unselfish dog and I would like to pass on what I have learned to my friends. I do not claim to have originated these lessons so please, either use them yourself, or claim them as your own on your blog.

1. It's better to hold the phone than to get a kidney stone. If you have to go then you have to go. You should give your Mom and Dad some warning, like walking past the outside door, but if you create stress on your bladder it could have untold consequences.

2. Always get the snuggle spot. Define the snuggle spot in your house. In my house it is in the recliner, on my Mom's left side, in between Mom's body heat and the soft cushion of the recliner. This is easy for me being a wee dog. For you larger dogs I strongly suggest you speak with your Mom about getting a love seat, preferably one that reclines. If this is not possible a couch will do. But, if you are forced to use a couch suggest your Mom eats a lot of cake. A big butt will give you that recliner feel.

3. If you have a sibling make sure they are the loud one so they bark for food at the dinner table. Foley's first sister Blake taught her to bark for food. I quickly learned to sit silently next to Foley and shake my head at her actions, but when my humans break down and gives us scraps I accept mine gratefully then sit there silently while Foley barks for more. I get treats, I don't strain my barker, and I come off as the good dog.

4, Rule to live by. She who bit it shit it.

5. Keep your eyes on your humans as much as possible because you never know when they will slip away.

6. Keep the ball rolling. When you pick it up drop it forward, nose it around the room, and when it stops bark at in until a human appears and throws the ball. If you can keep the ball moving forward the fun never stops.

7. Every single person or animal you see on your walk is there for your amusement. The humans are there to scratch and pet you. The dogs are there to sniff and lick you. The cats are there for you to intimidate with your mighty growls. The chipmunks and squirrels are there to be scared of us like we are a great white shark. So what ever you see on your walk bark at it until it plays with you or runs from you. Any other result is a waste of a walk and a disappointment to the beings that are looking for interaction with us.

8. We are the only specie that can take a dump on someones' front lawn and get another specie to pick it up, put it in a bag, and walk around with it until they find a trash receptacle. That is power my friends.

9. Who said we have to pee on the grass? The grass is often wet, our piggy toes need to be dried off, and it is painful and humiliating. Pee in the road. It's not wet, you won't get dried, and the worst you need to worry about is gravel on your whowho.

10. When playing Words with Friends with the Labbies be ready to prove you know the meaning of words. That is not really the tenth thing. The tenth thing is when you sleep under the covers with a farty dog like Foley it can get fumy.

6 comments:

  1. Those are great. You are definitely New York Times Best Selling Author material.

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  2. When My Vickie quits lauging, we are going to copy this post and save it on our computer so I can remind her of our purpose often.....

    Bert

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  3. those are words to live by
    Benny & Lily

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  4. Kirby completely agrees with #2,5,7,& 8! Love this post. Made me laugh!

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  5. All good to live by!

    Drools and licks,
    Minnie and Mack

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