Sailing on the Sloop Pocket Dog on the Fourth of July

By Pocket Dog, Koda, and Mrs. Sophie Bub

I, Pocket Dog, am much quieter than my sister, Foley Monster, the celebrity blogger, leading pup attorney, lolipop who can take down multi millionaire athletes with a single tweet, so I was surprised when I received a request from my friend Koda asking me if I would captain a ship of pups down to Florida to rescue our friends from a bad storm.

When I inquired of Koda why I was picked she said it was because I had the uniform.  I wanted to tell her it was a baseball uniform but I didn’t want to mess up my chance to be a Captain.  Koda, Josie and Wills were kind enough to build the sturdy vessel and they set sail through the Great Lakes towards the ocean so I could commandeer the vessel.

I told Foley of the plan and asked her if she wanted to accompany me as my first mate.  She told me she didn’t trust me as a Captain.  Well, you know how big sisters are.  She did help me gather my belongings in a kit bag and upload me to Provincetown where Koda picked me up.

Wills lead me up to the wheelhouse.  This was going to be so cool.  He taught me how to use all the instruments.  I pulled out of the harbor and took out a lighthouse that had been there 350 years.    After that Wills promised to stay with me in the wheelhouse until I got the hang of things.

Down in the galley we had Brody, who has a reputation for eating everything, and, while we were waiting for dinner, we found out that he swallowed everything in the galley, and I had to make a stop in Newport and go dumpster diving to restock.  I told Brody if he did it again he would have to get out of the galley and swab the deck and he swore he wouldn’t eat all our food again, even though I am sure he snuck more than his share, but you had to expect that.  Plus he’s a great cook.

Wills was a hail and hearty first mate.  And his sister Josie was a hard worked despite her reputation for being a grouch.  (I did have to keep them apart as they seemed to have some sibling rivalry and snapped at one another.)  Then came a message over the short wave that we had to pick up Lily, Hattie Mae and her family, Jackie Lynn, Fella and Smartie.

I wanted to make it down to Florida before the storm hit but when Hattie Mae calls the fleet comes in.  We lost an hour as we loaded all her trunks and set up her stateroom.  Fella, Smartie and even Jackie Lynn joined us as deck hands as we set sail south.  We were going through the food pretty quickly (thanks Brody) but Hobo said he would help us restock.

I can’t tell you of the joy we all felt on board when we found the poop deck.  When you’re a dog balancing yourself to poop off the side of a ship is very hard.  So the poop deck became very popular, and very dirty.  Wills and, get this, Jackie Lynn, agreed to clean it up, even if Hattie refused to let Jackie Lynn in her stateroom afterwards.

A day later we reached Florida and Hobo met us at the dock with Shadow and Max.  It was a beautiful day.  Hobo said that we were late, the storm had blown through, but since we came down anyway, we might as well set sail for Bermuda and go on vacation.  We all agreed it was a capital idea and Wills, Smartie and Fella began to load the food into the galley where Brody anxiously awaited.

As we set sail Northeast Hobo was appointed ship safety officer.   He decided that there was too much weight on board and threw off several worthless trunks.  While sunning herself on deck Hattie Mae heard her trunks splash in the water and came running.  She began yelling and crying at Hobo for tossing her trunks.

Wills stepped up to the rail.  He may have been a greenhorn but he  was confident he could handle the hook.  He tossed it towards the line running from the floating trunk.  He pulled it towards the boat, put it in the wench, and  brought it over the side.

We hurried and gathered around the catch.  He opened it and it was filled with the most stunning crab putting us ahead in the crab count.  Hattie strutted down stairs and looked at the crabs spilling out on the deck.  “Great,” she scoffed, “I go on a boat ride, lose all my clothes, and all I get os a case of crabs.”

Hobo gave me the coordinates to make it to the Bahamas and when we got there Hattie Mae and Lily hurried off the boat to buy new summer clothes with the credit card from Hobo’s peanut farm.  They came back with more trunks of clothes then had been thrown overboard, a dozen pooper scoopers to help with the deck, and a mysterious Chihuahua who called them both “mi lady” while pouring them Foleytinis.  That night I was invited down to Hattie’s suite where we drank and danced the night away.  Wills took over in the wheelhouse but by the end of the night I wanted to take over again.

When I woke up I had fallen asleep on the wheel and the ship was going round and round.  Also Josie had put all the pooper scoopers in the wheelhouse because Hattie did not want near them.  Then I saw the prettiest kites flying in the air.  I went down on deck and saw that Hobo had made the most beautiful umbrellas from the deck umbrellas and Max and Shadow were flying them over the ocean.

They sparkled on the water.  It was so pretty.  There was some yelling from the galley where Hobo had gone to look for a spoon for his cereal and found the remaining one in Brody’s mouth.  Just the night before we had to bail Brody out of jail for swimming to shore and eating a cabana chair.  There is nothing that boy won’t  eat.  But I told Hobo not to worry about it, we could afford new spoons as long as his credit card held out.

It was such a pretty spot that I decided to drop anchor.  But we didn’t stay there long because Wills and Jackie Lynn chewed through the rope.  I didn’t know if I could keep everyone in line, especially when Brody ate a lifeboat, but Leo and Kolchak were airlifted in, Leo to be my bosums mate, which I quite appreciated, and to watch Jackie Lynn and Wills splash in the pool we made, and Kolchak to make tasty treats in the galley.  

I brought out the silent fireworks I had snuggled on board and made plans to set them off when it got dark on the fourth.  Hobo brought out some fishing poles he had brought and we dropped some line.  I knew we had to get home soon, and back to our jobs of caring for our parents and being their angels on Earth, but a little vacation sometimes is just what the dogtor opened.

Happy Fourth of July.

We come on the sloop Pocket Dog
My best friend dogs and me
Around Nassau town we did roam
Drinking all night
Got into a fight
Well I feel so broke up
Don’t want to go home

So hoist up the Hobo’s sail
See how the mainsail sets
Call for the Captain ashore
Don’t make me go home, don’t let me go home
Don’t wanna go home, yeah yeah
Well I feel so relaxed
Don’t wanna go home

The Cap’n she got drunk
And broke in Hattie's trunk
The constable had to come and take Brody away
Sheriff Benjamin
Why don't you leave him alone, yeah yeah
Well I feel so relaxed
Don’t wanna go home

So hoist up the Hobo’s sail
See how the mainsail sets
Call for the Captain ashore
Don’t make me go home, don’t let me go home
Don’t wanna go home, yeah yeah
Don’t wanna go home
(Hoist up the Hobo's sail)
Hoist up the Hobo
I feel so relaxed don’t wanna go home
Don’t wanna go home

Cook Brody dog he caught the fits
And ate up  all my grits
And then he took and he ate up all of my corn
Don’t wanna go home
I don’t ever want to go home
This is the best trip I've ever been on

So hoist up the Hobo's sail
See how the mainsail sets
Call for the Captain ashore
Don’t make me go home, don’t let me go home
Don’t wanna go home, yeah yeah
Don’t wanna go home