Friday, July 13, 2012

SFL wanted

Starting late next week the delicate structure of power I have worked so hard to maintain is going to be overturned when our puppy cousin Neely comes to stay with us for a week.  This is him.  
Yes, I know, all eyes, tongue and tail.  Just a little ball of excitement.

Neely will be the sibling Pocket always wanted, someone to run with, play with, get yelled at with  And that is where the balance of power gets upset.  Mommy and I like to sit and watch, perhaps move a little bit to lick our hindquarters, then settle down again.  But Daddy and Pocket like to play, throwing balls, chasing one another, it is a bother.

But the balance of power is swayed to the calmness preferred  by Mommy and me because Daddy is like Puerto Rico at the Republican convention.  He gets to caucus, and vote, but no one pays attention and it doesn’t count.  I did have one request before I allowed Neely into our house.  His naughty bits must be disposed of.

Last week the vet chopped off his little manhood and put it into a small ziplock bag.  Thank the Rainbow Bridge Warriors I won’t have to put up with that thing.  A senior dog should never have to put up with a pup with a freshly minted red rocket.  It’s like Helen Mirren snuggling with Justin Beiber:  Disgusting.

Now there are some things I am going to have to get straight with this kid.  He isn’t Orkie the Yorkie, he doesn’t know I’m famous, I doubt he even reads.  So number one my Daddy’s mouth is mine first, Pocket’s second, and if he has any lips left Neely can take a shot.  (I am suspicious of Neely because every time Daddy returns home from his house Daddy’s lip has swollen three times in size.)

Then there is the question of walks.  While we are all small, and can be walked at the same time, I think it is a bad idea.  Simply put there are a lot of old folks living here and the three of us are going to be unbelievably cute together.  It is a little know fact that overwhelming cuteness is the number three cause of death amongst the elderly and I do not need dead bodies carelessly strewn about as we walk.  Neely needs to understand Mommy’s lap is mine, unless I get too warm and want to lie on the floor, and even then I reserve the right to chase him off if I don’t like him sitting there.
I understand he sleeps in a crate at home.  This is excellent, barbaric but excellent.  I didn’t mind Bailey in the bed because she just climbed down to the end of the bed and never moved until I was so concerned I would hold my tongue in front of her nose to make sure she was still breathing.

In short, what I need to keep the delicate balance of power tipped to peace is an older dog.  I am looking for a SFL (single female lollipop) who likes to snuggle, sleep, peacefully spend the day, and won’t be caught up in silly puppy games.  They would spend one week with me and have all the benefits of being a Foley Monster including full you use of the leopard skin vagina condo, the jacuzzi, Mom’s lap and the bed.Please leave me a comment if you are interested  in having the most fun, and peaceful week with me and I will let the winner know.

Thank you

3 comments:

  1. Looking forward to hearing all about your time with Neely and the delicate balance of power. Have fun and do update us with any tweet goading you may have been up to. Have a good weekend.
    Best wishes Molly

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  2. I understand your situation. I will keep my eye out for a single unattached Lollypop. This week I am attached. But I will give you one piece of advice. Set the rules immediately when the little fuzzball comes in. That way he knows YOU are the Alpha.

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  3. Have fun with Neely we agree start as you mean to go on. Don't put up with any nonsense. Impose your dominance immediately and everything will be fine.

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