Starting late next week the delicate structure of power I have worked so hard to maintain is going to be overturned when our puppy cousin Neely comes to stay with us for a week. This is him.
Yes, I know, all eyes, tongue and tail. Just a little ball of excitement.
will be the sibling Pocket always wanted, someone to run with, play
with, get yelled at with And that is where the balance of power gets
upset. Mommy and I like to sit and watch, perhaps move a little bit to
lick our hindquarters, then settle down again. But Daddy and Pocket
like to play, throwing balls, chasing one another, it is a bother.
the balance of power is swayed to the calmness preferred by Mommy and
me because Daddy is like Puerto Rico at the Republican convention. He
gets to caucus, and vote, but no one pays attention and it doesn’t
count. I did have one request before I allowed Neely into our house.
His naughty bits must be disposed of.
week the vet chopped off his little manhood and put it into a small
ziplock bag. Thank the Rainbow Bridge Warriors I won’t have to put up
with that thing. A senior dog should never have to put up with a pup
with a freshly minted red rocket. It’s like Helen Mirren snuggling with
Justin Beiber: Disgusting.
there are some things I am going to have to get straight with this kid.
He isn’t Orkie the Yorkie, he doesn’t know I’m famous, I doubt he even
reads. So number one my Daddy’s mouth is mine first, Pocket’s second,
and if he has any lips left Neely can take a shot. (I am suspicious of
Neely because every time Daddy returns home from his house Daddy’s lip
has swollen three times in size.)
there is the question of walks. While we are all small, and can be
walked at the same time, I think it is a bad idea. Simply put there are
a lot of old folks living here and the three of us are going to be
unbelievably cute together. It is a little know fact that overwhelming
cuteness is the number three cause of death amongst the elderly and I do
not need dead bodies carelessly strewn about as we walk. Neely needs
to understand Mommy’s lap is mine, unless I get too warm and want to lie
on the floor, and even then I reserve the right to chase him off if I
don’t like him sitting there.
understand he sleeps in a crate at home. This is excellent, barbaric
but excellent. I didn’t mind Bailey in the bed because she just climbed
down to the end of the bed and never moved until I was so concerned I
would hold my tongue in front of her nose to make sure she was still
short, what I need to keep the delicate balance of power tipped to
peace is an older dog. I am looking for a SFL (single female lollipop)
who likes to snuggle, sleep, peacefully spend the day, and won’t be
caught up in silly puppy games. They would spend one week with me and
have all the benefits of being a Foley Monster including full you use of
the leopard skin vagina condo, the jacuzzi, Mom’s lap and the
bed.Please leave me a comment if you are interested in having the most
fun, and peaceful week with me and I will let the winner know.