Thursday, September 8, 2016

River Song: Trained Porn Sniffing Dog

 While Mommy is making breakfast in the morning, I educate myself.  I get on the table, turn on her I pad, and search for dog news.
        Recently I came across a fascinating article.  Dogs are trained to sniff computers in search of the unique smells hard drives emit when they are extra hard.  Or, in other words, when they contain porn.
        I thought:  “Now here is a job right up my alley.”  During my wild upbringing in Florida, I became an unwed mother.  I made several mistakes, which has made me the lollipop I am today.          
        Somewhere on the Internet is my sex tape.  I don’t think anyone has found it yet.  One day, when I was outside doing my business, my neighbor was sitting on his patio, searching his laptop.  I heard a familiar pant.  I broke free of my harness and ran to my neighbor.  On his computer was a video of two dogs I did not know having sex.  Nothing strange there.  I don’t know why he looked so guilty.
        When I read about porn sniffing dogs, I knew I could find my sex tape without having to keep trolling doggy porno sites.  First I had to take an online course on porn sniffing.  Luckily, while Trump University no longer offers humans classes, it has gone to the dogs.  I enrolled immediately.
        Six years later I had a glossy picture of the Great Pumpkin and me, and the ability to sniff out porn from any computer.
        When I received my degree in the mail, I immediately put my nose to the test.  I went to daddy’s computer and was overwhelmed with the scent of downloaded pornography.  “J Accuse!”  I barked.  I clicked on the offending material exposing his sins.  “I don’t know how it got there!” Daddy said.  “It must have been attached to an email I opened.  I had no idea.”
        I did not have any luck finding my video until I got to my groomers where Suede now lives.  I sniffed the computer and immediately caught the familiar scent.  I waited until they were fussing over Pocket and I clicked on the porno, and there was my tape.  I barked at Suede asking him what our tape was doing on the computer.
        “I don’t know how it got there!” Suede said.  “It must have been attached to an email I opened.  I had no idea.”
        Men!  He promised there was only one copy, and I had destroyed it, but I know you can’t trust a man when it comes to smut.
        If you see me around your computer, don’t be alarmed.  I am still on a quest to find all the copies of my tape.
        I can’t let my fine degree go to waste.


10 comments:

  1. Now that your porn tape is on the Internet you will probably be interviewed by lots of the media and become rich. Just deny everything and that will whip them up in a frenzy that will put green papers under your collar!

    Your Pals,

    Murphy & Stanley

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  2. My mom is rolling on the floor. stella rose

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  3. Uh oh! Once it's out there....it's OUT THERE!

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  4. Releasing your sex tape is a sure way to getting your own reality show like Keeping up with River Song. Fame and dysfunction will follow.

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  5. Mommy is having lots and lots of InnerNut problems....again. In fact..there is no innernut at all right now. That could be the solution to all your problems too. Just pee on all the InnerNut connections and no one will ever see that tape. By the way, this is the FURst time I've seen Mommy laugh in a week (since she lost her InnerNut).

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  6. BOL!!! OMD, okays, so maybe it's not funny, butts....BOL!!!!
    Wells, I hopes you find it soon, or TMZ will buy it and puts it on their website and on the TeeVees!!! then you could become as famous as that Kim K. chick, and gets your very own reality show and marry a wanker...oh, sorry, a rapper and gets all Hollywood on us! this could be a dark path....
    Kisses,
    Ruby ♥

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  7. Ruby has a point!
    hugs
    Mr Bailey, Hazel & Mabel

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  8. Porn, why are those sites always coming to my blog. When Lee looks at our stats we always have some porn site that has visited my blog. We think sometimes it is because of my name. Keep Sniffing!
    Thanks for being a friend
    Sweet William The Scot

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