Thursday, September 13, 2018
River Introduces WAGZ, the new App for Dogs
I, River Song, am ready to make a significant announcement. Before the end of the year my creation, WAGZ, the first app just for dogs, will be on the market and soon change your life.
WAGZ is an interactive app where dogs can both post information and read the same. It is going to change the way we dogs do everything.
Do you get tired of walking with your nose to the ground looking for the scent of a friend’s pee-mail? With WAGZ your days of time-consuming sniffing are over. All you have to do is download the app at a cost of just a few kibble, take your phone with you on walks, or, if your parents belong to the close-minded few who don’t believe dogs should have cell phones, download the app on their phone, then, when you have something to report, just bark what you want to be posted and the app will recognize your voice. WAGZ will post your message on the network.
Per example: I urinate then bark “I have just peed an important update by the big rock at 156 Natick Drive.” All my friends on the WAGZ network will get a notification that I left important information at that place. When they go on their walks, they don’t have to sniff everywhere looking for my message. They can walk with their heads up, enjoying the scenery, and not use all that energy needlessly sniffing. When they come to the rock at 156 they can, with just one smell, download my message.
WAGZ is not just for pee-mail. It is going to revolutionize the critter hunting business. If all the dogs in your neighborhood have`the WAGZ app and they see a squirrel, they can notify you by sending out a Rocky Alert. There is no longer the need to sit on alert looking for vermin. A simple text will get you out of the chair and barking hysterically within seconds of the squirrel spotting.
You can also let your friends know when you are going on your walk so they will know exactly when you will be walking past and can bark hello for 87 minutes.
What is that noise outside the window? A visitor, the UPS driver, the postal delivery, or just a branch? No need to run to the door. Just check the WAGZ app from the comfort of your bed.
WAGZ allows you to have more time on your mom’s lap, or to lie in the sun, and less time staring out the window.
If your parents are Amish, app illiterate, or just plain weird, and refuse to give you access to a phone, don’t cry. Just pee. When one of our WAGZ users finds your pee-mail, they will send out a message to your friends so they can get an app notification with your pee update.
You can program WAGZ to do anything you want. Have you found a delicious new treat? Let your friends know about WAGZ. Do you want to brag about how quickly you destroyed a stuffie? WAGZ is the way to go. Once you use WAGZ, you will wonder how you ever survived without it.
WARNING: WAGZ is addictive. Your parents may complain that instead of spending time with them you have your nose in the cell phone all the time. If this happens to you bark this message to them on WAGZ.
“Now you know how we feel.”