Instead of dogs doing things for people, which, frankly, has been done to death, let people do something for dogs, specifically the dogs who are missing or in need of a home. At first, I thought of a dog-shaped beer can with a percentage of the proceeds going to shelters, but uncoordinated people would dribble the beverage down their chins. The next morning I was eating my kibble cereal and reading the back of the box. There was a lovely story about a Shih Tzu. Then I thought of humans drinking their beer and looking at the cans. Viola! "Let's put adoptable dogs on beer cans," I thought.
I hoped that people would drink, put on their beer goggles, (the things that make them take the barmaid home) than Uber down to the local shelter and take home an ugly pug. They would be much happier waking up next to a grotesque dog than a homily girl.
I visited a brewer's dreams and told him my idea. At first, he was reluctant. It took a few more visits before I got the bark of approval. He asked shelters to provide pictures of dogs who needed homes, then put the pups on cans, and soon they were in the hands of sloppy drunks everywhere.
One of the sloppy drunks, a woman in Minnesota, recognized her dog on a can. (She says she saw it on Facebook, but nobody believes that. Who goes on the Facebook beer can page?) The woman claimed the dog looked like a pup she helped deliver. The beer can must have been shaken before it was opened. She noticed him because the picture was covered with foam.
Everyone at the bar thought that she was imagining owning the dog since many times she had come into the bar imagining she was wearing pants, but she proved them wrong. She called the number under the picture of the dog and told them her who she was. The shelter worker said they ran the chip on the dog, and the woman had the same first name but not the correct last name. She answered that the chip was registered before she was married. Everyone at the bar knew she was lying because she had her identity changed after testifying against the mob.
After three years apart, the dog and the mom were reunited. It was joyous. The dog is so happy to be back home. He is a little lonely because his mom spends all her time at the bar, hoping to get another dog off a can (at least that is what she tells the bartender after she orders a case for the night.)
The good news is that the dog will soon be with his mom all the time because she is one drunk driving arrest from being under house arrest.
Another happy story brought to you by Foley Monster.