Pocket and River Song Become Social Distancing Dogs

Like Pocket, I love having my parents home.  I have only been left alone for a couple of hours this week.  It has saved me a lot of energy trying to keep my mom from leaving the house by hiding on the porch or grabbing on to her leg and making her drag me.  Luckily, we all still get out of the house.

Weather permitting, and despite the stay at home order, we still take daily walks. We are not rebels.  We just need to get outside before the humans kill one another. Our park has wide streets and little traffic, so even if someone else is outside walking, they are easily avoided, and if they do come towards us, that is where my and Pocket’s training comes in.  

My parents did not know that Pocket, and I was secretly taking classes to help in this kind of scenario.  When we practiced, our parents, who were unaware that we are doing homework, tried to stop us.

Pocket and I are officially social distance dogs.  We were inspired by our friend Freddie Bear whose mom has an immune deficiency.  He blocks anyone who gets too close to his mom. We are not big enough to physically block people invading our parents’ personal space so we had to find another way.  We have to act so obnoxiously no one wants to come near us.  

My parents have many neighbors in their seventies and eighties.  You would think none of them would be outside, but there are still some stumbling around.  To protect my parents, and the seniors, as soon as we see people, we start barking loudly, and we don’t stop until we can’t see them, any longer thereby ensuring that the proper distance is kept between us.

While many in this country were unprepared for this outbreak we have been readying for it for years by barking at everything, we see.  Even if we see it from the kitchen window we bark at it because it could be coming to our house. Momma thought that we were barking for attention, but that was just our cover.  We were barking them away. 

My parents still shush and tell us to be quiet because they have yet to grasp the important service we are providing.  I don’t want them to get sick, but I know if they went outside without us, one of these infected older adults would stumble over to them and give them a wet kiss, probably to thank them for leaving the obnoxious dogs at home.  

All dogs should start protecting their parents' social distancing by practicing their barking right now and keep doing it all the time at anything, so you are ready when someone breaks the six-foot rule.  Your parents might get angry at you now, but they will thank you later. 

Their nerves will also be worked down to the nub, and they will have terrible headaches, but they will have achieved splendid isolation.