The Ruby Rose Report: The Garden Master

 

From Foley to Pocket to River Song, to me, the sacred responsibility of caring for the lawns and gardens has passed through our pack line to me. Last year I took over for my sister in mid-July, faithfully following her plan. But this year, I had carte blanche to institute my plan.

I don't want to say that I did a better job than my dedicated sisters, but I have more respect for the gardens than they have had, namely that I don't pee or poop on them. In the ten months I have lived as Dog of the House, I have not peed or pooped anywhere outside. Even as I discover how much I like a walk, I still hold my pee, as evidenced by today when I came in from my walk, ran into the laundry room, and peed on my pad. It was a close call.

Of course, I will not water or fertilize the gardens naturally. In that case, no one else can either, so I am diligent about keeping everyone away from my yard, including the old humans who walk by my house: I can tell they have shaky bladders and can whip them out for relief at any moment.

Foley is the one who created the central garden after the driveway was shortened. Pocket mostly took care of the weed problem by ordering large black rolls of weed block, and River rehabbed the back garden, replanting the 100-year-old rosebush there and replacing the stones with mulch.

My parents say I am the most like Pocket, and in tribute to her, I have adopted her project as my own. There is an area where the back patio meets the grass. There is quite a lip, and Foley had put red stones there. While it looked pretty, it was a haven for weeds, so I removed all the rocks, put soil down, and grass seed on a grade to eliminate the lip. Some of the earth and grass had been washed away in the next storm. I am ordering pavers to be put down to keep the soil in place.

I ordered all the stones behind the shed to be removed and soil and seed to be put down. It is all under construction right now, but I will post pictures if the grass comes in.

I am making more plans right now.

I am the garden master.

It is a critical position.

And although I am petite, I am up to the task.