The Ruby Rose Report: The Prescription Dog Food Battle

 

My friend Perry had a case of itchies. While most dogs hate going to the vet, he welcomed it. He would have put up with anything not to spend all night scratching. He got his diagnosis: he had a food allergy. The vet wrote him a prescription for a bag of food so expensive you needed a doctor’s note to show you had a reason for buying it and weren’t out of their minds,

The food was so expensive that his mom could not afford another baby when the last few kibbles were shaken from the bag; Poor Perry would never have a scratch-free night.

I read all this in my yard, where Perry had left his sad pee-mail. Not a fan of open urination, I left roll mail telling him to listen for tapping on his screen in the middle of the night. I knew where we could get cheap prescription food.

I snuck out of my house and ran to Perry’s. He came out quickly, and I told him to follow me. When he saw where we were going, he stopped, afraid. I told him not to worry. The project we were entering is where my prescription dog food connects.

A Doberman stood on the street corner under a broken light. “Got your Royal Canin digestive formular here, fix up your bowels Got Pro Plan kidney formula, get you peeing straight.”

I told Perry to follow me. I slowly approached. “Hey, Griffie what you need? Fiber care? You all blocked up? Got what you need. Got light formula. You’re looking a little chunky. I could hook you up.”

I told the Doberman, Lou, what Perry needed, and Lou told him he could hook him up. A chihuahua pushed a wagon with the bag in it. I told Perry to pay Lo when suddenly the sidewalk lit up, and the police told us to get on the ground.

I told Perry to get in the wagon and push it behind a building. There was a hole in the fence. We fit through, but the bag got stuck. The dog catchers were closing on us, but Perry needed his fix. He pulled the bag through, and we disappeared into the woods. A short time later, we were both home.

I read on the news that the dog police picked up Lou that night. But it wouldn’t matter; someone else would be on the corner tonight selling that good prescription food.

And like humans, telling a dog just to say no doesn’t work.l

Especially one with the itches