Dear Aunt Foley: I have had a recent infestation of cat in my house and yard. The infestation spread from a neighboring home The spreading began when for some inexplicable reason my Mom called the cat over to our house. I do not know why my Mommy would do this. She does not leave out plates of rotted food to attract rats or leave crumbs on the counter to attract cockroaches. But she does not see this cat for what it is, an infestation that needs to be removed before it takes over the entire house. I have tried all the accepted methods. I give him an evil look and he just stares at me. My sibling gave him a hearty bark no avail. All remedies known to dogs have failed. Can you help me?
A Ginger in Revolt
Ginger: As is often the case in infestation cases the problem is not
with the infestation but with the actions of the homeowner. Like
someone with a vermin infestation who does not clean their house, your
Mommy does not take steps to keep her house from being infested by cats.
Tell her that there are two important defensive steps a Mom can take
to keep her house kitty free. Firs is, under no circumstance, to either
adopt or buy a cat. Your Mom is doing a good job with this one. The
second is not to invite a cat into the yard. She is failing on this
step. The other day Pocket and I were in our yard supervising our
parents’ yard work when a kitty ran right across our yard not once but
twice! While Pocket and I barked at it like you and your sibling did,
the difference was neither Mommy or Daddy paid the cat any never mind
and it kept going right out of our yard. So tell your Mommy unless she
wants a kitty infestation she better stop inviting them (and vampires
but that’s a whole different story) into her home. Because once you got
them you can’t get rid of them.
Aunt Foley: I live in Louisiana and we don’t have any dog parks here.
I would really like one but my Mom isn’t sure if she would take me to
one if we had one. How do I get a dog park and get my Mom to go.?
An Alpha in Need.
Alpha: What is a dog park but a place where dogs gather? If Louisiana
will not give you dog park than you should form one on your own. This
is my suggestion to you. I am sure you go for walks and when you do you
urinate. Well us dogs, being an advanced species don’t just pee, we
leave messages in our pee. Then, when another dog comes along, it
smells our pee and gets our message. It is commonly referred to as tree
mail. When you pee out your tree mail set a date, a time, and a place
to meet. On that day, while you are walking, pull your human to that
place. When you get there you should find dozens of other dogs there.
Keep doing that everyday and soon your humans will decide that, since
you are all meeting there anyway, they might as well fence it in, let
you run loose and everyone can enjoy themselves. So start peeing and
soon you will be playing.
Aunt Foley: The other day I went with my human brother to help cut the
lawn at our Granddad’s house. I made sure he did all the mowing
correctly. Then when he was done I went and fertilized it for him. And
he got all upset with me. Why do humans get mad when they mow a lawn
and then you take a dump on it?
Confused Cocoa Puff.
Cocoa Puff: Oh that is one of the least likeable traits about humans.
When they do something they not only think that it’s perfect but they
think it is going to stay perfect forever. It’s the same thing if they
washed the floor and then you walk on it with muddy paw prints and they
are like ‘Hey I just washed that!” Well what difference does it make?
You’re going to have to clean it anyway. But it wasn’t like your human
brother had to mow the lawn again. And there is no better time to
fertilize than when the grass is short. Plus it is much better to vick
on a freshly mowed lawn. When you squat over it it tickles your butt
Tall grass, especially when wet, is no good. And, if you had taken a
vick on a mowed lawn or unmowed lawn he still would have had to clean
it. So just chalk it up to one of those strange mysteries about humans
we will never understand and forgive him. Hopefully he will learn
better when he gets older.
Dear Aunt Foley: Humans often ask each other the question boxers or briefs?
us dogs the question is halter or collar. I have always been a collar
dog myself but when I went shopping with Mommy recently she started
trying harnesses on me.
was really annoyed but she wouldn’t stop doing it and since we were in
the store I couldn’t raise a fuss without getting in trouble and thrown
out of my biggest source for kibble. Finally Mommy picked out a harness
and put it on me. While it is very handsome and makes me even more
stunning than I was before I just can’t get used to it. I am used to
going bareback and not having my tummy strapped in. Frankly this thing
is driving me crazy. Mom says she got it for me because I am going on a
fishing trip in Wisconsin, can’t go off leash, and I cough when I am
wearing the collar, which is true. What do you think, should I wear the
Befuddled Boris: Like you I was a collar dog for years. But also like
you it led to me pulling and then coughing. But whenever Mom put a
harness on me I bucked or refused to move. But then they found these
nice soft harnesses and I have really taken to it (although the sound of
velcro being ripped open below me still scares me because it sounds
like someone ripping my guts out.) I have seen a picture of your
harness and it looks like a perfect nice one. My advice is to wear it
and soon it will feel natural to you and you will enjoy not being choked
when you walk. So harness up.