The Downside to Birthdays by River Song

I recently celebrated my second birthday.  I would like to thank everyone who made it a special day.  I am so lucky to have such great friends.  I got a spa day on my birthday and got to party with the Griffons at the groomers.  They are always fun.  But there is something most unwelcome that comes with each birthday.

The trip to the vet.  

It was a normal Thursday.  Daddy put Pocket in her crate and Mommy picked me up.  We went outside and got into the car.  Knowing my birthday was coming up I was thinking: Ice cream?  Dog park?  Hamburger?

Nope, just an anal probe.

We drove into the vet’s parking lot.  I had only been here once and I vaguely remembered it.  I was sniffing for ice cream and thought I got a whiff of anti-septic ice cream but when I got inside I knew there would be no ice cream.

The first thing they did was weigh me.  I have been taught by Foley that whenever I am being forced to do something don’t cooperate under any circumstances.  When I got on the scale I got a severe case of wiggle butt.  So I weigh anywhere between five and 11 pounds.

Then I was brought into an examining room.  Mommy held me close to her and whispered nice things in my ear.  When you are home that means she loves you. When are are somewhere else that means she’s nervous and you are about to get screwed.

A side door opened and the screwer came in.  She was a nice woman with a white lab coat  They put me on a tiny, shiny table and at first I thought everything would be OK.  She held me and rubbed me checking me over.  She looked at my eyes and teeth and she put some soft round thing on my chest to make sure it was beating.  And then she went behind me and HEY THERE!

“It’s just a little prick,” the vet said.  I remembered the last time I heard that I ended up with a litter of puppies. I tried to get off the table but an assistant grabbed me (the enforcer) while my Mommy sweetly told to me cooperate (my pimp) while I received two more little pricks from the vet (my john.)

Then I was done, it took less than two minutes.  It was all very familiar, and very unpleasant. A few days later I had my birthday filled with wonderful friends wishing me well and it made everything I went through worth it and I want to thank all my friends who made my birthday wonderful.

I can’t wait until next year.  But I hope to do it without the little pricks.