Dear Aunt Foley: I was enjoying Hobo Hudsons’ new book Bioterroisim Seized the Sea (here is a link if you have not read it.) Hobo was telling the tale of his trying to get to you to obtain your Marauders’ Map of the Internet when he made a comment that he believes I have a crush on him. I became very concerned. While I admire Hobo and look up to him as a wonderful big brother I do not have a crush on him. He is a married man for Bridge’s sake! I contacted his wife Lily who told me she did not believe I had a crush but this comment made me very worried, I do not want to be thought of as a dog house wrecker. As you know I have a nervous stomach and have been spraying out my poos ever since I read this. Can I sue Hobo for pain and suffering and slander? Pocket Dog.
Dear Pocket: As you know Hobo is always one step ahead of all other dogs. He had his Mom list herself as the author who chronicled his adventures thwarting bioterrorism on the high seas. He anticipated that someone would decide to sue and insured they would sue his Mom so his interests would be protected. You cannot sue because of your upset tummy. Everything (the sudden fluttering of a bird’s wing, the phone ringing, rain) brings on digestion issues. Also, having slept next to you for six years I can state that you do not have a case because you often mumbled “Hobo” in your sleep.
Dear Aunt Foley: You know that is not true. I wear a mouthguard at night because I grind my teeth. How could I mumble Hobo’s name with a mouth guard between my teeth.
Dear Pocket: Excuse me Pocket but this is how it works. You ask Aunt Foley a question, she answers it, and you accept the answer. You don’t write back! Also that wasn’t a mouth guard, that was a squeaker you pulled out of a toy.
Dear Aunt Foley: I lived my entire life with you twisting things around to make you look good and I am not going to have both you and River doing it.
Dear Pocket: I never did that you are lying.
Dear Aunt Foley: I am not lying: Mom!
Dear Pocket: Mom!