This week our parents went to the movies to watch “The Secret Life of Pets.” River and I decided to use this opportunity to discover more about “The Secret Life of Humans.” River Song put a paperclip in the lock on her crate. It went unnoticed, and she was able to get, then get me free. We snuck out the door as our unsuspecting parents were leaving, and stealthy climbed into the car’s back seat, then slipped out of the vehicle when they reached the movies. While they got in line to buy tickets we scurried into the first theater available ready to learn about human’s secrets.
Apparently, aliens are quite the concern in the human world. Not the kind of alien that sneaks into the country either. These are one from outer space. There are entire cities that have been wiped out by extraterrestrials. I don’t know how humans have been keeping this from us. But no one is upset about the destruction. They are more concerned that the aliens attacked in a much more entertaining fashion 20 years ago. Humans aren’t troubled over the loss of life, just that the aliens weren’t crafty about doing it. Lesson learned: Humans are OK with the apocalypse as long as it is entertaining, and Will Smith is involved.
Bustin’ ghosts are a big problem too. I don’t want any ghosts busted. Some of my best friends are ghosts. I don’t understand the big deal with being slimed either. Any parent who has sat with a dog in their lap has been slimed constantly.
I never knew how many humans were raised in the jungle. You would think if a baby were left in the jungle it would be eaten like popcorn at Tommy Tunes’ house. But no, not only does the human survive, he becomes king of the jungle. Then he goes to live in England for awhile, then comes back to the jungle, and repays everyone by kicking gorilla butt; Lesson learned: Kids never visit their parents when they become an adult and when they do the cause a lot of problems, and someone gets hurt.
We found out some things about the secret life of fish too. They talk a lot; they go on grand adventures, and they aren’t very smart. After watching them, I swore I will never eat fish again. I hate to eat souls that speak. I hope no one does a movie called “The Secret Lives of Chickens.” My world would collapse.
After five movies we were tired and went back to the car. When we got home, we had to speed by our parents and get in the house before them. We didn’t make it into our crates in time leaving our parents to wonder how we got out. Well, pets have to have some secrets.
There was one movie we saw was just too silly for words. It was about a big, hateful orange man running for President against a woman who put the nuclear codes on her phone and texted them to the Chinese. That was a joke, right?