The Ruby Rose Report: A Trip to Home Depot

 

Unlike an animal or someone in their early 20s at Coachella, I do my bathroom business inside the house and have my room to do my business.

Before I moved there, my bathroom had a washing machine and Dryer. I didn’t mind until the Dryer started sounding like a squirrel got his tail caught in the Tumbler.

Having replaced two phones, a refrigerator, and an iPad in the last month, I figured my parents were smart enough not to call a Repairman.

But they did, and like the refrigerator, they paid over $100 for the appliance medical examiner to call the time of death.

It was on a Monday when my parents chose to buy a new dryer. I had a vet appointment the same day to get a rabies shot. I did not know why a dog who didn’t go outside and spent most of her time lying down needed one, but as always with our parents, it’s better to go along to get along.

I did not like it when a strange woman picked me up and brought me inside the vet’s office without my parents. I got weighed and gained a couple of pounds; then I got stabbed before being reunited with my parents, frantically worrying about my two minutes 57 seconds of absence.

I thought we’d go home, but we headed in the opposite direction. I was riding on mommy’s lap, enjoying the sights, when we pulled into the parking lot of the biggest building I had ever seen. It was called the Home Depot.

Daddy carried me into the large warehouse; people were doing everything and going everywhere all at once. Not enough people said how cute I was—heartless Buffoons.

We walked around, trying to find a Dryer. Every time they found one, they realized it was a washer. Why don’t they make these things different colors? My parents finally found the least expensive unit, or as the bird flying around said” “cheap
They hunted down someone who could help them. It is easier to find Bigfoot in the appliance section of Home Depot than a worker.

They began to do the paperwork for the Dryer. My parents presented their Home Depot card as payment, and the woman said the credit limit had been exceeded. That is when I tired from the entire experience and told her the card was maxed out because they had just bought a refrigerator there.

Does Home Depot penalize its Customer for being too loya1? Then I had to talk to someone from their credit department. Thanks to my best baby boss’ voice, the transaction occurred without further issues.

On Friday, the Dryer arrived. I gave it a thorough sniff test. It passed.

Mommy filled it with wet wash. After a half hour, I went into the bathroom to pee just as our clothes were dried. It made a most obnoxious buzzing sound, which caused me to jump from the pee pads across the hall onto the toilet bowl, where I finished peeing.

It just goes to show you no matter what it is that, Griffon pays.