The Ruby Rose Report: Wet Food

 

 Ruby has submitted another report to the home office. This is your copy.

Last week was a little hard for me tummy-wise as my parents experimented with different wet foods and toppers.

When I first arrived, my parent wanted to ensure I got the best food, so they put me on premium kibble and human-quality wet food: Ollile's Subscription brand.

It was expensive, but it was worth it.

My parents didn't pay much attention to the form they filled out to get the food. The meaning of subscription food was lost of them.

One day, a truck pulled up to the house, and men in white Hazmat suits got out carrying a cardboard box like they were sneaking ET's body out of Eliot's house.

My parents pried open the crate, and a cloud of dry ice filled the room. When it cleared, there were several little tubs of frozen human-quality dog food and a bill for nearly $300.00, stating that this was a month of food and more would be delivered the following month.

My parents don't spend that much on their food. The bad news was that Ollie's subscription food was canceled like a Jason Aldean song.

The good news was I had enough wet food to last through spring.

My parents began searching for a healthy alternative when it finally ran out. Unfortunately, all wet food is costly.

They tried Ollie knockoffs, Including a store brand and a premium food. My parents noticed that I was eating around it, inspected the food, and realized it was as appealing as Aunt Mabel's fruit salad and had as much meat.

My parents fancy themselves as intellectuals, meaning they study things ordinary people do without thinking.

After more discussion than what went into passing the federal budget, they thought the Honest Kitchen pour-overs would be great. And I did love it. But in the middle of the night, I got out of bed, and it came out as soupy as it went in.

It was a minor issue, as I only had one more messy poop, thanks to a healthy constitution and Flagyl prescription.

Unlike my previous pack members, who wolfed down their food, I am a grazer, so they want to stimulate my appetite. They tried a popular canned food I ate, so they bought a case, which I haven't touched since.

The newest plan is kibble, fresh poultry, and crumbled steak grillers as a topper, and so far, I am gobbling it down.

But I reserve the right to turn my nose up.

I am the Baby Boss, and I need variety.