The Ruby Rose Report: The Attack of the Mole Man

 This week was filled with danger. The mole men got under the house and tried to attack us. Luckily my barking kept them away.

It started with a puddle. During a walk, Daddy saw a familiar wet spot by the back concrete steps, he had seen it before but thought it was runoff from the rain, but it hadn't rained for three days. He removed a slat from under the house, looked under, and said some made of HBO words. By the time he called a plumber, I was sleeping.

Three days later, a man appeared tasked with climbing under the house supposedly to fix the leak, but he had sinister plans. He opened the door beneath the house and let the mole man out.

He crawled out of his hole, thirsty for Griffon's blood, and began hammering, trying to break the floor and come inside. I ran to the grate under the house and began to bark at the mole man to leave, but he persisted.

He was trying to wrench the floorboards off to get to us. My parents seemed to find this all normal, as they did not let the mole people bother me.

The man who opened the portal for the mole men must have closed the hatch each time she crawled out from under the house because the noise stopped. He left, and I thought we were safe, but apparently, he had to buy parts for the mole people, and he was soon back under the house, and the banging and wrenching restarted.

This went on for hours. I think my defending the house worked because, with my super hearing, I could hear the man saying that the "job" was more complicated than he thought. There is nothing worse than a whiney mole man.

Finally, the mole men were defeated, and the man who unleashed them in the first place expected payment. I was incensed. These mole me exterminators have you by the short hairs.  

That night I got a dream visit from River Song. She explained that she had loosened the clamps on all the pipes before she left for the Bridge, causing them to leak and driving her feral kitty animals from the spot under the porch. "I didn't want you to have to deal with them," River said.

I thanked her and didn't let on how I felt.

I would rather deal with a hundred feral cats than the mole men.