The Ruby Rose Report: First Year Evaluations.

 

One year ago today, I came down the golden escalator at TF Green airport and quickly fixed to people's broken hearts like no one has seen.

Now it's time for me to evaluate my parent's performance yearly.

Below is my evaluation.

Comes to work in a timely manner:  They are always here when I wake up. Sometimes they are late for bed. I would prefer a set bedtime.

Works to full potential - I don't think I can get anything else from these two decrepit people. 

Quality of work: Mommy makes me a balanced meal twice daily with a proper balance of wet and dry food. My pee pads are picked up in a timely manner. I am usually allowed to sniff and roll in the green grass during my walks. I give them an A for adequate.  

Communication; most of the time, we communicate beautifully. My parents understand me when I look out the window and bark: "Hey, there's someone outside," or "Hey, there's someone else outside," or "Now they got a freaking dog," or "There's nobody outside," but other times it's like I am barking a completely different language. 

Takes the initiative: They usually don't need instructions, but sometimes they get caught up in a project and lose track of time. When that occurs, When they do I jump on Mommy, squish her boob with the people's foreleg and stare at her until she relents, or I climb to the back of Daddy's recliner, jump down over his shoulder, and Under Dog punch his testicular area. When he leans forward in pain, I bark- "Now that you're up, can you fill my snuggle mat?

Creativity: I give them low marks because they refuse to accept the idea of a second breakfast.

Independent work: I cannot say since I never leave them alone, not even to pee.

Coworkers Relations: I believe my two employees are sleeping together, but nothing happens because I am between them. 

Technical Skills: Not as far as I can see.

Dependability: Wherever I go, there they are.

Overall, I say their work is very satisfactory, and I have renewed their contract for another year, Although I expect some improvement, especially regarding the second breakfast.