The Ruby Rose Report: The Return of the Leopard Skin Vagina Condo

 

 

I was happily sleeping, snuggled under the covers, stirred by a spirit holding a candle, and wearing a nightshirt. At first, I was startled, but then I saw the fluffy tail and piercing dark eyes. I knew it was Foley. But what did she want?

She told me to get out of bed. I mumbled to myself, "what a pain in the ass," then got a sharp look from Foley and remembered that she heard all, although she often didn't understand.

She led me down the hall to the second bedroom, pantry, and playroom. She opened the door and motioned for me to enter. I followed her to a corner, where a strangely shaped pet bed with fur that looked like leopard hair had been thrown into a corner with stuffed animals.

"May I present to you," Foley happily announced, "The world-famous Foley Monster Bed, better known as the Leopard Skin Vagina condo." I was non-pulsed. "It is now yours!"

"To do what?" I asked.

She stood on her back legs,  "to live in, to play. This is where I wrote the first Pup of the week. This is where I wrote the First Aunt Foley. It should be on the National Registry of Historical Dogs. But it's yours."

Great.

"How come it didn't pass on to Pocket or River?" I asked.

"Pocket had her kitty condo, and River," she shook her head and became emotional, "sat on top of it and smushed it, damaging the Van Gogh. That is when I had Mommy put it in the pantry, and it has been tended to by a stuffed Gund. But now it is yours because I know you will take care of it. Go ahead, check it out."

I carefully stepped inside. It smelled like an old Yorkie and stuffed Gund.  I saw a hallway. "Go ahead," Foley motioned to me like Robert DeNiro trying to get Lorraine Bracco into a dress shop on Goodfellas.

It took an hour to tour the kitty vagina condo. The Gund had taken excellent care of it, even if he got Gund hair in the Jacuzzi.

I knew it would hurt Foley's feelings if I didn't take her up on the offer, and I was honored to sleep in the same vagina that Foley did. I accepted it and told her I would care for her vagina. I even promised to douche, whatever that means.

I have moved into the Leopard Skin Vagina condo. I am not comfortable yet; it is like sleeping in the Louve, in a vagina. I need to make it my own and put the most beautiful art on the walls, or at least mirrors.

So, if you're walking down the street, and see a vagina with leopard skin on the ground, stop in and say hello. I'll turn on the hot tub for you.