Foley: Now that Pocket and I have our own site where any dog can leave comments we think that it is vitally important that we set Community Guidelines for all dogs posting on this site. These Guidelines are here to make your posting experience a rewarding and fulfilling one.
Pocket: There is no need for Community Guidelines. Someone is on an Alpha Dog power trip again. Just everybody keep doing what they are doing. We love all your comments and don’t want you to stop.
Foley: Number One – No nudity or sexual conduct. Hey you there! That lollipop in the back who’s nursing, stop it right now. That is smutty. And for god sakes put a shirt on. I see so many nipples it’s like Janet Jackson’s family reunion. And those of you who haven’t been neutered cover up those red rockets right now!
Pocket: Don’t stop nursing. It is a wonderful thing you are doing. You aren’t harming anyone at all. And boys: We don’t want to scare off children, so discretely brush your fur to cover up.
Foley: Number two - No bird talk. I don’t want to be reading anything about your parrot, your chicken, your cock-a-too, your mother’s turkey recipe, Grandpa feeding the ducks, pigeon races, swan boat rides, endangered bald eagles, the writings of Mother Goose, or any other fowl stuff.
Pocket: My gosh! She’s bossy. I don’t think there is anything wrong with fowl talk, I could talk turkey all day, that fowls tasty.
Foley: Number three - No threatening, bashing, or demoralizing Foley. I don’t care what you do to one another but please don’t hit me. And don’t threaten me either, especially with a rolled up newspaper, I hate that. And don’t demoralize me, I don’t know what that means but it sounds nasty so don’t do it.
Pocket: Oh Foley. For heaven’s sake, every time Daddy brings in the newspaper you act like you’re about to get a whack. No one has ever hit you with anything. And demoralizing? When I’m in your way and you say: “Move it Miss Poops her Pants,” that’s demoralizing.
Foley: Number four – No obscene names or nicknames can be used. Like Twitter, Muffy Driver, Sir Licks-a-lot, Tits McGee, Pussy Galore, Belly Rubber, Captain Butt McSniffy, Humpty Dumpty, Fred Gassit, Neuter Boy, Woodpecker, Scooby-Poo, and Prince-ass (kudos to Teddy Earnest).
Pocket: And Michael Vick and Glynn Johnson too!
Foley: No forming of an opinion that is not mine, no talking about me behind my back, no e-mailing people with content in any way demeaning my character, no saying anything that is not agreed upon by everyone, no free speech, no freedom to bark, no nothing.
Pocket: Oh Foley, isn’t this why we started our own blog? Isn’t this what Erin was talking about in her wonderful blog? We all know you are a princess Foley, but you don’t want to turn into Princess do you?
Foley: Oh, OK. You’re right. I got carried away. Dogs can bark whatever they want here. We’ll get rid of all those other silly rules and just have the one about hitting me, and not using those two bad names you mentioned. Now get out of the way and let me lie in the sun Poops her Pants.