The Ruby Rose Report: Wigglemail

 

With the advent of spring, I have found my love of the outdoors. As I recently reported, I am going on a walk, and now I stay outside longer.

My sisters were known around the neighborhood as the loud little dogs that man walks. When I was out on the street last fall, I hid behind my dad’s legs when I saw a human. This week, I saw a woman walking, and I stood up and barked at her for a minute. She didn’t seem to understand that I was saying: “Hey, hey, hey, hey, lady, hey, hey, hey, hey.” She kept walking without acknowledging me. That means I must bark louder at the next person I see.

My sisters had visited me in my dreams and taught me about pee-mail. They told me I could learn a lot from it and make pee pals with my neighbors. That spotted very excitingly, except that I don’t pee outside.

I have a shy bladder. If my parents use the laundry room where my pee pads are, I wait until they vacate before I pee. 

I wanted to devise a way to leave a message without peeing. Writing a message on My pee pad, taking scissors, cutting it, bringing it outside, putting it over the message, and holding it down with rocks would have been fine and simple, except for the lack of stones. 

How does a dog leave a message for other dogs without releasing some of my precious bodily fluids in front of a crowd?

I thought hard and soon discovered the method.

I had to roll on it.

Our fur can transmit messages just as our pee does, and, as an added advantage, we can edit too. IF I use my fur to write something, then realize I don’t want to say it, I can roll over it and start again.

My Dad, who takes me outside, knows about pee-mail. He would let River stand-in, sniffing for a long time. I am a quicker read than that. While River would let out small steam of her endless supply of pee, I get on my back and wiggle all my thoughts, then move to a new spot and wiggle some more.

That is how I invented a brand new form of communication: The wiggle mail.

So, if you want to say high, get down and wiggle it, and I will wiggle you back.