The Ruby Rose Report A Big Pie of Spiced Meat

 

I like when it's just my parents and me, and I don't invite other dogs over. Luckily, my parents are not popular, and people seldom arrive.

In the past three days, three people have come over. After nearly a month of solitude, it was a big adjustment. First came their granddaughter; she is an animal lover with many pets she treats as family.

I don't trust her.

When she comes over, I climb on the back of a recliner and stare at her like she is a rabid Wolverine. Because isn't an animal-loving young girl precisely what a rabid wolverine would disguise themselves as? I wasn't born yesterday.

My parents told her in their will it states that she would get any pets they had when they went to the Bridge.

Wait, wasn't I consulted? It is like my parents to turn me over to a rabid Wolverine. But then I remembered we would all go to the Bridge together simultaneously, gunned down helping an elderly drag queen across the street for storytime.

My parents gave me the rabid Wolverine in disguise treats, but I refused. That's how they get you.

Then a man came with a big pie of spiced meat and cheese. When people come together, someone brings them a big pie of spiced meat which I can't lick. Then they sit around eating the big pie of spice meat until it is gone, then, their communal experience completed, the rabid Wolverine goes home.

Then, two days later, Mommy's brother and his wife come over, although I am pretty sure they are two bears preparing to make a snack of me. I was ready for their arrival because someone brought two big pies of spice meat to the house.

They sit in the kitchen, eat the big pies of spiced meat, and talk endlessly. I sit in the chair I share with my mom and wait for her to sit with me, but two pies of spiced meat must wear down humans because they were too tired to leave the kitchen and stayed there, only moving when they shared a round cake of frosted chocolate.

My parents must shop at the "Things Ruby Isn't Allowed to Eat Store."

Finally, they went home, and I was ready for bed.

I hope it is a long time before anyone returns to the house.

To make sure, I am trying to make my house a big pie of sliced meat-free zone. I made a sign with a pepperoni slice with a line through it.

I will block all guests if I can stop it from coming here.

Because they can't gather without a big pie of spiced meat