Sunday, June 4, 2023

The Ruby Rose Report: The Check Up

 

I like going on car rides. I sit in the safety of my travel bag and watch the sky through the back window, feeling the engines rumble and hum.

But, when I am held in the front seat, it can only mean one thing: The vet.

What had I done? My work was exemplary. There is no vomiting or limping. My poop is solid, well-shaped, and tastes great out of the oven. (I know many of you find this behavior disgusting, but humans have been eating poop for years without knowing it. Why do you think you must poke the Pillsbury Doughboy to get pasty? And have you ever asked yourself where elves living in the middle of the woods get fudge?)

I am a post-pandemic baby and am well-adapted to the new rules. Instead of being cheesed off that I have to wait in the car until it is time for the vet to see me and that both of my parents can't go into the office, I am happy one is allowed, remembering those cold days of my youth when I had to solo the visit.

Luckily, we were the first appointment after lunch, unluckily, theirs, not mine, as, like most of my brethren, we don't get lunch. It is just for humans, like chocolate, alcohol, and marijuana.

I went in with my mom. The overfed humans moved sluggishly, and I could smell the food on their breaths. The police should pull people over for driving after overeating. If they can take a deep breath, hold it, and bend over without farting, they will be allowed to leave; if not, they will be charged with driving while digesting.

I admit, I was obsessed with eating because my parents had been discussing my weight, and not in a "boy, does she like good manners." There was a discussion if I should diet. I objected. You can't spell diet with die, and you can't spell alive if you are starving.

I do have an odd build. I look heavy from the front, where I have a big chest, but my hips are slim. I am a full-figured gal, but that shouldn't be confused with fat.

The good news is that the vet said I am the right weight. I could have kissed her, but she stuck me in the butt with something sharp, so much for foreplay.

All the workers came into the tiny room to bask in my cuteness, and I was given a new toy to bring home while Mommy paid hundreds of dollars so people could look at me. I say next time, we charge them.


18 comments:

  1. Oh no, not a stick in the butt vet visit! At least you don't have to go on a diet.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes… we, Chipper and Jax agree that they should have to pay for the pleasure of our company!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Its wonderful that you are in terrific shape, is it the exercise? We LOVE our vet! Dr Ruth is fabulishious! You know, when she sticks us in the butt, we don't even feel it!

    ReplyDelete
  4. the thing they put in da backside is a thingy what reads your thoughts... ;O)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Good news Ruby Rose no diet and everyone paid attention to your cuteness maybe on the way home mom will get you a treat. Hugs, Dallas and Belle Lawson

    ReplyDelete
  6. We agree, Ruby...they should pay you!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Yay for no dieting but I agree - that can pay us to stick me!

    ReplyDelete
  8. We're glad to hear your vet visit went well (except for the poke in the butt) and you don't have to diet.

    ReplyDelete
  9. YAY Ruby Rose...you are surely the star patient.
    Over feed humans...that was funny
    Hugs Cecilia

    ReplyDelete
  10. OMG THIS WAS HILARIOUS!! SIMPLY HILARIOUS!!! Ruby Rose, you should meet my Levi, he occasionally eats his poop too! This was soooooooo funny! I'm hoping I can follow your blog (some blogs don't come to me via email) because I LOVE YOUR WRITING and Ruby Rose is ADORABLE!! Thank you so much also for your kind words for my Roary! (((hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh noo! I don't see any way for me to sign up to follow you, how can I follow your blog?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I did not realize the layout was blocking the follow tab so I changed it

      Delete
    2. UGH, still can't follow because you don't have follow by email. The follow thing that you installed on blogger is no longer operative. You would need to add follow by email. Go to my blog and you will see what I mean

      Delete
  12. The puppy princesses, Rosie and Baby, are going to the vet tomorrow. But no worries. It's just for grooming with Miss Jacquie! We're glad you passed your vet visit, Ruby. You're right about paying them for the privilege of seeing you, rather than vice versa!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Yes, they should pay you for a meet and greet. :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Ruby, aside from the sharp poke, we are glad your visit to the vet went well. And you got a new toy???? We have been to visit our vet way more often lately than Mom would like, but we never seem to get a new toy, just new meds, more meds, and big $$$ charges.

    Woos - Lightning, Misty, and Timber

    ReplyDelete
  15. I agree with Mom Ellen up there before me and my comment. YU should be paid for the privilege of meeting you.

    ReplyDelete

Monday Question

  Have your parents bought anything for you for anxiety? Not me, but my parents...