The Ruby Rose Report: Midnight Zooms

 

I am a chill little dog. I spend most of the day on Mommy's lap, half-covered in a blanket. I get anxious around supper time for food, and my pre-dinner walk. After I eat, I play for a bit, then retreat to sit with Mommy until my treat toy and snuffle mat are replenished. Then I am next to Mommy until bedtime. It's a good routine.

I stay there until we go to bed. I sleep under the covers on the big bed. I start on top, licking Daddy and chewing on the bones he brought in for me. Because she works hard, Mommy sleeps first, just me and Daddy.

Some nights I get under the blanket, but I also get out of bed, go into the living room, and bark for Daddy, who, luckily, is a night owl. He gets up, and it's our playtime.

I always leave some food in my treat spinning toy and my snuggle mat in case I am hungry in the middle of the night, which I usually have. It has taken me a year to train Daddy on my midnight escapades, and he almost has it perfected,

Once I am done scarfing for food, his first duty is to throw one of the pre-selected balls from the living room into the kitchen. I watch it for a minute until it comes to a rest, let it think it's okay, then attack it, running around the house with it in my mouth, jumping on the couch, hanging over the edge, trying to chew the ball, and discover gravity as the ball bounces away.

When I get tired of that ball, he throws more until I tire of hops, then he throws stuffies or moves them on the floor to stimulate my imagination and get me to attack him until it stops the constant squeaking.

Then I jump on the couch and start chewing one of my many bones. I lose all track of time while I am chewing. I am only interrupted by my Dad's selfish yawns. He could put me back in bed, but I am only settling once I am ready, which I am only once I do the last nightly rituals.

I zoom. I zoom through the kitchen, I zoom around the living room chairs, I zoom under the kitchen table, I misjudged my exit and almost knock a chair over, I recover and zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom, look out the window and bark, zoom, zoom, zoom, jump into the lift chair, scrunch up the seat cover, sit down and breathe like a smoker who just brought their laundry upstairs zoom, zoom, zoom, then jump on the couch, look at my Daddy, and demand to be brought into the bedroom where Mommy is sleeping.

I am almost ready to sleep, but before I do, I jump on a sleeping Mommy to wake her up and tell her about my zooms and balls.

Now I need to lie down to save energy during the daylight so I can play all night.