(From Foley Monster: I have hired (ordered) Pocket to go through my many requests for legal aid as part of her training to be a lawyer. Here are some of the answers to questions we have received.)
Dear Attorney in Training Pocket Dog: I would like you to represent the Southern dogs against the Northern dogs. The Northern dogs have sent their cold weather down to us instead of keeping it up their way. I am aggrieved that we have to experience their weather. I want to sue them for not keeping track of their weather. Will you take my case? - Tashi
Dear Tashi: I am sorry, being a Northern dog I cannot take your case. I think we should join together and sue all the dogs from the North Pole who are sending their cold air our way, and when we win we will make them drag us around in those very cool sleds. Either that or sue the groundhog. I understand he was recently cleared of blame for the late winter but we believe that was just clever work by his publicist. I shall get to filing the papers now.
Dear Attorney in Training Pocket Dog: My Mom took me for what I think was an unnecessary surgery. First I had to get my teeth cleaned because I had stinky breath. What is so bad about stinky breath? I smell butts all day long. If I don’t find butts offensive then breath is nothing. She also had what was supposed to be a wart removed. When I woke up there was a huge chunk of skin missing. I thought the removal of the wart would be simple. I think I was misled. Will you represent me? - Max Maggo
Dear Max: I have checked with my supervisor Attorney Foley Monster and she told me that we cannot take a case with your Mom as the defendant because of her loyalty to Tanner Bub and because she knows that your Mom did what she knew was right. Those warts can turn into something far worse and cause you to receive a premature ticket to the Bridge. The good news is, if the doctor said he would be able to remove the wart easily and he ended up taking a huge chunk out of your skin then he is liable. We sent him a settlement request of 200 assorted treats.
Dear Attorney in Training Pocket Dog: My Daddy kept me off line for over a year and I missed lots of good times with my friends. Is this actionable? - Sophie Jean Boyd.
Dear Sophie: You are darn right it is. I have discussed it with Foley and we are demanding that your Daddy feed you nothing but premium dog food and treats for the next week, provides for you a new toy for every toy you own that is over two years old, and takes you for at least one half hour walk a day where you are allowed to sniff whatever you want to sniff. If he does not do this then he can expect to go before Judge Judy in Doggycourt. Your fee is one premium treat. Please stay in touch if he does not meet our demands.
Pocket’s Legal Tip of the Week: Recently the Supreme Court ruled against two of Foley’s clients. They were dogs who worked for the police and had sniffed drugs outside a man’s home. The police used this as probable cause to enter the house and arrest the man. The Supreme Court ruled that just because us dogs tipped the police that there were drugs in the house it was not good enough evidence for them to enter. Basically they said that us dogs could go boolala ourselves. So I advise that whatever we learn through our superior senses about what humans are doing in our house, as long as they aren’t hurting animals or humans, we let it be. If humans don’t appreciate what we do for them then they can figure out who is getting high on their own. Instead of working for the man let’s start working on our rights so the Supreme Court will recognize us as the Superior beings. And Dude, if you are getting so stoned we can smell you across the street, might be time for a meeting.