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Showing posts from January, 2015

Pocket versus the snow monsters

          I am not sure what happened….but then again I seldom do.           Monday night I could sense something bad was happening, both through my super Yorkie sense and the way my humans were acting.            Then the wind started.  I hate wind.  It whips and howls like monsters.  Mommy tells me don’t worry but I know could be monsters.  What better time for monsters to attack?           We all climbed in bed to sleep together.  I am safe there.  The monsters can’t get me when I am under the covers because they can’t attack what they can’t see.  I made sure I stayed next to Mommy so she wasn’t taken by the monsters either.           Daddy got up in the morning.  My super Yorkie senses picked up that he was aggravated.  He was saying words not heard in the Bible, going in and out, banging things.  I was sitting on the blanket shaking.  He came back in the bedroom and said he got the heat working after digging out our outside unit.  I have such a smart Daddy.           A

Wordless Wednesday: Six months later

Pups of the Week January 25, 2015: Moms on a Mission

            When Doggyspace was shut down a determined group of Mom’s came together to create a group on Facebook to replace Doggyspace.  This group was led by Chipper, Romeo and Angel Cooper’s Mom Karen; Pokey, Maggie and Toby’s Mom Laura, Molly and Angel Daisy’s Mom Cindy; and Roscoe, Jessie and Angel Willie’s Mom Sandy.  It seemed like a simple project but quickly turned into a time consuming nightmare.             When the Tanner Brigade accepted many refugees the transition went very smoothly.  But every member of Tanner is a well-known dog, and you can only join by invite, while Facebook is filled with entitled morons, psychopaths and mental detectives             Plus there must be a crazy person test on Facebook.  If you pass the test you are given a secret list of every site that is created on Facebook and the people who belong to that site.  Next you ask for the friendship of every member of the site.  Some people (looking crossways at Mom) accept every friend request

Ask Aunt Foley: Fat Dog

          Dear Aunt Foley:   Mommy wants me to eat some food called Fat Dog and go on a diet.  I think I am perfectly proportioned.  What should I do?  - Maggie.           Dear Maggie:  I know there are a lot of reasons that being overweight is bad for us but humans never think to break it to us gently.  With other humans they might mention that a friend’s clothes could possibly be fitting a tad tighter, or they seem to be breathing a little hard, never mentioning the extra thirty pounds they packed on.           With us we are taken to the vet where the vicious bastard announces with not an ounce of kindness that we need to lose weight.  Sometimes they then try to sell our parents food which is like trying to save someone from drowning by spitting in their mouth.           I want to tell these parents that we have feelings too.  We are conscious of our weight.  I don’t know how many times, while wearing an outfit, I asked Pocket if it made my ass smell big.           I have r

Wordless Wednesday

Dogs or kids: Is there any Question? By River Song

          I recently read an article on that asked if you could love a dog as much as you love a child.           What ridiculous question:  Who could possibly love a child as much as they love their dog?           I mean we have all the advantages.  I can see how you could be annoying when we were puppies, but we are cute as hell, certainly cuter than any puking, pooping baby.  They’re bald, they smell, their needy, holy heck, some of them even feed off their human mothers.  What is so freaking cute about that?           Now there is us.  Look at us.  We are beautiful.  And we are very low maintenance.  As soon as we are born we get up on all fours, we crawl, and we’re good for the rest of our lives.  Babies have to stand, walk, all this showy stuff.  And if they don’t do it on time they have to be studied and worried over.  What’s wrong with crawling?  I can go for miles crawling.  Let’s see some high faulting baby do that.           After about eight months we are

Pup of the Week: Memories of Doggyspace and the Paper Princess

  It was a dark and stormy night.  I stood at the top of the stairs awaiting the Bridge’s newest member.  I had never sworn in a dog during a storm before.  And never in the dark either.  I saw a figure, struggling to climb the stairs.  She was paper thin, and several times almost blew away.  Then she reached the top.  “I am sure you are glad to see me here Foley,” the Paper Princess said.             Princess was her name.  When I signed up for Doggyspace in September of 2008 after Daddy read about a social network site for dogs on the Time magazine website Princess was the one who welcomed me.  She was a fellow Yorkie and I thought we would be great friends.  But we ended up being the bitterest of enemies.              It started out great.  We signed up, then went to another site.  When we came back we already had 50 friends.  That number would triple by the end of the evening.  I am not sure of everyone we met that night but we do remember barking with Blazer deep into the n

Ask Aunt Foley: Some Facts About DS That Will Make You More Pissed Off

          Dear Aunt Foley:   Why did DS have to close?  It was our home and we miss it terribly.  Signed, Everybody           Dear Everybody:  Despite the battles I had with Doggyspace in 2010 I still loved the site.  I met all my friends there and it helped me become the “kind of a big deal” I am now.  It gave me more than I gave it, and you can’t speak ill about a site, or a person, that does that.           But DS was run by humans and too many humans are run by money.  We were told that is took money to run Doggyspace and to make money you need advertisers.   Advertisers want to see lots of clicks on a site.  Because DS never improved their site, many pups had trouble getting on the site, and others found different platforms to post on DS was not getting the needed clicks and the site stopped generating money.  When greedy humans don’t make money they kill the thing that isn’t earning for them the same way that a hunter will put down a coonhound that won’t hunt.           No

Wordless Thursday

The Sinking of the SS DS

It was a cold winter’s evening.  Reese, Kole and Fern had invited River and me to the SS DS for a romantic dinner under the stars.  While Reese enjoyed the cold the rest of us were freezing.  We were going to take a dingy back to the SS Tanner Brigade when Kole suggested we stay in one of the empty cabins.  Being quite cold, and wanting a warm bed, we decided to stay. I was having a restless night because of River’s snoring when I heard yelling above deck.  I woke River up and told her we needed to investigate.  She hates getting out of bed and I had to force her out.  When we climbed the steps to the main deck humans were running everywhere.  I went to the stern and saw bits of ice.  I looked up and saw that the SS DS had run into two different icebergs labeled “Indifference” and “Financial Irresponsibility.”  I looked over the side of the ship and saw that the crash had ripped a large hole near the water line.  The SS DS was sinking.  I told River she needed to go warn all the d

January 11, 2015 Pup of the week: Prayers Needed

          I have only one New Year’s resolution for 2015.  Unfortunately it is one I have no control over:  I want to do less swearing in of friends who crossed over the River of Life this year than I did last year.  But I have been inundated with prayers for pups and parents in the first ten days of this year and the only way to make my resolution a reality is to get even more prayers.  I would gladly spend all day flying prayers up to the Big Guy if I didn’t have to swear in any pups or parents this year.  So what we need is prayers.  Lots and lots of prayers.  Especially for the following pups and parents.           I don’t know how many of my DS friends remember Jake the Shih Tzu.  He has not been very active on the site lately but his Mom is a good friend of ours on The Facebook.  She recently took sick and the doctors began to run all sorts of tests on her and the results were very troubling.  She has a tumor on her spine and is starting chemotherapy.  She has a very long and

Ask Aunt Foley: The Rabbits Are Scheming

          Dear Aunt Foley:   I live in a house with a barn.  At the barn we have a burn pit.  Once a year, in the winter, my Dad burns old tree limbs, excess lumber and other items.   Dad prefers to burn when there is snow on the ground so the fire does not spread.  This week burn pit day came.  I was chilling outside with my brother Kane when we saw a trespassing rabbit and we cannot abide a trespassing rabbit on our property so I chased it.  The stupid rabbit ran right into the fire pit and I followed.  I singed the hair off my lower legs but was otherwise unhurt.  Meanwhile the rabbit escaped unscathed.  Do you think the rabbit ran into the fire on purpose? – Damaged Daisy           Dear Damaged Daisy:  Of course that rabbit did it on purpose.  Let me tell you about these rabbits Daisy, they are getting smarter, and they are scheming against us.  So we need to be smarter too.  Why back in my day you just chased a rabbit down and ripped it apart, and they were glad, glad I say, ju

Our book Small Tales is now for sale on Amazon

I, Judge Foley Monster, am proud to announce that my life’s work, five years of the best of my blogs (and some stuff by Pocket too) have been collected by my minions into a single volume titled “Small Tales:  The Big Adventures of Two Tiny Terriers.”  If you would like to purchase a copy you can do so on Amazon using this link: SMALL TALES In this collection are some of my finest adventures:  Causing an international incident by not letting a black kitty in her house; rescuing a lost kitty from a group of gangster cats; rescuing of a skunk from a snow bank; Pocket’s wild balloon ride across the country; our visit to the land of Oz; Pocket’s run for the US Senate; our raid on the Princess’ castle; and stories about our struggles to train our parents. Plus some of you might find your names in my Aunt Ask Foley chapter or if you took part in our adventures.  And many of you and your Moms or Dads are mentioned in our acknowledgements.  There are several drawings by our frien

Not-Nike is our January 4, 2015 Pup of the Week

          Earlier this year I wrote about Nike, a poor puppy who arrived at the Bridge after being caught in a flash flood in Arizona.  The flood spilled into his house and pulled him out the doggy door where he drowned.  The completely foolish way Nike passed to the Bridge caused me to rail against the Big Guy.  The stupidity of it all.  A little dog dying during a flood in the desert.  Unbelievable!           Just last week I gave an update on Nike.  She was running with Greta, another young pup, keeping her company through the fields and meadows, laughing all the way.  And with that I vowed never to write about Nike’s unfortunate passing again.           Until this week when Nike’s Mom posted a blog on her Doggyspace page stating that her account had been hacked and that everyone in her pack, including Nike, was fine.  Meaning that when I posted about her being swept away in a flood I was wrooo, I was wroooo, I was not completely right.           But worse than that was who I

Ask Aunt Foley

            Dear Aunt Foley:     My Mommy has been thinking about getting us one of those raised beds.   What can you tell me about them? – Cheyenne and Kaizer             Dear Cheyenne and Kazier:   The first thing I need to tell you is that raised beds are all a matter of perspective.   To a Yorkie everything is a raised bed.   Put a little pillow on the floor it’s a raised bed to us.   Heck put a towel on the floor and we have to step up to get there.             You probably don’t have that problem being a big dog.   I don’t want to go off on a tangent but big dogs have it easy. If you have never felt the frustration of trying to jump off a couch only to embarrassingly bounce off the top cushion you don’t know frustration.             In fact in my book the only raised bed a dog should sleep in is the raised bed that Mommy and Daddy sleep in.   If any human would like to make millions of dollars they should go on Shark Tank with the idea of a bigger bed than the King siz