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Showing posts from October, 2009

Candidate Pocket discuss the issues

This week the Democratic candidates running for the Senate seat that I am seeking as a Dogpendent held a debate. As the only Dogpendent I was not invited to debate, and neither was the only Republican candidate, Guy Uzgotnochance, but I still would like to give my views on the questions asked. The Public Option : A great deal of the debate centered about this subject. Now I don’t clearly understand this whole public option thing. I know it has something to do with health. I don’t think people should make any decisions about their health. They always seem to make the wrong ones: eating too much, exercising too little and taking dangerous risks. No, I am for the puppy option. Let us manage our Mommy’s health and Daddy’s, we’d do a much better job. We need them to be healthy to take care of us, so let’s get rid of the public option and change it to the puppy option. Afghanistan: I am against sending troops to Afghanistan because my friend Jordan has had to go there and it’s

The ballad of Foley Madoff

I was studying the gift application tab that mysteriously appeared on all our pages a couple of weeks ago. When I first saw it I did not like it at all. I thought the gift purchasing brought a great deal of unrest to Doggyspace, and I do not want unrest here. I have a great deal of faith in my fellow pups here on TB, and you confirmed what I believed, that none of you welcomed the gift app on your pages either. So today, I went to delete if from our pagers when I saw: “Virtual Gift Incentive Program.” I excitedly clicked this and it explained how Pocket and I, as administrators of our site, if we encouraged the lot of you to buy gifts, then we would get half the profits. HOWL! Suckers! Who has a birthday coming up? Ruby? OK everyone, you need to send Ruby a very expensive gift to how much YOU love Ruby. And then when we find out one of the members sent her one of those freaking free gifts (I mean thanks, instead of getting half of 75 I get half of nothing) we have to send

Foley's Book Review: The Story of Edgar Sawtelle

I had been planning for the last few days to blog about the wonderful book I have been reading. Yes, humans, I read. What, did you just think I wrote? Does that make a lick of sense? I don’t mean to beat a dead horse (why would someone do that, cruel and senseless, just a waste of time) but I am here to do what I best, complain about how humans screw up a good thing. The book I was reading is called The Story of Edgar Sawtelle and it is a wonderful story about a mute boy who lives on a farm where they raise a special breed of dog. The boy can only communicate by signing, and he can sign to the dogs. Plus there is one pup, Almondine, who is the best fictional creation of a dog ever. After 463 pages I was going to order all of you to read it. Then came the end, and the author, David Wroblewski, like most humans, completely ruined the book, and I can only recommend that you read the first 463 pages and my improved ending, which is this: Edgar came back to the barn. Almondi

Pocket gets to work on correcting her problem

I would like to give a big shout out to all my friends both here and on Mommy’s Facebook page that suggested that I may not be a persistent peeing puppy but might have a medical problem. Not that I’m crazy about having a medical problem but it’s better than being a potty school drop out. I think we can safely rule out a bladder infection. If I had a bladder infection I would have to pee all the time. I only have to pee when I move. Like the Sundance Kid: He was a better shooter when he was moving and I am a faster pisser when I move. (I apologize to those who find the term pisser inappropriate but peeer is not a word and if I am unable go to the bathroom correctly at least I can use proper grammar. Zoe Boe’s Mom and Hattie both suggested that my shut off valve isn’t working as a result of my being spade. I swear, they can put a monkey on the moon but you can’t do a simple spading without a steam cleaner on layaway. Daddy was very excited about this news, given the fact th

Pocket's persistent peeing problem perplexes Papa

Sigh. I don’t know if you noticed, but at the top of our page we have been tracking how many days I have gone without an accident and how many times I went out to pee the day before. On Thursday it said “Pocket has gone three days without peeing and yesterday peed nine times.” Friday I was doing so well. Then, just before bed, I jumped off my perch of pillows on the couch, and before I hit the floor I was already peeing. I don’t know how it happened. Sometimes I have no idea what is going on down there. “Oh Pocket,” Daddy said. He has made, after two years, my housebreaking a priority in his life. We are in this together, him and I (although if we were really in this together he would be peeing on the floor along with me.) I pee a lot: More than the average bear. It’s not that I have to pee all the time. When I’m crated I don’t pee. I can stay in our warm bed on weekends for ten hours without having to pee. I know where the no pee zones are. Not on the couch, the re

Ms. Pocket's Wild Balloon Ride

Foley: As you well know, I have several experiments going on in my backyard, many of which I discovered when I was bequeathed “Teddie Earnest’s Big Book of Ideas” when he went to the Bridge. Among these experiments was a hot air balloon for safe travel to and from the homes of my Brigade friends. When I was not working on it, I kept it under a canvas in our backyard. Most of all, I made sure I only worked on it while Pocket was sleeping. Pocket: I woke up from my nap on the back of the couch today, stretched, and walked to the double doors that lead to our deck, looked in the back yard, and Foley was working on a flying saucer. It was the coolest thing ever! I so had to go for a ride in it! Foley: Yes, I must admit, I am a genius, a dog who can build a helium balloon, must be considered a genius, but I am also a dog, so, after I fired up the helium to check on the lift, and made sure the balloon was well tethered, I saw a squirrel and my instinct took over, and I chased that squirr

With all the men biting dogs Foley and Pocket pay tribute to special Moms and Dads

I had another on-line smack down Sunday, this time when I was on the Sports Illustrated site after the end of the Red Sox game. I signed in under my name Foleymons because I enjoy reading how upset the slope noses get when their team loses a silly game. But instead of whining and self-loathing in Boston there was a very bad man who kept making terrible comments about Nick Adenhart, a pitcher for the Angels who died in a car accident in April of this year. I know humans can be cruel, but this was at a depth that I have never thought humans could sink too. That’s the only regret I have of becoming so Internet savvy. Before I learned how to paw a computer on and navigate web sites the only humans I knew were my family, and while sometimes I complain about them, they are all wonderful people. But the more I surf the Internet the more I see how cruel humans can be. Now, as I watch them be cruel to one another I think this just isn’t a dogs business. We are superior to humans, a

Foley reacts to losing the Nobel Peace Prize

Unlike the President of these United States I awoke early Thursday morning to receive my expected Nobel Peace Prize. Instead of hearing five elderly Norwegians butcher the name Foley Monster I heard them clearly annunciate Barak Obama. Barak Obama? Are you kidding me? He couldn’t even settle the dispute between the kitty I nipped and me. Now look at my accomplishments: With my good friend Tanner Bub I founded the Tanner Brigade, a safe haven for dogs to voice their own opinion and not be scared off by mean dogs. It is by invitation only and I have to approve each member. It is a very peaceful spot. The President, in January, held what he called an Inauguration where millions of loud people stood out in the cold, and they didn’t have to get invited. Who is promoting peace here….Hmmm? I, as Commander and Chief of the Tanner Brigade, led a daring raid into the Princess’ castle and pasted Tanner’s picture everywhere, in tribute to the world’s best Yellow Lab on the night he w

Foley Monster caught humping intern's wrist / Blackmailed / Issues apology

I have a little story to tell you, would you like a story? I get up in the morning to go out and do my business and while I am getting in position to do my Vick I notice that there is a package with my name on it, which is unusual since dogs usually don’t leave packages where I Vick. I guess you can, I guess some dogs do business where they Vick, but not me. I picked it up in my mouth and carried it into the house and then upstairs to my blanket and there is a letter in it that states: “you do some terrible, terrible things and I can prove these terrible things,” and sure enough in the package was stuff that proved I did terrible things. At six in the morning, this seems like really bad news, maybe at noon it wouldn’t, but at six in the morning, it’s quite frightening. What this dog is telling me is that he is writing a screenplay and writing about the terrible things he knows that I have done and he is going to put it in a movie unless I give him my furry bed. And I thought,

Foley's Big Baby Sitting Injury

Foley: Saturday was groomer day and both Pocket and I came out looking even more beautiful than usual. We were going to go to the Nursing Homes to see Aunt Bev but it was raining cats and pigs so we went home for what I presumed would be a snuggle night. But a short time later the leashes were out again and we were back in the car to spend the night with our grandbabies, Mackenzie, Emily and Kiley. Pocket: I so just wanted to sleep. I have been working night and day on my campaign, I needed to have the perfect cut for my posters and I was looking forward to a night lying to top of the pillows piled on the couch. But the next thing I knew I we were back in the car and off to our human sister Kellie’s house to baby site our grandbabies Mackenzie, Kiley and Emily. Foley: We got there and Daddy took me to do a Vick so I didn’t do one in the house. Daddy is so funny. It’s a new house and has lots of things not finished like lighting. Daddy tripped on the bricks, over a pile of