Beat This Caption

 

George let out a cry of despair as he realized he had once again forgotten his athletic athletic cup

Monday Question

 

What perfectly understandable and legitimate thing do you do that drives your parents crazy

For me, it's the barling. I sit looking over the back courtyard where everyone gathers in the early evening, and I bark at everyone and my parents sometimed really freak out about it,. And it's perfectly understandable my parents are wrong to get upset.

Ruby's Sunday Funnies

 

Two boys from the mountains, Leroy and Jasper have been promoted from privates to sergeants.

Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroys says, "Hey, Jasper, there's the NCO Club. Let's you and me stop in."

"But we's privates," protests Jasper. "We's sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him inside.

"Now, Jasper, I'm a-gonna sit down and have me a drink."

"But we's privates," says Jasper.

"You blind, boy?" asks Leroy, pointing at his stripes. "We's sergeants now."

So they have their drink, and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Leroy. "You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to date you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhoea."

Leroy pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Jasper, go look in the dictionary and see what gonorrhoea means. If it's okay, give me the okay sign."

So Jasper goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Leroy the big okay sign.

Three weeks later Leroy is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhoea.

"Jasper," he says, "what fo' you give me the okay?"

"Well, Leroy, in the dictionary, it say gonorrhoea affects only the privates." He points to his stripes. "But not the sergeants.”

A nurse walks into a bank to deposit her pay check. She reaches into her purse to pull out a pen to sign her check. To her dismay, she pulls out a rectal thermometer. In frustration, she throws her arms up and shouts, "Oh, great! Some asshole has my pen!

Two guys were riding in a car, arguing about how to say the name of the city that they were in. One said "Louieville" and the other "Louiseville." They went on arguing and arguing, until they came upon a fast-food restaurant. The one guy goes inside and says to the waitress, "Tell me the name of the place where I am right now really, really, really slowly." The waitress goes, "Bur-ger-King."

Friday Fill Ins

• . I plan to continue to kick ass and take names in October. Then I'm going to sell those names to Russian bots. Those people will get endless phone calls about car insurance from failed rap stars. 
• Finding a real sunny spot, a perfect sunny spot where the sun is just beaming down and all of its glow and warmth is in one puddle was the highlight of my week.
• Tis the season for putting up freaking 8-foot skeletons. Why the hell would someone put that in their yard? I thought it was a giant zombie apocalypse. For God's sakes, is that even cute? What is going on? Who has money? I thought we were having economy problems. I thought everyone was struggling. No, everyone's buying 70-foot skeletons to scare the crap out of little dogs. That's okay, I got their names. I'm selling them to Russian bots. Great news for them. Their transmission is covered.
•  Though a lot of people like sex, I can't stand it. It has no desire to me. Not since that day they took me for the car ride and for my special operation. You think they're connected?

Poetry Thursday

 

Larry didn't know how it came to pass.

Was it a sentence, community service, or a curse for some long-forgotten trespass.

Larry didn't want to complain en masse.

But for some reason, he had to walk for eternity with a guy on his ass.

Larry went to the Willis pond

A place of which he fond

But he could now only go to the submerged tree trunk not beyond

Because the man on Larry was not a strong swimmer, if they went out too far, he would drowned

One day, a frustrated Larry asked the man what he'd done to get stuck up a duck's butt.

He explained he had owned a bait shop where he sold machine guns to hunters to massacre ducks for a healthy cut

When he died, knowing he had killed so many ducks his gate would be you know what.

He cut a deal to be supportive of ducks and one duck’s butt 

Larry and the mannwent to a bar to drink Fosters 

and to ponder.

 Who possibly could such a thing conjure? 

When Larry realized it could only have been a decision made by Judge foley monster 

They found Foley going through her briefs while lying on the grass.

They said that they weren't here to harass, but they’d like to know why she ordered the poor guy to spend eternity with his head up a duck's ass.

Folet said the punishment. wasn't just established for laughs. 

But to also punish Larry who, when angered that he was shot at by the man the duck flew up his butt causing the hunter's heart to crash.

Taking into account their arrival at the bridge Foley decreed that they spend eternity together. It was only right. 

But if they did well, maybe a compromise could end their plight.

 Then Foley gathered her briefs and walked in the door. Before dipping out of sight,

 She gave a knowing wink to the first readers of this blog, whose first words were written by Foley 17 years ago. Then she wished everyone a good night.

Beat This Caption

 

So, after tempting Adam with apple, Eve bit it, and long story short: You are going to the vet tommow morning to get your ovaries removed, and before I forget there is no breakfast either. How you like them apples?

Monday Question

 When was the last time you were locked in a cage or a room “for your own good.”

Ruby’s Answer - while the EMTs were in the house to check out Mommy when she fell I was locked in the bedroom “for my own good.”