Ruby’s Sunday Funnies

An employee at a business firm gets to travel to Japan to meet executives from the company's foreign branch. He's single and is really excited to hook up with some beautiful Asians. He goes to the meeting and listens to a linguist who translates all their words for him.

After the meeting he goes out and hooks up with a lovely young lady. Things go very well and he ends up going to her place that night.

They dim the lights and do the deed. The whole time she's moaning and shouting: "Fuka ana!" She seems really into it so he goes all out giving it to her all night long.

The next day he goes to a golf game with the Japanese executives. He makes a very nice chip shot then decides he's going to try to impress the executives. He shouts: "Fuka ana!"

The linguist then turns to him and says: "No that's the right hole."

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks. Then try 50-lbpotato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lbpotato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go.
Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant.
Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas,and Earlene got pregnant again.
Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again."
Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"
Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Earlene with me."

Friday Fill-Ins

It is time for Friday Fill-Ins hosted by Two Spoiled Cats. They provide original sentences in small lettts and my fills in are written with capitals.

 (The dumb Google monster won’t let me post the graphic 

I used to think THEN I REALIZED HUMANS AREN’T DOING IT SO WHY SHOULD I?

Every time I plan to TAKE OVER GREENLAND I REALIZE IT WOULD TAKE YEARS TO VACUUM.

I am waiting for the month of JANUARY 2026, because (WAIT THIS IS IT? WHAT A DISAPPOINTMENT. I THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO BE THE NEW WORLD) 

When it comers to social media I AM WITTY, INTELLIGENT, AND ADVENTUROUS WHILE IN REAL LIFE I’M JUST FARTING AROUND.

Poetry Thursday

Boy and dog played in the mud mud mud

After a flood flood flood

They were two little studs studs studs

In the mud mud mud

The mud!

They buried the kitty in the mud mud mud

Because he was a dud dud dud

And smelled like crud cruc crud

So he’s buried in the mud mud

The mud

They rolled in the mud mud mud

And made pies of mud mud mud

What fun they had in the mud mud mud

The dirty sticky mud mud mud

The mud!

an orange paw stuck out of the mud mud mud

It was the kitty and he was out for blood blood blood

Then out came the orange head head head

Then the cat was free of the mud mud mud

The mud

The cat rolled in the grass to get off the mud mud mud

“It is the baby’s fault” is what the dog sud sud sud

Then he begged the cat to be a bud bud bud

But the cat walked inside and got yelled at for tracking in mud mud mud

The cat tracked in 

The mud

Then their mom saw them in the mud mud mud

And said “get them” to her brother who looked like Elmer Fudd Fudd Fudd 

And dog and boy got in a tub full of sud sud sud

To wash off the mud mud mud

The mud

Dog and baby, now grounded, gazed out at the mud mud mud

Then inspired they ran into the bathroom like a runaway scud scud scud

And the baby knocked potting soil on the floor and the baby peed on it and spit out his cud cud cud

And they rejoiced that they made mud mud mud

They made mud

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

Both Sara and Max woke up disgusted: Sara because her misuse of catnap had caused her to wake up with another rat and Max because he was a nasty, nasty racist

Monday Question

 How many times; not counting treats, do you eat a day?

and how many counting treats?

I get two meals one at breakfast and one at super time.

i get treats approximately seven times a day

Ruby’s Sunday Funnies

A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her,hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her,fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair.Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up.

Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side.The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning.Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home.

"So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?"

"It's pretty nice," she replied. "Except they won't let me fart."

A mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.

The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?"

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer), told her son to ask the flight attendant.

So the boy dutifully asked the flight attendant, "If dogs have baby dogs, and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?"

The flight attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?"

The little boy admitted that she did.

"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Now, let your mother explain that to you."

Last summer Ed met a woman while on vacation and fell head over heels in love with her. On the last night of his vacation, the two of them went to dinner and had a serious talk about how they would continue the relationship.

"It's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut," Ed said to his lady friend. "I eat, sleep and breathe golf, so if that's a problem, you'd better say so now."

"Well, if we're being honest with each other, here goes," she replied. "I'm a hooker."

"I see," Ed replied, and was quiet for a moment. Then he added, "You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."