Sunday, September 19, 2021

A Pirate Tea Party


  The tea parties I hold on the third Sunday of every month are getting bigger.  At first, it was just Tiara and me.  Hattie and Lily joined when they arrived. Today would be the first tea party with Pocket. I hoped she did not ruin our quiet gathering.

I packed the tea bowls, cups, finger sandwiches, and a blanket into my Galifrey satchel, specially made bigger on the inside than out. The girls arrived at noontime, and we set forth for a relaxing day by the River.

Tiara, Lily, Hattie, and I spread out a blanket, poured the tea, bit into the sandwiches, and began to relax. Pocket, who was inspecting the Riverbank, started barking. I knew she would ruin the tea party. We followed her yipping, and found her standing by an open chest. When we looked inside, we saw golden eggs.

"Pocket" I exclaimed. "Where did you find those eggs?"  She explained that she saw the round end of one sticking up from the ground.  Thinking they were tennis balls, she dug them up. "But they don't bounce," she said, pointing to a broken shell on a rock."

We inspected the eggs.  "There was a goose who laid golden eggs; maybe these belong to her," Tashi wondered.

"That's a fairy tale," Hattie offered.

"Anything is possible here," Lily reminded her, then asked what we were going to do.

I looked around and did not see anyone.  "Let's put the eggs in my satchel and take them to Freddy's brother's Pepsi's store.  He can tell us how much they are worth."

Of course, Pocket didn't think it was a good idea, but she was a newbie.  We seasoned angels knew better.  We shoved the eggs into my bag and began to slink away when we saw two dogs dressed like pirates in front of us.  

"Excuse me," one said.  "I am Long John Hudson, and this is Captain Timmy Tunes.  We had to throw a valuable chest overboard.  We found it on the Riverbank, but it was empty. Would you dogs know anything about that?"

Pocket started to speak, but I nudged her to be quiet.  My Gallifrey satchel looked too small to hold the golden eggs. We just needed to get past these pirates, and we would be fine.  

"What have you been doing?" a suspicious Long John asked.

Tiara told him we were having a tea party but were finished, and she needed to go home and open her beauty salon.  "I like tea," Captain Tunes said.  "Why don't you join us on our ship for some?"

We looked at one another uneasily, and each tried to make excuses for why we could not go, but the pirates were having none of it.  "I know Long John," Lily whispered.  "He is Hobo's uncle and a well-known angel outlaw.  They live on the sea out of the angel police's reach.  We should give them back the gold."

I wouldn't hear of it.  We worked hard to stumble upon the gold eggs, and they belonged to me.  I told my friends we should go with them.  The booty was in a secret compartment in my satchel, and they couldn't find it. Once they searched us, we would be let go.  And, I heard pirates had great scones.  

We climbed aboard and soon were sitting on the deck, eating scones, and drinking tea, with a dozen pirates when one of them came forward and said they had searched our belongings and we didn't have the eggs.  I stood, thanked them for the scones, and prepared to leave when Long John noticed my pouch and asked if it was from Gallifrey.  I said no, but he pressed me where I got it, and when I couldn't produce a good lie, he snatched it from me.

He opened it, and couldn't find anything.  I told him I expected an apology when he turned it over and shook it.  The eggs fell out of the secret compartment.  "How did that get in there?" I asked unconvincingly.  

The pirates forced us all into a cell below deck, without even a scone to eat.  My friends and sister were pretty angry with me.  I told them not to worry.  I had a plan.

I just had no idea what that was.


Friday, September 17, 2021

Foley, Tommy, Napa and Finley Search for the Queen's Crown Bones


Despite being born in America, my line comes from England, and my heart will always belong where my ancestors roamed. I suppose that is why, when someone stole the royal bones, Queen Victoria came to me to find them.


I put together a crack team to get the bones back, lead by Tommy Tunes, the great strategist, Finley, a tiny dog adept at sneaking in and out of places, and Napa. He commanded an army of homeless pups which he watched over before they arrived at the Bridge. 


The Queen kept the dog toys in her royal box. Basil, her heart dog, and his unyielding pack had left the palace to go for a walk with Victoria when the culprit struck. By the time they got back, the priceless bones were gone.


Immediately, Napa picked up the scent. He walked with his head down, sniffing until we came to a river, where it ended. Tommy stood on the banks, looking both ways, and concluded the villain could not swim with the royal bones and that he must have taken a boat.


Finley observed a frog on a lily pad. They keep their council, but Finley is a pleasant chap and charmed the little amphibian until he ribbetted that a black and white dog had rented a boat to ferry boats down the river.


Tommy negotiated a reasonable price to rent a boat, and we took off down the river. Napa, who claimed he could smell royal bones, kept his nose in the air and pointed which direction to go. I was dubious of his abilities. All bones smell similar to me.

Halfway down the river, we saw another boat traveling in the opposite direction. I ordered Finley, our captain, to pull up next to it. Perhaps this was the boat that transported the Queen's bones. When I saw Kane was piloting the vessel, I thought it was another false lead. Instead of hailing us as friends, Kane sped up and tried to outrun us.


This was odd. We had all been friends for a long time. I ordered Finley to follow. When we got near, Tommy jumped from our boat to Kane's. He landed hard on the deck and came up with a gold bone in his mouth. We were stunned to have found our culprit. 


Knowing we had caught him, Kane stopped the boat. I asked him what had happened. Before I questioned him, I hoped there was a good reason for the theft.


Kane explained that he was a dog who grew up on a farm. He met many cows in his time and had befriended them. When Kane reached the Bridge, he continued the friendships and met more bovine, including those specially raised to feed the royal family. When a cow named George introduced himself, he told Kane that he had provided meat for the family and bones for their dogs. The pups brought them to the Bridge. Now George had a rare opportunity: To hold his mortal bones in his hoof. Kane knew where they were and snuck into the palace to steal and reunite George with his bones.


Kane then showed us the bones, which he was returning. I knew the Queen would understand, and I gambled she would do more than that. When my team returned to the palace, we came with Kane and a cow named George. 


The Queen welcomed George back to the family. Her dogs told George he could keep the bones. They didn't need royal ones; any would do. We left George and his bones in a big field by the palace, happily chewing on grass. 


When we got back to the Dooggyspace village, I thanked my friends and crawled into bed. Pocket woke up and asked where I had been.   I enthralled her with the story, but she remarked that it was creepy that. George wanted to have his bones back.

I agreed and said I was happy to be cremated.


There were no bones about it.

Thursday, September 16, 2021

Abbie Has an Important Message to Deliver


Abbie had a message that she desperately needed to deliver.  Having exhausted all the possibilities, she could imagine she came to me for help.

I asked who she meant the communication for and what was in it.  She answered that it was private.  This would make it challenging to help, but difficult is my middle name:  I remember being told I was the most difficult dog in the world.  

I hoped it was someone at the Bridge; that would make it easier.  Alas, she meant the message for a mortal.  "Your mom?" I asked.  

"I should have known you would figure it out," Abbie said.  As much as I like to give myself credit for being clever, there was only one being on the mortal side it could be.  
I inquired what the problem was.  "Every time I try to get my message to mom, her subconscious blocks me.  
It was a common problem.  Humans are the only ones with a subconscious.  The rest of us have enough problems dealing with a conscience.  People have developed one to block from what they can't accept:  Dream message from dogs included.  

It was a problem as old as time.  Abbie and I sat on the grass and tried to think of a way around this problem.  "I wish people could remember the good dream-thoughts like they do nightmares," she observed.

That was it!  Nightmares always have a way of worming past the subconscious and being remembered, at least briefly.  If Abbie could access one of them, her mommy would see her and hopefully remember.

But, accessing nightmares was a particularly tricky business. Demons create them in a cave beneath the Bridge, ringed with fire, so there are no trespassers.  No dog had ever got through the barriers to be part of a nightmare, but Abbie was determined.

We bravely jumped through the fire and then carefully put out our burning tails. Demons ran around the office like  The Weather Channell meteorologists when a hurricane hit the upper east coast.  We had to move carefully until we came into the room where they created the nightmares.  Fire, horrific screams, sharks, vampires, pantless students, and a second Trump term could be seen everywhere. Abbie found her mom's nightmare.  She was driving back from visiting her brother on a dark road when she got lost. 

Demons began to appear walking down the street.  Abbie bravely jumped into the nightmare, and I, too afraid to stay, jumped after her.  

We landed on the road with the demons where Abbie saw her mom in the car and ran towards it.  Her mom screamed and backed away.  A confused Abbie didn't know why she was leaving when I caught our reflection and saw that we looked like rabid raccoons because it was a nightmare.
I told her not to dismay; the first thing we did was chase the demons away, so her mother could get out of the nightmare.  Being a rabid raccoon gave us super speed, and we chased off the evil and then led Abbie's mom from the bad dream.  

Before her mom woke up, Abbie, in raccoon form, jumped on the hood of the car and gave her a message:  "I love you, Mommy."

Abbie would have liked to give her message in her own body, but her mom got it, which is what mattered.
And, if Abbie's mom happens to read this, and you are wondering why a raccoon loves you, understand it was Abbie, getting you a message against all odds.