Ruby's Sunday Funnies

Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a cat-house for some tail. When they arrived, the madam took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any of her girls on these two old men. So she used "blow-up" dolls instead. She put the dolls in each man's room and left them to their business.
After the two men were finished, they started for home and got to talking.
The first man said, "I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or even groaned... how was it for you?"
The second man replied, "I think mine was a witch."
The first man asked, "How's that?"
"Well," said the second man, "when I nibbled on her breast... she farted and flew out the window!"

A man entered the bus with both of his front pants pockets full ofgolf balls, and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls".

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully andfinally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked."Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?

Friday Fill-Ins

   

It’s Friday Fill In time. Ruby’s fill ins are in capitals.

When I have to make a hard decision I ASK MYSELF WHAT THE PRESIDENT WOULD DO, POST SOMETHING UNINTELLIGIBLE AND GO TO BED.

If I were a dance I would be ONE WHERE AT THE END SOMEBODY GETS PREGNANT

EAT, DRINK BE BEAUTIFUL IS my current life motto.

NOT BEING IN A CRATE WHEN MY PARENTS LEAVE THE HOUSE is the best part of being an adult AND BRING OLD ENOUGH TO BE LEFT ALONE BY MY PARENTS is the worse part.

Poetry Thursday

  I

Once again Angel Sammys and and Teddys Pawetatonc have challenged us to write a poem about the picture 

The tickets were hard to reach

Harder than finding an open spot on the beach

Security was tight: There would be no breach.

Because the king was giving a speech,

The anxious crowd filled the hall

Waiting for the king to answer the call

Then the lights dimmed and the king stood tall

Like a debutant at the ball

A hush fell over the room as they waited for him the speak

There was no word of the text not a peep

Before speaking the microphone gave a tiny feedback beep

Then the King spoke in barely a squeak

The crowd leaned forward so they could hear

A speech which could barely be heard if you were near

In the back a broken microphone was their fear

Then realized they would need a forty inch Miracle Ear

The ones who could hear in front found the king to be a bore

As he prattled on about today’s Wordle score

Some put their heads down and began to snore

While others hoped to sneak out the guarded door

He talked about his love of simple math

His plans for a London production of an all drag musical version of the Grapes of Wrath

He described in great detail the model battleships he played with in his bath.

And then his obsession with his nanny’s breasts causing those who could hear to fear he was a psychopath 

The audience realized they had no choice

But to stay until the King got in his Rolls Royce

For, with a mute Liberian and narcoleptic DMV worker he would have a dull ménage a trios

The audience was left to wonder if the King had nothing to say or no voice

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

Who is going out dancing now? Five days a month you sit on the couch with me on your lap and suffer. We had a deal!

Monday Question

When the robots rise up and wipe out humanity would you become feral and fight the robot overlords or try to get comfortable sitting with a robot on their cool metal lap? 

I would stay with my humans until they succumbed then move back in with the robots especially if they have can openers for fingers

Ruby’s Sunday Funnies

There were three little boys visiting their grandparents.

The oldest came out and asked his grandpa, "Can you make a sound like a frog, Grandpappy?

Grandpa (being in a kind of ill mood) responds, "No, I don't really want to make the sound of a frog now."

So, the second little boy comes out and asks his grandfather, "Will you please make a sound like a frog?"

Grandpa again says, "No, not now. I don't really want to do that.I'm in a grumpy mood. Maybe later."

Then the third little boy comes out and says, "Grandpa, oh please...Please, please will you make a sound like a frog?"

"Why do all of you boys want me to make a sound like a frog?" Grandpa asked.

The little boy replied with a hopeful face, "Well, Mom said that when you croak, we get to go to Disney world.

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home now, 'Mother of six?'"

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of four."

A man was being interviewed for a job. "Were you in the service?" the interviewer asks.

"Yes, I was a Marine," responds the applicant.

"Did you see any active duty?"

"I was in Vietnam for two years and I have a partial disability."

"May I ask what happened?"

"Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles."

"You're hired. You can start Monday at 10 a.m."

"When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential treatment because of my disability."

"Everyone else starts at 7 a.m., but I might as well be honest with you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10. We just sit around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first."