Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 Hey Lenny can you check to see if we have a bag of Purina Chicken Florentine and Shrimp in the back, some lady wants it for her damn bougie cat

Monday Question and Memorial Day Funnies

 What is your go to look to make your parents feel guilty? 

Ruby's answer. Lie on the floor, put head between paws, frown and sadly look up.

A third grade teacher asked her students to, one by one, stand in front of the class and tell what their Daddy's do.

Little Mary went first,

“My daddy is a doctor and he saves people's lives”

“That's wonderful Mary. Now how about you Jane, what does your daddy do?”

“My daddy is a lawyer and he puts bad people in jail,” says Jane

“Very good Jane. Ok Johnny, what does your daddy do?”

“My daddy is dead” says Johnny

“Oh, I'm very sorry to hear that Johnny,” said the teacher, “what did he do before he died?”

“He turned blue and shit on the carpet?”

I’m in a hospital ward behind some closed curtains, waiting to be discharged. I overhear a doctor talking to another patient a few beds down:

Doctor: “So what did we learn this weekend?”

Patient: “Don’t put anything up there when I’m drunk.”

Doctor: “Close, don’t put anything up there at all, even when you’re sober.”

Patient: “Don’t be stupid, doctor, why would I shove anything up there while I’m sober?”

A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, “Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?”
The father replied, “It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean.”

With that the father went to the telephone and dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, “Hello, is Melvin there?”

The man answered, “There is no one living here named Melvin. Why don't you learn to look up numbers before you dial”.

“See,” said the father to his daughter. “That man was not a bit happy with our call. He was probably very busy with something and we annoyed him. Now watch….”

The father dialed the number again. “Hello, is Melvin there?” asked the father.

“Now look here!” came the heated reply. “You just called this number and I told you that there is no Melvin here! You've got lot of guts calling again!” The receiver slammed down hard.

The father turned to his daughter and said, “You see, that was anger. Now I'll show you what exasperation means.”

He dialed the same number, and when a violent voice roared, “Hello!”

The father calmly said, “Hello, this is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?”

Friday Fill In

It’s Friday Fill In time. Ruby’s fill ins are in capitals

I would be willing to pay more for A KITTY TO JUMP NAKED OUT OF MY BIRTHDAY CAKE BUT I CAN’T GET ONE TO AGREE TO DO IT FOR MONTH OLD CAT NIP AND HALF A BAG OF TEMPTATIONS.

I refuse to spend money on BOTTLED WATER, GOD CREATED WATER AND PUT IT EVERYWHERE FOR PEOPLE TO DRINK, BUYING IT IS JUST LAZY.

MY GROOMING is chaotic. I HAVE A SMALL TONGUE AND HAVE TO BEND MYSELF INTO A PRETZEL TO LICK MY OWN ASS (BUT WHEN YOU MASTER LICKING YOUR OWN ASS YOU WILL HAVE NO REASON TO EVER LEAVE THE HOUSE).

A fun fact about me is I CAN LICK MY OWN ASS. (DON’T PRETEND YOU’RE NOT IMPRESSED.” 

Poetry Thursday

 

  

Once again Angel Sammys and and Teddys Pawetatonc have challenged us to write a poem about the picture below.  Please to Enjoy

Terry liked to read, that wasn’t any flex

He liked wizards the kind who could produce a hex

Tonight Terry was going to read something that challenged his friends’ intellects

It was a book from the high school library all about sex

Terry knew he had to read the book on the down low

Sex books were something about which moms always say no

But there were things in the book he had to know

And decided to read it using a flashlight’s glow

Anxious to read Terry said early good nights

Then reached under the covers for his flashlight

Eager to read some unknown delights

That would soon be in plain sight

But, what he read made his numb

He wished he hadn’t asked where babies come from

He would have to question his time dad asked if she were going to come

And he would have to kill his dad if he really did that to his mom

Terry’s stomach began to churn

This book was meant to burn

Why did he have a quest to learn?

If there was something strange about him was his concern

Until he could burn it Terry kept it under his bed

That morning his mom noticed Terry was acting out of his head

After he left his mother went upstairs knowing and said

what caused his behavior were questions about how he was bred

When she found the book she was not mad

Although his getting older did make her sad

He was once a sweet lad

She took the book, wrote on it “you could learn a lot from this” and gave it to Terry’s dad

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 Despite an all star cast and crackling script Good Will Duckling was a box office flop