If you are suddenly able to talk with your parents,do they rejoice that they can finally talk to you, or panic that all the things that they have done behind closed doors when no one was watching except for you can now be exposed?
Ruby's answer: definitely the latter.
Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving along at 22 M.P.H. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, said, "Officer, I don’t understand, Iwasn’t doing over the speed limit! What did you pull me over for?"
"Ma’am," the officer said, "You should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous".
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour", the old woman said proudly.
The officer, trying not to laugh, explains that 22 is the route number, not the speed limit. A little embarrassed, the woman smiled and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"Before I go Ma’am, I have to ask, is everyone ok? These women seem badly shaken and haven’t said a word since I pulled you over."
"Oh! they’ll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route142" …
When young, I decided to go to Medical School. At the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters PNEIS and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who said SPINE are doctors today.
The rest of us went to flight school
This Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face.
"Say, mom, why is my bigger brother named "Mighty Storm"?
"Because he was conceived during a mighty storm."
"Why is my sister named "Cornflower"?
"Well, your father and I were in a cornfield, when we made her."
"And why is my other sister called "Moonchild"?
"We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived."
"Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?"
My Wi-Fi network is called United States Strategic Command. I got access after I took a couple of freshmen kitten white house aides for catnip. After a couple of hours they let the password fly. Now that this is publically known I would like to apologize to the owner of a Burger Mullah on South Street in Tehran. I was trying to order doordash when I hit the wrong button and blew up your place
Being the world’s most famous dogs, known for my good looks and small dog yippie vibe is both a blessing to and a curse. Sometimes I sit with all life's treasures and think how unfulfilled I am, and then think of a Iife without the treasures and I realize having them is freaking awesome. Curse hell I would happily be cursed if I could keep the treasure.
I boldly stand up to fight for my principals when life gets tough. I cuntinue to do so for 30 seconds and then I collapse and hide with my treasures. If God wanted dogs to fight tooth and nail he wouldn’t have invented the nail grinder.
The truth be told, Gladys still made Henry's heart glow.
She was no longer a young dog. They no longer spent their nights on the go.
They didn't zoom under the stars. They didn't leap through the snow
Gladys had lost the zest for life 38 litters ago.
She spends her day on the couch, sleeping away while watching old episodes of The Price Is Right.
At four she eats supper, then turns in for the night
The thought of Gladys and him living the rest of their life like this filled Henry with fright
He vowed not to let her disappear into the darkness of night without a fight.
One day, Henry suggests they go dancing.
Gladys snapped back that she was sleeping.
Henry said, "To the moon we can go howling."
Gladys replied We're too old to leave the house without dying."
Henry hated seeing her so sad
All his efforts to cheer her up made her mad
Then he remembered he was a dad.
And set out to find one of the dozens of children she had.
There were 234 in all.
And on Christmas, no one could send a card or leave a call.
When he found them, they all had their excuses not to go like they had to chase a ball.
The only one who said he would visit his mother was Saul. The runt of the litter. Almost five times too small.
Saul visited on a Monday
He brought with him a bright bouquet
But Gladys wouldn't look at him. Her time was invested in a muffin she found outside a cafe.
Henry waited impatiently, knowing the mother-and-child reunion was only a muffin away
Gladys finally noticed Saul and for the first time in years she smiled which was pretty beyond compare.
Saul ran and hugged her ending her despair.
And Henry realized something that he had been Unaware.
Sad moms never need anything beyond one of their children sticking their heads in and saying hello in there
JJ
George let out a cry of despair as he realized he had once again forgotten his athletic athletic cup
"Hey Murray, can you give me a boost? Don't be ridiculous, I'm not going to break the stool. I'm just carrying a bit more h...
