Beat This Caption

 

Tonight, Mommy and Daddy are letting me sleep in the big bed with them.  Weeee

Ruby’s Sunday Funnies

 

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.

After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the young guy replied.

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then he turned to the young man and said, "All right. Get in."

Morris asks his son, now aged 13, if he knows about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears. Confused, the father asked his son what was wrong.

"Oh dad," he sobbed, "at age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to live for.”

A man was stocking produce at the grocery store when a woman approached, asking, "Excuse me, where's the broccoli? I can't seem to find it."
He replied, "I apologize, ma'am, we're out of broccoli today. We'll have more tomorrow morning."

Resuming his work, he was arranging oranges when the same woman tapped his shoulder and inquired again, "Where's the broccoli? Do you have any?"
He patiently responded, "No, ma'am, we're still out of broccoli. We'll have some tomorrow morning."

Moments later, the woman confronted him once more, demanding, "Why can't I find any broccoli? Where is it?"
The man said, "Please indulge me for a moment. How do you spell 'cat' as in 'catastrophic'?"
She answered, "C-A-T."
He continued, "How do you spell 'dog' as in 'dogmatic'?"
She replied, "D-O-G."
Then he asked, "How do you spell 'fu*k' as in 'broccoli'?"
Puzzled, she said, "There is no 'fu*k' in broccoli."
He exclaimed, "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU, LADY!

Friday Fill Ins

 

It’s Friday Fill In time. Ruby’s fill ins are in capitals

A Ted Talk that I found helpful was by FRED THE BEAGLE. HE OPENED MY EYES ABOUT MANIPULATING HUMANS,  SQUIRRELS, TREATS AND THE VACCUUM CLEANER;  WHY IT IS TRYING TO KILL US. 

if I could make my own candy heart it would say LICK ME, OR SMELL MY BUTT AND FALL IN LOVE.

I BARK AT INVISIBLE SQUIRRELS early in the morning, but I BARK AT INVISIBLE DOGS AT NIGHT

THAT I AM THE BABY BOSS, SUPER CUTE, AND HAVE MORE WRINKLES THAN THE DC EMPEROR’S BUTT, is what I love about myself. 

Poetry Thursday

 

 My friends Angel Sammys and Teddys Pawetatonhave provided the picture below to inspire our poetry

The machines had taken over

From Alaska to the cliffs of Dover

No flowers, no trees, no field of Clover

The Earth had succumb to a hostile takeover

*

The sun rose and shown on nothing.

No joy did the frozen soil bring

There were no sounds, nothing to make one sing

Iron and steel was now king

*

One day, without warning, a flower bust through the ground

If anyone had seen the flower it would astound

The machinery ruled the Earth all around

But the flower stood proud unbound

*

Somewhere deep below the desert lived a bee

Who smelled the flower and began to dig free

And in Asia was a frozen bird in a tree

Who slowly thawed out and went twee twee tweee

*

The bird flew east and the bee flew west

And when they met it was the best

And with the flower they completed nature test

Then the bird and bee smocked a cigarette with they lie at rest

*

After the birds and bees were done one flower became two

And they grew

And the world was born anew

They grew in the sea too

*

Years later something emerged from the water tall and urbane

It was a creature greater than

All the others: It was man

And the flower realized in a million more years they would have to do all over again. 

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

I’ve heard of the Ugly Duckling but if this thing is going to turn into a swan I’m shitting golden eggs.

Monday Question

What qualties do you possess that reminds your parents of their Angels?

Ruby’s Answer: I have Blake’s love of being carried, Foley’s curiosity, and River’s need to only be in contact with someone.