Ruby’s Sunday Funnies

 

Friday Fill-Ins

 

It’s Friday Fill In time. Ruby’s fill ins are in capitals

My Zodiac Sign is IF YOUR MOON IS IN MY HOUSE COVER IT UP BECAUSE I DON’T NEED TO SEE THAT.

My Zodiac animal is THE BRUSSELS GRIFFON. I WAS BORN AT 3:13 AM ON JULY 20 2021 IN THE MIDDLE OF A THUNDERSTORM. ANY SOUL BORN AT THE PLACE AND TIME IS A GRIFFON FOR LIFE.

For me a WARM BREEZE reminds me of MY FIRST YEAR OF MY LIFE LIVING IN FLORIDA WHERE THERE WAS NO SNOW, ICE, I.C.E. OR PEASKY MEASLES VACCINES.

A PURPLE LEASH is the only thing keeping me FROM LOSING MY PARENTS; IF THEY WEREN’T TETHERED TO ME THEY WOULD WANDER INTO THE WOODS AND JOIN THE MOLE PEOPLE IN A SUBTERRANIAN UNIVERSE.  

Poetry Thursday

  My friends Angel Sammys and Teddys Pawetatonhave provided the picture below to inspire our poetry

I had not driven my truck for awhile

Even through I had both skill and guile

But I never had a task so vile

As when I had to transport the Epstein Files

*

They promised it would not be a big load

But when I saw them I stopped cold

To transport them I was promised their weight in gold

And promised those who wanted to thwart me would not do damage because they were old

**

But I knew they were wrong as soon as I left the document dump

Because a tank behind me gave me a hideous bump

Almost wrapping me around a tree trunk

And driving the tank was a red and orange faced President Trump

***

A helicopter rose from behind a prison

And when the pilot opened fire I thought I was done

But I dodged the bullets and stayed on the run

Frustrating the efforts of President Bill Clinton

****

A Gatling gun began firing on cue

Being wielded by the former Prince Andrew

And when a laser laden drone began to pursue

I said “I bet it belongs to Bill Gates that’s who”

*****

Elon Musk filled the road with malfunctioning electric cars and that didn’t do the trick

Les Wexner failed to stop me with panties fired by models from Victoria’s Secret

Richard Branson launched a rocket that malfunctioned and landed like a ton of bricks

And Steve Bannon tried to gun me down so I ran him over - the filthy prick

*******

I vow to deliver the documents I am carrying

Even if the road goes on forever

As I am chased by those with the most silver dollars

I’m not going to let them catch me no

Not gonna let them catch the Epstein Files driver

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

Tonight, Mommy and Daddy are letting me sleep in the big bed with them.  Weeee

Ruby’s Sunday Funnies

 

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.

After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the young guy replied.

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then he turned to the young man and said, "All right. Get in."

Morris asks his son, now aged 13, if he knows about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears. Confused, the father asked his son what was wrong.

"Oh dad," he sobbed, "at age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to live for.”

A man was stocking produce at the grocery store when a woman approached, asking, "Excuse me, where's the broccoli? I can't seem to find it."
He replied, "I apologize, ma'am, we're out of broccoli today. We'll have more tomorrow morning."

Resuming his work, he was arranging oranges when the same woman tapped his shoulder and inquired again, "Where's the broccoli? Do you have any?"
He patiently responded, "No, ma'am, we're still out of broccoli. We'll have some tomorrow morning."

Moments later, the woman confronted him once more, demanding, "Why can't I find any broccoli? Where is it?"
The man said, "Please indulge me for a moment. How do you spell 'cat' as in 'catastrophic'?"
She answered, "C-A-T."
He continued, "How do you spell 'dog' as in 'dogmatic'?"
She replied, "D-O-G."
Then he asked, "How do you spell 'fu*k' as in 'broccoli'?"
Puzzled, she said, "There is no 'fu*k' in broccoli."
He exclaimed, "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU, LADY!

Friday Fill Ins

 

It’s Friday Fill In time. Ruby’s fill ins are in capitals

A Ted Talk that I found helpful was by FRED THE BEAGLE. HE OPENED MY EYES ABOUT MANIPULATING HUMANS,  SQUIRRELS, TREATS AND THE VACCUUM CLEANER;  WHY IT IS TRYING TO KILL US. 

if I could make my own candy heart it would say LICK ME, OR SMELL MY BUTT AND FALL IN LOVE.

I BARK AT INVISIBLE SQUIRRELS early in the morning, but I BARK AT INVISIBLE DOGS AT NIGHT

THAT I AM THE BABY BOSS, SUPER CUTE, AND HAVE MORE WRINKLES THAN THE DC EMPEROR’S BUTT, is what I love about myself.