Monday Question

 What is the worst thing that happened to you this weekend? 

You don't have to answer. It is just a set up to say what happened to me this weekend

Sunday morning we had a fright, At 4:00 AM Mommy got up to go to the bathroom, stood, got dizzy and fell. Daddy couldn't pick her and noticed she was slurring her words so he called 911’ I was shut in the bedroom as men arrived and took my mommy away. Daddy left too. They were afraid she had a stroke. After several hours of testing my mom was a clean bill of health. They think she may have had a reaction to medication. My parents are home but tired.

To make matters worse the hospital she went to, Sturdy Memorial in Attleboro Ma was the drop off facility for drunken World Cup fans arrested in Foxboro.  It sounded like David Tennant was in the next bed swearing up a storm. 

Late Friday Fill Ins

 

It’s Friday Fill In, a coyote of days latet, time

Ruby’s fill ins are in capitals

 SINK WHERE THEY WERE BEING WASHED WITH A BRILLO PAD

I want for design A GREAT BIG EXPENSIVE WORTHLESS ARCH ON MY FRONT YARD TO BE REMEMBERED BY, WITH A GUARD TO ANSWER QUESTIONS LIKE “WHO WOULD BUILD A STUPID ARCH?” AND TRUTHFULLY ANSWER “BECAUSE THEY HAD NO DICK.”

BACON STRIPS is a special treat I get NOT ENOUGH BUT I DONT CARE BECAUSE I WAS ABLE TO WORK TWO DICK JOKES INTO A FOUR QUESTIONS BLOG AND I AM VERY PROUD OF MYSELF.

I'm

,

Poetry Thursday

 

Once again Angel Sammys and and Teddys Pawetatonc have challenged us to write a poem about the picture below.  Please to Enjoy

One day the sharks stopped eating

And the rich and powerful held a meeting

And after hours of brow beating

Decided to feed the old people to the sharks to keep the sharks numbers from depleting. 

But how would they fill the beaches with the old

They would lure them there with gold

And with warranties sold by rap stars whose careers had gone cold

But that they were shark chum could never be told

In truth many of the rich and powerful wanted the seniors to go away 

They drive to slow on the freeway

They don't know how to use the apple app to pay

And they talk about the constitution and disarmament who knows what they have to say

The day came to feed the sharks

And the seniors arrived happily ready for a lark

They piled off the bus before the driver could park

To prepare for the cold the men sipped on Cutty Sark

When the sharks found the humans they could not wait

And they prepared to eat and celebrate

But a whiff of the humans made them irate

This food was well past the sell by date

From a near by dock the board was in shock

And yelled at the sharks that this was a crock

The sharks formed a committee ad hoc

And soon were eating the board members after ramming the dock

The board was consumed without a plate or cup

And that is how they became sup

 To an important fact the board never wised up

That when you get to big you get eatin up

Wordless Wednesday

Beat This Caption

 

No, I don’t think she sun shines out my ass, but you have to admit this is damn impressive

Monday Question

You know when you don’t sneeze, but blow snot all over your human?

Do you have a name for that?

Ruby answer: It’s a snozzle

Ruby’s Sunday Funnies

 

A man comes home from working at a pickle factory and he seems troubled. His wife asks him what's wrong and the man says, "Oh, nothing. I just... well... recently I've had an uncontrollable urge to put my penis in the pickle slicer."

His wife nearly faints, then she blurts out: "Why? You need to go see someone. I'm going to make an appointment with a therapist or someone tomorrow."

The man protests, "No, no. It's fine. Really. I'm not going to do it."

Everything is fine for a few weeks, but then the man comes home early from work and he's pale as a ghost. His wife inquires, "What's the matter? You look terrible!"

The husband tells her, "Well, remember when I said I wanted to put my penis in the pickle slicer?"

The wife gasps, "You did? What happened?"

The man starts to cry. "I got fired!"

"I don't care about that! Are you okay? What happened with the pickle slicer?"

The man sobs, "She got fired, too."

A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.

"You need to use 'big people' words," she'd always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I went to visit my Nana."

"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo."

She said, "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. Use big people words." She then asked Bobby what he had done. "I read a book," he replied.

"That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Bobby thought about it, then puffed out his little chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the Shit."

Joe passed away. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral.

As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend.

"Well, I'm sure Joe would be pleased," she said.

"I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.

"How much did this really cost?"

"All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousand."

"No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?"

Helen answered. "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The wake, food and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the memorial stone."

Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a memorial stone? My God, how big is it?!"

"Two and a half carats."