Poetry Thursday

 

The kids wanted to do something special when their dad turned 80.

He hadn't been out of the country since his days in the Navy.

So they planned a trip for him and their mommy, Amy

A seven-day trip to Italy from the family

Amy was nervous about the trip.

She didn't wanna be a drip.

Since they had been married, neither had taken alcohol, not a sip.

She and her husband agreed. During the trip, alcohol would not pass through their lips.

The first night on their arrival, they went for an authentic Italian meal.

And the waiter asked, amongst their many wines, which one to them did appeal.

And when they said just water for them, he did visibly reel.

It was just his luck. He had to serve the American heels.

As the trip went by, at each meal, they did abstain.

Causing the restaurateurs great emotional pain.

Clearly, these two old Americans were insane.

The couple could hear from behind closed doors the servers complain

On the fourth night, feeling self-conscious, they decided to give wine a try.

A sip wouldn't make them cry.

So when they ordered a bottle of wine, the maître d’ was happy to comply.

And when they tasted it, they happily acted in surprise.

They had not known what they had been missing all their life.

And they ordered two more bottles to be kept on ice

 Soon they were up dancing, and he even dipped her twice.

And they added more bottles, not caring about the price

They were found the next morning drunk in a gondola.

Until that night, the hardest thing they had drank was Coca-Cola.

They sent a message home saying they were going to stay a few weeks over.

And drink their way from Southern Italy to the White Cliffs of Dover.

    

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

Once other squirrels were furious with George, who went on a bender, crawled home after midnight, threw up in the water dish because he thought it was the toilet bowl, and then passed out on it so no one else could drink.

Monday Question

For the humans: What is the most valuable lesson your pets have taught you.

Ruby’s Answer - my parents have learned to also forgive those who love you, because there aren't many who do and those who do.deserve forgiveness, patience and understanding.

Ruby’s Sunday Funnies

 

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. 

Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more. For the second time, attempted the step, and, once again, and much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.

About this time, a big man who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. 

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!' The man smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends,”

A Little Three Year Old Boy Is Sitting On The Toilet. His Mother Thinks He Has Been In There Too Long, So She Goes In To See What's Up. The Little Boy Is Sitting On The Toilet Reading A Book. But About Every 10 Seconds Or So He Puts The Book Down, Grips Onto To The Toilet Seat With His Left Hand And Hits Himself On Top Of The Head With His Right Hand.

His Mother Says: "billy, Are You All Right?you've Been In Here For A While...

Billy Says: "i'm Fine, Mommy.. I Just Haven't Gone 'doody' Yet."

Mother Says: "ok, You Can Stay Here A Few More Minutes.but, Billy, Why Are You Hitting Yourself On The Head?"

Billy Says: "works For Ketchup.

During a visit to the mental asylum, a man asked the director, “How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?” The director said, “Well, we fill up a bathtub. Then we offer the person a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket and ask them to empty the bathtub.” The man nodded, “Oh, I understand! A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.” The director frowned and motioned to the orderlies, “No, a normal person would pull the bathtub drain plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”

Sunday Morning Friday Fill-ins

 

• Everybody loves me, but do not worry, I do not have a big head or anything. I have the same normal-sized head holding a big giant brain.
• When people come into my house, they realize that I peed on a pad in the bathroom and had some strong urine. Also, the pad is right next to the toilet bowlt, and sometimes there are spots on the pad that are not mine. If I ever catch the culprit peeing on my pad, they will have to pay. Five kibbles a spot or a single kilo.
• I think bitches the name for female dogs should be changed to lolipops because we are small, sweet and after a licking can keep on ticking
• Project 2025  was so bad I could not finish it. No characters, no plot, no pictures, just a bunch of gobbledygook. My gosh, if you cannot write a book, what good is it?

Poetry Thursday

 

Jane was happy when she got the job at Bird's Eye,

 but then she learned that to get to the training she would have to fly.

 Convinced that if she got on a plane she would die,

 Jane began to cry

When she could not decline

she went online

to find the safest airline, 

and when she found the right one, she felt divine.

Jane was not good at details

And thought it was cute the airline’s name was Never Fail

And she barely read the confirmation email

She got to the airport early to have fortifying cocktail

She looked towards the runway and there was a sight that caused her a fit of coughs

There was an airplane being dragged by a group of dwarfs

She asked the bartender what was happening and he said, “That's Never Fair airlines, of course.

The flight crew has to pull the plane because they forgot the horse.

Jane said she chose the airline because they never had a crash.

He told her our decision-making may have been a little rash.

They had never crashed because they never got off the ground for more than a flash

The dwarf pilot could never get airborne because he could not see over the dash.

Jane realized she had made a big mistake

To hell with the job it was an exit she had to partake

Then the flight crew entered and picked Jane up like she was a piece of cake.

And before she knew it, the flight had taken off after they released the handbrake.

After the training, Jane returned home and wrote a report.

The crew made the flight without the need to abort.

But she was still going to sue the airlines in court

Because upon landing on the runway, the dwarf pilot was a little short.