Ruby’s Sunday Funnies

There were three little boys visiting their grandparents.

The oldest came out and asked his grandpa, "Can you make a sound like a frog, Grandpappy?

Grandpa (being in a kind of ill mood) responds, "No, I don't really want to make the sound of a frog now."

So, the second little boy comes out and asks his grandfather, "Will you please make a sound like a frog?"

Grandpa again says, "No, not now. I don't really want to do that.I'm in a grumpy mood. Maybe later."

Then the third little boy comes out and says, "Grandpa, oh please...Please, please will you make a sound like a frog?"

"Why do all of you boys want me to make a sound like a frog?" Grandpa asked.

The little boy replied with a hopeful face, "Well, Mom said that when you croak, we get to go to Disney world.

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home now, 'Mother of six?'"

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of four."

A man was being interviewed for a job. "Were you in the service?" the interviewer asks.

"Yes, I was a Marine," responds the applicant.

"Did you see any active duty?"

"I was in Vietnam for two years and I have a partial disability."

"May I ask what happened?"

"Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles."

"You're hired. You can start Monday at 10 a.m."

"When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential treatment because of my disability."

"Everyone else starts at 7 a.m., but I might as well be honest with you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10. We just sit around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first."

FRIDAY FILL-INS

 

It’s Friday Fill In time. Ruby’s fill ins are in capitals.

Have you ever noticed IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO TAKE A BAD PICTURE OF ME. YOU COULD TAKE A PICTURE OF MY ASS AND PEOPLE WOULD GO AWW.

Would you choose EATING THOSE LITTLE BLACK BALLS IN BLUE BUFFALO FOOD? or NOT?THEY TASTE LIKE POOP, AND I LIKE POOP, BUT THIS IS HARD WEEK OLD POOP 

Do you think its possible FOR MY DAD TO WATCH THE RED SOX WITHOUT SWEARING. FOR FOUR YEARS I THOUGHT JESUS, MARY, JOSEPH AND THE CAMEL WAS THEIR INFIELD. 

What MODEL CAR  would you recommend TO USE IF A DOG WAS GOING TO KNOCK OFF A SNAUSAGE WARE HOUSE. 

Poetry Thursday

   

I

Jonce again Angel Sammys and and Teddys Pawetatonc have challenged us to write a poem about the picture 

Al Horwitz worked pr for the stars

His top client was Snowy who was lately subpar

Snowy could never drive past a bar

And then Snowy would get in his car

Snowy was the world's most famous polar bear

Who said when coke and Pepsi you compare

You will surely become aware

That coke wins fair and square

Al also served as Snowy’s booker

But Al could not find an insurer

Since Snowy mistook a nun for a hooker

Took her to his room, covered her with then licked off powdered sugar

One night was the final straw

When drunk he made a driver from the seat withdraw

And tried to control a small luge with his giant paw

And ran down four members of the skiing family McGraw

The Coke people immediately fired him

And his future work looked grim

He had to pay a fortune to the victim

He lost his car, his boat and the house with the gym

But Al never lost hope

He sent Snowy to rehab so he could cope

He would not let the big white bear mope

And to casting agents he spoke

Then Al called with something he thought would make Snowy happy. 

He got Snowy a commercial with a jingle that was snappy

But Snowy was sad because the product he was endorsing was just nasty

And from this day on he would have to drink fracking Pepsi

Best This Caption

 Just like the Amish have rumspringer for kids to have fun before entering the Amish lifestyle dogs are often given the car keys so they can have a fun night before neutering

Monday Question

 Is there a song with your name in it, or another song your parents sing to you?

Ruby’s Answer - my Mom likes to sing Ruby Tuesday to me while my dad changes the Clash song Rudie Can’t Fail to Ruby Can’t Fail

Ruby’s Sunday Funnies

  

A teacher says, “Okay, class. Today we’re going to be talking about the tenses. If I say ‘I’m beautiful,’ which tense is it?”

Little Johnny raises his hand and says, “Obviously past tense, Miss.”

Mommy has told her little girl all about the making of babies. Little Annie is now silent for a while.

"You understand it now?" Mommy asks.

"Yes," replies her daughter.

"Do you still have any questions?"

"Yes, how about little kittens? How does that work?"

"In exactly the same way as with babies."

"Wow!" the girl exclaims. "My daddy can do ANYTHING!"

 

Friday Fill-Ins

 

It’s Friday Fill In time. Ruby’s fill ins are in capitals.

• If I had to choose a fictional world to live in it would be THIS ONE.
• A BOOK ON PUPPIES FOR IDIOTS CHANGED MY LIFE is a book or movie that changed my life BECAUSE I WAS HUNGRY, THEN I ATE, AND I WAS NO LONGER HUNGRY. 
• As a kid, I gave my BIRTH MOTHER the name TEETS FOR TWO BECAUSE IT WAS WHERE ME AND MY SISTER MET FOR BREAKFAST EVERY MORNING.
• If I had a parrot I would  teach it to say COMMON MAGA PHRASES SO THEY WOULD REALIZE MY BARKING IS NOT AS ANNOYING AS THEY THINK.