Friday Fill Ins. On Sunday Morning

• Eating sparks my creativity. If you have a problem that needs a creative solution, feed me. I will help. Having problems with the old straight of Hormuz? Give me a milk bone, I will see what I can do. Having trouble with your love life? You are one sausage away from living happily ever after.
• Blah, blah, blah zaps my energy. You know what blah blah blah is? They are any words my parents say that are not "good girl," "it's dinner time," "you look cute," "let's go for a ride," or "let's go for a walk"? My entire day is made up of eat, blah, blah,blah walk, blah, blah blah, ride blah, blah,blah. It is very taxing.
• My dream meal would have anything my parents are eating. I am fascinated by what they are eating. I jump up on a chair and into their laps and stare at their food. I lift their arms with my head to get to the plate. I am relentless. And they tell me to stop, but all I hear is blah, blah, blah.
• I am supposed to say the silliest way that I hurt myself, but I do not hurt myself. I cannot. My parents hover over me every step. If I burp, they are on the internet looking for what is wrong. If I do not burp, they worry that I have developing indigestion. They keep talking it over, endlessly. All I hear is -blah, blah, blah.

Poetry Thursday

 

It's the first day of school

The first day with no lounging at the pool

The first day without staying on the corner playing the fool

The first day with having to follow the rules

It isn’t even Memorial Day

Why do we start too early, I had no say

I just want to go out and play

I  asked God to postpone this day, I guess no one listens when I pray

I tell you it's not fair

Life is not meant to be spent sitting in a chair

Being told what to wear

Or to experience such despair 

I was used to getting up at the crack of noon

Midnight to be howling at the moon

Promising to be home soon

Oh how I will miss the sunsets in early june

I got up this morning when the alarm did ring

It was still dark out I couldn't see a thing

I dreaded what the day would bring

And didn't have the energy to tie my shoestring 

They he said I would be able to see my old friends once more. 

People I spent the entire summer trying to ignore.

The stupid, the loud mouths, and the all out bores

Talking with them is another school chore.

Having lost all hope, I told my son to let my leg go.

I am a teacher and I owe.

And so begins my fall, winter, and spring of woe.

How I am going to put up with these screaming whiny kids for another year, I do not know.

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

Introducing from Calvin Klein catnip cologne for men. One sniff of this enticing scent guarantees you more pussy than Sinatra

Monday Question

 Have you ever been to a store? 

If you have, was it a non-pet store? 

And if so, what was it? 

RUBY’s ANSWER - I asked that question because Saturday I got to go to a Dunkin' Donuts. It was in Brockton, Massachusetts. My dad drives DoorDash for some extra money and he takes my mom with him because she does not like to be left alone and I do not like to be left alone, so the whole family goes DoorDashing. And suddenly, a rare occurrence, mommy had to pee. They were far from home, so Daddy told her she either had to hold it or go in a place she hates, a public restroom. But she could not hold it, so they pulled into a Dunkin' Donuts. And then she would not get out of the car because she did not want to leave me behind. So Daddy picked me up, put me in her lap, and mommy said, She cannot go into Dunkin' Donuts, and Daddr told her to trust him. They got inside, took a sharp right away from the register, and were going to sneak into the bathroom, except mommy's wheelchair barely fit through the door and it was a lot of banging and smacking, and I ended up getting jostled all around because I was on Mommy's lap. And then we came out and people were nice to us and held the door for us, and no one ever said anything to us. But I did not get anything. So, it was a break-even day.

Ruby’s Sunday Funnies

 

THESE ARE ACTUAL SCHOOL ABSENCES (SUPPOSEDLY) FROM PARENTS -- INCLUDING SPELLING.

*My son is under a doctor's care today and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

*Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

*Dear School: Please ekscuse John for being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

*Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

*Please excuse Roland frrom P.E. for a few days. Yesterday, he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

*John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

*Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

*Megan could not come to school today because she has been botheres by very close veins.

*Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side.

*Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels

*Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak

*Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

*Please excuse Jim for being. It was his father's fault.

*I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.

*Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

*Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

*My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines

*Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

*Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

*Please excuse brenda, she has been sick and under the do

*Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best, either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.

The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.

“Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.”

A man was taking it easy, lying on the grass and looking up at the clouds. He was identifying shapes when he decided to talk to GOD.

"GOD", he said, "How long is a million years?"

GOD answered, "In my frame of reference, it's about a minute."

The man asked, "GOD, how much is a million dollars?"

GOD answered, "To Me, it's a dime."

The man then asked, "GOD, can I have a dime?"

GOD said, "In a minute."    

Friday fillings on Saturday, which is actually early Sunday morning.

It’s Friday Fill In time. Ruby’s fill ins are in black

• The older I get, the more beautiful I get. What, did you think it was going to be something else? Have you met me? I am gorgeous. 
• I frequent a kitty dive bar called Minxes. It is just beyond the fence, located in a tipped-over barrel. It's where I sit and drink catnip for two dollars a shot. There are two tabby cats there who seem to be fighting over the same tomcat every day. I heard one of them plan to claw the other one's eyes out. I mind my own business. There's the sound of two tabbies going at it like rats in a sock from up the stairs. While from another locked room,  a cat moans low. It's not the kind of place we talk about. But at the end of a busy day, it's where I like to relax until the cockfight is done. I also like sitting on my mommy's lap
• Back in my day, we had a thing called COVID. Everyone was sick, and they wore masks. None of the stores were open. The schools were all closed. Everyone was tense. I could not get a grooming appointment. In some ways, it was long ago, but to me, it is like yesterday.
• I  am glad that the gas prices are so high and the world is in such a terrible state, with violence everywhere and a war on in these last few weeks of summer. Because our parents will stay home and cuddle with us, which is where they should be. Like back in the old days of COVID. Did I ever tell you about COVID? Well, pull up a chair and I will tell you a tale and share a shot of catnip with you.