Friday fill ins

 

My favorite kind of pie is LOOSE  MEAT PIE. ANY LOOSE MEAT ALLOWS ME TO MAKE DESIGNS WHEN I POOP.

I will celebrate St Patrick’s Day by MARCHING IN THE BOSTON SAINT PATRICK’S DAY PARADE WHERE THE PARTICIPANTS MAKES EXCEEDINGLY RACIST AND HOMOPHOBIC REMARKS UNTIL THEY PASS OUT IN A PILE OF PUKE AT PARK STREET STATION. GOOD TIMES. 

I was correct when I said that PUPPY SCHOOL IS A GOOD IDEA BUT PUPPY COLLEGE IS A SCAM.

I didn’t see AN UNSCHEDULED ANAL EXPRESSION coming AND EVEN I THOUGHT IT SMELLED GROSS.

Poetry Thursday

My friends Angel Sammys and Teddys Pawetatonhave provided the picture below to inspire our poetry

Bob woke up naked under a tree

With a girl he did not know he had made whoopee.

And now he was powerfully hungry

And needed food he could eat for tree

He found some laundry hanging on the line

And he picked out  to wear something sublime

And then he saw the most wonderful sign

At the Big Boy you could eat for free if you could finish it all in time

Bob presented himself at the Big Boy and said he was their man

Finishing five pounds of food and getting it for free was his plan

Just bring him some utensils and a flat pan

And an unencumbered path to the can

A plate full of nachos was the meal of the day

And when placed on table the meal did sway

And Bob thought he could never put this much food away

He was hoping he could eat enough that they would not make him pay

Bob began eating bite by bite

But knew he would have to pick it up if he was to be done by night

But the pile didn’t seem to be losing height

And began shoving it down his throat with all his might

Then Bob felt something in his belly

That began to feel like he had eaten a bad gallon of jelly

Then be blew chunks on the nachos, on the table, on the telly

He blew on the bar, the wall, and a couple who would be identified by dental records as Michelle Pfeiffer and her husband    David Kelly

Then Bob took a seat

And dabbed his mouth to be neat

Then began eating again saying he had a time to beat

And soon had his free meal because everyone fled out the door in fear of a repeat

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

Bad news Fred, I heard their fixing to flip you over and use you as a walker

Monday Question

 What are you currently using to post to your online friends?  

Ruby’s Answer - we use an IPad, sometimes with a wireless keyboard 

Sunday Funnies

 

Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face. My parents are the worst

 

 One fine day, brave Captain Smith and his crew of sailors were sailing the ocean blue.

Suddenly, on the horizon, there loomed a ship with a skull and crossbones raised on the mast.

The crew was frantic, seeking refuge and asking the captain what to do.

Brave Captain Smith looked at the approaching ship for a moment and said, "Bring me my red shirt."

The call was taken up at once by a cabin boy. As soon as Captain Smith had the shirt in his possession, he ordered the man at the wheel to head straight for the pirate ship.

In the ensuing fight, the pirate ship was all but destroyed.

The sailors were recounting their individual triumphs afterwards when someone asked Captain Smith why he had asked for his red shirt before the battle.

He responded: "If I was wounded, I did not want your confidence to wane. This way, you would keep fighting no matter what happened to me."

The crew had a new found admiration for its captain, and they talked all night about his bravery.

About a week later, there loomed on the horizon 10 pirate ships. Once again, the crew looked to its captain for leadership.

Calmly, Captain Smith said, "Boys, bring me my brown pants!"

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest, but they didn't like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, and they came across a golden frog. They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes, so he told them that they could have three wishes each.

Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish.

Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head.

Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish.

Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine.

Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish.

Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rode off as fast as he could.

Friday fill ins

It’s Friday Fill In time. Ruby’s fill ins are in capitals

I don’t have THE RIGHT TO VOTE but I admire those who do BECAUSE THEIR POOR DECISIONS HAVE LEAD TO PEOPLE SHUTTING THEIR BLINDS, LOCKING THEIR DOORS AND SNUGGLING WITH THEIR PETS.

Lately I can’t get enough KIBBLE. I NEVER KNOW WHEN MY PARENTS WILL FEED ME AGAIN. I KNOW WHERE THE FOOD IS BUT NOT HOW TO GET TO IT. THAT IS WHY DOGS ARE SO HAPPY TO EAT. I WISH MY PARENTS WOULD GIVE ME A LIFETIME OF FOOD ALL AT ONCE. IT WOULD CUT OUT A LOT OF STRESS.

GETTING A CASE OF THE RUNS scared me away from EATING GOOSE POOP ON MY WALKS.

WATCHING MY PARENTS PANIC WHEN I GOT A CASE OF THE GOOSE RUNS AND FRANTICALLY ARGUE ABOUT WHAT TO DO forced me to learn HOW TO LAY ON THE BACK OF THE COUCH AND RELAX UNTIL THEY WEAR THEMSELVES OUT.