Poetry Thursday

 

Tim was asked to go out with his coworkers after work

He had avoided drinking afraid it would make him even more of a jerk

But he had been eyeing the pretty new clerk

Even though all she did when he asked her out was smirk

He joined his coworkers at the bar

It wasn’t very far

Close enough he could leave his car

And sat next to the blonde near the pickle jar

He noticed the karaoke machine and asked her is she wanted to sing

Just declined and flashed her engagement ring

But the drink had made him persevering

And he suggested no one would know of they have a fling

The more he drank the more he persisted

And each thrust she resisted

Until her coworkers could tell she needed to be assisted

Offended by his advances they considered ham fisted

The men offered him a ride home

The women told her to leave her alone

But to no sins would he atone

And to the barkeep he asked to refresh the foam

 

Tim became very popular that night

Being bought drinks left and right

Until outside it was almost light

Which would usher in his plight

While sleeping he became aware

That his coworkers had dumped him in the woods, a sad end to the affair

Vengance to all of them Tim did declare

Then he rolled over and saw the bear

Beat this caption

 

So I get home from all day working at the factory and I go down to my hole and I discovered my wife Rita wearing a strap on and going to town on my neighbor Phil the gopher and I yell "hey cut this crap out and vacate my premises" and the wife tells me I an overeacting and throws me out of the hole I dug with these two paws. I tell you Larry I don't know what to do with this dame. Are you going to help me out just stand there and cringe?

Monday Question

 What is the longest you have worked on a single blog?

Ruby's answer. Breaking news: it was last night, and it took three hours to upload photos and copy jokes. But when I tried to upload things, I was told that I needed to sign in to his Google account and allow cookies. Well, this was a heck of a thing, because I was in my Google account

I was determined to fix the problem. I typed the problem into Google, and it gave me a list of steps to go through. They told me after several steps to open Privacy and Security and click on Cookies. Well, someone must have eaten those cookies, because there weren't any there. So back to Google I go. I tried another tactic, and the same thing happened after several steps.

So I got on Google Chat because no one knows it is dog texting with him, and only notice they have trouble hitting the B. I tried several things the chat man said. None of them worked. So the chat man said I had to go online and post a message I needed help. One of my fellow app users will help me. I asked why they couldn't help me further, and I was told they didn't know what was wrong. So Google, who knows every fact ever written. Who can take you back to the beginning of man. Who can explain symphonies to you? That is your lifeline. Yet, Google has no idea how Google operates.

Well, I could not upload anything that night, but then I had a thought. I opened another platform that can be used for blogs. I upload everything to it, organize it, then hit copy and paste. And my blog magically showed up. I hit publish, and though it looks a little raggedy the blog is sea worthy. And I had defeated the Google weasels by going around them.

It looks like I'm going to have to keep on outsmarting them

Ruby ‘s Sunday Funnies

 

  

man went to a psychiatrist for his phobia.

"Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. You gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"

"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink, "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."

"How much do you charge?"

"A hundred dollars per visit."

I'll sleep on it," said the man.

Six months later the doctor met the man on the street.

"Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.

"For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars."

"Is that so! How?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"

    

After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another.
The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained 4 new families."

The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained 6 new families."

The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!"

According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated, "Wash. Biol. Surv." until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper:

"Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible."

Friday Fill-ins

It is fill-in Friday hosted and developed by Two spoiled cats

On Halloween, I will help raise the dead to create an army so large and insurmountable that men will bow to us, and we will rule in the darkness for a thousand years. Honestly, I'll probably just nap, though.

When it comes to Halloween candy I will gladly trade my soul for more candy corn. 

If I had to wear one Halloween costume for an entire year, I would get a big blue suit, a big red tie, a big white shirt, and a big belly. And finally, my childhood dream of being a clown will be realized.

I am going to star as a dog who shows Freddy Krueger the meaning of love, gets him to stop haunting people and killing them in their sleep, and makes him start bringing them presents. It worked with Santa. It will be my first time starring in a scary movie

Poetry Thursday

 

It is time for poetry Thursday hosted by my friend one spoiled cat who provided today's pictur

Fleet afloat they did ride

Their voices cried

“Run, scatter hide.

One is coming from the other side”

There is nothing so frightening as the other side.

Who are green eyed

Misuse fluoride

And by rules don't abide.

We have heard that upon us they have spied.

We know their leaders lied.

Conquering us would be their greatest pride.

And causes to divide..

Mr Hooper has a contact on the dark side

Who said they have a machine designed 

To make all our brains fried.

And then will all be a bride

I almost took a drink from the faucet, then remembered the poisoned Fluoride.

They were the cause of the bank slide.

An economic broadside

And rumors are that they are the reason Aunt Sally died.

The hammering of a nail was loud enough to wake the bleary-eyed.

The monstrous was seen Hanging something from which we were probably expected to abide

None of us went to bed that night. We just laid awake and cried.

Until dawn when we went outside

The monster had used a hammer and pried

A slat aside

To fix inside

A sign that said vote and help decide

Wordless