Poetry Thursday

 

Welcome to a new post  inspired by a picture provided by Angeil Sammys and Teddys Pawetaton 

Tom and Billy got on the subway

They were together almost every day
“But not in a Gay way!”

Billy insisted but no one believed anything Billy did say

Then they were blessed when Fat Sol fell asleep and spilled his pizza

Which they could afford because they both shared a canceled visa

Billy tried to argue he had a case of financial amnesia

For which there is an operation that without medical insurance Billy could barely cover a puff of anesthesia.

And now on the subway floor was pizza that was free

And they both realized it was dirty

But free pizza was a reason to party

And they were both typical New Yorky

But if they were seen eating pizza off the subway floor

Behavior most people abhor

A great plan was called for

But the best they could come up with was sneaking bites when the crowd moved to the door

They paused for a second wondering if subway floor pizza would make them sick

But they believed free pizza could score them a chick.

So they planned to move quick

Somewhere their parents rued the process called zygotic

When the car stopped, and people began to move, the boys dove at

The slices like a pair of hungry acrobats

When they found under the seat where Fat Dom sat

A knife-wielding New York subway pizza rat

Billy, Tom and the Pizza Rat began fighting over the pizza like big, angry sparrows

When Fat Dom woke up and knew he had to save the pizza like he was a superhero

Fat Dom climbed on the seat and leaped towards the intruders like Eddie Guerrero

When he landed the train jumped the tracks and the ambulance driver transporting them to the hospital observed it was just another day in New York’s biggest borough

Beat This Caption

 

Look at what the dog did. We don't have a dog? Well, if you got a dog this is the kind of thing they do, so be warned

Weekly Question

Do you sniff food or treats, or do you just gobble it down?

Ruby's answer: My female parental unit says I am the only dog in the world who sniffs food before I eat it. She says I am like Robert in Everyone Loves Raymond.

Thanks a lot, Ray

Ruby's Two Day Late Funnies

 

a young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had. The old explorer looked into the distance and warmed to his task

Once, I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India,” he began: “I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gun bearer was behind me. Suddenly, the largest tiger I've ever seen in my life leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find my gun bearer had fled. The tiger leaped toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself."

“Under those circumstances, sir, I think anyone would have done the same," the reporter said.

The old explorer replied: "No, not then -– just now when I went 'ROARRRR!'”

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said: "I built a big house for our mother."
The second said: "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third said: "You remember how our mother enjoys reading the Bible. Now she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, their mother sent out her letters of thanks. "William," she said, "the house you built is so huge. I live only in one room, but I have to clean the whole house.
"Arnold," she said, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes. And that driver is so rude! He's a pain!"
"But David," she said, "the chicken was delicious!"

A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the radio show and he's stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

And the minister says, "Just water."

The sheriff says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

And the minister looks down at the bottle and says, "Good Lord, He's done it again!"

Fill In Friday on Saturday (Actually Sunday morning)

It is time for Friday Fill-ins. Ruby's fill-ins are capitalized while the small letters are written by Four Legged Fur Balls and 15 and Meowing

1. My November to do list includes NOTHING. ARE YOU KIDDING? LAST MONTH WAS OCTOBER AND HALLOWEEN AND DECEMBER IS CHRISTMAS. I NEED TO DECOMPRESS. IF MY PARENTS WERE HAVING THANKSGIVING HERE IT WOULD BE A DIFFERENT STORY. THEN I WOULD HAVE TO WORK ON MY POUNCE AND EAT TECHNIQUE TO BEAT THAT SPECIAL NEEDS KID WHO RIDES THE SHORT BUS AND WHOSE PARENTS STICK UNDER THE TABLE BECAUSE HE SAYS HE LIKES IT

2. ROCK’N’ROLL NEVER disappoints. WAIT.  ROCK’N’ROLL NEVER FORGETS. I REALIZED I WAS WRONG WHEN I HEARD THE NEW HO ALBUM. TALK ABOUT DISAPPOINTING. I DON’T WANT 80 YEAR-OLDS MAKING MY MUSIC, I WANT THEM MAKING MY LAWS.

3. If I haven't GIVEN A DAMN by this time of the year, then IN THE WORDS OF JOHN OLIVER’S GENERAL HOSPITAL CHARACTER “IT AIN’T GOING TO HAPPEN.” 

 4. I’m proud of myself for STAYING UP LATE ON THE COMPUTER AND FIGURING OUT A WAY TO HACK VOTING MACHINES TO FIX THE ELECTION FOR THE DEMOCRATS. MY FRIEND MURPHY TOLD ME I HAD GONE TOO FAR. ONCE MISSISSIPPI AND TEXAS WENT BLUE THE HUMANS WOULD REALIZE SOMETHING WAS AMISS. BUT I KNEW THEY WERE SO GUILLABLE THEY WOULD JUST ACCEPT THE RESULTS

 

Poetry Thursday

 

Tim was asked to go out with his coworkers after work

He had avoided drinking afraid it would make him even more of a jerk

But he had been eyeing the pretty new clerk

Even though all she did when he asked her out was smirk

He joined his coworkers at the bar

It wasn’t very far

Close enough he could leave his car

And sat next to the blonde near the pickle jar

He noticed the karaoke machine and asked her is she wanted to sing

Just declined and flashed her engagement ring

But the drink had made him persevering

And he suggested no one would know of they have a fling

The more he drank the more he persisted

And each thrust she resisted

Until her coworkers could tell she needed to be assisted

Offended by his advances they considered ham fisted

The men offered him a ride home

The women told her to leave her alone

But to no sins would he atone

And to the barkeep he asked to refresh the foam

 

Tim became very popular that night

Being bought drinks left and right

Until outside it was almost light

Which would usher in his plight

While sleeping he became aware

That his coworkers had dumped him in the woods, a sad end to the affair

Vengance to all of them Tim did declare

Then he rolled over and saw the bear

Beat this caption

 

So I get home from all day working at the factory and I go down to my hole and I discovered my wife Rita wearing a strap on and going to town on my neighbor Phil the gopher and I yell "hey cut this crap out and vacate my premises" and the wife tells me I an overeacting and throws me out of the hole I dug with these two paws. I tell you Larry I don't know what to do with this dame. Are you going to help me out just stand there and cringe?