Poetry Friday

I woke up on winter mornings

And always felt so bad

I got sick of having sleepless  nights

I went and told my Dad.

He said girl you have to wait until summer

And I will stick something on the wall

And at the end of June he put the pictures up

And I don’t feel bad at all. 

Pictures of Lilies make my life so wonderful

Pictures of Lilies help me sleep at night

Pictures of Lilies solved my puppy problems

Pictures of Lilies helped me feel alright

Pictures of Lilies

Lilies, oh Lilies

Lilies, oh Lilies

Pictures of Lilies

And then one day, late summer arrived

After I had fallen in love with Lilies

I asked my dad where Lilies had gone

He said, "Son, now don't be silly

Lilies only bloom in the summertimes”

And, how I cried that night

If only it was summer all the time

It would have been alright

Pictures of Lilies made my life so wonderful

Pictures of Lilies helped me sleep at night

I will see Lilies in my dreams

Where I always see

Pictures of Lilles 

Poetry Thursday

 Two spoiled cats have given us another picture for the Poetry Thursday Blog Hop

Come on down, come on down, come on down

Everything’ marked down savings galore

Step right up and you can be the owner of the car of your dreams

Fastest, safest, cheapest around

One thousand down, just one thousand down

Free service plan after the sale

How about white walls? We got mag wheels

How about a free air freshener?

How about pink for the little lady

How about a visor mirror for the little lady

Got to keep happy the little lady

Help you speed away from the little lady

This car will get you a new lady

We got a year-end clearance, we got tax free

We got zero financing, you can drive it away today

Act now, act now, and get a special prize

The kids will  love it, one size fits all

No add ons, no hidden fees

Everything must go

Going out of business, we’re going out of business, dad has cancer

Fifty percent off, fifty percent off

It will get you off

Off to see the Wizard

How do we do it? How do we do it?

We make our cars in Venezuela 

Cheap labor, cheap wheels, the tail pipe is made from cigar wrappers

We don’t pay, no one pays, no one gets paid

Cars are made by deported migrants from East St Louis

Come on in, come on in

Have a free donut and coffee

I will last forever, run for ever never needs an oil change

You’ll be the talk of parents picking their kids up from school

The fathers will think you are cool

The sons will think you rule

The daughters will slide down the bannisters thinking of you

It will find the cat who ran off three years ago

It will walk your dogs

It will babysit your kids

If floats if you want to ride in a boat

And in the end the door comes off and becomes your co ffin

So come on down, come on down

It has a DVD player to keep the brats quiet

It has wifi to keep you connected

There is a Facebook group for owners

So come on down

It runs on electricity

It runs on gas

It runs on the sun

It runs on the moon, it runs on the moon, what a wonderful night for a moon dance

It has a built in vacuum

It has a built in blower

It both sucks and blows wherever you go

Tired of being just an ordinary joe

Waiting for something to change your life

You want to feel like Iron Man, Batman, for once in your life a man

It will do it all Jack, it has it all

It comes preloaded with ITunes

With Amazon Music

With Spotify with the latest higi

Push a button and it fly

And if someone steals your car

They won’t get very far

It comes with an inflatable companion

For travelling in the high occupancy lane

And if you want a little hanky panky

When you’re stuck in a traffic jam

It comes with a periscope

Because Kramer thinks its cool

And converts to a rickshaw

If Newman requests a ride

It never needs gas, never needs oil, never needed washing

Never needs waxing, never needs wiper replacements

Never needs defrosting

C'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon

It's very effective, nothing is defective

It never needs disinfection

It gives you an erection, it will win you an election

It comes with free parking at DIsney World

But not Disney Land, that’s on hold

You will win the lottery

It will pick up Demi Moore to make pottery

How do we do it? How do we do it?

How do we do it? How do we do it?

The floor is made of straw

The backseat homes a macaw

We need your business

We will give you the business

We’re going out of business

We employ children from Siam

Even though there is no Siam

Buy before midnight tomorrow, taxes won’t apply

Come on down, come on down, come on down

No need to win read the fine print

Just get in a drive

Come on down, come on down, come on down

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

Little Boy on the First Day of School: "When I was a baby Daddy breast fed me and the cat."

School Administrator: "Put him on the snort bus and send him to the special class." 

Aunt Ruby's Pee Mail Advice

 

My sister Foley, and later our friend from Colorado, Uncle Enzo, both, before they went to the Bridge, ran popular blogs, where they took questions from other dogs, via email, and answered them, under the moniker Aunt Foley, and Uncle Enzo.

Recently, Foley came to me, asking if I wanted to revive the franchise.

Frankly, it sounded like a lot of work, and would cut into my nap time, so I declined.

But, the blog found me.

During a recent walk I found a pee plea for help mail.

It read like this: “I, for the last five years, have lived a blissful life, with just my Mom, here at a retirement community, where there are no bothersome kids except for her grandchildren who don’t stay for long.

“Or so I thought. They have moved in with us for two weeks because their mom went on a cruise. You know who suffers when people go on cruises? The dog.

The kids play with my toys, they spill my water, the ride me, they tail pull, they fake throw the ball, they throw my treats so far I can’t them, and they dress me up. Also, they climb all over my Mom, and I have to sit on a chair alone. Sometimes I growl at them, just as a warning, and Mommy gets mad at me. What am I to do?”

I advised him to give it time. Kids have a way of growing on dogs.

The next day his pee mail message was filled with more complaints, except he said he liked it when the children gave him hugs and rubbed his fur.

I thought that his mood was changing and advised him to give it another few days and then he could eat them if they had not improved,

I was happy to read the next day that he had decided not to eat the children because he found them fun to chase around the yard.

The next few days the pee spot was dry, but on the third there was a long message, that. He was sad, because the children went home, and he missed them. 

I told him they will be back, and to enjoy his mom time while he could. I would have written more but I didn’t drink a lot that morning.

The next day I squirted out that this spot under the tree was for those who needed emotional pee support.

So if you need help stop by and pee.

Aunt Ruby is on duty 

“

.

Nature Friday

 We join the fabulous LLB Gang   in celebrating Nature Friday

This is a bag of flowers. 

Impatientts to be precise.

Until this spring I did not know flowers came in bags.

Maybe they were started by underworld florists illegally growing flowers and hiding them in a plastic bag like the hobos hide their whiskey.

We bought the bag of flowers at the beginning of the month. We hung them from a tree in between Foley’s garden, Pocket’s garden. And the shed.

For a week they stayed in bloom, but soon began to wilt and drop. My parents decided it did not have enough sun and put it on a hook in River’s All Day Sun Garden.

As you can deduce by the name, River's garden gets a lot of sun, which causes the flowers to wilt again. 

As a last ditch attempt to the same they were hung from a trellis supporting the roof over the steps.

Then came the heat which felt like I was trapped in a sock with two amorous squirrels.

The flowers in the bag shriveled up from the heat.

The bag would have been in the trash if anyone wanted to leave the air conditioned house.

Then the heat broke, and the showers came, and the bag of flowers were blooming again.

Seeing the bag die and come back repeatedly, I have changed, under the Gulf of America rename charter, the name of the flowers from a bag of Impatiens to the Lazarus Bag, because they keep rising.

Poetry Thursday

 +++++

“I think there is food on the counter.”

Said Fred the Dog to a cat named Pouncer

Fred saud “Jump up there and see if its true.”

Pounce answered “why don’t you.”

Fred admitted he could not counter surf

Pounce said: “that is no reflection of your self worth.

I can not jump up there because I pulled my hamstring

The vet said it should be in a sling

“Perhaps I could reach if I stood on your head,”

“I would say yes but I have a sensitive scalp,” said Fred

“What if I stood on your butt?” Pounce asked.

“As long as the medication cleaned up your anal rash.”

Fred reported the medication had worked

And while he didn’t like the idea he didn’t want to be a jerk

Fred said he would be happy to lift the cat with his backside

And to provide Pounce a calm and safe ride

Pounce was able to put his paws on the top

And see bits of food his mom did chop

Fred asked “Is there cake, is there pie?”

“No” the brazen cat did lie.

Pounce quietly licked up the rest overs

And even some mysterious powder

Pounce said he wanted to get down

And when Fred saw no food he did frown.

Pounce was sorry he had to lie

But Pounce needed no help to the counters he could fly

But he did not want to share the counter food he did desire

And did not want Fred to know all cats are liars.

+

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

"Hello Jungle Movers? This is Mr. Wilson. None of my stuff was delivered to my apartment. Yes, I'm# sure. Even my trunk is missing

Monday Question

 

What do you do when you alone?

If I am in a crate I sit and sulk but if I am loose I sit in a chair, look out the window, and bark at anything that comes near

The Ruby Rose Report: A Dashing Dog

 

The problems of the tumultuous world crashed into our house at the beginning of June when my Dad got laid off from General Mills after 13 years.

It was not unexpected. Over the last few months, his employer had been giving him busy work, which was not only a waste of time but also prevented him from doing the job he was paid to do. This is what employers do when they are about to lay off a large number of staff, hoping to get them to leave before the layoff to cut down on the unemployment insurance hit. 

My Dad had prepared for the eventuality, and the day after he was laid off, he began to work for DoorDash, delivering food, drinks, and groceries to people under the delusion that they could spend double for a bacon cheeseburger because they had a surplus of money and a deficiency of time. 

My Dad has never minded working but he doesn’t like leaving Mommy and me at home so once a week we go with him. My Mommy and he talk, and I sit in the back, in my car seat, happy to tag along,

Until they tried to kill me.,

Like all near-death experiences, it began innocently enough. DoorDash gives the workers their assignment through an app, so when Daddy knocked the phone off the holder, and it went flying, he had to find it.

Daddy searched below the seats, pushed the seats back and forth, stuck his hands down the side of the seats, and could not find it. He removed the floor mats to no avail. He was stumped.

The phone had somehow landed perfectly in the track the seats sit in which allows it to go back and forth. Angry that such a freak occurrence had occurred and cost him time and money, he threw the mats in the car, put it in drive, and began to travel.

We were in a parking lot, and the car began to rapidly accelerate towards a row of parked cars. My Dad tried to stop and couldn’t. The floor mat was wedged under the brake, and over the gas. We were a tiny runaway train.

Within seconds of crashing Daddy decided a busted transmission was better than a crash and slipped the car into park.

The angels must have been with us because the slipping of a moving vehicle into park did no damage to the car and the rest of the day occurred without event.

As for me, I am raring to go again.

As long as there is a doggy seat belt. 

Nature Friday

This week, after a much-needed pruning to cut away shoots that were not blooming, the 100-year-old rambling rose bush bloomed.

Taking care of the rose bush is a year-round occupation, which might seem a lot for a plant that is only in bloom for two weeks, but for gardeners, it is labor worth a brief result.

For those who don’t know, the 100-year-old rambling rose bush began as my Dad’s grandad's dream while in the trenches in World War I. He said if God allowed him to go home someday he would do nothing but take care of rose bushes his entire life.

When he got home he pulled a shoot out of the only place he knew the Krauts wouldn’t find it, his ass.

Wait…that’s not the right story.

When he got home he bought the rose bush, and his two children took shoots from it and planted them i their yards, and the grandkids did the same, and now the rose bush grows in several locations across Massachusetts.

Daddy was watering it today when Dirty Cat, who was born under the house a couple of years ago, and never strays too far from its birth home showed up and asked if the kitchen was open. “I will gladly give you a mouse on Tuesday for some kibble today,” he said.

Daddy got a handful of cat food he kept to feed the feral and tossed it towards Dirty Cat. 

Daddy went back to watering the gardens when he saw a black and white cat, Jimmy the Gent, sneaking up. Daddy doesn’t believe in interfering with nature, but he was considering squirting Jimmy the Gent when Dirty Cat lifted his tail and let out a sharp cry of warning.

Jimmy the Gent slinked away.

Whether it is a dream of a rose bush that lasts a hundred years, or a tiny cat living off scraps scaring off a foe, nature has a way of protecting the underdog allowing them to thrive. 

Poetry Thursday

Meet George Jetson

Jane his wife

He had read a lesson

About living in the air, high above the strife

II

First George bought an Aerocar

That he couldn’t help but show off

Despite Elon’s design the flying car didn’t go far

And his friends told him airborne cars were best left to Asimov

III

Buttt, George would not relinquish the dream of Star City

High in the sky amongst family and friends

Living in the clouds would be pretty   

Seeing a world without end

IV

What George needed was financial backers

If his sky city idea would come true

But the money men told him he was clearly crackers

And George cursed them because no one wanted to invest in anything new

V

So George built the house himself

And called it a sky home even though it did not get off the ground

Jane moved in with him on September 12th

With Astro a basset hound. 

VI

After ten years George finally finished his home

In the center was an engine that began to roar

The house lifted and burst through the atmospheric dome

And into space the house did soar

VII

Judy laughed then asked how they got down

A startled George dropped his coffee cup

And said to Judy with  a frown

“I only built it to go up.”

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

I called this morning and specifically said to put the red book aside for me. I come in, and this cat has the red book. 

I want to see the manager because someone is going to pay,  

Monday Question

 When you dream what do you dream about?

Ruby's answer: I dream I am snuggled under the covers sleeping with my parents and when I wake up my dreams comes true. 

Foley''s Tails From Rainbow Bridge: Two Parades

 It has been almost three months since I wrote a post for the blog I created. I thought it was important to let Ruby get more experience writing this. Also, at the Bridge, we don't measure time. When you have eternity, time becomes unimportant. 

    But, this is still a blog I created, and when I have some to say Ruby has agreed to cede today's post to me.

    Because I had some after-life altering occur to me yesterday.

    I went to a parade.

    I hadn't planned to do so. I was doing my daily walk through Doggyspace Village, and Blogvillle when I heard a commotion from the human side. 

    I walked over and saw a large parade featuring machines I had never seen on the mortal side. I saw a man in a big suit and red tie slumped on a throne surrounded by guards.,

    I went over to the bleachers where he was sitting, jumped up, wiggled through the legs, and sat next to the commander. (A Yorkie goes unnoticed. We would make excellent assassins, but that takes a lot of planning and cuts into our nap time, which is why we stay peace-loving. No one wants a sleepy assassin.

    I asked the man what he was doing.

    "There are weapons I developed. I want my enemies to see them, so they fear me, and don't attack me."

    "Who is going to attack you at the Bridge."

    "You never know, we have to stay vigilant."

    I couldn't imagine why. A huge machine, that looked like a tank with a trunk with hair went by. I asked what it was.

    "It's a bamboozle launcher. It hits my enemies with a thousand bamboozles. It will make them fear me.,"

   “And what is that?” I asked as a giant spider folate overhead.

    “That is an arachnidspinner. It shoots out webs to wrap around, squeeze, and destroy buildings.”

    Then I saw Oompaloompas and was happy to see something familiar until they exploded and covered everyone in toxic purple. The commander laughed uproariously, then suddenly stopped. He looked around. “Where did all the people go?” he asked looking at the emput sidewalks and bleachers.

    We heard the crowd cheering. We followed the sound and came to another parade. People carried flowers, and candy, passing them out, and giving hugs and kisses.

    “What is this?” the commander commanded.

     A little girl with a pink balloon approached and said “It’s a peace parade,” she explained.

    “A peace parade?” the commander whined. “What is so exciting about that.”

    “Because peace should be celebrated, and war shunned,” I explained. “Acknowledging hate is foolish, recognizing love is wise.  ”

 “But there are no bamboozles, no arachnidspinners, not even an Oompaloompa,” he cried. 

   “No,” I said. “Just peace.”

    And then a rogue Ooompa Loopa hugged the commander, and then exploded, and all that was left was an orange and purple puddle.

    I went back to celebrate the peace parade.

    It was the best parade I have ever witnessed.  

Nature Friday

 . It is time for Nature Friday thanks to our hosts the LLB Gang

I got up this morning, took a picture of Foley’s garden, wrote my Nature Friday blog, and went back to sleep.

When I awoke I looked outside for one last check before publishing my blog and saw my meddling parents had moved things around.

This is our 15th year of gardening and the first that has been done by my Dad mainly since Mommy’s body will no longer support weeding or plaanting, and I don’t have opposable thumbs, and would help with the digging, but it ruins my nails. Subsequently, there has been some talk of moving to a place more accessible for Mom, so this could be our last year gardening, and if so we want to go out with a bang.

My parents have learned not to plant annuals in the ground because the weather changes, and some flowers that were thriving begin to waste away, and need more or less sun, and the same with water.

My Dad, as chief gardner, who still takes orders from Mom, our gardner emeritus, has a “Picture This” app which, after you upload a picture of your plant, shows the name, a description, and if the plant is healthy. The bag of Impatient

s that were hanging from a tree branch behind Foley’s garden looked sick, and had to be moved to the side garden. Impatiens usually don’t do well in direct sunlight. The black planter in the front of the garden has Impatients that were drying up in the side garden. They look wilted but hopefully they will bounce back. 

The tippy tricycle hold Impatiens that had to be scraped off the mulch when the planter lived up to its name. To the right are a planter full of marigolds. 

In front, to the left are Tiger Lilies yet to bloom, the aptly named Big Leaf Hydrangea, and a great laurel.

Hanging in the back is a hanging plant with Garden petunia.

There is some flox on the ground not in bloom.

Hanging from the tree, where the hanging Impatiens had been, is a wind chime gifted from a friend after Foley went to the Bridge, and a humming bird feeder.

The chairs in the back were from Target.

Here is a picture of Foley’s garden.

Given my parent’s obsession it may look different tomorrow.

Poetry Thursday

It was 78 years ago today

Dr Scholll put together a band to play

Their clothes may have gone out of style

And it cost them each $2,000 in dental work just to smile

So may I introduce to you

The act that emails from jailed grandchildren fill with fear

Dr Scholl's Plantar Fasciitis Band 

We’re Dr Scholl's Plantar Fasciitis Band

We are happy to perform this show

We’re Dr Scholl's Plantar Fasciitis Band

But at our age we are happy to be able to get up and go

 Dr Scholl's Plantar  Dr Scholl's Plantar

Dr Scholl's Plantar Fasciitis Band

It's wonderful to be anywhere

As long as we don’t forget our pills

You’re such a lovely audience 

Would you like a Werther’s Original?

Or a hard candy I’ve had since 1974?

I don't really want to stop the show

But I thought you might like to know

That the singer peed on then floor

He doesn't wear his diaper when on tour

So the urine puddle on the floor

Is from Mr. Billy Shears

And Dr Scholl's Plantar Fasciitis Band

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

My God, you''re right, we don't have uvulas.  

Monday Question

 Have you ever spent the night anywhere then where you are right now?

Ruby''s answer: I have a slept at my first mom's house in Florida and one night with the transport woman who brought me to them

The Ruby Rose Report: The Green House

 

My parents don’t admit it often, but on walks, I embarrass them.

When I see a person while walking, I stop, bark, stand on my back legs, and flip the human off using my front paws.

Well, I try but my arms flop around helplessly like that dinosaur in the Toy Story movies.

Unable to show my displeasure with a gesture, I bark, and even snarl while my parents apologize, and say I am really a good dog.

What do I mean to them? I am dangerous, and I am the enemy.

So, when Mommy rolled out of the house to go to her favorite nursery to buy flowers, I figured that Daddy and I would stay in the car as we have done the last three years. But, lately, Mommy has become as unsteady as RFK Jr at a cabinet meeting, and when they got to the nursery Mommy told Daddy she wanted him to go with her.

“But what about Ruby?” Daddy asked.

Leaving me in the car was out of the question. “Take her with us,” Mommy said. “She’ll do fine.” 

I would like to say it was a display of confidence, but I knew it was more of her lack of confidence in her mobility that spurred the decision.

Mommy used her cane to stumble over to get a cart. Mommy looks bad when she is walking. People are always ready to assist her. One of the workers said they would push the cart for her but Mommy said she needed it for balance. 

Meanwhile, Daddy got me out of the car. There were maybe a dozen people there, and he was sure I would undergo my Griffon to Jackass transformation.

And, I would like to have, but there were so many smells, I was too distracted to be obnoxious. I wasn’t friendly, but not hostile either. On this day, I was just a dog.

The biggest worry I had was getting hit by Mommy, who was operating the cart like Joe Biden riding a bicycle, cutting back and forth. Daddy tried to rush her like he would a carrier turkey, who he was urging to quickly deliver ots letter because they don’t stay up for long.

I was very interested in what was under the tables with the flowers. These were the most smells I encountered since a layover in Atlanta when I was traveling to my new parents. 

I heard people talking about me, and how cute I was, and I looked up at them and smiled, not because I was glad to see them but because the greenhouse was hotter than Daddy’s balls after he mowed the lawn. I can’t sit on his lap when he is like that. I feel like a slow-cooked rotisserie chicken.

Everyone was very courteous to me and friendly to Daddy, who was anxious to get home and tell his friends if they thought they attracted attention walking a dog they should do it with a crippled lady too.

Finally, Mommy was done, and the flowers were paid for. The woman at the register told me I was cute and tried to make me bark, which I declined because once I started barking I couldn’t find the off switch, 

Then it was time to go home where I could rest, or so I thought, but I was placed in my stroller while Daddy set up the planters for Mommy and she was able to do her flower arrangements which she loved.

Finally I went inside, got on my recliner, and took a nap until dinner time.

I hope I can go to more places with my parents. I promise not to bark and people or snarl, but I do reserve the right to fart in their general direction., 

Friday Fill In

 

It’s Fill-In-Friday brought to us by our two hosts at 15andmeowing and Four-Legged Furballs.   They give us four sentences with blanks for us to fill in. I filled, Ruby Rose, filled in the blanks in blue to the best of my ability.

1. My plans for June include

sleeping some more and eat, fart, poop and sleep some more 

2. I would love to have

P Diddy mentor

me so I can learn how to deal with the bitches who walk my street. 

3. was an aha moment for me

I was just hanging out by the treat bowl and was handed I treat.

I have known where to stand ever since

4. I was not prepared for

my ovaries being removed by a surgeon

who was blessed with the delicate touch of a zombie

going for my liver  when I reached adulthood.