Friday, September 29, 2023

Kolchak the Night Star


Kolchak Puggle

Kolchak, the Night Stalker, slowly ate dinner with his Mother, Jodi. There was something unsaid between them.

Kolchak and his mom were more partners than a dog and Mom. We first met him and his brother Felix on Doggyspace, where they posted fun blogs and comments. They were the food experts in the group. Mother Jodi guided my parents through Pocket's tummy troubles and suggested Blue Basics, which Mom's dogs have eaten ever since.

Being with Kol and his mom back then was like being a high school teammate of Michael Jordan; they were destined for better things, and soon it was bye-bye Doggyspace: They were airborne.

First came the blog Kolchak's Kitchen, where he posted his recipes, but that was only the beginning, and within a short time, Kol's Notes was born, a dog lifestyle page with informed blogs, advice, and products. (I wanted to call it Poop.)

Felix went to the Bridge to set up a lifestyle spot for angels, which I often frequent. Meanwhile, Kol stayed on the mortal side, spending 16 years as his mom's muse, happiness, and, at times, reason for living.

But that night, they both knew it was time for Kol to leave. He had been borrowing heartbeats for years. The only thing that kept him on the mortal side was not knowing how to say goodbye.

It was his mom who, despite a breaking heart, told Kol it was okay if he went. He nodded and, after dinner, went to his room to pack his bag. He hid it behind the couch and climbed into bed with his mom until she was asleep.

He then stood on four legs, kissed her, and gently jumped out of bed. He left behind his toys, collar, and leash; all he needed was his soul and the love she gave him. With a breaking heart, he stole away through her window.

As he slowly floated down his walkway into the road, the feral animals lined the street in tribute to Kol. The ghosts at the river, who had resued to cross over, nodded sadly at him as he passed and cursed the rain.

Kol floated on the river, which led to the Pacific, and then the River of Life, which carried him to the Bridge. He slowly crossed it, went up the stairs, and stopped on Hobo's Landing, greeted by thousands of dogs he had touched in his life, led by his brother Felix.

I have heard that you stay alive on the mortal side for as long as you are remembered.

I think Kol touched so many lives; he will be immortal on both sides of the Bridge.

Kol is home now, young and free. At the same time, Mother Jodi's home is empty, without Kol's constant heartbeat, mischievous soul, and insurmountable spirit, proving the most challenging thing about transitioning is being the survivor.

The house, the land, and the entire mortal side are lessened now by Kol's absence.

But in the sky, his star shines brightly, pointing to what out of grief and into new love.

Kol's Notes is now Kol's star.

But, to me, he always was.

Thursday, September 28, 2023

Poertry Trursday


Once again, Angel Sammys and Teddys Pawetaton have provided us with a photo for Poetry Thursday.


I was going to be a great meal for Jake

His mom had made chocolate cake

Then his mother got his attention with a snap

If he wanted cake he would have to eat this crap

Jake let out a sigh

To cover that he wanted to cry

The cake was right there on the counters

He had defied her before but never been able to summount her

Jake tried moving food around the plate

But his mother would not ababte

His mom said “I want to see that plate clean.”

Especially anything that is bland and green

When his mom turned around Jake had a thought

And he called over his dog Spot

“I am going to give you my dinner

Its what all dogs want, you lucky winner.”

“I don’t think so, good buddy,” Spot said

“But I would rather eat stale kibble instead

That stuff look gross

And would make me gassy, and wreak havoc with my blood glucose.”

Jake had to eat supper, he hadn’t any choice

He ate the food and when finished did rejoice

It was time for the cake, hopefully a big slice

He was about to be in desert paradise

Jake took a big bite of cake

But only one slight he did take

Because it was not chocolate cake but carrot 

And man did it taste like shit

Monday, September 25, 2023

Monday Question

 Where is your favorite spot in the house?

Ruby's Answer

In Mommy's recliner, on her left side, I can snuggle up and feel safe.

Sunday, September 24, 2023

Clark Grizzleywold Goes to Disney World

 A wild bear sauntered into Disney World, forcing a partial shut down | Boing Boing

I was hanging out with some of my bear angel friends, and they told me about Clark Grizzleywold. He lived in Orlando and decided his family needed a vacation, so he wanted to take them to Disney World. 

The angels laughed about that.

But I asked, "why not."

They had a lot of reasons, like, "he'll get shot." But it's Florida. They will probably think he was a West Virginian who wandered away from brunch at Mar-a-Lago. 

So, I went to Clark and told him all he had to do was walk in the entrance with his family at night when the park was closed, and they could go on the rides and enjoy themselves until they were escorted out or shot. It it's the latter; the bad news is death; the good news is you will be the most famous bear since Smokey crapped on a spreading fire and put it out. Remember, only poo can prevent forest fires.

One night, Clark and his family left the safety of the woods to go to Disney World. But, when they crossed the parking lot, his wife and two children stopped, noticing the park was closed.

"Of course it is closed," Clark said. "You don't think they would let us in if it wasn't," he said.

"But Dad, we can't go on the ride," the children cried.

He said he hit arranged; they would be on Space Mountain within the hours. "I don't think so," his wife said. "Little Clark gets sick if he's in a tree and the wind blows. If he bear vomits at the top fo the ride it will kill small children gathered below."

His family abandoned him, but Clark would not be deterred. His great-grandfather had wrestled geeks at the circus, his great-grandfather drove a family out of their cabin and lived like a king for a week, and his father is still standing in an abandoned Bugaboo Creek, and his only fun is when the chipmunks living in his butt stretch. When someone enters, the little critters have been known to sing "Christmas Don't Be Late," making the intruder flee from the mangy, angry, castrated bear. (Have you ever met a castrated bear who wasn't a little peeved?"

Clark walked through the gates of the Magic Kingdom and had the time of his life for twenty minutes. He climbed on the rides and was very happy, unaware that the fun part was when they moved.

Sadly, he was soon caught and was to be returned to the wild when one of his captors noticed Clark had a true sense of rhythm and now he is playing bass in the Country Bear Jamboree.

He was told to keep his legs still while they played so he didn't scare the guests.

He has done so most of the time.

The only time he has failed is when the chipmunks living in his butt stretched.

Friday, September 22, 2023

Flashback Friday: Ms. Pocket's Wild Balloon Ride


Foley: As you well know, I have several experiments in my backyard, many of which I discovered when I was bequeathed "Teddie Earnest's Big Book of Ideas," when he went to the Bridge. Among these experiments was a hot air balloon for safe travel to and from the homes of my Brigade friends. I kept it under a canvas in our backyard when I was not working on it. Most of all, I ensured I only worked on it while Pocket slept.

 Pocket: I woke up from my nap on the back of the couch today, stretched, and walked to the double doors that lead to our deck. I looked in the backyard, and there was Foley working on a flying saucer. It was the coolest thing ever! I so had to go for a ride in it!

 Foley: Yes, I must admit, I am a genius; a dog who can build a helium balloon must be considered a genius, but I am also a dog, so after I fired up the helium to check on the lift and made sure the balloon was well tethered, I saw a squirrel, and my instinct took over, and I chased that Squirrel with a vengeance.

 Pocket: This was my chance. I hurried out the back door to the ropes. I chewed them until they were ready to fray. I then jumped in the basket. There was a switch, and I pawed it up. Suddenly, the balloon began to fill with helium, started to lift, and I became Air Pocket.

 Foley: The Squirrel and I were going at it; the Squirrel darted left, and I darted right, back and forth when suddenly the Squirrel stood up and said, "BALOOOOON!" I turned and saw my balloon floating into the air and Pocket hanging over the side, waving a paw.

 Pocket: "I'm going for a balloon ride!" I told Foley. She put her paws to her head and groaned. She barked something at me. I couldn't hear her. I was so high I could see the entire State Mental Institution. The patients ran to tell their doctors there was a flying Yorkie in a balloon overhead. They all received immediate electroshock therapy.

 Foley: Luckily, because I'm not an idiot, I put a radio in the balloon and ran into the house and down to my laboratory, followed by the Squirrel. He helped me remove the tarp on the radio, and I cranked it up and called out for Pocket.

 Pocket: I heard Foley's voice, picked up what you talked into, and said hello. Foley repeatedly said: "paw the button," until I finally realized what he meant. I pushed the button and said, "Hi Foley!"

 Foley: I told Pocket to bring my balloon back right now. She told me that she wanted to visit her friends. Then, a man's voice came over the air.

 Man's Voice: Please identify for air traffic control.

 Pocket: I'm Pocket.

 Man: Please give your flight numbers.

 Pocket: I don't know!

 The Squirrel: S42697.

 Man: Thank you. Have a safe flight.

 Foley: How did you know?

 The Squirrel: I'm a flying squirrel. I'm named Steve; nice to meet you.

 Foley: I shook my paws with him and told him it was nice to meet him. I then turned my attention back to Pocket and said two strings were above her. If she pulled the one to the right, she would fly home, but to the left, you'll go away.

 Pocket: I'm pulling left.

 Foley: No, don't. You'll go away.

 Pocket: But I'm having so much fun. Hey, look, I can see Hattie Mae's house. Hi Hattie.

 Hattie Mae: I looked up from my backyard, sipping tea, lifted my hat, looked up, and saw Pocket floating above me in a balloon. I waved. He waved. Then I called Hobo to tell him Pocket was floating in a balloon.

 Hobo: Nothing surprises me with those two.

 Pocket: I knew Hattie lived by the castle, so I began looking for it.

 Foley: I kept yelling into the radio for Pocket to come home. We were going to be in such trouble.

 Steve the Squirrel: This was great entertainment. I sat on a comfy chair, arranged my nuts, and watched everything unfold.

 Pocket: I looked down, and there it was the castle. I told Foley I was above it. I climbed up on the side of the basket, stuck my butt over, and let a bomb fly from my butt.

 Steve the Squirrel: I looked at the coordinates. "Excuse me Foley," I said, "but that's the Pentagon."

 Secretary of Defense Robert Gates: I got pooped up by a lap dog in a balloon walking into work today. Rumsfeld never had to put up with this shit.

 Foley: I don't know why all G-men need to work blue.

 Pocket: Oops. It's good that I'm not an Afghan Hound, or the terror alert level would go crazy.

 Foley: I was now screaming at her to come home; we were in much trouble.

 Steve the Squirrel: One of my nuts just rolled under the dryer. I wouldn't say I like appliances.

 Pocket: I looked down again and saw I was at Reba and Dodger's house.

 Foley: I asked her how she knew it was Reba and Dodger's house.

 Pocket: I told her I was on the Internet. Everyone on the Internet knows what Reba and Dodger's house looks like from the sky.

 Steve the Squirrel: By my calculations, Pocket was running out of helium. I would have mentioned this, but I had a backscratcher in my mouth trying to get my nut from under the dryer.

 Pocket: I started to slow down and lose altitude, and I told Foley.

 Foley: I told Pocket she had to be very careful where she landed and then to make sure she knew where she was.

 Pocket: I saw a railroad track and decided to land there.

 Steve the Squirrel: Why, when animals become domesticated, their survival sense flies right out the window.

 Foley: I told Pocket not to land on the tracks.

 Pocket: It was a great idea. I would land on the tracks, and then I would hop a train home.

 Foley: I told her she would be squished if a train were coming.

 Pocket: I was coming in for my landing on a nice railroad bridge. Everything was going to be okay, and then I saw THE TRAIN!

 Foley: TRAIN.

 Steve the Squirrel: NUT.

 Pocket: I closed my eyes, waiting for the impact, but landed right on the train.

 Foley: That dog will live to be 40 and still not be toilet trained.

 Pocket: The train was going towards my house, so I curled up and took a nap, and when I woke up, I was crossing the street where I lived, so I pushed the balloon off the car, landed softly in the street, and brought it home.

 Foley: Steve the Squirrel and I saw Pocket dragging the balloon, and I was so excited to see her that I ran over to her, gave her big kisses and hugs, and didn't even get mad at her for stealing my balloon. Then, we dragged the balloon to the backyard.

 Pocket: I was sitting on the deck telling Foley about my adventures when we saw the balloon start up again.

 Foley: I turned to see scattered helium tanks on the ground and Steve the Squirrel rising in the air, stealing my balloon.

 Steve the Squirrel: There will never be a nut too high for me now. Old Rocky's nothing on me; I'm Steve the Flying Squirrel.

 Pocket: It was a beautiful balloon, watching it go across the sky. Foley had done an excellent job building it.

 FoleyAll I could think, watching a deranged squirrel stealing my helium balloon, was, ah, Nuts.

Wordless Wednesday