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Kolchak and Felix are our pups of the week for December 26, 2010

I know, I know.  You're all thinking, these two again?  I do like to spread the pups of the week recognition around a little but when the candidates include these two what can you do? You could very well be asking why we are recognizing Kolchak and Felix again.  No, it's not because they made us a whole tin of great googa ooga balls that we enjoyed more than anything we had all year.  No, we have picked them not just for one reason, because if it was only one we would have passed them over for some pup who got a splinter in his paw, but they actually gave us two reasons.  I mean two reasons:  what can we do? The first is the incredible work they did in finding new homes for Sota and Freddy.  In Miss Gina's last days she was  very concerned about what would happen to her pups.  She shouldn't have fretted for a second because she belonged to a group with Kolchak, Felix, and their wonderful Mom, Miss Jodi. When Miss Gina passed to the bridge it was a body blow

Foley's mid life crises

I believe I am having a mid-life crises.  One:  I plan to live to see my twentieth birthday which puts me smack dab in the middle of life.  Two:  I have exhibiting uncharacteristic behavior lately.  To wit: Eating:  When I was a pup I would drive Mommy and Daddy to the edge of despair by refusing to eat.  Daddy would stick his index finger into the gross mixture of wet puppy food, then put it in my mouth and scrape his finger across the roof of it and my and teeth so the food would get into my tummy.  His finger tasted better than the food.  Even as I moved into adulthood I would skip meals if something during the day upset me, or I was angry with Mommy, because my not eating would upset her so.  Now, she could shave my tail and give my hair to homeless dogs and it wouldn't stop me from eating.  I eat my food.  I eat Pocket's food.  I lick the plates until there isn't a taste of food on them.  I lick the floor around the plates.  And when Mommy and Daddy are eating I mak

Summer Grace and Sandy are our December 19, 2010 pups of the week

During my many hours of surfing the Internet searching for all things pertinent to pups I read several postings that professed the loss of a limb for a dog was not as traumatic as the loss of a limb for a human.  To this I say Chihuahua chitlins.  Can some hooman produce a list of three legged dogs they have interviewed on this subject?  Did one of these pup experts appear on Larry King?  Has Larry every said:  "Let's go to Hattie Mae in Fredericksburg?" This month two of our very good friends, Summer Grace and Sandy both needed operations that turned them temporarily into three legged pups. Beautiful Summer had been suffering from knee problems for some time now.  Then on Thanksgiving her other knee went (hold on, I need to look up the proper medical term) kaflooey.  Plus, to add insult to injury, she also had to go on a diet so she wouldn't gain weight while she was immobile.  Gosh, if you can't run and play, at least they can do is let you eat. Whil

Never let the drug dealers print your Christmas Cards

I warned them, and warned them, and warned them but they would not listen to me, and today they paid the price. Mommy and Daddy drove down the Dirty Boulevard to the hood today to get our Christmas cards from their drug dealer.  To no ones surprise but theirs the drug dealer did not have the cards.  Now I spend my nights sleepless, knowing that my photo, and Pocket's photo, are floating around the ether somewhere until someone finds it, and uses Photoshop to put our perfect faces on freshly shaven dogs. Daddy sent Mommy into the hood to get the pictures because that's how he rolls.  He sat in the car reading his Entertainment Weekly (sorry gals, he's taken) while Mommy risked life and limb to wish everyone Happy Holidays.  Finally, after digesting a fascinating essay on both of Reese Weatherspoon's deep thoughts, Daddy realized that the sequence of slipping the drug dealer unmarked non-sequential bills and him slipping Mommy an unmarked envelope of adorable Christm

Saffron and Sage are our December 12, 2010 pups of the week

I thought we had an agreement with our humans.  We live with them as long as we can, then we go to the bridge and wait for their arrival.  Upon hearing the horrific news of Saffron's and Sage's Mom's diagnosis I sent Pocket to the Ladybug Law Library to procure a copy of this document.  It was stamped non-binding.  After a slip of the paw led to an hours long google search (I typed in non-bonding by mistakes.  Humans.  Really?  You have an interest in such pictures?) I realized that non-binding means we can't hold humans to the agreement.  What a gyp! A special poem for Jackie Oooh oooh oooh Jackie Pool Don't give in to the rising gloom Try to wear a smile when all you want to do is frown Oh, Jackie, with the love of two great dogs you can't be down Our hearts crumbled when we realized the same Big Bad C that took Freddy's and Sota's Mom Ms. Gina was now stalking Ms. Jackie.  Oh how we love Ms. Jackie.  She helped out our Mom without being

Christmas card outtakes

You can spread the word of the birth in the manger, you can promise the babies that Santa is on the way, you can spread merry and bright cheer:  but I know the truth.  This Christmas thing.  It's one giant photo op. Pocket and I hate the Christmas tree. It's appearance means that we will soon be tortured by our two perfectionist (only when it comes to Yorkie Pictures) parents and posed with flash bulbs blinking at us more than a Kardashian acting like a Slore.  We made it through seven days without getting our picture taken and we began hoping that Mommy and Daddy had found the perfect Christmas cards in the discount aisle at Hallmark.  But on Sunday my faith in a retail giants ability to overstock during the holiday was unrealized  The camera was brought out.  The posing was about to begin. Luckily, for Pocket, there were no antlers this year.  The antlers don't matter to me.  Daddy tried to put them on me once.  That's why he is known as Three Knuckles.   

Little dogs can't jump (or catch)

From the desk of Pocket Dog: Every day when Daddy gets home from work, or when we sleep late weekend mornings, after our constitutional, I frantically search the house looking for where my little yellow ball has hidden from our previous days play, and when I find it I drop it besides Daddy. Sometimes Daddy throws it over my head and I chase it as it bounces away. Sometimes he rolls it and I either stop it like a goalie, smothering the ball, or chase after it barking. And sometimes he just flicks it over my head. When he does that I jump up, open my mouth, and have the ball bounce off my jaw, or smack off my nose, or flick off my teeth, or just pass right through my mouth like it was Steven Johnson's hands. I go on Tanner Brigade. I watch the videos. Dogs catching balls, frisbees, sticks, water fowl, and I can't catch a tiny yellow ball. Foley, who has never played ball in her life, will sit, watch and criticize, but, since she is the only other dog in the house sh

Great moments in history: Levi surrenders to Foley at Appomattix

As recounted by Pocket: It was a cold Friday after Thanksgiving morning as Foley emerged from her tent for her morning constitutional. She heard the galloping of paw hoofs and turned to see General Mollie running to her with a missive in her mouth. Foley saluted her. Mollie spit the missive on the ground. "It's from General Levi," Mollie said. "He is offering to surrender." Foley took a long puff on her pipe and read the message. "Very well," she said. She called me over and asked me to write a message to General Levi. She would meet with him at the Appomattox Dog Park. Foley then gathered her Generals: Hattie Mae, Hobo Hudson, Luca, Cocoa Puff, and Kolchak. Foley announced that they, along with her and I, would be walking to the dog park to hear his terms. "Walk?" Hattie huffed. "I just did my nails!" It was agreed that Hobo and I would carry sticks in our mouths and Hattie would lay on a chair constructed on t

The Tanner Brigade Thanksgiving Day Parade

Foley Monster:  Welcome one and all to the Tanner Broadcast Network's coverage of the Tanner Brigade Thanksgiving Day Parade.  Pocket:  The streets are lined with young pups anxious to see their favorite dogs in floats that they have been working on since late Wednesday night. Foley Monster:  We can tell by the roar of the crowd that the first floats have turned down Ladybug Street and are headed to our broadcast booth on Sophie Square. Pocket:  I am so excited I think I could pee myself a little, and, yup, I've done it. Foley Monster:  Our first float is the 12, Chappy and Whiskey float and there is Chappy sitting at the front of the float looking as handsome as ever. Pocket:  The entire float is adorned with pink ribbons in tribute to 12's victory over cancer.  Look at how proud he looks. Foley Monster:  And Whiskey is on top of the float.  His parents are letting people in a prop door and he's not jumping on them.  What an impressive dog Whiskey has beco

Pepsi, Sota and Freddy are our November 28, 2010 pups of the week and Gina the Angel Mom of the week

So....Sometimes Moms go the the Bridge first. I guess I knew this.  MacDougal's Dad went to the Bridge before he did.  That makes me sad.  I don't want my Dad to go anywhere.  But MacDougal's Mom is still giving him a great life.  In the last year he has seen half the world. But I never thought about Moms going first. I can't think about my Mom going first. It would be like the Earth disappearing beneath my feet and I would just fall, fall, fall, for the rest of my days, until I landed once again in her tender arms. In every story I have heard us pups go to the Bridge, and then someday, far in the future, our Moms crosses the bridge to be with us an we are happily reunited.  I have never heard a story about a Mom being there first. But yesterday Sota's and Freddy's Mom Gina went to the Bridge first.  She had contracted that bad C disease and it sent her to the Bridge long before any of us were ready to let her go. I have spent many blogs comforting Mom

Foley's much interupted and long awaited blog: A pinch in the butt and slap in the face

From the desk of Foley Monster: What a gyp! Veteran's Day was supposed to be a lap day when I got a great deal of snuggling and love. The morning began perfectly. The alarm went off late, with the sun already in the sky. Neither Mommy or Daddy were anxious to get out of our warm bed. I positioned myself between the soft pillows and rolled over on my back. Both Mommy and Daddy gave me belly scratches as I snorted like Charlie Sheen on holiday. Daddy finally got out of bed. He always gets out first. That's because Mommy is smart. Daddy has to leave a warm bed with two heat bearing Yorkies, while Mommy stays snuggled with us. Then Daddy takes us out to do some brisk business and Mommy vacates the bed, no longer occupied by two six pound loving heat pads. While Mommy took a long, lazy shower Daddy put his laptop on the couch and sat on the floor. This makes it easy for him the throw the ball so it passes in front of the TV and on the side of the central fire place

The November 21, 2010 pup of the week is brought to you by the number 12

Unfortunately, so many of us here at the Tanner Brigade have had that evil monster Cancer move in with us.  It sits in our living room while you watch TV, it sleeps in your bed, it sits in the back seat of your car when you travel, and, if it has nowhere to sits, it occupies the deep recesses of your mind. The only way to eradicate this evil is for all traces of it to be removed from your body, then it slips away into the darkness, even though it retains the right to pop back into your mind at the least expected time. When my Mom had the evil Cancer move in with us she found the greatest relief in talking with others.  When she retires she is planning on joining cancer support groups to help those who suffer.  Luckily she has never had a pup who has had cancer, but the same monster moves into your home when someone you love contracts this awful illness. But some pups, and families, decide to take the road less traveled, and to face the monster silently, with no words of support f

Great googa-booga balls we got a gift from Koly and Felix

Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! (Crunch, crunch, crunch) Oh, excuse me, these are so good, Guess what? Guess what? Guess what? We got a package from Kolchak and Felix today. We were so exited Pocket peed herself a little (OK she does that when the sun comes up but still). Mommy opened the package and it was a beautiful tin with all these doggies on it. "Open the tin, open the tin, open the tin, open the tin!" we said. Sometimes I think Mommy hears our excited words as "bark, bark, bark, bark, bark" but we can't concern ourselves with that. Then Mommy slooooowwwly opened the tin because she does things like that sloooowwwwly because she doesn't want to break a nail and oh for God's sake woman open the tin! She got it open, and she pulled out, in a clear plastic bag, the most wonderful thing I have ever seen. A bag of wonderful, crunchy, tasty, heavenly, great googa ooga balls. Oh we wanted them right away. We were up on our back

Foley's new reality show: 90 and Dating

A week ago Mommy and Daddy had Mommy's brother and his wife over for Chinese food (loyal readers may remember this may have given Pocket a case of the runs.) Since Pocket and I might as well face it we're addicted to laps, we both went paws up on our parents knees, with Mommy picking me up, and Daddy doing the same with Pocket and now we were part of the conversation. But being well trained, polite dogs we just listened, and by doing so it gave me a million dollar idea, a show for TLC called 90 and dating. Mommy's sister in law Charlotte lost her mother close to 20 years ago. Her Daddy remarried a year later (I believe he put in Christmas letter that the new wife awoke a fire in his loins) which did not sit well with his family. This year, for the second time, he became a widow. After the funeral, he took home the book the mourners signed, and began searching the phone book for numbers to find wife number three, It took awhile but he found a woman who lived independen

Smoochy is our November 14, 2010 pup of the week

I have noticed many traits in humans that prove they are not as evolved as pups. One of them is their inability to patiently wait. Humans fidget, they pace, they check the bright digits in their electrical boxes, and, whenever what they are waiting on finally arrive they become angry with it for not appearing on their schedule. Now us pups we do worry. We worry about our humans from the minute they leave the house (they are off leash for gosh sakes) to when they return home. If it is for a long period of time we might not eat, or sleep, we just vigilantly await our parents' return. The reason that we are more evolved than our humans is when the person we are awaiting for arrives we don't meet them with anger or sadness, but with more joy than can be contained in even the largest pups' soul. Which brings us to our pup of the week, one of the sweetest, funniest, most clever dogs we know, the one and only Smoochy. I am sure that you have already read his blog, bu

Phil Dunphy gave Pocket diarrhea and the heaves

Oh hi. (Burp) It's Pocket (sound of wind breaking) I have had a terrible start to the week. Phil Dunphy made me puke in bed and gave me diarrhea. For those of you who don't know Phil Dunphy is the bumbling Dad on a wonderful documentary show we watch called Modern Family about three families who don't own a dog. (I mean really how come no one on TV owns a dog. A basset hound for House? A Life Alert dog for Charlie Sheen? Something.) Now I like Phil Dunphy, bumbling Dad, because I have a bumbling Dad. I love TV shows when you see someone who reminds you of someone you know. Like every time I see Kim Kardashian on TV I think of Mom. You may recall in one of my previous blogs I wrote about how Daddy tried to fix the smoke detector and put the batteries in wrong.. It made this loud piercing sound that went right through my little brain and made me run around the house like Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man. Well this week while we were watching our documentary th