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Showing posts from August, 2013

The Dog in the Mirror by River Song

It was a normal Sunday night.   I was in bed with my parents.  Because they are (a) impatient and (b) kinky I was hooked up to a leash that was connected to the headboard.  This is because I have the top part of the bed and Pocket the bottom part. But sometimes, pre bondage, I would hear a noise, and charge at Pocket starting a fight, or, one time, knocking her right off the end of the bed like Yukon Cornelius and the Bumble. So I get tied up, where I can go half way down the bed, and Pocket only dares to go halfway up the bed, and we have bed detente, until Sunday night when I stood up, looked to my right and saw another Brussels Griffon in the bedroom sitting on the same type of bed. Well I could not have this.  A Yorkie at the bottom of the bed is one thing but having a Griffon in a duplicate bed wearing a duplicate leash and a duplicate harness was another.  And with her permanent frown and one snaggletooth it was obvious that this Griffon was mocking me. I began to snarl at

Koda is Foley Monster's August 25, 2013 Pup of the Week

Last week I wrote about my wonderful friend Annie who had no choice but to become a triped when she was diagnosed with cancer in her leg.  Sadly Annie’s Mom found out yesterday the cancer had spread before the surgery and she is in need of major prayers.   And so does another dog who became a triped through stupid human error. My friend Koda, while having one of the best families in all of the dog world, has not received a lot of breaks in the health department.  He is an oversized Lab with multiple health problems including bone problems in hips and his kness.  And then he hit a spot of much ill fortune. Koda is on medication, as are some of the other members of his pack.  Koda’s vet made a mistake and put his name on pills meant for another member of his pack.  Koda’s Mom gave him the pills and he became loopy, then fell down, and when he did he shredded his ACL. Both his Momma and I are very upset with the vetl.  His Mom called the vet and told her that she

Wordless Wednesday

Queasy is the Stomach that Wears the Crown

I’ve got to tell you guys I am under a lot of stress.  Like many of you I never thought Foley would go to the Bridge.  At least not until she was 17 or 18, blind, deaf, gassy and senile.  But Foley slipped away in her prime leaving me totally unprepared to succeed her. Foley passing to the Bridge at 18 would have put me in double digits agewise.  Her passing would be like Queen Elizabeth dying in a year or two.  And I would be Prince Charles.  A little too long in the tooth to assume the throne.  I figured by then there would be a third dog living with us, a right smart whipper snapper who could assume the law practice, Tanner Brigade reigns ,and chief blogger, while I lived out my days like a dowager princess. But no, I, unlike Foley, who always chased greatness, have spent my life trying to avoid having it thrust upon me but now I find myself thrusted.  I do have a new family member, River, but she has a scandalous past, single mother, Miss Griffon Pump of Florida, and needs to

Enzo is Foley Monster's August 18, 2013 Pup of the Week

We dogs, whether we live on Earth or at the Bridge have a part of us, our spirits, that live in cyberspace where everything is equal and all looks the same.  Here at the Bridge it is just endless rivers, streams, hills, meadows, grass, mountains and clouds. But on Earth everything is different.  Some areas are very hot all the time, some are cold, some get lots of snow, some get none.  Where I lived in the Northeast there are hundreds of vets to pick from and at one time or another I think my  Mom has picked them all. But there are several places where there are only one vet, and when that vet goes on vacation, and your dog gets sick, things become very dire, which is what happened to my friend Enzo, who became sick this week, and apparently lives in the 1800’s. There are all sorts of things on Enzo’s property and apparently there are plenty of bad things to eat there, bear droppings, geese droppings, wildflowers, mushrooms, the Donner Party.  Our friend Enzo

River Song Takes Her Parents To Training

After two weeks living with my family I came to realize something:  These humans needed training.  I told Pocket how surprised I was that Foley had not had her parents professionally trained.  Pocket told me Foley had her own unconventional training methods but she was afraid without Foley’s reinforcement they had fallen behind on their training. Human training is very basic and very easy.  You want them to give you treats for things that you would do naturally.  Like sit.  Everyone sits.  When we get tired we can’t help it.  But, when working with another cooperative human, we can actually train our humans to give us treats when we do this very natural act. The first thing you have to do to train your human is not listen to a word they say.  If you act like you have no idea what they are saying not only will they enroll in training classes, they will pay for it.  My parents took me for training at a Petco.  But I had to let them know that I was in control from the start of this a

Wordless Wednesday

Annie is Foley Monster's August 11, 2013 Pup of the Week

Those of you who have followed my blog know of my newest Angel friend Willie and his long battle with cancer of the leg.  There is only two choices when you get this cancer.  One is to, through a combination of will, prayers, being stubborn, miracles, and loyalty to survive as long as you can.  The other choice, which was not possible for Willie, is to sacrifice the leg to save the body. But it was a choice for this week’s pup of the week, Annie.  She had a large mass on her leg, had it tested, and it came back as a tumor.  It had wrapped itself around muscle, bone, nerves, and was growing.  There was only one thing that could save her life:  amputation. So her Mom made the only decision she could make (but still a very difficult decision) to have the leg removed.  The first step was for Annie to go to the vet and get a pain patch put on.  Her Mom did a lot of reading on dogs who have had their leg amputated, some of it provided by Willie’s Mom Sandy.   Annie’s M

Wordless Wednesday

Pocket Moves in With Taylor Swift - They Break Up - She Writes A Song

A couple of weeks ago, to take a break from River and all the pressure of taking over the management of the Brigade I took a short vacation.  I went to Newport to relax in the sun.  There I met a seemingly nice, Southern, blonde haired lady named Taylor.  We hit it off right away and she invited me to her mansion.  While I was there I had one little accident and she threw me out of the house.  I thought that was the end of it but then I heard a song on the radio and I knew it was about me.  I was shocked and ashamed.  I couldn’t download the song but I did transcribe the lyrics for you to read. You, with your pees and your urine And piddles and pisses that you do on my rugs You have pissed on my feet again Got me feeling like I'm nothing You, with your wet stains under the cupboard Making my feet wet when I’m barefooted You peeing on the drier girl You can take me down with just one single piss But you don't know, what you don't know... Someday I'll

Willlie, the Dog Who Said No, is Foley Monster's August 4, 2013 Pup of the Week

(It is 50 years in the future.  Judge Foley is sitting in a rocking chair.  She .has a shawl on her lap and is slowly rocking back and forth.  She isn’t any older, but she is meeting with young pups fresh to the Bridge, and she finds she gets more respect when she appears older.  She has told the young pups she will tell them a story and they jump up and down excitedly.  She picks one scruffy little pup out of the pile and asks him what story he wants to hear.  He says he wants to hear about the Willie the Dog Who Said No  Foley smiles, rocks back a little more, picks up a small pipe, blows some bubbles, and begins.) Back in the day, before my Mommy and Daddy got here, and all my pup brothers and sisters, there was a dog who lived down by the Jersey Shore.  His name is Willie.  Now you all know, you have all been through it, that the Lord only give us so many heartbeats, then he sends an angel down for us to tell us we have to go.  Some of us, like me, are able to