Sunday, September 29, 2013

Uva is Foley Monster's September 29, 2013 Pup of the Week

If you think watching over your loved ones while on Earth is hard wait until you pass to the Eternal side of the Bridge.  You never rest.  The other day Daddy was moving furniture for his 85 year old father who is recovering from a broken hip (he is another big resource drain for us angels.)  Daddy was foolishly trying to bring a big bureau down the stairs by himself.  He started to lose control of it, and both he and the chest would have hurtled down the stairs crushing him underneath it.  All the pups he has ever loved and lost appeared around him and held up that bureau until it was eased to the ground.  (Of course he thinks he did it, typical human.)

That is what us Angels do. Those near death experiences you tell tale about?  Us Angels are what keeps them near and not death.  The very day I went to the Bridge I was called into action.  On the trip back from the hospital after saying goodbye to me my Daddy made a right hand turn he had made 1,000 times  before when  some idiot in a truck passed him on the right as he turned right.  He still doesn’t know how the truck missed him, but I do.  In my first angelic act I grabbed the wheel and turned hard to save both my parents.  The other Angels were quite impressed, it being my first time.

All humans, and all dogs, have Angels, and this week, our Pup of the Week, Uva, a three year old chihuahua, proved that to be true.

First, as always, some backstory.  A few days ago Uva took ill.   She got a nasty case of Colitis.   Like my sister Pocket, Uva is a very nervous little dog.  She came in contact with some fleas, and the constant biting, jumping, and aggravation scared her, and, much like with Pocket when she gets nervous, her insides turn to water.  

Her Mom had to take Uva to the vet.  Because it was nearby Uva and her Mom walked.  When they arrived there were cats in the office who were bigger than Uva and, being a nervous dog, Uva got very agitated.  She slipped out of her collar and then out the door, onto a busy street.

But not only did Uva need aid, so did her Mom, who, like her precious pup, ran into the street without looking, then came to a stop in front of a speeding taxi, who just missed hitting Uva’s Mom.  The other drivers. having their busy schedules detained by seconds, yelled and cursed at our friend’s Mom.

Uva’s Angels were around her, too, as somehow her tiny body was seen by the busy motorists.  Uva stopped in the road and her Mom ran to her, gathered her in her arms, and brought her back to the vet’s. while her angels were greatly relieved that their numbers were not added to by one.  The vet treated her for her Colitis and she should be back to her old self soon.

So please, heed the story of Uva and her Mom, and remember, there is no luck, no good fortune, just your Angels, who you once took such good care of, looking over you and your pack and returning the many favors owed to you.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

The Trials and Tribulations of Pocket Dog

There are all sorts of dog training classes out there, it is very confusing, but no matter how hard I look I can’t find the classes I really need:  How to be the Pack Leader for me and How to be a Follower for River.

After Foley passed over the River of Life to the Bridge I had three weeks alone, and I was an excellent Pack Leader during that time.  Then River came to live with us.  And she doesn’t get the “Pack Leader” idea at all.  So I have done my best to physically assert myself as the leader but I usually end up on my back with River’s teeth on my throat.

Foley comes down and tells me that if I am going to a pack leader I have to stop letting everything scare the bejesbers out of me.  Honestly, having Foley come down and suddenly appear next to me scares the bejesbers out of me.

I can’t help it.  I am a dog who worries about things.  Like that thing that lives in our balls.

Daddy came home with these two balls that were big and had holes in them.  He cut some of the rubber around the holes so we could stick our face in them.  He then put these things called Whimzees in them.  Then he rolled them across the floor.  River took to hers right away.  Sticking her face in the ball to bite at the Whimzee, walking around the house with her face stuck in the ball, and generally enjoying herself.

I went over and pawed at the ball.  It rolled as the thing inside moved.   By itself!  The only things that move by themselves are alive and most things that are alive are sneaky and going to bite me.  When I saw the thing in the ball move I knew it wouldn’t be long before it got out of that ball and attacked me so I went under the kitchen table and trembled.

Daddy picked me up and put me in his chair and patted me.  I anxiously watched the ball roll back and forth and River snap at it.  I shook.  Daddy passed me to Mommy who told me it was just a toy and that I had nothing to be afraid of.  

Which is what Foley had told me.  So I am trying very hard to be less afraid of things.

I wish there was a class for that.

But if there was I would be too afraid to go.

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Pups Who Inspire Artists Are Our September 22, 2013 Pups of the Week

What a wonderful week is has been.  I have not sworn in any friends after they crossed the River of Life on Rainbow Bridge and while friends like Misha, and little baby Ethan are in need of prayers, I fully expect both to have many days with their packs and families.  

So this is one of the week’s that we get to celebrate the wonderful things that dogs inspire their Moms and Dads to do.

Lately, as I gaze deeply into the River of Life to see what my friends are doing, I get tired and climb onto my leopard skin vagina cloud (“Mommy do you know what that cloud looks like?”  “Yes I do sweety but we don’t use language like that.”) hook up my Internet connection, have a cup of puppy tea and get to see what my friends are doing without interference from all the fish in the River.

And what I see are Moms and Dads doing wonderful art work to honor my friends whose clouds float past me as I write and those who are still enjoying their mother’s warm laps in their forever homes.

I present to you first our brother from another litter Leo and the wonderful painting his Mom Eileen did to capture the heart, soul, bravery, and adventurous spirit of our friend Willie.  When you look into his brown eyes you can see his heart in all it’s beauty.  A painting of me, in my glory, done by Leo’s Mom, is proudly displayed in my living room where people can enjoy it not just for the beautiful subject matter but for the artwork itself that has a sweep of love in every brush stroke.

Then there is our friend Zoe Boe’s Mom Connie.  There are seven drawings she has graciously given to my parents on the walls at my forever home.  Her drawing is also in the banner on our blog page.  She has kept many of us laughing with her Hump Day funnies on the Tanner Brigade.  And here is an example of her best work, of Leo, who is so handsome he inspires other Moms too.  A picture could not capture the soul of our sweet friend better than Zoe Boe’s Mom’s artwork does.

In the lonely hills of Colorado where they are digging out from the season’s first snowstorm Enzo’s Mom is producing lovely sketches celebrating the treasured relationships that we dogs share.  Here are one of the many sketches she has done for her loyal friends at DS.
Chrissy’s Mom Suzanne Rumsey is not only a fierce fighter for homeless dogs but she also is an accomplished artist.  My good friend Hans was very moved when he saw this tribute picture Chrissy’s Mom did of him and he has a copy hanging over his fireplace on his cloud.

And last, but certainly not least, my dear friend Tommy Tunes and his Dad Steve who does weekly portraits of our friends and does not let an hour past after hearing a friend has gone to the Bridge before he gets a tribute picture posted.  This is one of our dear friend Wishbone who sits near me as I type this.

Thank you to all the wonderful artists who bring countless smiles to our faces letting us see our friends in ways we never thought possible and the wonderful pups who inspire them

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Foley Monster's Secrets From the Bridge: Tiny Visitors

Hello humans.  It is I, Foley Monster, secretly blogging from the other side of the River of Life.  I am writing because there are certain things that the bosses don’t want you to know but I think it might help you with your grief for lost pups.

Now go to a space where no one can see you.  Don’t pretend you don’t know where, it’s the spot where you read Fifty Shades of Grey.  Don’t deny it.   When I look in the River I can see everything you do - so accept I know where you read your naughty books and go there.

OK:  Are you settled?  Good.  Us dogs are allowed to visit you, and not just in your dreams.  But the catch is we have to come back as something else and we have to be able to take over the mind of the being we inhabit so it can’t be a big brained creature.  We have to rely on small brained creatures like tiny birds, animals, insects and any female celebrity who is regularly seen on the E Network which is wonderful news for Bill Rancic and his childhood dog.

Our favorite beings to return as are butterflies.  They are so pretty, and humans are always happy to see them.  They are never swatted or sprayed.  And being in a butterflys’ body is such fun, the floating, the soaring.  Butterflies are very gracious about letting us borrow their bodies.  Mommy has two beautiful butterfly plants  and I told her to move them closer to the house because I love flying around them.

But butterflies are few and far between so we often have to rely on other bugs.  Moths are good because they are excellent at getting inside at night.  Once they do we can just hang out with our families on the wall.  They are only good to use for a night, maybe two, then we feel hungry, hop out and let them eat your sweaters.

We never come back as troublesome bugs like bees or those horrid mosquitoes.  The last thing we want to do is to annoy, or even worse, bite you.  We do use house flies but their personal grooming habits are gross.  Ants?  You jump into one of those bodies and within five minutes someone wants you to help them move.  And forget about anything disgusting like roaches.  We have standards.

Sometimes we can get into bird brains, like hummingbirds.  We love being hummingbirds, we dart and flutter, it’s so cool.  We can never get into the brains of big birds  Big birds are selfish.  

We are fans of some garden insects too like grasshoppers and praying mantis.  But nothing squirmy like worms or those gross little slug like bugs.  So the bottom line is, if you see a pretty bird or fly it could be an old friend fluttering by to see you, so go easy on the Raid and the swatters.

Occasionally we will pick a small animal, chipmunks are fun, the occasional bunny, even though they hold a grudge against us for eating them and don’t like sharing their bodies.  We refuse to jump into a rat’s body, and, while some of us use a mouse, I won’t.  And squirrels?  Forget about it.  That is one feud that will never end.

So, if you think you feel us all around you, it’s true, because we are always around you.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Jess is Foley Monster's September 15, 2013 Pup of the Week

I am a lucky dog.  I have so many friends, some here at the Bridge that I can see every day, others on the other side of the River of Life, that I visit in my dreams.  I am truly blessed with friends.  I even got to meet Abe Lincoln’s dog.  Mr Lincoln?  Little long winded in the story department, but his dog?  He’s a true joy.  (Fun true fact:  President Lincoln named his dog Fido.  After his arrival at this side of the river, to honor the President, people named their dogs Fido, which is why dogs are commonly referred to as Fido.  You learn all sorts of things over here.)

Some dogs, because they are new to social networking, or their secretaries don‘t have much time to bark for them, or just because they are shy, don’t have many friends.  That doesn’t make them any less popular than the rest of us, and when they get sick, their need for prayers make them the most popular dogs in the world.

This is true of our friend Jess.  She has about 175 friends on DS, but I think those are real friends.  A lot of us have 500 friends or more and when we see their birthdays on our profile pages we say “Who the hell is that?” and then we wish them a happy birthday because that’s the type of thing a dog does.

Poor Jess has been on DS for less than a year and she hasn’t spent a lot of that time healthy.  She is only 11 but she is going through a terrible variety of issues that need prayer and attention.  The poor girl has rarely gotten a chance to post about anything except her health.  

Right now Jess is struggling every day with tummy issues.  Among them is a nasty case of irritable bowel syndrome.  She just celebrated her birthday this week but she couldn’t celebrate with food like we all love to do.  In fact the little girl was so sick she couldn’t enjoy her birthday at all.

Although I mentioned that Jess doesn’t have hundreds of friends, those who are her friends have all left messages and said prayers.  But she could use some more so I am asking all my friends on both sides of the River to say a prayer for Jess, and you DS friends who don’t know this wonderful pup please befriend her at profile #36264.

And hang in there Jess.  Lots of prayers are coming your way. 

Friday, September 13, 2013

River's Baby Daddy's Back and Theirs Gonna Be Trouble

Most dogs don’t like going to the groomers for the normal reasons:  The baths, the blow dryers, the nail trimming, the being locked in tiny cages, the whining dogs.  But my first trip to Pocket’s groomer gave me a surprise much worse than nail grinding.  My baby Daddy was there!

To explain: Us Griffons are not the most popular breed.  And our litters are small so breeders tend to work closely together.  While I was born in Florida my first human Mom was from the Northeast and she came to know the woman who owns the grooming shop my current Mommy uses.  When one of the women who works at the groomers, Pam, saw the owner’s Griffons, she fell in love, as all human who meet Griffons do.  When one of my Florida’s pups produced a litter Pam bought one of the males.  And after I was born, to make more perfect pups, I was mated with Pam’s stud.

So, when Pam learned I was coming in to get groomed she thought it was a good idea to bring my little McLovin in to play with me.  But first they did what any girl would want done when seeing an ex.   They made me look my best bathing me, giving me a good brushing and a manicure.

Then they put me on the floor.  I saw McLovin in a mist of discarded flea powder.  He tried to pretend he wasn’t interested and gnawed on a bone, and I wasn’t going to look desperate so I performed the maneuver all female dogs use to gain a boy’s interest.  I lifted my leg and licked myself.

McLovin came trotting over and told me I smelled good.  I told him thank you and then we did the awkward circle and butt sniff that dogs do with their exes.  We made small talk about our Moms, and the weather, and he complimented me on my snaggle tooth, which he knew was the way to my heart.

He then gave me a little nip on my tail and I got on my back legs and pawed at him.  I rolled over and her began to nip at his feet and bark.  I rolled and we stood on our back legs pawing at one another.  Then we came back down and chased each other around the table until I stopped and he put his paws on my back and stood up.

“Hey, wait a minute!” I yelled.  “I don’t have my baby making parts anymore.”

I could feel him deflate on my back.  He got down and walked around to face me.  “What did you do with them?” he asked.

“I had them removed when I came to live with my family.”

“Red rocket tease,” he said shaking his head.

“But we can still be friends can’t we?” I asked.

He seemed to think it over, and then he put his paws down, and his head between them and pounced at me.  Soon we were barking and chasing one another while Pocket had to watch from her locked cage.  

So old boyfriends are good for something.

When Mommy came to get me at the groomers I was a little disappointed.  But McLovin promised that next time I came he would be here and he would keep his rocket in the launch pad.  McLovin and I are purely platonic friends now and that’s OK with me.

Although I do wish we had stayed together for the children.   

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Pocket Tries to Help and Old Political Friend: Fails

As some of you may remember, after Senator Kennedy passed away, I mounted a campaign to win his seat in the United States Senate.  I dropped out of the race after getting pressure from too many special interest groups, after being unable to get support for universal pet health care, and, after Foley caused an international incident by having a cat forcefully removed from it’s legal residence.

But I remain very respected in the political world and recently I got a call from an old friend whose campaign had run into a bit of a bump.  And that is how I found myself travelling to Long Island to meet with Anthony Weiner.

He told me of his past scandals and, having had my picture taken several times asleep on my back with my privates on display, I did not judge  Being a bit of an Internet celebrity myself I knew what needed to be done.  When people imagined Anthony Weiner on the Internet they thought dirty pictures.  It was my job to change those images.

I went to his apartment in New York and told him I would take pictures of him.  Because I am a tiny dog the only thing I could find to stand on to give me the right height for the proper angle was the toilet bowl.  Candidate Weiner told me bathroom pictures are what got him in trouble originally but I told him he would have total control over what pictures were sent out.

I climbed up on the toilet bowl with my I Phone camera.  When I did I hit the vanity and spilled a bottle of Usher VIP men’s cologne that splashed on to the candidate’s chinos.  He took them off and prepared to get new pants but I told him my pictures would only be from the neck up.  I asked him if I could have a few minutes to adjust the camera on my phone.  He told me it was not a problem and he would just check his phone for pictures of Miley Cyrus twerking.

I aimed the camera at his swarthy face and snapped the picture, but just before I snapped it, the camera slipped (damn not having opposable thumbs) and I took a picture of his naughty bits by accident.  I took a picture of his naughty bits by accident twelve times.

“Did you take a picture of my  naughty bits?” the candidate asked

“Of course not,” I told him as I desperately tried to clear the pictures of his naughty bits,  but darn these paws, I ended up sending them to the secret Twitter account I created under my superhero alias Carlos Danger.  But everything would be fine if I just didn’t hit send.

Then I hit the send.  I really have to get my claws clipped.  The Weiner told me I had ruined his career but I told him all he had to do is put a twist on the world’s oldest excuse.  Instead of saying “The dog ate my homework” say “The dog hit the send button.”

Well, anyway, his careers over.

And I’m betting you will thank me later.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Reba is our Sepember 8, 2013 Pup of the Week

When I was on the living side of the River of Life I had knee problems.  At least twice in my 13 years of existence I had my knee pop out.  The first time it did oh man did I raise a ruckus. The second time, when I was older, and more mature, I just lifted my back leg and limped around until I got to the vet and they fixed it.

I never appreciated how important my legs were but lately, with all the issues my Pups of the Weeks have had, which have brought them to my side of the River of Life, I realized we should never take our legs for granted.

This week another friend lost the ability to walk on all fours, and that condition was caused by a growth in her body.  Her Mom made the decision to send her over the River of Life to our side of the Bridge, where, like Abby the week before, Reba came running up the stairs like a young pup, gave me a kiss, and got sworn in as the newest Labbie at Rainbow Bridge.

I must say Reba’s arrival was a shock to me.  I have known her for six years, almost half my life on both sides, and, even though I knew she was suffering from hip problems, I never knew that she was as sick as she was.  But sometimes the problems we are exhibiting don’t logically lead one to the problem that takes us..

I have posted a couple of pictures of my first sister, Blake since I passed over.    She was with us less than a year after I came home.  Like Reba she had some problems with her legs, and then one day she could barely stand and lost the ability to hold her pee.  My parents took her to the vet, and she never came home after the vet found a growth.

Reba was showing signs of lameness but doing well.  She was playing and swimming one day, and then the next she couldn’t stand. couldn’t eat or drink, and was panting heavily.  Her Mom rushed her to the vet where, like in Blake’s situation, a growth was found.  Seeing Reba in such pain and knowing chances of recovery were quite slim Reba’s Mom decided to help her across the River of Life.

For those friends on the living side of the river Reba’s loss is devastating.  What a smart, loyal, kind friend she was to us all.  She left everyone with 1,000 smiles, 1,000 memories, 1,000 stories.  She went from living alone with her Mom in Washington to being the leader of the Labbie pack in San Diego.  She told me her story like this:

Now this is the story all about how
My life got flipped, turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the Lab Queen of a town called SD

In west Washington born and raised
In the barnyard where I spent most of my days
Chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool
And all chasing rabbits outside by the pool
When a dog named Dodger up to no good
Moved in to make trouble in my neighbourhood
Mom wanted a job where she wasn’t working for free
And said "We’re all moving to a new town called SD"

I whistled for horse trailer when it came near the
License plate said "fresh" and had a horse tail and feed
Every time we hit a bump this horse did it’s pee
It didn’t bother me, forget it, yo homes to SD

I pulled up to a house about seven or eight
And I yelled to the horsie "Yo, homes smell you later!"
Looked at my kingdom I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Labbie Queen of SD

Reba made a point of telling me she wanted this printed and she hopes it makes you smile because Reba is all about big labbie smiles.  She loves her Mom and the Labbies and wants to tell her Mom that one of them will step up to pack leader (but she rolled her eyes when she said it so I’m not sure.)  Most of all she loves you, she misses you, and she will see you in your dreams.

And for those of you who miss Reba know that she is here and she is happy and running like Labs do.  I just have to order more tennis balls.

Wordless Wednesday