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Showing posts from April, 2013

Ask Aunt Foley: My Daddy's Desk

Dear Aunt Foley:  I jumped up on Mommy’s desk chair doing what I often do, looking for something to eat, when I saw the entire desk was taken up with little dog statues and figurines and one picture of her and Daddy.  This is my question:  Why does she need a picture of her and Daddy when she sees him every day? - Brody Dear Brody:  I have to tell you Brody this one had me stumped.  I investigated this thoroughly and think I have the answer.  It comes down to the often stated complaint from Daddies to Mommies:   “You care more about the dog than you do about me.”  While this is undoubtedly true Mommies sometimes have to throw Daddies the proverbial bone.  So, among all the tributes to dogs on her desks she has one little picture of her and Daddy to make him think his one teeny tiny little picture means more to Mommy than all the dog tributes.  Daddies, so silly and so easily satisfied. Dear Aunt Foley:  My Mom and I play the most wonderful game.  Sh

Willie is our April 28, 2013 Pup of the Week

It was just a short time ago that I wrote about our friend Willie and his long battle with bone cancer on his leg.  I usually don’t like to recognize the same dog repeatedly but Willie is proving to be the bravest and toughest dog I have ever met. Our courageous friend’s rollercoaster ride continues but lately it has been charging downwards more often than it has been climbing upwards.  Poor three working limbed Willie still climbs back up no matter how often the cruelties of his condition push him down. This week his tumor burst.  It had begun to grow again a few weeks ago but his Mom did not expect it to explode.  She saw blood seeping through his bandage and got it off quickly.  It was bleeding very badly.  His Mom rewrapped it, gave him some pain meds, made plans to see Dr Kair and asked for prayers. After he returned from the vet his Mom reported that the burst area was small and not infected which was good new.  And Willie was in no pain.  Dr Kari packe

Wordless Wednesday

Foley Monster's Message From Animals to Humans

Members of the human race please come in and be seated.  Everyone move to the center make room for the latecomers.  Thank you.  Now settle down. You may be wondering why my dog friends, cat friends, horses, cows, pigs, rodents, goats, sheep, all manner of birds, lizards, fishes and I have asked you here today.  I will sum it up in one sentence.  This is our planet as much as yours so stop screwing it up. Last week a couple of underachieving losers set off a bomb in Boston, a city my sister Pocket and I have visited several times.  The bomb was planted near the library where we have walked.   It is not far from the Boston Common where there are squirrels, ducks, chipmunks and other tree dwelling friends.  There are many birds who fly between the skyscrapers and seagulls who come ashore for the food. The Lord gave us all different gifts, but he gave the most to you, and one of the gifts he gave to you is us.  We all serve you.  Some of us comfort you, some of us pro

Tillie is Our April 21, 2013 Pup of the Week

Today we celebrate Tillie, a dog I never met, or even barked at on the Internet.  She was a Lhaso Apso owned by Auntie Bev and without her there would be no tails to tell. On Saturday morning our Auntie Bev passed away,  She was one of the most important people in our lives, and, without knowing it, changed lives throughout the world. In 1996 Mommy and Daddy had been married for two years.  During that time Daddy would ask the same question:  “Can we get a dog?” and Mommy would give the same answer “No way.” Mommy said she was not a “dog person.”  The only dog she had become close to was one who showed up in her driveway before she married Daddy.  She was a small Shih Tzu and, when she saw Mommy, she stood on her back legs and twirled.  Mommy giggled.  She picked the puppy up and checked for tags but there was no sign of an owner.  She reported the lost dog to Animal Control and the Police but no one stepped forward to claim him for two days.  On the thi

From the Case Files of Foley Monster Attorney at Paw: 51% of $500.00

Even after suffering the type of knee injury that would make RG3 retire from all lateral movement I cannot stop working.  This week I represented Sundance a 12 year old Golden Retriever from Montana who not only ate five $100 bills belonging to his father,Wayne Klinkel, but, against the advice of the most renown dog lawyer on the planet, admitted it. The good news is that my client was not being charged with ruining the money.   I was hired to prove that Sundance had such bad teeth and poor digestion that he did not destroy the money more than 49%.  According to the big book of insane human rules if there is 51% of currency remaining the government will reimburse it.  Thus, I had to prove Sundance’s inability to break down 51% of what he has eaten. Also there were questions I needed answered.  Why did Wayne Klinkel have five $100.00 lying around the house?  Was he a pimp, drug dealer or purveyor of strip clubs?  Who has hundreds?  They are a pain to get someone to b

Chase and Slater are our April 13, Pups of the Week

Everyday it’s the same thing.  We bark and we’re told to quiet down.  Our parents don’t bother to find out what we are barking at they just order quiet.  This week Chase and Slater scored a big victory for all dogs who have ever been told to be quiet while impending doom is about to strike. One night this week Chase and Slater were standing by the outside glass door barking into the night.  Their Mom kept telling them to quit down.  When she went to check on what caused the barking she was stunned to find a man slumped over on his porch.   She called 911 and the police came for the slumping man.  They loaded him into the police car and took him away.  The next day a man came to speak to Chase’s and Slater’s Dad to tell him that the man had been sleep walking although sleep slumping seems more appropriate. Chase’s and Slater’s Mom realized that, if they had not barked at him, warning her, when she went to sleep, the slumping man may have straightened, entered

Mom's New Recliner

The human insanity never ends.  Just when we are comfortable they turn the tables on us and bring in something we could never have comprehended in two dozen years. I knew something was amiss last night.  Before bed Mommy and Daddy began moving our furniture around.  They took our recliner (Aside:  It is our recliner, it belongs to me, Mommy and Pocket. We sit on it together, we snuggle, cuddle, eat treats on it, and at the end of this recliner I have licked so much the fabric is all sticky.   It is on the recliner and the bed that we live so it is ours.  End of Aside.) and moved it to where Daddy sits, put Daddy’s recliner where the glider was, and put the glider that no one sits on in the front room where no one sits.  I was concerned because the spot where we sat now held an empty recliner. This morning Mommy went to breakfast with a friend.   I think the only reason she did it was to try hide her culpability in what happened next.  There was the sound of a truck