Thursday, September 29, 2011

Foley fights for her intellectual property

Many of you may not know that Pocket and I were members of Doggyspace in the early days of the site. We had a difference of opinion with the owner and we had our tiny butts barred from the site left the site. Not to get into specifics, it's just that we stuck up for a friend, wrote a blog on our personal blog page that made the owner look like a senseless boob criticized the owner and we got barred. The former owner was a senseless boob did what he thought was right.

Anyhoo when we were thrown off left the site we also lost all the blogs we had written. I urge all my friend here to make sure they copy their blogs and save them because if you can't get on DS you can't get to your blogs.

Some of the members who have been here for a long time might remember one particular blog that we wrote. We became angry that female dogs had to share the same term with women who are not nice to people. Us female dogs are caring, loving, beautiful beings and should not have to share a term with selfish, mean women. Our blog proposed that female dogs, from this day forward, be known as lollipops,

On our Tanner Brigade site, and on our Foley Monster and Pocket Blog, we have been referring to female dogs as Lollipops for more than two years. Then I returned to Doggyspace and recently read a post where someone tried to post the word b-tch. Well the word b-tch does not come up. You know what does come up? Lollipop!

The new owners of Doggyspace may not be aware of this but I, Foley Monster, am the most respected dog lawyer in the country. I have got hundreds of dogs off from charges ranging from biting, to peeing, to chewing an entire couch. I am using this blog as a cease and desist order. The word lollipop in reference to dogs used on any web sits is the intellectual property of Foley Monster and may not be used without the express written consent of Major League Baseball or General Foley Monster. Since I don’t have a lot with intellect attached to my name I am ready to fight over this. If you do not I am going into my drawers, taking out my briefs, and throwing them in your big faces, and when humans get faced with my briefs they tremble like lollipops. Drat. There it is again!

I understand that your auto edit must use something to cover up the dirty words. May I make the following suggestions: Skittles, Gummi Bears, Everlasting Gobstoppers, Necco Wafers, Reese’s Pieces, Double Stuffed Oreos, Ho Ho’s., Ring Dings, Little Debbie’s, and All Day Suckers.

I have returned to Doggyspace in peace. I am not looking for trouble. But the word I picked to honor us beautiful girls who are so sweet and lovable and cuddly has now been turned by your auto edit machine into something that means the opposite. Please change it to one of the words I suggested and then I will be happy and content. \

If not then you are going to get my full lollipop on. Drat! There it is again. Pocket! Where are my briefs?

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Failure to Lunge: K9 Kamp Week Three

I am ashamed to admit that I came in last place in this weeks K-9 Kamp challenge. Daddy said he wanted me in the Kamp to work on my discipline. I don't know if it was my failure to curb to the discipline or my fear of Daddy's unnatural acts that conquered me on this challenge. but during it our family was plagued with two questions. Why is Daddy lunging, and why is he vicking in the front yard?

I was really psyched when I heard that that this weeks challenge involved a tug of war. I am excellent at tug of war. The way we play is that Daddy kneels on the ground, I pick up the tiny pull rope that fits in my little mouth, and he pulls it gently. I make this very ferocious growling sound. Sometimes Daddy pulls the tug toy too hard and it comes out of my mouth. Sometimes I hold on and he swings so hard he swings me and I let go and fly into the couch, if I am lucky.

Daddy always sits on the floor when we play tug of war but for this challenge he was standing up which means he had to lean way over to play with me. I was very worried about him falling on me, but I am an agile dog and even if he had fallen I could have scooted out from under him. But then he did something he never did before. He lunged. I ran from the living room where we were playing into the kitchen.

"What the hell is he doing?" I asked Foley who was sitting in the recliner.

"He's lunging, Foley said.

"Come on Pocket, don't be afraid," Daddy said. He picked me up and brought me back to the play area. He moved the chew toy back and forth so I became interested.

I bit down on it. He stood. We were playing. The he lunged.

I ran back into the kitchen. Mommy came out of the bedroom. Both Foley and I were barking loudly. "What is going on out here?" she asked.

"Daddy is lunging!' Foley said as I stood in the living room and barked.

"Why are you lunging?" Mommy asked him.

"It's part of K-9 Kamp," Daddy said huffing. "I am supposed to play tug of war with Pocket while lunging."

Mommy said that Pocket was too small to play Tug of War with a lunger. She gave me the toy to chew on and she sent Daddy into the bedroom to go lunge himself.

After he was done he realized he could have stopped tugging and let me chew and lunge on his own but he was done lunging which we were all happy about. He then told me it was time for us to run. Since Mommy does not want me outside because of the birds of prey and we do not have a cellar we would have to run on our one floor.

This I liked. We ran from our bedroom, to the front bedroom, through the living room, kitchen and hall past Mommy who was making Monday morning breakfast when, after the second passing, she asked Daddy what the hell he thought he was doing. Daddy told him that we were to run for two minutes between exercises. "Not in my house," she said.

Daddy began to say it was part of Kamp but Mommy still said no. He asked if we could go outside with a leash and she said yes. Daddy put the leash on me, we sat in the driveway, and we played tug of war with no lunging. Then Daddy and I started walking in the thick soup late September humidity. Then Daddy began running. I dug in my heels and said "are you drunk?" Daddy kept running , dragging me behind him, going, "come on Pocket, come on Pocket, oh please Pocket come on." Unh-uh. It was 85 degrees, hot, humid, and Sunday was my day to rest. Plus I hadn't even had breakfast. Daddy dragged me to the end of the street. When he turned around he picked me up and carried me back to our lawn

Daddy was breathing hard, his face was red. He put me down. He grabbed the toy and weakly waved it in front of me. He then began to get into a sitting position, then stopped and I realized what was happening. I pulled the leash from Daddy's limp wrist and ran to the porch barking for Mommy "Daddy is taking a vick on the front lawn, Daddy is taking a vick on the front lawn, and now he's fallen in it.

Before Mommy could respond Daddy was back, picking me up and running through the humid air carrying me up the street and then back down again. I asked him why he vicked in the yard and he said he was doing squats. Right, and next time I pee on the rug I will say I am just squatting. Humans. He made it to the end of the street, and the staggered back to the lawn. He fell down on his hands and knees, then lay on the ground. He grabbed the chew toy in one had and told me he was going to do push ups while playing with me. I backed away from him because he looked very pale. "Fine I will just do the push ups alone," he said, he did one, then collapsed on the lawn. Then something wonderful happened. Mommy said it was time for breakfast and I ran to the door while Mommy yelled at Daddy's prone body about not holding on to my leash putting me at risk of being carried off by a misguided carrier pigeon.

The good thing about living in the prune village is every 20 minutes or so someone needs an ambulance. A spare one stopped by to pick up Daddy and dropped him off later in the day. He slept again all day Monday. I will try to do better at Kamp next time. Sorry that Daddy scared me.

I have to go now, Foley and I need to recharge Daddy's defibulater.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

The Malatesta Pups are our September 25, 2011 Pups of the Week

There is a movie called The Great Escape. It was made when all those old or passed Hollywood stars were young and good looking. In the movie a number of prisoners escape from a Nazi prison camp. A handful stay free from capture. Others were captured. 50 were executed. The movie was based on real events. To a generation, when you mentioned "The 50" it meant something. The 50 were being transported back to the POW camp when they were told to get out of the transport trucks and stretch their legs. When they did the Nazis gunned them all down before they knew what was happening.

Now we have the Six. The six dogs belonging to Paula Malatesta. A week ago she had a heart attack. While she lay in the hospital family members, without her consent, made the decision to take them to surrender them to animal control. There the Six were killed while their Mom lie unaware in her hospital bed. 

When she found out her condition worsened, but thankfully the doctors were able to get her back on her feet. She then dealt with those still living, along with her outstanding friends who helped find homes for them, provided homes for them, provided transportation, set up and contributed to a chip in for her, showered her with words of faith and love, showing that there is no online communities like the online dog communities because these communities are based on love. 

Wishbone is at his new home with Annie and Blossom. Max is at his new home at Boudica's house. LeAndra also is going to her forever home. Miss Paula then will go stay with Aunt Cheryl while Puppy and Khan go to the vet's to be kept safe while she decides her future. So now, with the lyrics to the old song "The Streets if Laredo", are The Six, our Pups of the Week, may they always run happy, free, healthy, and carefree at the Bridge, and may they never know the harsh touch of the evil that inhabits some men. 

 As I walked out in the streets of Laredo
 As I walked out in Laredo one day,
 I spied a young puppy, all wrapped in white line 
Wrapped up in white linen and cold as the clay. 
Chiwennie, with us only eight months. 

"I see by your outfit, that you are a puppy." 
These words he did say as I slowly walked by. 
"Come sit down beside me and hear my sad story,
For I'm shot in the chest, and today I must die." 
Charlie Bear, 10 year old Shih Tzu rescued because Paula did not want him to die in a shelter. He died in a shelter without her consent. 

'Twas once in the saddle I used to go dashing, 
'Twas once in the saddle I used to go gay. 
First down to Rosie's, and then to the card-house, 
Got shot in the breast, and I'm dying today."
 Yacotaco a sweet chi, doxie mix 

"Oh, beat the drum slowly and play the fife lowly, 
And play the dead march as you carry me along; 
Take me to the valley, and lay the sod o'er me, 
For I'm a young puppy and I know I've done no wrong." 

Gravy, a Matleepoo destined for his forever home September 24. Put to death before her got there. 

"Get six jolly puppies to carry my coffin,
 Get six pretty maidens to bear up my pall. 
Put bunches of roses all over my coffin,
Roses to deaden the clods as they fall." 

Walter, who slept with Paula's special son Donald. 

Then swing your rope slowly and rattle your spurs lowly,
And give a wild whoop as you carry me along; 
And in the grave throw me and roll the sod o'er me.
For I'm a young puppy and I know I've done no wrong." 

Brandon, Paula's special heart dog and companion and friend to us all. 

"Go bring me a cup, a cup of cold water. 
To cool my parched lips", the puppy then said. 
Before I returned, his soul had departed, 
And gone to the round up - the puppy was dead. 

We beat the drum slowly and played the fife lowly, 
And bitterly wept as we bore him along.
For we loved our comrade, so brave, young and handsome, 
We all loved our comrade, because he'd no done wrong. 

Looking at the pictures all I can think of is the words of Jim McKay after the death of the Israeli athletes at the 1972 Olympics. "They're gone. They're all gone.'

We need to make sure nothing like this occurs again. I have a couple of ideas. One is that we have lawyers set up a pet proxy like a health proxy. A pet proxy would give control of our pets to someone we select the same way as a health proxy would give a person control over your health when we are incapacitated. There would have to be some legislation on the state level where pets could not be put down without someone either proving that they are the rightful owners of the pet or that they hold the proxy. 

Also there should be some legislation in every state that animal control can not put down a surrendered pet for 72 hours to make sure that the person who surrendered the pet had the right to make that decision. This would also have to be done through legislation. I am not a political person, or one well versed in law, so I am not to give advice on how to accomplish this, and some of you may have better ideas on what can be done to make sure that no one has to suffer the way Paula had to suffer. 

I have seen what this group can do, in helping with transports, and with finding homes, and taking in pups, and transporting them, I know there will be some great ideas, and miracles will occur. We shall never forget Paula's Six and vow to do all we can to try to heal the wounds in her heart and to show her that their is love and forgiveness in this world and people willing to work and fight together, because, while the darkness does win some battles, and leaves us with extraordinary pain, inevitably, the goodhearted shall win the war.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Foley Monster's new song for her friend Brody and Brody's Mom

*Foley comes out and sits behind a microphone with her guitar*

Hello, thanks for coming to the Foleytini Tiki Bar.  I hope you enjoy the Foleytinis.  This has been a hard week for all of us.  Very sad.  So I decided to write a song that will hopefully make you smile.  Or you might find it offensive.  It is a song about where I sleep during the day, my home.  It looks like this.

Now, if you are easily offended, or do not like a parody of a Dylan song from the 60's that repeatedly mentions female genitalia this song may not be for you.  So I will give you a chance to pay your bill and go.  Don't forget to tip your waitress.

OK, thank you.  This song is for Brody and his Mom Candice.  I would be honored to sing this at the new baby's christening.  OK, it goes like this.

Well, I see you noticed my brand new leopard-skin vagina condo
Yes, I see you noticed my brand new leopard-skin vagina  condo
Well, let me tell you baby
How sleeping  feels under somethin’ like that
Under my brand new leopard-skin vagina condo

Well, I look so pretty in it
Honey, you can join me anytime
You can come and look around
See that it's that expensive kind
You know you can lay across it
Your Mama's mattress ain't as soft
Let’s bring it up to your Daddy’s loft
My brand new leopard-skin vagina condo

Well, if you wanna see the sun rise
You need to put it on the other side of the chair
If you want to see the sunset
Mommy's got to put the vagina on the rocking chair
Me with my harness
Wrapped around my waist
And you with your new pink coller
Sitting in my brand new leopard-skin vagina condo

Well, I asked Brody’s Mom if he could see it
It’s bad for his health, she said
Yes, I disobeyed her orders
I invited him to see it
But she showed up instead
You know, I don’t mind her coming to my house
But I don’t like her taking up all my bed
Inside my brand new leopard-skin vagina condo

Well, I hear Brody wants to be my boyfriend
You know, I never smelt him before
Well, I saw him
On the Internet
He forgot to turn on the fire wall
You might think he loves me for my tail
But I know what he really loves me for
It’s my brand new leopard-skin vagina condo

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

K-9 Challenge Part Deux: Go Fetch Yourself

Good evening, I am your intrepid reporter Foley Monster here to report on the second leg of K9 Kamp 2011. This weeks challenge is called "Go Fetch Yourself." The task required that the human, in this case Pop, and the dog, my sister Pocket Dog, play a simple game of fetch. But the fiendish planners of the K9 Kamp created a Road Block to hamper the contestants completion of their task. In this Road Block not only would the dog be fetching the ball but the human would be fetching it as well.

Before the task a power greater than even the organizers of the K9 Kamp themselves threw in a road block of her own. That power: Mom. When Pop told her that the task required him to throw a ball for Pocket, and for Pocket to chase it, and this task was required to be done outside, she immediately put a stop to it. She refuses to ever let us run off leash because of predatory birds in the area. She is afraid that we could be carried off by a turkey vulture, hawk, owl, or eagle that populate the skies. Truthfully, Pocket is such a tiny thing, a pigeon on steroids could carry her off. Mommy made her ruling: Any ball fetching would have to be done inside.

"Inside!" Daddy said. "What am I supposed to do, go back and forth from the living room to the front bedroom?"

"I don't care what you do but you are not doing it outside."

As always, Mommy's word was final. On Thursday Mommy went to get her hair done. Daddy didn't even think about taking Pocket outside. Mommy had birds flying overhead to bring Pocket to her if she went outside for a second without a leash. Daddy got the ball. Pocket barked and danced excitedly. I sat in the recliner with the stop watch. I yelled go. Daddy threw the ball and they both gave chase.

The ball went under the table and Daddy tried to grab it but Pocket got it first. The next throw he tripped over a chair. This wasn't working. Then Daddy had a thought. What if they were on the same level? He got down on his hands and knees. He threw the ball, and then he quickly crawled after it. Pocket did too but seeing Daddy she stopped, turned to me, and said "what the hell?" I told Pocket it was part of the challenge and she had to keep going. Daddy got under the table first and threw the ball back towards the bedroom and Daddy and Pocket took off after it.

Soon they were both having so much fun. Racing each other on the floor for the ball. Pocket was barking. Daddy was smiling. I was amazed. This was the dumbest thing I had ever seen a human do. But he kept going, for about ten minutes, until he realized, that, sweet, fancy Moses, his lungs were exploding, his knees felt like they were shattered, his back throbbed, and he was about two minutes away from dying. He wanted to stop.

"No quitting!" I yelled. "You got ten more minutes. Keep it up maggot. Crawl. Crawl like the bug you are!" I would be an excellent coach on The Biggest Loser if I wasn't so afraid of being sat on by an enormous behind.

By the 30 minutes he was pulling himself forward by his forearms, sweating like a Kardashian on DWTS, The buzzer went off and Pocket and I dragged the defibrillator out of the kitty condo. We revived him with sweet licks and electric shock. He crawled on to the love seat and didn't move the rest of the day.

The next day he said he would go for 15 minutes but at the ten minute mark he crashed into Mommy's swiveling recliner and lay motionless for three hours. We skipped Saturday. On Sunday Daddy took three shots of five hour energy, dropped back down to his knees, and lasted ten minutes.

Monday Daddy refused to play even though he only had ten minutes to go to complete the challenge. This morning Pocket and I chewed up some caffiene pills and spit them in his cereal. He swallowed them down. Then he hopped up ready to play. He kept crawling back and forth, past the ten minute mark when I told him he could stop, past the 20 minute mark when he wore out Pocket, passed the 40 minute mark when Pocket and I had both fallen asleep. When we awoke an hour later he was under the table snoring loudly. He hasn't woken up since. Hopefully he will wake up, and be ready to crawl again, before the next contest.

Paula Malatesta: Champion Dog Rescuer in Hospital Her Pups need Our Help

Paula Malatesta, a Hall of Fame dog rescuer has been stricken by a heart attack and is in the hospital. She will no longer be able to care for the dogs in her shelter. I have copied a DS blog authored by Jake the Snake that explain her situation and what dogs need homes. If you can help let us know.

This is Ann, Jake's mom.  I just got off the phone with Paula.

She sounds good but very tired. 

She went into the hospital Sunday night and she expects
to go home Thursday or Friday. 

I asked if she would like calls
and she said yes. 

The hospital is Lake Norman Regional Medica
l Center, Mooresville, NC. 

The hospital number is 704-660-4000. 
Her extension is 4233. 

You can ask for Paula Maletestra. 
I had to spell it and I was close so
they let me talk to her. 

She said she can keep 4 dogs and she
needs homes for these little ones: 

(An aside...I am having foot surgery on the 29th
and I won't be able to walk for at least two weeks
and then not drive for a while longer
so I won't be able to be too much help with physical stuff
but I can do coordinating, etc.)  

  • Princess Dyan (called Chewinie) Chi/Dashund mix,
    8 months old, spayed female

  • Walter, Chi, neutered, 5 years old

  • Taco, Chi/Dashund mix, neutered male
    (forgot to get age)

  • Gravy, 1.5 years, Maltese/poodle male,

  • Charlie Bear, 10 years old Shih tzu,
    male, heart murmer, almost blind
    (Paula just wanted him to have a home
    and not die in a shelter)

  • LeAra, small black pekinese, female,
    neutered (Paula would like to keep her) 
    (forgot to ask age but I think young)

  • Max, small black pekinese, male,

Paula wants to keep Brandon, Puppy and Khan
because they are "her dogs."  

Just to clear up one point....Paula said her husband
did not call and yell at her about the dogs
but she said she has
not heard from him.  He talked to her daughter. 
Basically she is alone here and she does
so much for doggies that I wish all the doggies
she has helped could get together and help her!

If anyone has any ideas, let's hear them. 

Post Tags: paula

Monday, September 19, 2011

Foley Hopes to Make Some Celebrity Friends

As some of you know I am an administrator of a site called The Tanner Brigade. It is a small Ning site that our members can send invitations to people we want to join. We like to think of it as a small town with close knit friends, Doggyspace as the big city where you can meet thousands of dogs, and the blogging world as an entire country of dogs.

One of my friends is a fan of the books of Dean Koontz. He often uses dogs as characters in his stories. He even has a series of books about a talking dog, which is kind of silly. Us dogs can talk just like you humans. We just don't have anything important to say.

Now we sent an e-mail to Mr. Koontz asking that he have his dog on the Tanner Brigade. We haven't heard from him since. But we are keeping our paws crossed

That got Pocket and me to thinking, and Pocket to napping because while her thoughts can blaze high into the night they don't last too long. But as long as the Pocket fires were burning I took advantage and we made of list of other dogs who belong to celebrities that we would like to invite. We are now sharing this list with you.

Alexander Skarsgard's cockatoo:  We hear that the True Blood star has quite an extensive bird collection.  We would love to have his cockatoo on our site.  If he can't do that then we would settle for a cockaone.

Scarlett Johansen's kitty:  I recently learned that her kitty pictures are all over the Internet after her phone got hacked.  Her kitty shouldn't be all over the Internet.  So lets give her a place where she can put her kitty pictures for everyone to see.

Sylvester Stallone's Italian Greyhound:  This poor little fellow.  We hear, back in the day, his trainer used to give him these shots to make him big and strong, run fast after the rabbit and win races.  Now that he has got older the greyhound is a little shriveled, receded, and has back acne.  But we would still make a wonderful home for him.

Anderson Cooper's Silver Fox:  I must say I have never seen this fox.  I don't look at the TV a lot.  But whenever Anderson Cooper comes on TV Mommy says "oh look at that silver fox."  I look up right away but the fox must be fast because it scurries away.  Let's give him a home so everyone can see him.

Donald Trump's Squirrel:  I am not a big fan of squirrels but this is the closest human - pet relationship I have ever seen.  No matter where he goes The Donald goes he takes that thing on his head.  And I bet he's got some good stock tips too.

Eric Dane's Great Dane:  The Grey's Anatomy Dr. McSteamy is said to have a very Great Dane.  Somewhere on the Internet there is said to be a video of this Great Dane playing with a non Scarlett Johansen kitty.  Like her kitty we would like to put Dane's Great Dane on our site.

Brad Pitt's Monkey:  I honestly don't know if he has one.  But with all the kids he has adopted at one point someone must have thrown in a monkey.  You know, adopt five kids, we give you a monkey.  That's quite an incentive to take the fifth kid.  You might be leaving the country with four kids and someone says hey if you take fifth one you get a monkey and you got to take the monkey.  Right?  So I want his monkey on my site.  Period.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Lily and Izzy are our September 18, 2011 Pup of the Week

I believe Pocket noticed it before I did. We were curled up asleep in our leopard skin vagina condo when Pocket sat up and began to sniff the air. I told her to sit down but she said there was new pup smell in the air. I lifted my scenter too, and she was right, there was new pup scent in the air.
We climbed out of our condo. The first thing we noticed was that the air in the Brigade had finally cooled. That's probably why we snuggled up so much. Hobo was already up, drinking coffee and supervising the cats as they were building a fire to keep us warm. We asked him if he smelled the new dog but he said all he could smell was coffee and kitty litter. (How many of you thought I was going for the cheap double entendre there? Oh you know me so well.)
We walked over to where our members sign in but no one new had posted. But there was definantly new pup smell in the air. We went to Hattie Mae's place but she had the "No new dogs allowed" sign up she had ever since Jackie Lynn moved in.
We were perplexed. We went sniffing around. Cheyenne still had the new dog spell but it wasn't Chey. Wasn't Jackie Lynn either, she smells like sewing material and dresses now.
"How about Lily's place?" Pocket asked. I shook my head. Lily is a wonderful pup who is always taking in foster pups with her Mom. But there was no discussion of them taking a new one. We decided to head over there anyay.
But first we stopped. Pocket peed on the deep green grass. Then I peed over her. Then she came back and peed where I peed. Of course I went back and peed. We did this for about a half hour.
Then we headed over to Lily's and son of a gun if the new dog smell didn't get stronger. When we got there a white dog that looked like a big Lily was there, but didn't smell like Lily, and had a red rocket. We sniffed him. This was definately the new dog. And he did not have TB membership.
I told Pocket to scare the dog off. Pocket got up on her back legs and went Grrrr, Grrrr. The dog silently laughed. Pocket then nipped at her. The dog silently laughed harder. We were going to need a bigger dog.
I asked this dog who he was and he began to move his paws up and down and back and forth, touching his ears, his nose, his muzzle. Pocket ran and slid in the dirt because she thought she had been given the sign to steal third.
Then Lily popped out and I told her this strange, strong, silent Bichon had invaded the Brigade. Lily said no, this wasn't an invader, it was her new brother, and apologized for not signing him in.
"Your new brother?" Pocket asked looking at this dog. "He must weigh 20 pounds. What a horrible delivery for your mother."
"No," Lily said patiently. "You know how we give foster homes to dogs who need a temporary home, well this wormed his way into our family's heart."
"Oh that's too bad," Pocket said. "I had something worm it's way out my butt and I was on slop for a week." Lily smiled. She has a lot of patience with Pocket. We all do.
"No, I meant that he made us fall in love with him. Like your family fell in love with you the first time they saw you."
"My parents fell in love with her when it was either love or admitting $1,000 of ill spent money," I said. I walked up to the new dog and asked his name then jumped back as he started his judo movement with his paws.
"What is up with him?" I asked ducking and weaving.
"He had his barker taken out," Lily explained.
"Oh the poor thing," I patted the new dog's nose. "Who would take out a dog's barker, what a horrible thing." I said
The dog began to paw the air and his face again. "He uses sign language," Lily said. "I'm learning it. See when he puts his paw to his mouth he wants to eat, when he stamps his left leg he wants to got outside, when he stands on his back leg he wants to be picked up."
"What's it mean when he stands up on one leg and shakes his other three paws?" I asked.
"It means Pocket peed on our paws," Lilly said waving her paws trying to dry them. "Sorry, too much water this morning," Pocket said.
"Well I want to welcome this wonderful, barkless dog to the Brigade." I said bowing to him. "Our motto is freedom to bark but geeze there are somedays I don't mind the silence." Lily nodded knowingly.
Pocket walked up and asked his name and the dog started to paw the air again. "He can't talk Pocket!" I said, frustrated with my little sister. Pocket put her head down. I put a paw on her shoulder. She's not smart be she doesn't mean any harm. I asked Lily what his name was and he said "Izzy."
"Izzy," that's a nice name I said. 'I wish it was my name," Pocket said. "Izzy Gay, what a cool name." Oh Pocket.
Then Lily asked us if she could trust us with something and I said of course. She took us to her play area and showed us the dogs she was fostering. There were five dogs there in all. I had never known Lily took care of so many dogs. I would so proud of her I nipped Pocket to bring tears to her eyes because someone should be teary eyed.
And that's when I decided it. I called Lily to stand by Izzy. Pocket got my scepter. I put it in my mouth, touched both their shoulders, and shouted at them that I was making them both my Pup of the Week for September 18, 2011.
Lily thanked me and reminded me I didn't have to shout because her brudder was mute, not deaf.
"Izzy?" I asked laughing. No one else laughed. Sigh. I went back to my page and laid down to sleep. Boy this had been a long week.
But congratulations to Lily and Izzy. You are our very deserving September 18, 2011 Pups of the Week.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Foley Monster's Job Program for Humans

Good evening my fellow dogs and your devoted humans. The humans, both Republican and Democrat, Tea Party and I Party, independents and politically lazy, have brought themselves to the brink of disaster by mismanaging their country to the brink of kibblenomic ruin. In the past four years since humans have ruined their economy they have proven themselves unable to find their way out of their financial hole.

If anyone knows about holes it is dogs. We dig them. We fill them in. We bury things in them. In World War I my forefathers were sent into holes to check for explosives then crawl out of the hole and then give the solider 1,000 kisses as he giggled in delight. So I, representing dogs everywhere, am here to present our job plan for you humans.

What all humans agree on is that there is nothing more precious than a dog. While most industries have suffered during the economic downturn one industry that has shown profits is the pet industry. People are spending more for food, clothes, toys, gifts, spa treatments, day care, dog walkers, health care and other dog related accessories. People have shown time and time again that, while they do not have money to afford basic items for themselves, they will spend on their dog.

So I am introducing the country's first dog orientated jobs bill. We have to get America back to work. What we have is unemployed people and dogs that need homes. So let's pay people to start taking care of these dogs, working in shelters, learning how to train dogs, learning and teaching about proper dog nutrition, becoming dog walkers, and someday providing homes for dogs who would be put to sleep without a home.

If someone adopts a dog we will pay for the first five years of food and veterinary bills. We will also give them a weekly stipend. Now we know there are some conservative members of Congress who won't want to raise taxes to pay for this. To convince them we are going to have Sarah McLachlin filibuster that sad song and show the pictures of the homeless dogs over and over again until they break. I say it should take about ten minutes.

Now with more people owning dogs this means that there will be more need of dog services. More groomers, more veterinarians, more toy makers, all helping small business. I propose tax breaks for any business that starts a company concentrating on dog products, and relief from student loans for those who become veterinarians. Also we will offer tax breaks to all businesses that allow dogs into their stores so when humans go somewhere they don't leave their dogs behind.

To show that I am not afraid to reach across the aisle and embrace bipartisanship we will be offering tax cuts and incentives for those who take in homeless kitties too. Not as much, but we do want to recognize you crazy cat people too. We will also offer you free psychological counseling.

I envision a country where every dog has a home, and every human knows the joy of living with a dog. We are the guardian angels of all humans on this planet, and every Americans life with be better if the owned just one of us.

So I am asking Congress to pass this bill now and for the President to sign it. You need to recognize that we are the superior beings, after all, we don't clean up after your poop do we? And if we can get you to do that then we can get you to do anything can't we?

Just follow our plan. You will thank us later.

Monday, September 12, 2011

TWIB Notes

If you have been following the story of Disel, the dog who lived across the street from the Carny Dogs blog author is continued here.

Love and a Six foot Leash has an update on one of the dogs they fostered:  Lily.  You can read about it here.

Ashley Hill Owen does her usual outstanding job on Lucky Dog Rescue.  She asks you to imagine what it is like to be an unloved dog.  Please check it out here.

Did you hear our friends Koli and Felix ran away.  Oh the dumb twits.  I am so mad at both of them.  They are home safe and Mommy needs to fix a fence.  Of course the entire thing was their Daddy's fault.  You can read about it here

Here is a very sad story of a friend I never knew I had. Here The story of Kona who went to the Bridge on September 3.

Kirby the Dorkie recognizes all the hard working dogs out there in his Labor Day blog.

There is another friend we did not know we had who needs our help. It is from the HoundDogMom and the Hound Dogs blog. Cleo is in desperate needs of good thoughts and prayers. You can read about it HERE

Another Kirby the Dorkie story. You can read how he saved a bunny Here

The Dogs of Brazil give us two things we love, puppies playing and a new reason to root against Michael Vick here

Cindy Lu gives her blog to her friend Penny who tells the wonderful story of a boy and his dog growing up together here

There is a wonderful adoption story about a kitty named Dillon here

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Blazer is our September 11, 2011 Pup of the Week

On 9/11 what would be more fitting to recognize a dog who's Mom used to be a 911 Operator? But that is only one slight reason for recognizing our shy poodle friend. I remember Blazer as my first friend on DS. It was so long ago I can't remember for sure but I know my first day as a social networking dog was spent sending messages back and forth with him.

Blazer and I have been great buds ever since. We like to get together in our dreams and run, play tug of war, chew on bones, and snuggle in the Maiden Lillies. We have both been on this Earth long enough to remember the terrible events ten years ago this day, and we've also climbed to the top of the hill, and now that we have started the long ride down, we are going to enjoy the view together.

Blazer is a very shy dog so I am sure some of you have not been as lucky as I have been and know him like I do. But whenever there is a dog who is sick, who needs some extra kibbles to get better Blazer is ready to sift through his meager kibble and always find some to send to some poor pup who needs it.

When our patron saint for Moms', Aunt Jackie, got sick with lung cancer, I knew that Blazer's Mom had survived the horrible disease. When we mentioned that Blazer's Mom could be a comfort to Miss Jackie during her ordeal Blazer's Mom e-mailed her and they continued doing so until the sad end. Blazer and his Mom have endless empathy for all us dogs and Moms.

Also Blazer and his Mom are great listeners. When either Pocket, Mom or I need to vent one of the strongest shoulders we rest our weary heads upon belong to either Blazer or his Mom. Better friends you could not have.

Because Blazer doesn't blog (he doesn't believe in his abilities to write, which is just silly) he flies below the Tanner Brigade radar. But he is always one of our most active members. Just check out the events section. Whenever we have a party Blazer is there with food, balloons, gifts, all the party favors we need.

And when one of us is sick, and need to hear kind words, Blazer's ears perk up and he trots rights over to his friend's profile with kind words and caring. There are Moms on this site who have spent hours on the phone being comforted by Blazer, who whispers in his Mom's the comforting thoughts our friends need to hear.

Blazer has never asked for a thing from anyone. When he was featured in one of Aunt Connie's Hump Day Funnies, well, let me tell you, he was nearly bursting with pride. Him and his Mom ans their kitty Kimber are an inseperable family. They have been the perfect snuggle family since the first day Blazer was rescued.

Last week we celebrated Bauser as Pup of the Week, and it doesn't seem like a week. Days fly by. It has been ten years since Daddy came home and said all he wanted to do is to take me and Blake Bear for a walk then we went to our human sister Kim's new house to play with Bailey. Thinking back, it doesn't seem that long, but for us dogs, it's more than half a life time.

Age is starting to catch up with Blazer. The days have flown by. Some health problems have crept in. He hasn't said anything, he is a shy and private dog, and I have violated enough of his trust for one day, but Blazer and his Mom does need the power of the Brigade, our good thoughts and prayers.

Blazer, you know Pocket and I love you, and you are a very deserving pup of the week on the anniversary of the day when we all came together and leaned on one another and understood, and looked out for one another, because that is what you do, and we are proud to call you our brother. Here is to many more days for you our friend.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Day One of K-9Kamp. The 60 Minute Daddy Drag by Pocket Dog

Aunt Jodi, mother to our wonderful friends Kol and Fe contacted Mommy two weeks ago about the K9Kamp, a series of exercises for dog and parent. When she was contacted Mommy was sitting in the spinning recliner with Foley. Mommy has bad arthritis which was aggravated by a car crash and Foley is round bellied and lazy (when she's drunk she looks like Snooki) so they schemed to sign me, who is in Kardashian shape, and Daddy, who is in Jenner shape, for the Kamp without telling us.

Well we love Aunt Jodi, Kol and Fe, and there is nothing we wouldn't do for them. We have a wonderful, comfortable new love seat because she stole our old couch, a larcenous act but one that led to more snuggle for me so all is forgiven. So I told Daddy and he said the quick prayer he says daily: "Oh Jeeeeesus!"

Our first task was to walk for 60 minutes on Thursday. But we awoke to loud boom boom in the skies and a river of water washing over our little home. We stayed under the roof covering our walk way to do our business. We didn't go under the rumbly skies all day. But Friday was a new day.

I woke up Daddy and told him it was time for him to take me to K9-Kamp. He told me that the Kamp wasn't a place but an idea. Human logic continues to gobsmacl me. After we had breakfast Daddy put on his sneakers, his tube socks, my harness, then he took it off and put the harness on me, and we set out.

Daddy has walked around our People who smell like Prunes Village and one time around the perimeter, a word I learned watching Hogan's Heroes, was 20 minutes, so three times would be an hour. NASA, he is available. So we started out on our walk. Well, he started on his walk. I started on my sniff everything within the perimeter (thanks Colonel Hogan.)

So at the start of the walk I sniffed, and sniffed, and turned, and sniffed, and turned, and then I decided to use the K9-Kamp Golden Power of Crappo. The Golden Power of Crappo gives the holder the ability to crap in the middle of any challenge. I played mine early on in the challenge to cut down on the weight I was carrying.

Then there were the speed bumps. They were not actual speed bumps, they were impediments placed in the challenge to keep me from completing it. The first were the humans who were also walking. I, like most dogs, am absolutely breathtaking. I know when I see a human walking they are walking to come play with me. So I bark, pull on the leash, make Daddy do the arm jerk where his arm is going this way and that as he tries to control me. (This is an excellent aerobic workout for him.) About half the people stop, which cuts into our time, but what can I do? This is why the Queen of England does not run marathons. She would never be able to finish with all the well wishing she has to do.

Then there are the dogs who are walking. We bark at one another and do more arm jerking to help Daddy. We don't stop for the dogs. Daddy wants to stay on schedule. I barked at them that I am doing a challenge and would smell them tomorrow. Then there are dogs that are stuck inside. They barked their angry curses at me to get off their lawn. I barked back that I was on the road and they did not own it. The more we walked the better I felt. But the more Daddy walked the more he began to slow down and I had to drag him. Then, as I began our last trip around the prune village we had a road block.

Foley Monster. The Queen Diva herself. It was like being in the last mile of a marathon with a healthy lead and being saddled with Paris Hilton who wants to go shopping. Foley had to sniff where she wanted to sniff, bark at who she wanted to bark at, and use the golden power of crappo when she wasn't even holding the medallion.

Foley may have been able to complete the challenge ten years ago but now all that sniffing and barking takes a lot our of her. Halfway through Foley was dragging me down more than Daddy. By the last corner I was dragging Foley like I was cleaning her anal glands and Daddy like we were finishing the Iditarod.

Finally I got home and drank a bowl of water. The challenge was complete. I had conquered K9-Kamp and was champion. Then in his last words before he fell asleep Daddy told me there were more challenges to come. Oh man. I'm just a little dog. How far can I carry this old fool? I guess you will have to keep following to find out.

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Friday, September 9, 2011

A Care package from Josie Koda Wills and Sophie Bub

It has been raining for days here so we haven't been able to get mail with Daddy. But each day there was mail for us. A birthday card from Hobo. Two cards from Hattie. But yesterday was the mother load. We got a CARE package from Josie, Koda, Willa and Mrs Sophie Bub. The card said the package was for Mommy and Daddy because the bad news Murphy had moved in with us. It was incredibly sweet and made them both very happy. The card said the toys were for our parents except for the green bones for our teeth. But the toys were obviously for us. To everyone but Mommy and Daddy. They both got down on the floor, took the tennis balls we received, and nosed them back and forth at one another and barked when the balls came near them. They then got out the long, plush, squeaky toys and walked around the house for a half hour with the toys in the mouth squeaking endlessly. Did any dogs every notice how annoying that constant squeaking is? Finally they gave us our green bones. Here are a couple of pictures showing us enjoying them (Foley enjoyed them so much she got the devil eyes.)

I am sorry the pictures are out of focus but Mommy and Daddy were out tuckered out from playing and could not focus.

When Mommy and Daddy became so tired they fell asleep we took the toys and hid them deep inside my leopard vagina kitty condo so we can play with them, which we believe was the original intention.

So thank you from the bottom of our Yorkie hearts and our parents' hearts. You brought some big smiles to sad faces. Mrs, Sophie Bub, Willa, Koda and Josie you and your parents are king of the hill, top of the heap, and we love you.

And remember, sending us gifts does not guarantee that we will write a blog about how wonderful you are, but it never hurts.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

What I have learned in four years by Pocket Dog

I have learned many valuable lessons during my four years in the Monster Pack. I am a truly unselfish dog and I would like to pass on what I have learned to my friends. I do not claim to have originated these lessons so please, either use them yourself, or claim them as your own on your blog.

1. It's better to hold the phone than to get a kidney stone. If you have to go then you have to go. You should give your Mom and Dad some warning, like walking past the outside door, but if you create stress on your bladder it could have untold consequences.

2. Always get the snuggle spot. Define the snuggle spot in your house. In my house it is in the recliner, on my Mom's left side, in between Mom's body heat and the soft cushion of the recliner. This is easy for me being a wee dog. For you larger dogs I strongly suggest you speak with your Mom about getting a love seat, preferably one that reclines. If this is not possible a couch will do. But, if you are forced to use a couch suggest your Mom eats a lot of cake. A big butt will give you that recliner feel.

3. If you have a sibling make sure they are the loud one so they bark for food at the dinner table. Foley's first sister Blake taught her to bark for food. I quickly learned to sit silently next to Foley and shake my head at her actions, but when my humans break down and gives us scraps I accept mine gratefully then sit there silently while Foley barks for more. I get treats, I don't strain my barker, and I come off as the good dog.

4, Rule to live by. She who bit it shit it.

5. Keep your eyes on your humans as much as possible because you never know when they will slip away.

6. Keep the ball rolling. When you pick it up drop it forward, nose it around the room, and when it stops bark at in until a human appears and throws the ball. If you can keep the ball moving forward the fun never stops.

7. Every single person or animal you see on your walk is there for your amusement. The humans are there to scratch and pet you. The dogs are there to sniff and lick you. The cats are there for you to intimidate with your mighty growls. The chipmunks and squirrels are there to be scared of us like we are a great white shark. So what ever you see on your walk bark at it until it plays with you or runs from you. Any other result is a waste of a walk and a disappointment to the beings that are looking for interaction with us.

8. We are the only specie that can take a dump on someones' front lawn and get another specie to pick it up, put it in a bag, and walk around with it until they find a trash receptacle. That is power my friends.

9. Who said we have to pee on the grass? The grass is often wet, our piggy toes need to be dried off, and it is painful and humiliating. Pee in the road. It's not wet, you won't get dried, and the worst you need to worry about is gravel on your whowho.

10. When playing Words with Friends with the Labbies be ready to prove you know the meaning of words. That is not really the tenth thing. The tenth thing is when you sleep under the covers with a farty dog like Foley it can get fumy.

Monday, September 5, 2011

7th Heaven the 7 Blog Challenge

Awhile ago Kolchak and Felix challenged us to find blogs we had written that matched the categories listed in bold. We have written more than 400 blogs so it took us awhile to find the appropriate blogs. I am not going to challenge any specific bloggers but if any of my friends want to try the same thing, it is fun. If a little time consuming. Hope you enjoy.

1. My Most Beautiful PostWalking With Tanner With My PawsTen Feet Off the Ground From 2009 Foley Monster walks with her best friend Tanner Bub on his trip to Rainbow Bridge.

2. My Most Popular Post New Home From May of 2009 this was the first blog we wrote. It explained why we were kicked off of Doggyspace, the arrogance, the ignorance, and the cruelty of the former owners, and a tribute to the friends we were leaving behind.

3. My Most Controversial Post In Which Foley causes an international incident Foley was patrolling the grounds where she lives when she sees a kitty she believes is breaking into a neighboring home. Their altercation become an international incident that ends with her having a meeting with the kitty at the White House.

4. My Most Helpful Post Ask Aunt Foley Foley Monster takes actual questions from actual dogs unless she makes them up. She then gives advice based on her 11 years of life. Valuable advice on how to keep fooling your parents and getting out of trouble.

5. My Post Who's Success Surprised Me The First Ever Video of Pocket Playing Ball We have never used video in a story before, and haven't done it since. So this video of Daddy trying to to get Pocket to catch the ball in her mouth, with a guest cameo from Foley Monster herself, didn't make us believe it would get a lot of views. But it did. And it is still the only place to catch two of the Internet's favorite Yorkie in action.

6. My Post that Didn't Get the Attention I Feel it Deserved TWIB Notes When I read a blog I really like I link it to Facebook and Twitter, then leave a comment, and copy the URL to include in my weekly TWIB (This week in Blogging) notes blog. It's a way to check out some great blogs. But not one seems to be reading it. It's like have a library with all the great works of literature and no one reading it. I wish more people would give it a looksie.

7. The Post I am Proudest of Levi surrenders to General Foley Our experience on Doggyspace was not a good one. We found the former owners rude and crass. When we set up our own breakaway site we hoped, but did not expect, that we would make any difference, and maybe we did not. But if we helped drive the former owner away, and make DS a better place for blogs, we would be very happy indeed. This blog is about the former DS owner surrendering to General Foley based on Lee's surrendering to Grant at Appomattox.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Bauser is our September 4, 2011 pup of the week

We are here on September 4, 2011, the fourth anniversary of Pocket's birth, to recognize a pup who enjoys acknowledging the achievements of others, who writes blogs about them.. But this dog's name is neither birthday girl Pocket or older sister Foley. No, our pup of the week is our most entrepreneurial friend, the creator of his own thriving bandanna business, the wonderful Bauser. Do you have a Bauser bandanna? If not then stop right now, go to this site ( Bausers Bandanas), and order one. You will not regret it. The Bauser bandanna business started as a way to raise funds because Bauser had back problems. He needed money for surgery, and he put his long head together with his Mom's and they came up with the idea for the bandanna site. Bauser bandanna's are one of the coolest items a dog can own. A Bauser bandanna makes the lollipops go crazy over a sharp dressed dog and the lollipops pop up on the best dressed lists at the doggie spa openings. And the best part of the story is that Bauser raised more than enough money to pay for his operation. And he lived happily ever after. At least until a couple of weeks ago. On August 23 Bauser had another very bad day, something we had hoped was gone for a very long time. Bauser was panting, pacing, and not listening to commands. His Mom became very worried that her nightmare was starting again. His Mommy noticed that he was not walking normally and rushed him to the vets. Bauser had another slipped disk that was herinated in c4 and c5. He was given more pills to take, which seems to be humans answer to everything. Break a bone take a pill. Also his heart mumur had grown slightly. The next day thanks to the doctors Bauser was feeling better, even trying to run, which wasn't the best idea, given his physical problems. As long as we have known Bauser, and I believe it is close to four years now, he has been a fighter. And he's had the perfect Mom next to him cranking out the bandanna They did an official Tanner Brigade bandanna just for us, so if you don't have one, and would like one, you can check out Bauser's site and get yourself one. From a little idea about making bandannas to defray costs on DS Bauser has built his kibble business into a million dollar enterprise. He should be hired by the President So we raise our glasses to Bauser. We hope we feel better and stay that way for a long time and may your bandanna business reinvigorate the economy. Congratulations Bauser - our Pup of the Week

Monday Question

 What is the oldest thing in your house that has been used by pets long before you moved into the house, and do you still use it?   Ruby'...