Sunday, March 28, 2010

Scooter and Molly are our March 28 pups of the week

I sleep in a warm bed with Mommy and Daddy. When they're home I am either snuggled next to one of them, resting on my throne of pillows, or getting lots of tickles and kisses. When they aren't home I am sleeping in a comfortable blanket and in the afternoon the sun shines through and warms my fur.

I do have the good life. It's easy to forget how easily my life could have been different, how I could have ended up hungry, thirsty, cold, wet, and neglected, sleeping in a metal cage. We don't have many puppy mills up this was and outside of donating our kibble here and there we don't do much to help those poor pups.

But there are plenty of pups who do more, much more, and two of them are our pups of the week, Scooter and Molly. This week, there were 297 pups liberated from one of these death camps and 67 of them went to the Animal Rescue League in their hometown of Des Moines Iowa.

Along with their wonderful Mommy Scooter and Molly gathered blankets and food for these poor pups and brought them to the shelter as they take their first steps towards their forever home. For their thoughtfulness and their generosity Scotter and Molly are our pups of the week.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Pocket has had it with Government Poopcare

Just when I think I am out of politics they pull me back in. Let's be truthful pups. While we adore our Mommies and Daddies, and while we delude ourselves into believing that we control the house, the truth is that we are the citizens and Mommy and Daddy are the government.

We understand the need for government. But we do not want government in every aspect of our lives. There are parts of our lives that government should stay out of: our toys, the stuff we roll in during walks, and most importantly our pooh. But now comes a story from Santa Cruz California.

There is a young dog there, Chappy, who enjoyed an occasional taste of pooh ala carte. Then the government stepped in and began feeding it's citizens pineapple. The unsuspecting citizens, totally trusting their government, and, to be honest, if they will eat pooh, are up for chowing down on anything, eagerly ate the pineapple.

And then they found out that the government has infringed on our precious bodily fluids. His pack took their morning Vicks, and then he went to enjoy his constitutional right to enjoy a morning stool when the most malicious odor arose from the object of his desire.

Then he realized where that smell had come from. It was the smell of his new treats. Pineapple! And it wasn't the sweet smell of steamy pooh, it was bitter, and as much as the Vick drew him in the awful smell of the forbidden fruit drove him away.

The government had taken control of his stools, stolen the simple treat of shit snacking. I say this is enough! It is time that we stand together and take back our Vicks. The government neither owns our bodies or what we put into it, or slip out of it.

And Chappy, a true puppy patriot, the next day, found the courage, found the intestinal fortitude to stomach the smell and chomp down on his stool. This brave dog did not let the Government ram poop care down his throat, he ate crap even without the appetizing smell of pooh.

So I say to the Government enough! Back off our shit! You do not own our bodies! We will not stand for Government controlled poop care! Our ancestors died for the right to eat their own excrement and we are willing to do the same. So be warned Government. You will take my pooh when you wrench it form my cold dead paws!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Today we got a present from Shiloh's Mom

Today was the most exciting day since the flood. Daddy came home from work with the mail in his hand. He had a brightly colored package that gave off a slight whiff of the Brigade. I hurried next to him as he read the address, to Foley Monster and Pocket Gay from Shiloh Fogerty.

Daddy opened it up and pulled out a card. Shiloh's Mom said she was sorry she didn't get to meet us. We are sorry too. Why do humans have to get sick and cause dogs to miss their friends? I don't understand. Then he reached into the brightly colored envelope and started taking out gifts.

First came a box of treats. They are natural and good for us so usually I would say phooey on that. But since they came from my good friend Shiloh who knows lots about food I gobbled them down (and they were good too.) Pocket won't eat them until I have had a lot of them because, for some reason, she thinks Mommy and Daddy are trying to kill her, probably because, when we are alone in the bedroom, and she's locked in the crate, I sit outside of it and say "Mommy and Daddy are trying to kill you."

Then there were two balls, with feet! And they squeaked. Daddy threw it, Pocket chased it, then she dropped it, because she, for some reason, thinks Mommy and Daddy are trying to kill her. She kept going back to it, and she'll be playing with it soon, and getting it all wet and slobbery, and then I can steal it. I am so looking forward to it.

So thank you so much Shiloh and Mama Fogerty. If you come East again I surely hope to meet you. I hope you had a nice day in Concord. Did you go to bridge where the Revolution started? I peed there. I think there's a historical marker that says Foley peed here. There would be one for Pocket too but they ran out of markers.

So thank you so much, Shiloh is the bestest dog and you are the bestest Mom, and a special shout out to Pokey, Cooper and their Mom for mailing it. And anyone who wants to be the bestest Mom or the bestest dog, please mail me a gift. I a high class dog, but I can be bought.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Today on Judge Judy: Foley vs Pocket

Announcer: This is the plaintiff. Pocket Puppy. She is suing her sister for stealing her orange ball and trying to hide it under her Mommy's legs. She wants her sister to keep her nose off her balls. This is the defendant: Foley Monster. She says she never took the ball, and she wasn't trying to hide it at all. She is accused of being a ball buster.

Judge Judy: Bird, does the defendant appear at all familiar to you?

Bird: Mumble, mumble, defendant sued paper princess last year mumble mumble.

Judge Judy: That's right, Ms. Monster, I wish I could say I was surprised to see you back here. I'm not, but I wished I could say that. You're like a bad penny aren't you Ms. Monster? There's no need to answer that. Now, Ms. Pocket, aren't you the dog that soiled my rug.

Pocket: I took the fifth your owner.

Judge Judy: That is take the fifth Ms. Pocket know your terms if you are going to come into my courtroom.

Pocket: No your honor, I took a fifth of a bowl of water before I came in here and now I got my back legs crossed.

Judge Judy: Well if you think you're peeing on my leg Ms. Pocket you can forget about it. Let's get started. I don't need any more unfortunate accidents around here right Bird?

Bird: Mumble, mumble, grumble, mumble.

Judge Judy: Now get on with it.

Pocket: Every day when Daddy comes home from work he sits on the floor and we play fetch with my orange ball. Now Foley and I share our toys, but the orange ball is mine. Well, one day Daddy and I were playing ball, and I jumped on the couch and rolled on my back. I held the ball in my paws and tossed it in the air and the next thing I knew Foley jumped on the couch and stole my ball!

Judge Judy: Is that true Ms. Foley?

Foley: I saw Pocket playing with something. I couldn't tell what it was, and then she was on the couch, rolling around, apparently in some distress. I went to help, and when I saw that she was fine, I went back to sit on Mommy's lap.

Judge Judy: Well Ms. Pocket says the ball ended up near your front paws and you were shoving it under her legs.

Foley: Judge Judy, when I went back to sit with my Mommy there was something round and slimy near me and I tried to hide it under my Mommy. I figure Pocket, when she was playing with it, must of pushed it in the chair towards Mommy.

Judge Judy: You're lying to me Foley Monster. You're lying. You know how I know you're lying, your tail is moving. Now Pocket, how did the ball get in the recliner with your Mommy

Pocket: Foley tried to pick it up in her mouth, but her teeth aren't so good, so she kind of nosed it over towards Mommy's chair, then stuck out her abnormally large tongue and balanced it then jumped into Mommy's chair, and when I jumped after her to get it back she was pawing it under Mommy's legs

Foley: You're honor, look at my mouth, how could I fit a ball in there? And you can ask my witness Hattie Mae. She'll tell you.

Judge Judy: You, are you his witness Hattie Mae?

Hattie Mae: Yes your honor.

Judge Judy: And what can you tell me about what happened in the alleged ball incident?

Hattie Mae: Nothing your honor I just wanted to show off my outfit on TV.

Judge Judy: Very nice Ms. Mae, now if you have nothing else please sit down. As for you two, why didn't your Mommy come to be witnesses for one of you? It seems like she could have cleared this up.

Foley: She's wanted on RICO charges in six states your honor.

Pocket: Foley's right, she has mob ties.

Judge Judy: What if I called her?

Foley: It's daylight, she's napping.

Judge Judy: What if I called her at night?

Foley: She'd be sleeping.

Judge Judy: Is that all your Mommy does, nap and sleep?

Pocket: When she's not fencing stolen merchandise for the mob.

Judge Judy: Well you're Daddy was playing with Pocket maybe he can testify.

Pocket: We left him in the car.

Foley: Pocket cracked a window.

Pocket: I did not I thought you cracked the window.

Foley: Oh man Pocket, he's going to be sweaty and panting when we get there and the windows are going to be all steamed.

Judge Judy: Well this sounds like a lovely family. I'm afraid I don't have much information to base my decision on; you're testimony has been less than enlightning.

Pocket: I have the ball your honor.

Judge Judy: Bird let me see this ball.

Bird: (walks over and picks up the ball) Mumble, mumble, it's all gross mumble. (hands the ball to Judge Judy who drops it.)

Judge Judy: That ball is disgusting I don't know why any human would touch that.

Foley: I agree your honor. I would have nothing to do with that, you can read my blogs, I don't like to play with toys.

Pocket: That is true your honor, but when I get my spit all over the ball, or any toys, Foley can't resist it.

Judge Judy: What are you saying Pocket?

Pocket: Foley likes wet, gross, smelly balls.

Foley: That is a lie!

Judge Judy: Miss Foley, I have read your blogs and you do have a habit of stealing Pocket's toys after she has chewed them, and I really don't believe your story. What I don't understand Pocket is, if I do find for you, what you would like me to order?

Pocket: I'd like you to throw the ball!

Judge Judy: You just want me to throw the ball. Fine. (Judge Judy picks up the ball) Ruling for the plaintiff. (She throws the ball)

Pocket: (Turning and running out of the courtroom) Ball, ball, ball, ball.

Judge Judy: Bird I don't want anymore dog cases. Case dismissed.

Bird: Grumble mumble grumble mumble

Sunday, March 21, 2010

March 21, 2010 Pup of the week is Jeni

I don't want to degenerate any of our past deserving Pups of the Week who we all love very much, miss dearly, and look towards the sky at night to see their bright lights shining down on us, but it is nice to honor a Pup of the Week who can still snuggle up with her Mom at night.

We are blessed to have members who have been very generous when it comes to helping other dogs in need. This week Jeni proudly stepped up and did her part. She made us aware of a You Tube video that benefited the Pet Project of Minnesota, a non profit, all volunteer, organization.

The Pet Project gathers pet food and and supplies for local food shelters in the Minnesota metropolitan area. It's mission is to provide food and supplies to pet owners who can no longer afford them so beloved pets can stay with their Mommies and Daddies.

It has been very difficult for some people to keep their pets. Dogs are being turned into shelters because they can no longer be fed or cared for. Hearts are broken everyday. Jeni and her Mom have stepped up and provided a way for loved ones to stay together, and no matter what the times are, there is nothing more important than keeping loved ones together.

Cargill, makers of Nutrena pet food have promised to provide a truck load of food to the Pet Project for every 10,000 people to watch the video she posted on her blog, and we will re-post here. So please, for the good people and pets of Minnesota and in honor of Jeni, or pup of the week, watch the video between one and 10,000 times, and be like Jeni, helping to keep people and their beloved pups together.

You tube video for Nutrena. Please watch

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

The Shape I'm In

Well, let's see. As you know, the cellar flooded, then son in law #2 came over and wired the sump pump together to keep it running until the next day when he would replace it. Well that night Mommy found out there was no hot water because the pilot went out. I did not know there was a pilot it the basement. I could have had navy and an air force. So Daddy went downstairs to try and light the pilot, which, if you have flown, you know is a very bad thing. But Daddy, even though he does his best work on his knees, was too much the dummy to light it. So they called Daughter #2 to get Son in law #2 but he was at a Drop Kick Murphy's concert, and he did not take me. I could have sat on his shoulder and gone "Shipping Up to Boston Bow Wow." So then Mommy says they would get the on call person for the company that Son in law #2's family owns, even though it would cost a lot, but we found out that Son in law #2 was the on call guy, and he could come over after the concert, but then both he and the pilot would be lit. So Mommy called my human brother Chad who had just come home from Fort Myers and he came over and said: "Let me show you how to do it T!" and then he lights it and then we all laughed at Daddy. Then we went upstairs. During all of this Pocket and I were very excited, and Pocket got so excited she took a vick and fell into it, so she had to get a cold bath, and I was laughing so hard I almost twisted my tail. A little later we went to bed, and when we awoke the wire holding the sump pump had snapped and the cellar was flooded again and the pilot was sober, but the water barely cold. So son in law #2 came over and fixed the sump pump and then he and the pilot got lit and everything was AOK for six hours when the little thing on the lap top where you put the power plug broke. So I'm using a loaner and tomorrow Pocket and I are buying a new laptop. So, I'm in a state of mildly amused suckiness. So Happy St Patrick's Day and Happy Evacuation Day everyone (Evacuation Day is the day the British left Boston in the Revolutionary War. It's a holiday in Suffolk County in Massachusetts, or just another reason for everyone to get their pilot lit)

Monday, March 15, 2010

The adventures of the SS Foley Monster

Today Daddy took the day off to go visit Nana in the hospital. She is going to be there longer then we had hoped. She went into something called respiratory failure and had to have something called a tracheostomy after her double bypass surgery. I don't know what any of that means. I do know that Mommy and Daddy have been very tense, and I have had less computer time, and I wish things would go back the way they were. I also know that Mommy says she wished for years that Daddy's Mom would be in a place where she couldn't speak so my Mommy could say what is on her mind, and now that the time is here, she's not enjoying it. Really, I don't understand humans. Nana could really use our brigade prayers, I know I've asked before and you've all been wonderful, but she could use any bit of spiritual help she can get.

It has been raining here since, creation, I believe. Often when it rains we get a little bit of water in the cellar. Just enough to get your paws wet. Well this morning Mommy and Daddy were on a schedule to pick up his Daddy and go into Boston for a visit. His Daddy has to get in and out at a certain time or he goes into a Rain Man meltdown rocking back and forth and muttering "Tony Kornhiser is on at 5:30, definitely 5:30, 5:30 sharp, have to be home for 5:30, 20 minutes to Korniser, oh 20 minutes to Kornhiser."

Well this morning when Daddy went downstairs his foot went splash. There was three inches of water across the entire cellar. Daddy did what all Daddy's do. He ran upstairs to tell Mommy. I went down with Mommy, and then she said she was calling daughter number two's husband, the plumber, because something called the sump pup failed. I looked at Pocket and said "Oh boy we're going sailing!"

The plumber came over and he got it so the water wasn't pouring in anymore. Then everyone had to hurry out so they could get to the hospital. I stuck something in the cellar door to pry it open, and the same with the bedroom door, waited for Mommy and Daddy to leave, then sprung Pocket from her crate and we went down to the kitchen. I found a big pot, and a paper towel and we dragged it downstairs.

I put it in the water, used the paper towel as a sail, hopped in, and shiver me timbers, we were sailing away. I was the skipper and had a pee school graduate for first mate (she didn't like being called Gilligan.) I stood in the aft part of our mighty vessel shouting "hoist that bail, turn that sail!"

"Where's the sail, what's a bail?" a confused Pocket asked.

"Hearty astern!" I yelled. "Hoist the lanyards."

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

"Ahoy there's a mighty whale!" I yelled backing up and knocking Pocket out of the pot. "Yorkie overboard!" I shouted. "Throw her a line."

Pocket, standing in two inches of water, shook her head, and told me I wasn't any fun to play with, then squished her way back up the stairs and locked herself in her cage.

As for me, I turned stern to the sunset, turned my sails, and rode off.

And the fog's liftin'
And the sand's shiftin'
I'm driftin' on out
Ol' Captain Ahab
He ain't got nothin' on me
So come and swallow me, follow me
I'm trav'lin' alone
Blue water's my daughter
'n I'm gonna skip like a stone
Shiver me timbers
'Cause I'm a-sailin' away

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Apollo is the March 14th pup of the week

Father, grandfather, friend, trusted companion, inspiration, so many words fit our pup of the week Apollo Schultz, who earned his wings and flew off to the bridge this week leaving behind him a trail of the brokenhearted.

Apollo was from Oklahoma, in the heartland of America. He was our little cowboy, tough, strong, proud, brave, a true leader amongst mutts.

His ignorant neighbors tried to poison him. He fought off the poison and bounced back giving his parents the strength to pursue a little frontier justice against them.

When he learned an innocent dog's life would be sacrificed to give him a longer time with us, not only did he refuse the offer but his Mom brought the pup off of death row and home with them.

Apollo was our John Wayne. Strong and silent. Walking softly and carrying a big woof.

When it was his time to go his Mom knew how to handle the situation. Our John Wayne does not cross the bridge looking dirty. He was bathed, and done up right, and he died in his home, with his boots on, as his Mom softly hummed his was into the afterlife.

The tune was "Don't worry, be happy" which I think is the perfect song for our tough, sweet little angel. I am sure that Tanner, Morgan, Ladybug, Buttons, Moses and all our friends are at the bridge to meet him and welcome him.

So let's get the Tanner Brigade band back together for one more song: Everybody all set, OK, hit it Pocket: One, two three.

Here is a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don't worry be happy
In every life we have some trouble
When you worry you make it double
Don't worry, be happy......

Ain't got no place to lay your head
Somebody came and took your bed
Don't worry, be happy
The land lord say your rent is late
He may have to litigate
Don't worry, be happy
Lood at me I am happy
Don't worry, be happy
Here I give you my phone number
When you worry call me
I make you happy
Don't worry, be happy
Ain't got no cash, ain't got no style
Ain't got not girl to make you smile
But don't worry be happy
Cause when you worry
Your face will frown
And that will bring everybody down
So don't worry, be happy (now).....

There is this little song I wrote
I hope you learn it note for note
Like good little children
Don't worry, be happy
Listen to what I say
In your life expect some trouble
But when you worry
You make it double
Don't worry, be happy......
Don't worry don't do it, be happy
Put a smile on your face
Don't bring everybody down like this
Don't worry, it will soon past
Whatever it is
Don't worry, be happy

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Koda is our March 7, 2010 pup of the week

Congratulations to Koda for being a two time winner of Pup of the Week.

It's been quiet a tough week for our friend. It began with his Mommy and Daddy finding a lump on his neck. Now we all know finding lumps are a very bad thing. I don't want anything to do with them. When Mommy and Daddy are feeling nostalgic and watching Leave it to Beaver I hide under a blanket when Lumpy Rutherford walks in the kitchen.

His parents took him to the vet, and you know vets, they want to cut everything out of you (some of them stole our ovaries.) They took it out of him before it turned (into what?) but he was very sleepy. But hopefully he is not going to have any lingering effects from the surgery (like complete absence of ovaries.)

They brought him home with eight inches of stitches on his back. No word if he had to wear the cone of shame. He was in such tough shape that even Josie the Grouch was happy to see him, doing a dance like Oscar does when someone puts trash in his can.

To add insult to injury the cut happy doctor says he needs to lose nearly 20 pounds. That's four of me! I think Koda looks just perfect to me? Don't you?

When Koda first was awarded our highest honor it was because his Mom had saved a dog at the police station who had an express pass for the bridge. Bella has lived with the family for five months, but Koda has been very aggressive with her. Some dogs just don't mix with others no matter how hard their Mom and Dad try. I know it's heartbreaking for them but they are finding her a new home.

So, for being such a brave boy in facing surgery, for his parents making such a valiant effort at integrating Bella into the family; for recognizing their mixture of pups put all of them in danger, for, instead of just turning Bella over to a rescue, working on getting her adopted, and finding her a good home soon; Koda is our pup of the week and her Mom and Dad our shining star parents of the week..

Congrats to all.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Pocket vanquishes the sinister Chihuahua

I may not have won the election but I did vanquish my most hated opponent. The sinister Chihuahua is gone.

For those of you who don't know the sinister Chihuahua is my arch nemesis. He escapes from his house when I am outside peacefully doing my business and charges at me with dark eyes and snarling teeth. I am a peaceful pup and do not like violence but when another pup confronts me in such a manner I have no choice but to put my tail between my legs and hide behind my Daddy while the Chihuahua barks the nastiest curse words in a mixture of American and Mexican.

But last weekend a big truck pulled up the the sinister Chihuahua's front door and men began to load his sinister belongings. Foley and I sat on the back of the couch and watched wondering if this was one of his sinister plots. Plus we wanted to make sure he left too, not that he was just banishing his humans to live in his own evil kingdom.

We never did see him carried out, nor a crate, nor a pouch, nor two men in hazmet suits with a locked box not wanting to come in contact with pure evil. The only sign we had of him exiting the house was the stream of black smoke that curled out of the house and into the back of the truck before it moved away.

Later that day Foley and I went outside and checked out the sinister Chihuahua's house. We smelled no evil, saw no evil, heard no evil, and spoke no evil which means we are one step above the monkeys on the evolutionary scale.

There is one sad note, well at least for Daddy, and the male of the human species, because the sinister Chihuahua's Mom was the neighborhood porn star whose movies are sold at Mommy has never let me see the movies but I believe the sinister Chihuahua is her evil pimp.

But we still have our other colorful neighbors like Mr. Franksandbeans. This is a true story: I swear on Mommy. While Daddy was carrying me while taking out the trash (I am there for protection) Frankandbeans got out of a car in mid conversation and said "I don't taste the puss either."

Daddy told Mommy this story and then they both just looked at one another with the confused looks on their faces when there is unaccounted vick on the floor.

But thanks to Franksandbeans I do know to chase the cats but never actually taste them.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Foley Monster wishes Tanner's Mom a happy birthday

Today is Tanner's, Ruger's and Cocoa's Mom, Trudee's birthday (some of you in the Midwest may remember her from her 70's stage name Bubbles.) Tanner's Mom is a real stick to her guns lady, and it was her belief in what's right, her toughness, her morals, that made me, and so many others, see the Princess and her evil castle for what it really was.

In short, without her, there would be no Tanner Brigade. She helped Tanner become one of the most popular dogs on DS, and when he was summarily shown the door, it sparked an uprising that rivaled the American Revolution. That revolution led us here, to our forever home, where we stay even when we go to the Bridge.

So take a moment today to stop by her page and wish this wonderful woman a happy birthday.

And this song is for her:

Hattie Mae was a freedom rider
She didnt' care if the whole world looked.
Sophie Bub with the Lord to guide her
She was a sister who really cooked.

Foley Monster was the first halter burner
And you're glad she showed up. (Oh yeah)
And when the country was falling apart
Cocoa Puff got it all sewed up.

And then there's Trudee.
And then there's Trudee.
And then there's Trudee.
And then there's Trudee.
And then there's Trudee.
And then there's Trudee.
And then there's

That old compromisin', enterprisin', anything but tranquilizing,
Right on Trudee.

Wordless Wednesday