Monday Question

 How many primary care vets have your parents taken thier pets to?

How long have they been with their present vet?

My parents had been to seven different before they found one they liked.

They have been with this vet for four years

Foley's Tails From Rainbow Bridge: Mitch and Molly find the Duke

 

 

Despite the vast pain caused by her passing Molly adjusted to Rainbow Bridge quickly and within days had a mission she needed to complete: To find her replacement.

She told her angel brother Mitch her plan and he agreed. But, they had an important decision to make. What kind of dog, and what kind of personality?

“I think we will want a dog like the one she most recently had,” Molly said. Mitch knew his sister meant herself, which angered her older brother, because he had not been replaced when he went to Bridge, and his Mom didn’t need to be reminded of the painful recent past. He had been gone the correct amount of time for another boy like Mitch.

The two siblings could not agree, so they went to the wisest judge at Rainbow Bridge, who just happened to be me.

 

Honestly, they both had great reasons for wanting a dog like them. Usually,ly I would be stumped, but I had recently gone to a fascinating seminar given by Fluffy protector of the sorcerer's stone at Hogwarts who was visiting from the forbidden forest and the wizard dog taught me a portion to create a dog. When I told Mitch and Molly they were excited.

Mitch brought the best of himself, and Molly the best of herself, and I followed the directions, mixed it all, and pulled out an aardvark. 

: That’s the ugliest dog I have ever seen,” Molly observed.

I announced it was an aardvark.

“I don’t think Mommy wants an aardvark,” Mitch observed.

I had to agree. Instead of concentrating on my failings I checked with my angel friends and put out an alert that we had a mom who was dogless, a situation her angels needed to rectify that situation.  

The angel network found a beautiful black dog named Duke. When I learned he was in Sturbridge Massachusetts, not too far from the farm I entered this life in, I knew he was a winner. Both Molly and Mitch loved him and whispered to me that Duke was just like them.

That night Mitch and Molly visited their mom i her dreams and stayed until she could see the idea printed on her forehead, and they knew their message had been received. The next morning their mom drove to the quaint New England town and brought home Duke who fit into her heart, and life perfectly.

I had learned a lesson, not to create a life when there are so many whose life need to be saved by love.

Mitch and Molly spend all of Duke’s waking moments with him, advising him as ghosts. They are thrilled to see their mom so happy.

It is had to get a happy ending so soon after their mom’s worst day, but that is the magic of love and angels: They bring happiness to all.

Except possibly me, who is trying to find a home for an AI aardvark..

It was a good reminder to me that there is no substitute for the real thing

Nature Friday: Somewhere that's green

After a long, cold, lonely winter, I am back taking walks and supervising my parents' yard work, which means I have put on my newsman vest and am giving an early Nature Friday report. 

Each of our gardens is named after an angel who once lived with my parents. There is the Blake garden in front, the long River butterfly garden on the side, Foley’s Saint Anthony garden at the top of the driveway, the little Pocket garden behind that, and in the back, the Rose garden, which,  a long time from now, will be named for me.

We start with the Blake Garden, named after my parents’ first dog together, a Shih Tzu, who served as a role model for Foley, who would go on to be a role model for the world. 

There isn’t much going on in Blake’s Garden right now. It has been freshly mulched, and I heard on the Bloom Rumor Line that they are planning for a fabulous late May show.

River’s garden is freshly mulched and has some cool new toys in it. There is a water can that lights up at night, connected to another solar light, that was supposed to look like a fireworks but stopped working. The watering can share its light so they can both sparkle.

River also asked for a solar butterfly wind chime, which we provided for her, so we can see the butterflies all day and night; a metal windmill that expands and contracts when the wind blows, and an orange gaze ball, that frankly, does nothing for me.

River’s garden gets a lot of sun, so it has to have special plants. It is a good spot for ground cover. The Moss phlox is thriving and ready to grab more living space. 

The common speedwell is at the end of River’s garden, near the road, a heart plant that gives the residents some beauty as they drive slowly around the village trying to remember where they live. 

The highlight of River’s garden, the twin Butterfly bushes, are beginning to thrive, after being cut back in March. 

In Foley’s garden, it has been expanded to include the two fern trees, that have had their lower branches removed because it tends to, like Foley, overshadow anything smaller and more delicate

. 

The moss phlox here is looking beautiful. Saint Anthony is out for the season. There is a solar light at Saint Anthony's base that causes him to be lit in the dark. The cats have adopted him as their savior and after midnight they genuflect in front of him until dawn.

There isn’t much happening in the yet-to-be-mulched Pocket garden and my Rose garden but I am predicting big things in the coming weeks.

Thank you for taking a tour of my pre-blooms. Hopefully, the next time I report they will be stunning. 

Poetry Thursday

Once again, Angel Sammys and Teddys Pawetaton have provided us with a photo for Poetry Thursday.

Here it is, followed by my own meager effort

 Some said Kaiser Puppy was a myth

Others said he was a pug not to be messed with

If he got caught he plead the fifth.

 Then mowed down the ones who betrayed him with a sharpened scythe

 

To bring him down Sheriff Benjamin planted in Kaiser's organization an under cover.

A black cat who was too old for this shit and properly named Glover.

He lay under Kaiser's bed confident in the number of bad plans his would discover

And wrote down each word that was said above

 

Benjamin turned the information over to the police chief

 Who got a warrant from Foley to arrest Kaiser the bone thief

And lured Kaiser and his men out with a cured side of beef.

When he saw the police his hunger turned to grief.

 

He was patted down on the wall like a common hood

His first dad arrived and wondered what went  wrong: He used to be so good

He told his dad he had to earn a livelihood

And would have done better if he could

 

Kaiser knew the Judge would throw the book at him.

And he waited for his sentence to be read with a face very grim

 The Judge gave him life with the hope of parole being slim

He was headed for the hoosegow. for jail is was a synonym.

 

Before he could be carted off his dad asked to be heard.

But the Judge told him not to say a word.

But Kaiser's dad could not be deterred

And insisted Kaiser came home with him until the Judge concurred

 

When Kaiser got home with his dad he thought is was a dream

He got fed three time a day and at night ice cream

People who saw the dog and dad were unaware that things weren't as they seem

Because Kaiser and his Dad were ripping off seniors in a well planned ponzi scheme

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wordless Wedneday

 

Beat This Caption

The last thing a TSA agent sees before a taking a medical leave for stress

Monday Question

 Did you give your mom anything for Mother's Day?

I gave her a Willow Tree figurine of a woman holding a puppy.

I may only be a dog but I know Mom's want something on Mother's Day.

Many humans fail at doing this. 

The Ruby Rose Report: Momma's Song

 a

It's a little bit funny. 

This Feeling inside

And not just because I ate a pound of rawhide

I don’t have opposable thumbs but boy if I did

On Mother’s Day I would fill with roses this house we both do live

I wouldn’t want to be a lion of this I know

Or a bear leaving tracks in the snow

I am glad to be a dog through and through

My gift is my bark and this one’s for you

And you can tell everybody

That bark is for me

It may may be shrill, sharp and loud

But it’s filled with love

I hope you don’t mind

I hope you don’t mind

That I peed on the floor

I didn’t have enough time to make it to the doggy door

I sat on the porch

and barked like a boss

The kitties who live underneath 

Made me quite cross

Them living down there is not wrong

As long as they know to me, mom belongs

Excuse me for farting

It’s something I do

It can no more be controlled

Than a cow going moo

Anyway, the thing is

What I wanted to say

My world became complete the day I met you

And you can tell everybody 

That dog is barking for me

you may not be able to tell, 

but its full of love

I hope you don’t mind

I hope you don’t mind

Nor think she’s mean

She’s the sweetest dog I’ve ever seen

I hope you don’t mind

I hope you don’t mind

That I barked out the words

You are the greatest mom in the whole wide world

Tales From Rainbow Bridge: Cricket

 

I made sure that all of my angel friends lined the walkway from the Bridge to where I stood to swear in the newest angel.

Usually, a well-loved pet passed over the Bridge. But today a dog who saw very little love was due, and not one who never found a family, but one that found the worst family.

Sometimes dogs don’t remember the moments before they passed over, and we hoped it was true of this dog because never had a dog suffered a worse transition.

Cricket was coming to Rainbow Bridge. I made sure that all of my angel friends lined I made that all of my angel friends lined the walkway from the Bridge to where I 

Usually, a well-loved pet passed over the Bridge. But today, a dog who saw very little love that he was due, and not because he had never found a family, but found the worst family.

Sometimes, dogs do not remember the moments before they passed over, and we hoped it was true of this dog because never had a pup suffered a worse transition.

Cricket was coming to Rainbow Bridge.

It is always a shame when a dog who is only fourteen months old crosses the Bridge, but Cricket’s circumstances make it even sadder.

He was a rambunctious, happy dog who loved to go on hunting trips with his parents. Sure, he never hurt anything, it wasn’t in his nature. Maybe he would grow into it one day.

He knew his mom was growing frustrated with his slow learning, but, lots of moms felt that way, and soon he would learn.

But one day his mom lost patience with him.

 From the moment he laid eyes on his mom he loved her, and even though she was cold and snappish, Cricket loved his mom wholeheartedly. He would follow her anywhere.

Like a gravel pit, where his impatient, cold-hearted soulless mom put a gun to Cricket’s head and killed probably the only soul on earth who loved her completely despite her many flaws, and who never would have hurt her.

Tragically, we get dogs killed by their owner several times a year, and their passing is always hard. But, we only had one mom who bragged about it, in a book, thinking it would help her achieve the second highest office in the land.

Thankfully, the terror of his passing was blocked from his mind. He only remembered walking with his mom. He was worried about her. We said she was fine and left it at that. Hopefully, he never will.

We were all bound to make Cricket’s afterlife filled with love. Our human dog lovers like Aunt Laura, Aunt Michelle, Aunt Kimberli, and Aunt Ginny work around the clock to make sure Cricket doesn’t have a moment when he feels unloved.

We discussed what punishment his vicious mom should receive for killing an innocent soul who loved her unconditionally.

We decided to let her dream come true.

She will soon be a Vice-President nominee for a major United States political party. She will get elected. Then, in 2028, when the President demands the outcome of the election be overturned, and she refuses, she will be dragged out of the Capitol building by the President’s supporters, and then hung on the Washington Mall. 

And for good measure, she will be shot.

To death.

Like a dog. 

It is always a shame when a dog who is only fourteen months old crosses the Bridge, but Cricket’s circumstances make it even sadder.

He was a rambunctious happy dog who loved to go on hunting trips with his parents. Sure, he never hurt anything, it wasn’t in his nature. Maybe he would grow into it one day,

He knew his mom was growing frustrated with his slow learning, but lots of moms felt that way, and soon he would learn.

Because one day his mom lost patience with him.

He didn’t know she had ill intent. What dogs do? From the moment he laid eyes on his mom he loved her, and even though she was cold and snappish, Cricket loved his mom wholeheartedly. He would follow her anywhere.

Like a gravel pit, where his impatient, cold-hearted soulless mom put a gun to Cricket’s head and killed probably the only soul on earth who loved her completely despite her many flaws, and never would have hurt her.

Tragically, we get dogs killed by their owner several times a year, and their passing is always hard. But, we only had one mom who bragged about it, in a book, thinking it would help her achieve the second highest office in the land.

Thankfully, the terror of his passing was blocked from his mind. He only remembered walking with his mom. He was worried about her. We said she was fine and left it at that. Hopefully, he never will.

We were all bound to make Cricket’s afterlife filled with love. Our human dog lovers like Aunt Laura, Aunt Michelle, Aunt Kimberli, and Aunt Ginny work around the clock to make sure Cricket doesn’t have a moment when he feels unloved.

We discussed what punishment his vicious mom should receive for killing an innocent soul who loved her unconditionally.

We decided to let her dream come true.

She will soon be a Vice-President nominee for a major United States political party. She will get elected. Then, in 2028, when the President demands the outcome of the election be overturned, and she refuses, she will be dragged out of the Capitol building by the President’s supporters, and then hung on the Washington Mall. 

And for good measure, she will be shot.

To death.

Like a dog. 

Poetry Thursday

   

Once again, Angel Sammys and Teddys Pawetaton have provided us with a photo for Poetry Thursday.

Sally lost a tooth after an altercation with an adversary.

Her mom promised her toothless situation would be temporary

And to put the tooth under her pillow and wait for something extraordinary

Because she would be visited by the tooth fairy.

But, her mom was unaware, for the fairy times had fallen on hard times

Back when he was in his prime

He only had to leave a dime

But, inflation and greed had caused the amount to climb. 

He tried to recoup his losses through bets

But blew all his money wagering on the Mets and the Jets 

Then he made a deal he would soon regret

When he had to protect the children from the potential buyer: Matt Gaetz

The Tooth Fairy had debts no honest fairy could pay

The bank took his wand, his crown, and his best wings away

He lost it all, a homeless fairy with nowhere to stay

And spent his last dollar on a girl from Piscataway

When Sally lost his tooth he had no revenue

But he didn’t want the toothless girl to be blue

So he snuck into the bedroom of the ingenue

To place under her pillow and IOU.

His mother caught the dairy over his daughter’s bed

And she felt a rage wanting to make him dead

But for his life he pled

“I’m just a bankrupt tooth fairy,” he said.

She believed the fairy but would not let his leaving no money pass

But his lack of money caused an impasse.

Until she made a deal with him that he thought was crass

That once a week the tooth fairy would cut their grass

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

"Hey! Cazzo you!"

Tony was involved in a toxic relationship with the doorman. 

The Ruby Rose Report: A Brief Burst of Freedom

 

You may find this hard to believe, but in the real world, I am not as friendly as I am online.

I don’t trust people because one of them came to my Florida home, snatched me up, put me in a box, and took me on an airplane. Within a day I was with the two best people in the world, and I was very happy, but I was still worried that every person who came to the house was going to snatch me back, so I stayed in a safe unsnatchable place. 

As for dogs, I don’t like them either. They know I have the perfect parents, except when it comes to gullibility. The cats have already taken advantage of them. The only good part of my parents feeding them is they drop kibble, which I clean up. It tastes like state fish candy. It’s not the worst thing I have put in my mouth.

My parents draw less of a crowd at their house than the A’s playing a midnight double header in the rain. There have been four people who have crossed our threshold since the New Year: Mommy’s brother and his wife, who have come over several times, and I like, mostly because they stay in the kitchen and eat, (even though I got stepped on once.) The other two came to fix things. I keep my distance from them. 

This all leads up to Monday before supper. I was taking my late-day walk, when I sniff, roll, barked, and danced (anything but peeing or pooping). We came across a woman with a little black dog who was waving his paws at us. “Keep away,” I thought. The woman was saying how friendly the dog was, and Daddy was saying how unfriendly I was, but my parents had talked about socializing me (I am a Patriot and against socialism) so they tried to get me to say hi.

First, Daddy picked me up so I could smell the dog (who smelled like a dog) and then he knelt, still holding me, then put me on the ground. The other dog stuck his nose on mine (how rude!).

I backed up out of my harness, then through the five holes between Daddy’s legs, and quickly began walking home, like an old man at the Registry who just found out his vision precluded him from driving. I took a few steps, then looked back at my dad and the woman, my betrayers, then continued home.

I made it past one driveway before Daddy caught up to me, and slipped the harness on me, for the final time, because I had exposed it as a means of escape. 

I knew I had scared him, and what would even more was having to tell Mommy. His mind raced with a thousand things that could have happened, which was good. I needed him good and scared so that never happens again.

Maybe I should be more friendly with dogs, and with humans too, and to excitedly greet everyone who comes in the house and let them rub me all over, and to play with their dogs, running and nipping, and I can be a well-rounded and happy dog.

Nah!

 

Foley's Tails from Rainbow Bridge: The Dog Who fell out the Window

 

On Friday mornings my Dad is always late for work. He is assigned to work in Fall River that day, and no matter how early he leaves, or how optimistic Waze is, he is always late. (The reason Lizzie Borden took an axe to her parents: Traffic. In the past month, he has been impeded by a sewer main break, a washed-out road, and a family of turkeys in the street. Why did the turkey cross the road? To make my Dad late for work. (At least according to him. Men think everything, even lazy birds, is because of them.)

Because the fates are so determined to keep my Dad from being punctual, and his solution was to drive faster, he needed an angel on his shoulder, and I volunteered.

He was driving down the road, sandwiched between to cars, when suddenly a little whiter Terrier mix jumped out of the leading car’s back driver’s window. He landed on his side, scared, and probably in pain, and began to run down the street as distracted drives hurried to their destinations.

Daddy stopped the car in the middle of the street, with his engine running, jumped out of the car, and began to stop traffic, until the little dog decided to run into a yard.

I needed to perform Emergency Angel Services. I flew towards the little dog. His mom, driving the car, realized her dog was no longer in the back seat and turned around. She drove back to where the initial fall happened and began to call the dog’s name. Daddy told her the dog was too scared to respond, and the best thing for her to do was drive past the house where the dog was hiding, then come back and calmly call her baby.

I went to the scared dog and made things worse, forgetting that the last thing any soul who has had a life-threatening experience wants to see is an angel. I assured her I was an angel of yip, not death, but she was scared and confused. The most I could tell her was to stay still.

Her mom and my dad slowly walked up the driveway, until I whispered in his ear that he was scaring the dog, so he backed off. Soon, the dog forgave his mom and went back into her arms.

The woman remarked it was scary.

Daddy suggested the dog should go to the vet but didn’t think the woman would listen.

I told the dog if I needed to say my name three times I would be there, but she hasn’t. I hope that means as is well’

Please humans restrain your dog,

You will thank me later

Poetry Thursday

 It is Thursday and Two Spoiled Cats: Angel Teddy and Sammy have issued a challenge to see how the following picture inspired us.

Here is the picture followed by my meager attempt at poetry

Robert and Cal met once a week for drinks at a bar called the Giant Squid

Laughing over their youths and the adventures together they did.
Cal exclaimed: “Just for one day I would like to be a kid!”

“When we played ball, fished and both sought and did hid.”

 

At the next table sat a genie in human form

Listening to wishes and deciding who to transform.

He told Robert and Cal if they wanted to be kids there was an incarnation he could perform.

And when they said yes clouds sprung around them and produced an electrical storm.

 

When the clouds cleared Robert and Cal discovered they were again young

And from their barstools they were sprung

Then found a group of boys who they quickly became among

Finding an old tree with a tire that they both swung.

 

Then they came upon their favorite playground

With swings, slides, and even an old merry go round.

And while Robert tried to warn Cal his thinking was unsound

Cal got in the climbing bars that around him went round and round.

 

The men should have asked when the incarnation did end.

So, they could prepare for their return from the land of pretend.

And when it stopped Cal could not comprehend

That he was stuck in the bars with one up his rear end.

 

They yelled for help and people saw them and stopped their cars
And one of them was Cal’s wife just have visited her ma.

“You stupid fool,” she yelled at him with a voice like a drunk aged rock star

While men worked to free him with heavy duty crowbar

 

Cal was pulled from his trap hearty and hail.

But went home walking like it would be between his legs if he had a tail.

And all night his wife ranted and rail.

And Cal understood that the ones without bars make the most inescapable jail.

Wordless Wednesday

 

beat this caption

 vI am sorry, we can't weigh anything today, the scale is snitzy