Thursday, February 29, 2024

Poetry Thursday

 

“I’m on vacation,” I shouted in fear

While bouncing on an inflatable raft

As my wife, on the bank, dry and safe, laughed.

Then taunted me by shouting: “Make sure you hold on tight dear.”

 

It was my choice to go rafting on the while water.

My wife prefers vacations that are relaxing;

Now I bouned up and down while my sack hug

On a rope line threatening my ability to have a daughter.

 

I should have known when I booked a vacation with a company called Crash and Drown.

My wife insisted I would enjoy being on the beach sleeping in the sun

But I insisted that would not be fun.

“You won’t last a minute on the raft,” she said with a frown.

 

 “Oh, he of little faith.” I snapped back.

Now I felt like I had been forsaken by my God,

And I was nothing but a fraud.

The proof was pooling on the bottom, a smelly puddle of my yak.

 

The instructor insisted I don’t lose my oar.                   

But we hit a rock and it snapped out of my hands.

“You stupid fool, we’re doomed,” the instructor said trying to stand.

Then he fell off the boat and went under the waves, not an instructor anymore.

 

Finally we rafters worked as a team, and we all did scream.

Before us was a boulder shiny and black.

Which we hit with a mighty smack

And five strangers hit the water praying to be saved by a river submarine.

 

In the water, spinning out of control, I tired to avoid the rocks

My mouth full of water

The river leading me to slaughter.

And floating next to me was the ghost of Ronnie Cox.

 

Then a heavenly hand appeared in reach

It was my life.

There to save my life,

And once I was ashore she said: “Next year we go to the beach.”

 

Tuesday, February 27, 2024

Beat This Caption

 

Err, the possum isn’t respecting my authority. We might need a dog. A big dog. 

Added by Ruby Rose & 

Monday, February 26, 2024

Monday Queston

 Did your parents meet you before they made you part of the family?

My parents only saw one picture of me before knowing they needed me to live with them 

Friday, February 23, 2024

Foley's Tales From Rainbow Bridge: From Hershey to - An Angel's journey

 


When Hershey visited the Bridge 23 months ago, I planned a big bash to welcome my friend. But, upon her arrival, after being reunited with Kaci and Bosco, who preceded her to the Bridge, and my giving her the angel’s oath, Hershey stated she didn’t want any fuss or even a story describing her arrival. A modest dog, Hershey was content going about her business as an angel in anonymity.

Hershey worked diligently to find her replacement. When she met Nestle, she knew she had found the right dog. Her name alone signaled that she belonged in her mom’s group.

Nestle fulfilled the potential that Hershey had seen in her and quickly became a beloved member of the pack, helping her mom adjust to the pain she took on from Hershey when she passed.

Like her, Hershey had assumed that Nestle would be joyful, living a quiet life. She had not counted on Nestle discovering Hershey’s former life as an online superstar.

One day, when left alone, curious, and full of energy, Nestle decided to check out the rectangular screen and keyboard appeal that took up so much of her mom’s attention.

Nestle is an intelligent dog and quickly learned her mom’s password and how to work on the computer. She saw an icon for a group in her mom’s favorites and curiously opened it.

She was stunned and excited about what she found: a site with a page devoted to Hershey, Nestle’s current sibling, Jessy, and the other angels in their pack. “What is this?: Nestle howled, taking exception to her name not being listed as part of Hershey’s pack.

“Ask Hershey,” Jessy answered.

So that nig ht in her dreams, Nestle asked for a parlay with the dog she brought into her pack.

Hershey was surprised that Nestle, who seemed content to be a quiet, loving house dog, was interested in the I Am social media site. Nestle said she was excited to meet new friends and have her presence known everywhere.

Hershey visited her mom in her dreams and told her it was time to introduce Nestle to the world, which she did. She was warmly welcomed and answered all inquiries about her happily and truthfully.

Seeing how Nestle took to the online world reminded Hershey of herself when she first began to share her life on the Internet.

And that is when Hershey learned Nestle was just like her, even in ways she did not anticipate, which was not surprising since their mom loved the two girls equally.

Thursday, February 22, 2024

Poetry Thursday

 

Larry, the wooden zebra, did not want to be rude.

But he was at a bizarre interlude.

There was someone who mounted him, giving him a lot of attitude.

When she yelled “giddy up” the wooden horse knew he was screwed. .

 

She ran her hands over Larry trying to find the gas.

And made him yell “sufferin’ sassafras!”

He had thought he was having a good day, but alas.

He had a bleached blonde, white lady on his ass.

 

Angel Sammys and Teddys Pawetaton have provided another picture for Poetry Thursday.


Thomas has been taught he would meet a lot of strange people in this life.

And be kind and courteous in the face of great strife.

His mom told him, “make sure you don’t get fooled and make one your wife,”

But he didn’t know what to do when confronted by a camera wielding housewife.

 

She told Thomas to take her picture astride her prized horse.

And, having been told to always agree with crazies he said ‘of course.”

But then he realized in remorse

That the woman and Larry the horse were engaged in intercourse.

 

The woman yelled happily, having her best day.

Her sad life had made her want to run away.

And go somewhere that was happy and gay.

But first she would add horse sex to her resume.

 

The boy wondered if he should call the police.

Larry the wooden horse planned to file a complaint with Greenpeace.

But the woman would not cease.

Until she was arrested for disturbing the peace.

The police asked her why she has a zebra rump.

But before she answered her lawyer got her out of that dump

And got home in time to watch her dad on the stump.

Just another sad day in the life of Ivanka Trump.


 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 


Monday, February 19, 2024

Monday Question

 Have your parents ever heard of name of a pet that they wished they had thought of?

My parents know a dog named Sinatra.

Even they had thought of it I could have been Sinatra.

Ruby Sinatra.

Sunday, February 18, 2024

The Ruby Rose Report: Trouble with the Uninvited DownstaIirs Neighbors

 


I had been doing well with my road work. My parents said they could see my hips again. I wanted to snap at them that I wasn’t a piece of meat, but doing so would mean I would never get a piece of meat.

            On Tuesday, I had to stop training as a terrible storm rampaged up the coast. The talking heads on the TV said we could get three Snow-pockets. Since Mommy didn’t want me walking on the snow and ice, I was resigned to the fact I would not see the outside until spring.

            I am still getting used to winter in the Northeast, where the weather forecasters exaggerate snow like a middle school student talking about his little man. After experiencing them, we are left cold and wet and have a big mess to clean up.

            But, this storm had an effect no teenage boy can cause.

            I got downstairs neighbors.

            Pablo, he ferrel sought shelter from the storm, and worse than that, he brought his wife Guinevere and two children.

            I have superior hearing and smell, so while my parents were ignorant of the infiltration, I was all too aware and quite bothered. I went to the floor vent and barked at them to leave. “Miss Ruby,” Pablo said, “there is  terrible storm coming, you don’t want us and the young ones to die in the snow.”

            I wouldn’t say I wanted it. I was more ambivalent than anything else, but letting kitties freeze is the kind of thing that spreads around and ruins reputations. Also, I didn’t want my parents to uncover them while shoveling, frozen together like the scientist bodies on True Detective.

            (If you don’t get the reference, don’t worry, no one is watching or missing True Detective.)

            So, I let them stay. Several times, before bed, I had to bark at the floor to get them to keep it down. I could barely ignore my parents with all the noise they were making.

            The problem with having cats living downstairs is that they are nocturnal neighbors. At 2:00, I heard music from below and barked at them to quiet down. “It’s a mouse mariachi band,” they purred. Two other later, I smelled a terrible stench coming from under the house. I barked down, asking what they were doing. “Cooking the band for breakfast,” they said. Cruel, but they were off-tune, and some cats like eat the show for dinner.

            At dawn, I told them it was time to go, but they said it was still snowing. Two hours later, I did it again. “The National Weather Service said a foot of snow, it’s barely been two inches.” I told them they had the forecast wrong.

            “Who knows more about snow? A New England meteorologist or a Daytona Griffon?”

            They had a point.

            So it looks like I have noisy downstairs neighbors until at least March,

            It will be a long, dark, cold, smelly, and noisy winter in these parts.

            I can’t wait until spring.

Friday, February 16, 2024

Tails From Rainbow Bridge: Geordie find the perfect dog

 

Geordie’s immortal life became more complicated when his brother Toby arrived at the Bridge, which was fitting because Toby became the third wheel in his. His mom’s happy vehicle, their lives became embroiled in drama and nearly went off the rails.

Toby was a sweet boy most of the time, but every day, for a few hard minutes, the Dr Hyde side of his personality emerged, and Toby became violent. Geordie had kept him in line, but when Geordie went to the Bridge, Toby’s dark side emerged with greater frequency until his mom sent him to the Bridge.

Even at the Bridge, Toby was a handful, but Geordie was happy Toby wasn’t a psychotic handful.

When Geordie sets out to find his mom a new dog, it will be more complicated than when his angel friends do the same for their moms. She had gone through a horrible time helping Toby go to the Bridge and could not go through that experience again.

Geordie knew the only way he could get his mom a new dog wasn’t to help her but to find a needy dog that his mom couldn’t have the heart to say no.

The ASPCA found a house where a woman kept more than one hundred pets, primarily dogs, cats, and turtles. All the dogs were malnourished, others with serious problems, and some didn’t survive. The others were left with medical and psychological issues. They would need a forever home, with an understanding parent used to taking care of dogs.

Geordie went to interview them, and Toby came along. Geordie asked one dog he was impressed with, Murphy, questions about what kind of home he dreamed of living in. When he was done, Geordie asked Tobyn if there were any questions. “Got a cheeseburger?” Toby asked.

From there, Geordie and Toby visited their mom, Geordie to persuade her to take any chance on Murphy and Toby, with a list of grievances over the times his food was late.

When she awoke, their mom knew there was a dog for her, the one no one else would take a chance on, the one with a serious heart murmur and still showing the effects of his terrible life.

When you take in a dog who has been in an abusive situation, every day they spend in their new happy home wipes out a year of bad memories until they are erased forever.

And if the problematic heart murmur becomes more serious,  and Murphy has to go to the Bridge, he has a forever home with Toby, Geordie, and their mom’s other dogs.

A forever home is a great gift to give.

Even if that forever home includes Toby.

 

Thursday, February 15, 2024

Poetry Thursday

 

Once again, Angel Sammys and Teddys Pawetaton have provided us with a photo for Poetry Thursday,

 

Frankie and Johnny were left alone.

With nothing to occupy them but a single bone

“I am so bored,” Frankie said with a moan.

He sat by the door, hoping his parents would soon be home.

 

Johnny was more of a grouch.

And, when it came to the goodness of character, Frankie could not vouch.

Johnny was not one to sit around and slouch.

So he decided to eat on the couch.

 

Their parents came home from a busy day at work.

You are complaining about who doesn’t work hard, who is mean, and who is a jerk.

They did not know what trouble awaited them as they opened the door.

While a nervous Franke held back, Johnny met them with a perk.

 

Then they saw their couch torn apart on the floor.

And replacing it would make them poor.

They got Frankie and Johnny and said por favor

But who ate the couch? They must have had delusions of grandeur.

 

Frankie knew the answer and announced:” It is.”

When Johnny jumped on his and told him to stop, his mouth whizzes

Around here, if there are snitches.

You’ll be wearing the cone of shame after you get stitches.

 

Before their parents came home, Johnny consulted with Judge Foley

Who told Johnny by everything holy

Never admit doing anything wrong, not eating the couch or a plate of rigatoni.

And find a fall dog, someone to take the blame, like a hockey match lost by a drunk goalie.

 

So, to keep them out of the gulag.

Johnny began a monologue.

And left his parents agog.

When he named the culprit as sum udder dawg.


His parents knew Johnny's story was filled with lies

But accepted his story with a sigh

They did not know what happened and could only hypothesize

When in the middle of the night, Johnny threw up the couch, and their suspicions they did realize.

Tuesday, February 13, 2024

Monday, February 12, 2024

Monday Question

 This one is for your parents

What is the best thing about being a pet parent?

Ruby's Answer: For my parents it's the love I give, and the love they need to give, which I am happy to accept.

Sunday, February 11, 2024

The Ruby Rose Report: On the Road Again

 

My season of leisure, the winter of Ruby, may be ending.

I wouldn’t say I like the cold, wet clouds or any cards Mother Nature deals with from the bottom of the deck. Give me a warm, sunny day, or let me view the world from the comfort of the couch.

I do go out with my parents when they run errands on Saturday. I wore River’s old travel vest, but it was getting snug. That is when I got the honor of wearing River’s everyday vest, which had hung off a knob under her memorial since she passed.

My Dad went to put it on me, but it didn’t fit. It isn’t surprising. I was smaller than my big angel sister when I arrived, but I was spoiled with good fun and filled out, so now I held the house’s Largest Griffon title.

My Dad adjusted the harness and went to put it on, but it didn’t fit. So, he changed it more and tried again, but it was still too large. I began to feel embarrassed, and with each additional adjustment, my fur grew redder. I found the entire experience embarrassing, like being in school, being sent to the board to answer a question, and being left there, as you kept trying and failing.

Finally, after the harness had been extended to its full length and stretched, it fit me.

Then came River’s coat, which fit, albeit snuggly, the latest among my many humiliations.

My leash was clipped onto River’s harness, and we stepped out on a slightly above-freezing New England winter day. Oh, how I lamented my old Florida home with airplane-sized mosquitos, gators, relentless humidity, and flatland hillbillies.

But, I was not going to show that the walk was taxing: There had been talk of the dreaded word diet. What a foul development during the winter of Ruby.

I went down the steps. My paws were cold. The wind blew in my face, but I ventured onward, recognizing road work was the only way to stave off a diet.

My Dad fancied himself my trainer, telling me when he was done, I would pee lightning and crap thunder.

Yes, I would be on his side of the bed.

I soon fell back into form. There was a lot of pee-mail I needed to catch up on, And it felt good to be moving again. When I got home, I said I could manage a weekly walk.

Wait? It’s a daily walk.

This was supposed to be the winter of Ruby!

 

 

Friday, February 9, 2024

Foley's Tales From Rainbow Briidge: A Dog Walks into a Bar

 

How to take your dog to the pub

When I was a mortal pup, there were rumors that I would sneak out at night and go to a neighborhood bar called “Smitty’s.” My mom said it was only in my dreams, but how would she know?

“Dogs aren’t allowed in bars,” Mommy told me.

That doesn’t sound fair. Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name.

While my bar hopping may have been the thing of dreams, one dog made it a reality.

Bear is not the typical Shih Tzu. He loved a good adventure and took many with his mom. But when they both became seniors, his mom lost the adventurous spirit, while Bear maintained.

On January 24, Bear was in his backyard patrolling on his own. He began to get thirsty and barked for his mom, but she watched Judge Judy and didn’t hear him. The day before, Bear had heard one human remark to the other about the watering hole down the street. It sure sounded good to Bear, who, after giving one long look back at the house, followed the smell of peanuts and stale beer down the street to a bar.

When Judge Judy went on break, Jenny, Bear’s mom, looked out the back window to check on her boy and was shocked to find the yard empty and the gate open. Frantic, she was out the door, neither locking nor grabbing a jacket.

Jennie had good reason to panic. Bear was a senior, had a heart condition, had no survival skills, and was going blind. She slowly walked down the road with tears in her eyes, calling his name.

With shaking hands, Jennie took out her phone and left Bear’s picture on local Facebook pages and those of her friends, with an accompanying caption saying he was missing.

Five minutes later, she got a text: “Your dog is at Finx.”

It was followed by a photo to remove all doubt. It was of Bear sitting on a stool, his paws on the bar, smiling widely.

When she arrived, Bear nodded to her mates, then jumped down and ran to his mom.

Relieved, she asked how he had got there and was told two revelers found him in the street and took the old boy to the bar for safekeeping.

She gratefully bought a round and told the customers Bear wouldn’t bother there again, and she got a dozen responses saying he was welcome there anytime.

But, the next time, he should bring his mom.

Thursday, February 8, 2024

Poetry Thursday

 

Once again, Angel Sammys and Teddys Pawetaton have provided us with a photo for Poetry Thursday,

Frank was a lonely pebble on the edge of the tide.

Sometimes, he felt so alone he cried.

A friend of his said, “’you should try what I tried.”

And that is when Frank ordered a Russian mail-order bride.

 

He downloaded Google Translation

To avoid miscommunication,

He went to the airport, the agreed-upon location.

To meet a man who sold brides as his vocation.

 

Frank had new shoes, a suit, and his hair styled.

He imagined how his new bride would leave him beguiled.

Then he saw his new bride, a five-year-old child.

If word got out about this he would be reviled.

 

Larry told the man of his concerns.

But the man told him he made a payment, and this was what he earns

And here was an important lesson to learn

There are no exchanges or returns.

 

This was quite a quagmire.

He could not leave her alone to a fate most dire

So he brought her home to do the cooking and cleaning parts of a wife he did require

The first day home she flooded the house and caused a grease fire.

 

Frank realized what was needed more than he did a wife was she a dad.

And he thought about keeping her but that would be bad,

So he had to do what made him the most sad

And have her to DCF to find a family that wanted a little girl to add.

 

Fred walked around the house in a fog

Until he realized what was better than a wife: A dog.

Who wouldn’t boss him around like a demagogue?

He was lucky when he went to the shelter there was no backlog.

 

So there would be no wife who would cook and sew for him

And wag her fingers at him

And take money from him,

Just a little a black dog, to be a best friend for him.

And he learned that was what was right for him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tuesday, February 6, 2024

Monday, February 5, 2024

Monday Question

 Do you like belly rubs?

Why do dogs love belly rubs and tickling? | Barc London

Ruby's answer: I usually don't care for them, but sometimes I like it. I would rather be right side up.

Sunday, February 4, 2024

The Ruby Rose Report: Pounce!

For most of the day, I am a sedated dog. If Mommy is sitting, then I am sitting next to her, and Mommy does a lot of sitting now. For a lap dog, a senior mommy with arthritis is living the dream.

If she gets up, I will go to my spot, pick through my bones, and chew one until she sits again.

I also get up if I hear a noise, like the strange sound this morning, a loud cawing, like a turkey being plucked against its will. That one got me going for twenty minutes.

I get down for meals, both mine and my parents, who are good at sharing. I get back down after my snuffle mat and treat tornado are filled, and then I return to the lap.

I don’t know what I would do without it.

At bedtime, I lay at the foot of the bed, and Daddy takes over, scratching me, then pausing to use the wand to remove my fur from the blanket, like reaping the harvest.

I am very peaceful.

Then, at midnight, I let it all hang out.

I begin to chew on the bones I selected to go to bed with me,

The real fun begins.

I get down and go into the living room. I snuffle some more, and do the tornado, then go back to the bedroom, stop on the rug, put my head down between my paws, put my butt up, wag my tail, and growl.

It’s time to play pounce.

It is a game I invented. I play it with my Daddy since he can still go on the floor, which he does, on his hands and knees, and slowly creeps to me. Like a mighty hunter, I wait for my prey to get into the proper position, and then I pounce.

Then I lick Daddy’s face.

It is a gentle form of hunting.

I run out of the room, spin around, come back in, and resume my pounce position. Daddy, a 61-year-old man in his underwear, crawls on the floor to me, and we do it again.

My Daddy is the only man of that age, undressed and crawling on the floor, who is not taking place in an S and M exercise. But the ending is the same: a wet face and a wagging tail.

I then get in bed, full of energy, chew my bones, scrunch up the comforter, and burn off the rest of my energy before bed, usually at 1:30, an hour and a half after my pounce session began.

I don’t know if my parents like it, but they tolerate it.

You can get away with a lot in bed when you are cute.

Even performing soft s and m.

Friday, February 2, 2024

Tails From Rainbow Bridge: Baby

 

I am a small dog who lived in a small dog household because that’s how momma wanted it. I don’t think any parent could have loved us more, although I recognize many would love us equally.

Big dogs have a different relationship with their moms than small dogs. Larger canines are rugged companions, built for the outside, where they can go on long walks with their humans or play ball, run all day, and swim, which I avoid even here at the Bridge.

We are mourned in our ways, too.

Most dogs like to be in constant contact with their people, but it is more challenging for big dogs. They should make unique chairs for dog lovers, built for different-sized dogs.



A parent is supposed to feel only physically. Still, when a constant companion who loves being next to your body provides warmth, the absence of the warmth is an unwelcome coldness, and the lack of barking becomes deafening. A bed with a warm dog beside you becomes as uncomfortable as stone.

That is what Aunt Janis has been going through since his little love, Baby, left her for the Bridge. She is cold without Baby’s warmth, deaf without the sound of Baby’s bark, paw falls, and tags jingling, and unable to sleep, her body not understanding why, despite multiple blankets, she is so cold in bed.

When a dog goes to the Bridge, its parent takes on all the pain the dog was in, all the exhaustion they felt, and the sorrow the dog felt in leaving. This gave Baby and the other dogs a chance to start fresh at the Bridge.

Baby is young and free of pain now, except for the pain of missing her mom. She is still with her mom but can’t snuggle, can’t keep her arm, can’t bring the calmness the sound of her jingling tags always created.

Baby is with family and friends, of which she had many, being a social networking dog for most of her life. And the parents of these angels are trying to comfort Aunt Janis, who appreciates the wave of understanding and comfort they provide. But no number of supporters can ever be enough.

Human life is an audition. How they do will affect what their afterlife will provide.

Aunt Janis has a mighty angel making her case.

For her, heaven isn’t much.

Like many dog lovers, it is just to hear a dog’s sounds, take in their scent, and feel their warmth,

That is true heaven.

Thursday, February 1, 2024

Poetry Thursday


One bedroom river views, the ad said.

The picture from the porch showed a pretty cottage painted red.

Fred was desperate for a place to lay his head.

So, he bought the place after ripping out the ad, which he barely read.

 

Upon seeing the house with the realtor, Fred caused a spat

She said the ad stated the house had one caveat.

He would have to take a boat to get to his habitat.

But if he wanted privacy, his home would provide that.

 

Fred rowed a boat to his new abode.

Then, I sat on the porch and watched as the river flowed.

He found where the generator was stowed.

And he had supper, serving his pie alamode.

 

He slept soundly in his bed.

When he awoke and looked out the window, he learned he had been misled.

The tide had gone out, and the water had fled.

He had to climb down the rock, fell and hit his head.

 y.

When contacting the realtor, she said: “I am sorry I didn’t tell you about the tide.

I thought you knew that’s what happened when you lived at the seaside.

But it was in the ad and to the lease you must abide.

Your request for different lodging has been denied.”

 

When he went home, the tide was high

And after rowing home, he made a list of additions he needed to buy.

“I will make the most of it,” he did specify.

But he should have paid attention to the darkening sky.

 

A storm came through, and he found himself awaking in the middle of the bay.

Headed to the ocean down Kokomo Way.

And in a moment, he decided at sea he would stay.

His life would be a permanent holiday.

 

All across the seven seas

Spread the world of Fred the pirate sailing in his red house at ease.

Running a black market, selling linguica to the Chinese

And outrunning the sword of Damocles

Foley's Tails from Rainbow Bridge: About that eclipse

  All I wanted was a new bench for my chambers. I ordered it from Judges’r’us and paid a premium to have it delivered. My mistake was hiri...