Friday Friendly Fill Ins and Talk Like a Pirate Day

 

What happens when Fill In the Blank Day meets Talk Like a Pirate Day?

It is Ruby the Pirate Fills In the Blanks Day/

The first two statements are written by 15AndMeowing, and the final two are done  by  Four-Legged Furballs. Please check them out. 

Here are this week's statements with my fill ins CAPITALIZED 

NEVER LEAVE A WENCH ON AN ISLAND WITH A HORNY PARROT is the best advice I have received. 

BEING TOLD WATCHING "SCURVY AND THE NATIVE GIRL WITH THE CLAP" WAS A WASTE OF TIME is the worst advice I have had,

If I learned how to PLUNDER I would not HAVE LOST ALL MY MEN TO THE TIME BANDIT.  

i thought THE PIRATE LIFE WAS THE LIFE FOR ME but it turned out     I AM A LAND, BED, AND BLANKE LUBBER.

Poetry Thursday

 

My friend who is one spoiled cat gave me the picture below for the Thursday Poetry blog hop

When criminals hatch their nefarious plan

And wreck havoc despite police doing all they can

There is one hero that can be counted upon again and again

The great cardboard man

You can’t rip him agape

He is put together with two layers of extra strong tape

His edges give criminals a heck of a scrape

Heavy duty staples are attached to his cape

He uses his cardboard car to track down the rats

A much cooler ride than the one owned by his friend Bats

The only downfall is the slippery cardboard door mats

And then when he parks it and returns the car is filled with cats

His nemesis is scissor girl

Who ran a blade across him and caused his pants to unfurl

Scissor girl was a sharp witted churl

And made those who crossed her stomach churl

Cardboard man had a ward he hoped to adopt

But as a sidekick he flopped

His name was Bubble Wrap boy but his career stopped

Wben he got caught by Scissor Girl and was popped

Cardboard Man had a secret lair

Which if found he would be greatly impair

It was at a UHaul storage store behind the auto repair

He could blend in with the other boxed with nary a care

But Cardboard Man had a flaw which made the people fret

And would cause him to relent

Because in the rain the people were under threat

Cardboard Man’s kryptonite was he collapsed when wet

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

Fred and the resting "I hate my diet" face, 

Monday Question

 Tell me about your parents.

What job did they work for the majority of their lives?

What are they doing now?

Daddy was a public housing manager.

Mommy was an x-ray tech.

She is now retired.

Daddy is a door dash driver.

Foley's' Tails From Rainbow Bridge: Tanner's Dad Mike

 

I stood next to my oldest friend Tanner Bub at the human arrival section of Rainbow Bridge waiting on Tanner’s dad, whose mortal body had been ravaged by Alzheimer's.

Tanner carried a small flask around his neck like he was a mountain rescue dog. He was not there to rescue a human, but an angel.

Tanner’s tail wagged as he saw his dad slowly crossing Rainbow Bridge. Most of the diseases that bring people to their final forever home are washed away in the river of life. Alzheimer’s is no different. But, its effects, mainly the loss of memories, linger.

That is why Tanner’s presence was so important. He ran to his dad and stopped at his feet. When the man patted Tanner’s head the Yellow Lab sighed, having waited for one of this human’s touch.

His dad patted him like he would any dog he met, even a stranger, which for all his dad knew he was.

Tanner let the flask slip off  his neck and fall on the ground. He pawed at it until the top became loose. The flask opened and his father was bathed in a warm light. He reached down and pet Tanner again, but this time he said his name.

What Tanner had carried with him was exceeexceedinglyrtant, it was his Dad’s memories, which all came back to him making him whole for the first time since the terrible disease had claimed him.

One of the last mortal pleasures Tanner’s Dad Mike had was walking with his dogs Lucy and Linus through the hills near their home.

Now, he scratchedTanner’s ear, and looked up to see his other angels Max, Cocoa Puff, and Ruger Roo, and asked if they wanted to go for a walk. The four dogs walked after their dad hiking the streets in the sky. 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

Friendly Friday Fill Ins

 

It is time for Friday Fill-Ins.

Can I get a hell year?

There are four statements: the first two statements are written by 15AndMeowing, and the final two are done  by  Four-Legged Furballs. Please check them out. 

Here are this week's statements with my fill ins CAPITALIZED 

• 
  
• 
  
• EATING ONLY ONE BREAKFAST EACH MORNING makes me WHOLLY UNSATISFIED.

• I don't mind paying extra for PREMIUM KIBBLE AND TREATS BECAUSE I STOLE MY DAD'S CREDIT CARD.

• GETTING A FRESH BAG OF BACON STRIPS EVERY WEEK was the best part of my summer (AND FALL, WINTER AND SPRING,)

• I can’t wait to SCARE THE CRAP OUT OF INNOCENT TRICK OR TREATERS DISTURBING MY PEACEFUL ENJOYMENT OF THE LAST NIGHT IN OCTOBER CAUSING THEM TO PANIC AND RUN SPILLING THEIR CANDY SO I CAN EAT THEIR RESSE’S PIECES THEN WELCOME NOVEMBER BY PROJECTILE POOPING IN EVERY CORNER OF MY HOME this autumn

Poetry Thursday

 

Nichollas was walking in only his underwear

As if he hadn't a care

When he became aware

That he was being chased by a bear

Ii

He thought of his Uncle Mel

Who went on a safari for the stories he could

And was eaten by a lion after he fell

But he wasn’t eaten in only nis underwear, for that he would go to hell

III

The truth was the Nichollas didn’t want anyone to see

That the left behind pants were covered in pee

Because the night before in the dark in became as scared as could be

And he decided fully dressed and inside he would wee

IV

He would stay up all night

But in the morning came his biggest fright

A big and strong bear roaring with all his might

Who stopped his pursuit, and asked Nichollas to stop, tbe bear’s quads were tight.

V

Nichollas thought this might be good fortune

Ne was a masseuse, in his field he was considered to be Michael Jordan

And at risk of losing an organ

He helped his opponent iike a good sportsman

VI

In thanks the bear let him go free

Which filled Nichollas with glee

But the bear stopped him before he could flee

And told him to jump in the lake, he smelled like pee

VII

As Nichollas was washing the pee and soot

When he heard a splash and knew his goose was cooked

An alligator was watching him with a troubled look

And said “the bear told me you could get this hook out of my foot

wordless wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

I promise I'll never let go Jack. I'll never let go. 

Okay. F@ck Jack, someone  get me out of this pool before I get wet

Monday Question

 Do you shed?

Do your parents try to make it stop?

What do they use to clean after,a good shedding?

I shed. I must be a good dog because Mommy has said in the past she could not live with a shedding dog.

My parents have tried to brush me but I squirm and run off.

My parents keep the lint roller businesses from closing.

Ruby's Sunday Funny Papers

 When God created Woman

She had not two breasts but three

And the middle one got in the way

So God performed surgery.

And Woman stood in front of God

With the middle breast in her hand

She said, “What can we do with the useless boob?”

And God created Man.

Viagara stolen. It’s in the news.

Hardened criminals on the loose

My mother turned 89

And much to our surprise

She decided to get outdoors

And started to exercise.

Mother walked ten miles a day

And now she’s 93.

Poor old mother, we don’t know

Where on earth she could be

the

Friday FIll-ins

 

 Oh boy!   It is time for the fantastic Friday fill-ins thanks to our two co-hosts who put these sentences together every week.

Here are this week’s sentences and mine RUBY'S are capitalized

1. I define success by HOW CLOSE TO THE CENTER OF THE PEE PAD I LEAVE MY POOP.

2. WHEN MOMMY GOT OUT OF THE SHOWER AND FOUND ME CHEWING HER BRA

was an awkward moment.

3. I learned to  LIE when I was CAUGHT CHEWING MOMMY’S BRA WHEN SHE GOT OUT OF

THE SHOWER at ONE years old. I SAID DADDY ENTINCED ME INTO A GAME OF TUG OF WAR WITH IT AND

SHE GOT MAD AT HIM. HASHTAG LIES WORK HASHTAG BABY BOSS RULES

 I can only EXPRESS so much CUTENESS before I GET MY PLUG UGLIES ON!.

Poetry Thursday

 

My friend who is one spoiled cat gave me the picture below for the Thursday Poetry blog hop

Dwight knew he was bright

He knew it with all his might

He was the smartest boy, then the smartest man, his teachers said his intelligence was out of sight

But Kate, his disagreeable wife, only wanted to fight

*

Kate quietly sipped her bay rum

And wondered if he was so smart why did she have the bigger income

She had been trying for years not to succumb

To the horrible truth, Dwight was dumb

**

Over dinner Dwight told Kate why his logic was air tight

His seventh great grandparent taught Franklin to fly a kite 

His fourth taught the Wright brothers about flight

George Will asked for his father’s insight.

***

Her husband’s words left her numb.

His seventh great grandparent grabbed Franklin’s electric kite string and lost a thumb

His fourth flew the Wright Flyer into a tree bursting with plums

And to keep his father from speaking George Will gave him gum

****

Dwight announced that Kate was jealous “you know that’s right”

And he would not let her ruin his night

Being married to someone with a lower IQ was a plight

He was being honest, it wasn’t meant as a slight

*****

The conversation needed a new tempo, a change in the timing from the drum

She pulled out a paper with her doctor’s office outcome

And although she found him loathsome

He yearned for a son

******

Dwight exclaimed a squeal of delight

And since she was giving him a son he would forget the events of the night

And another fight she did not want to encite

But if he believed he was the father he really wasn’t too bright

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

I didn't know my cat was a Republican until I came home and found it doing the Trump Dance

Monday Questions

 Do you get a treat when your parents snack on  food during the day?

If you have a treat, then your parents eat a cookie, do you get another treat?

Do your parents deserve a treat whenever you get one?

Ruby's Answers

Yes, if my parents stop for a bite to eat I am entitled to a treat.

Every time they get a treat I get a treat so if they treat me, then get a treat, I get another treat

Oh no, they would get too fat and it would be my job to take them out for a roll everyday.

Ruby's Sunday Funnies

 

A man walks into a clock repair shop and the repairman is German and says: So? Vat sims to be ze problem?
It's my grandfather clock. It doesn't go 'tick- tock-tick-tock' anymore. Now it just goes 'tick...tick...tick.
Mmm-Hm! I sink I can fix zis. Let me look inside. Ve haf vays of making you tock!

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No, arthritis.'

There was a midget who joined a nudist colony but he was asked to leave because he kept poking his nose into everybody's business.

Friday Fill In

 Oh boy!   It is time for the fantastic Friday fill-ins thanks to our two co-hosts who put these sentences together every week.

Here are this week’s sentences and mine RUBY’ are capita;ized

1. My to-do list for September included HELP MY PARENTS MOVE INTO THEIR NEW APARTMENT WITH SOME SERVICES FOR MY BARE;Y MOBILE MOM. ON TUESDAY I PICKED THE BRAND NEW APARTMENT AND WAS THE FIRST DOG TO  RIDE IN THE LITTLE ROOM IN THE LOBBY THAT GOES UP AND DOWN.
2. TREAT TRAINING was my favorite year of school.
3. I have a lot of respect for PRINCE HARRY FOR PUTTING UP WITH MEGAN MARKLE because IHE WILL NEVER FORGET HIS PROMISE OR BREAK HIS VOW BUT GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT HE COULD DO RIGHT NOW SO HE’S PRAYING FOR THE END OF TIME SO HE CAN END HIS TIME WITH HER. 
4. THE GOVERNMENT made me stop SUPPORTING THE FERAL WHO WERE RENTING OUT THE SPACE UNDERNEATH THE PORCH TO AN UNDOCUMENTED FAMILY. (DON’T WORRY, I LET THEM RENT THE SHED.)Posted o

T

Poetry Thursday

 

Two friends met for a beer

At an outdoor bar they found

And when a waiter did appear

They asked for another round

*

They shared every story they could tell

Their laughter could be heard all around

As clear as a bell

They asked for another round

**

When the clouds came in the people ran inside

Which left  both men dumbfound

A few clouds were no reason to hide

And they asked for another round

***

Then the rain began to fall

Creating a pounding sound

But the men were having a ball

And they asked for another round

****

Soon the rain was a monsoon

And wisemen would have moved to higher ground

But the men howled at the moon

And asked for another round

*****

In an hour they had drunk one another under the table

Like unlucky soldiers on the a battleground

Standing was not a skill that they were able

But they could still ask for another round

******

They awoke deep in the night in puddles or rain and vomit

Being humped by an in heat basset hound

They pulled themselves into their wet chair and width to a look decided to recommit

And ordered another round 

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

I went for my damn walk. Satisfied?

Now open this door or I will claw your eyes out.

Monday Question

 When you see a blanket or towel on a couch or bed do you scrunch it up to make a nest?

Ruby's Answer: I like to make a nest of the blankets on the bed and then, once it is perfect, I leave it and snuggle next to Mom

Introducing Ruby's Sunday Funnies

 

The Bartender asks "Rough day?", the man replies "Yeah, I just found out that my brother is gay", the Bartender says "Well everyone has their own path".
The next day the man walks into the bar again and says "4 drinks please", the Bartender asks "Another rough day?", the man replies "Yeah, I just found out that my oldest son is gay", the Bartender says "Well that's his choice".

On the third day, the man walks into the bar again and says "4 drinks please", the Bartender says "My god, another rough day?", the man replies "Yeah, I just found out that my youngest son is gay", the Bartender says "It's totally up to him who he's attracted to".

The fourth day comes around, and the man walks into the bar again and says "4 drinks please", the Bartender asks "Doesn't anyone in your family like Women?", the man replies

"Yeah, my Wife does."

Three doctors are waiting in line to get into the Pearly Gates. St. Peter walks out and asks the first one, "What have you done to enter Heaven?"Personalized joke recommendations

"I am a pediatrician and have brought thousands of the Lord's babies into the world."

"Good enough to enter the gates," replied St. Peter and in he goes. The same question is asked of the second doctor.

"I am a general practioner and go to Third World countries three times a year to cure the poor." St. Peter is impressed and allows him through the gates. The third doctor steps up in line and knowing the question, blurts out, "I am a director of an HMO."

St. Peter meditates on this for a while and then says, "Fine, you can enter Heaven...but only for 2 days."

A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.", to which the wife responds,
"He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey, I love you, too