Monday Question

 Do your parents yell at you, and if so what sets them off?

My looking out the window, or at the door, for many minutes, breaks my parents and they yell, then beg me, to be quiet

Ruby’s Sunday Funnies

 A woman entered the pharmacy, approached the pharmacist, made direct eye contact, and began to speak.

"I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady: "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed: "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied: "Oh Well now That's different. You didn't tell me you had

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago."

"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.

"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell."

Her mother said, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."

A man is walking through the woods when he sees a bear charging at him. He books it, but he knows he can't outrun a bear for long, so he starts praying, "Dear Lord, I beseech thee. Please, o Lord, please let this bear be a Christian!" The bear catches up to him, knocks him down on the ground, then gets on its knees and says, "Dear Lord, thank you for this food I am about to receive..."

Friday Fill Ins

 

It’s Friday Fill In time. My fill ins are in capitals. 

I feel like EATING when I think of ANYTHING

January is a good month TO BE MR. SNOW MISER. THERE IS ICE, IN ALL FORMS, EVERYWHERE AND THE HOTTEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD IS COVERED IN IT. LET’S GO MR. SNOW MISER

GETTING FOOD WHEN I DEMAND IT is non negotiable in my llife

I could give up SEX as long as NO ONE FINDS MY FORLORN OVARIES AND POPS THEM BACK IN

Poetry Thursday

 

 My friends Angel Sammys and Teddys Pawetaton have provided the picture below to inspire our poetry

Bob promised his mom

At the dance he would show them

But when he did a move called the dirty plumb

He ripped open his scrotum

+

Bob’s screaming in pain lead to mayhem

A doctor came to him wondering what he was trying to overcome

But then he saw Bob’s balls hanging loose like two sore thumbs

And announced loudly “I think he ripped  his scrotum”

++

The doctor called for an ambulance to come

And told Bob maybe the pain they could numb

The EMTs arrived, and upon seeing Bob called their chums

And they all had a good laugh at the guy who tore his scrotum

+++

”Don’t just laugh help me,” Bob yelled trying not to let the pain overcome

Not only was he in pain, and embarrassed he felt quite dumb

The EMTS lifted him up but on the floor stayed his Eve Plumbs

And Bob had to carry his balls  on a tiny tray until they could be put back in his scrotum

++++’

At the hospital the doctors were shocked at what Bob had done

And asked him if he had insurance because sewing a scrotum cost a mighty sum

But Bob could only wonder if ever again he woul;d cum

And the doctor said it was hard to say because balls usually don’t leave the scrotum.

+++++

After the operation the doctor gathered around everyone

Saying the operation was a success and the mother thanked God for her son

Then Bob  was wheeled by, he because of swelling, had a penis the size of a Tommy Gun

And ice surrounding his scrotum

+++++++

They say sight, hearing, speech and touch were God’s gifts for anyone

But Bob knew in the long run

When all is said and done

There was no greater gift than an intact scrotum

Wordless Wednesdaay

 

Beat This Caption

 

We just prank texted the dog and told him he was adopted

Monday Question

 What is the most frustrating part of being a pet on the Internet]

Ruby’s answer: The technical issues. Yesterday I spent an hour trying to get pictures to upload on my blog. The help link was no help and neither was Google. It was finally fixed via Trial and Errpr

Ruby’s Sunday Funnies

An employee at a business firm gets to travel to Japan to meet executives from the company's foreign branch. He's single and is really excited to hook up with some beautiful Asians. He goes to the meeting and listens to a linguist who translates all their words for him.

After the meeting he goes out and hooks up with a lovely young lady. Things go very well and he ends up going to her place that night.

They dim the lights and do the deed. The whole time she's moaning and shouting: "Fuka ana!" She seems really into it so he goes all out giving it to her all night long.

The next day he goes to a golf game with the Japanese executives. He makes a very nice chip shot then decides he's going to try to impress the executives. He shouts: "Fuka ana!"

The linguist then turns to him and says: "No that's the right hole."

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks. Then try 50-lbpotato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lbpotato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go.
Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant.
Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas,and Earlene got pregnant again.
Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again."
Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"
Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Earlene with me."

Friday Fill-Ins

It is time for Friday Fill-Ins hosted by Two Spoiled Cats. They provide original sentences in small lettts and my fills in are written with capitals.

 (The dumb Google monster won’t let me post the graphic 

I used to think THEN I REALIZED HUMANS AREN’T DOING IT SO WHY SHOULD I?

Every time I plan to TAKE OVER GREENLAND I REALIZE IT WOULD TAKE YEARS TO VACUUM.

I am waiting for the month of JANUARY 2026, because (WAIT THIS IS IT? WHAT A DISAPPOINTMENT. I THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO BE THE NEW WORLD) 

When it comers to social media I AM WITTY, INTELLIGENT, AND ADVENTUROUS WHILE IN REAL LIFE I’M JUST FARTING AROUND.

Poetry Thursday

Boy and dog played in the mud mud mud

After a flood flood flood

They were two little studs studs studs

In the mud mud mud

The mud!

They buried the kitty in the mud mud mud

Because he was a dud dud dud

And smelled like crud cruc crud

So he’s buried in the mud mud

The mud

They rolled in the mud mud mud

And made pies of mud mud mud

What fun they had in the mud mud mud

The dirty sticky mud mud mud

The mud!

an orange paw stuck out of the mud mud mud

It was the kitty and he was out for blood blood blood

Then out came the orange head head head

Then the cat was free of the mud mud mud

The mud

The cat rolled in the grass to get off the mud mud mud

“It is the baby’s fault” is what the dog sud sud sud

Then he begged the cat to be a bud bud bud

But the cat walked inside and got yelled at for tracking in mud mud mud

The cat tracked in 

The mud

Then their mom saw them in the mud mud mud

And said “get them” to her brother who looked like Elmer Fudd Fudd Fudd 

And dog and boy got in a tub full of sud sud sud

To wash off the mud mud mud

The mud

Dog and baby, now grounded, gazed out at the mud mud mud

Then inspired they ran into the bathroom like a runaway scud scud scud

And the baby knocked potting soil on the floor and the baby peed on it and spit out his cud cud cud

And they rejoiced that they made mud mud mud

They made mud