Beat This Caption

 

I went for my damn walk. Satisfied?

Now open this door or I will claw your eyes out.

Monday Question

 When you see a blanket or towel on a couch or bed do you scrunch it up to make a nest?

Ruby's Answer: I like to make a nest of the blankets on the bed and then, once it is perfect, I leave it and snuggle next to Mom

Introducing Ruby's Sunday Funnies

 

The Bartender asks "Rough day?", the man replies "Yeah, I just found out that my brother is gay", the Bartender says "Well everyone has their own path".
The next day the man walks into the bar again and says "4 drinks please", the Bartender asks "Another rough day?", the man replies "Yeah, I just found out that my oldest son is gay", the Bartender says "Well that's his choice".

On the third day, the man walks into the bar again and says "4 drinks please", the Bartender says "My god, another rough day?", the man replies "Yeah, I just found out that my youngest son is gay", the Bartender says "It's totally up to him who he's attracted to".

The fourth day comes around, and the man walks into the bar again and says "4 drinks please", the Bartender asks "Doesn't anyone in your family like Women?", the man replies

"Yeah, my Wife does."

Three doctors are waiting in line to get into the Pearly Gates. St. Peter walks out and asks the first one, "What have you done to enter Heaven?"Personalized joke recommendations

"I am a pediatrician and have brought thousands of the Lord's babies into the world."

"Good enough to enter the gates," replied St. Peter and in he goes. The same question is asked of the second doctor.

"I am a general practioner and go to Third World countries three times a year to cure the poor." St. Peter is impressed and allows him through the gates. The third doctor steps up in line and knowing the question, blurts out, "I am a director of an HMO."

St. Peter meditates on this for a while and then says, "Fine, you can enter Heaven...but only for 2 days."

A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.", to which the wife responds,
"He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey, I love you, too

Friday Fill Ins

 

It is time for Friday Fill-Ins.

Can I get a hell year?

There are four statements: the first two statements are written by 15AndMeowing, and the final two are done  by  Four-Legged Furballs. Please check them out. 

Here are this week's statements with my responses underlined. 

1. I wish I could believe that Chuck Schumer is not an upper class twit, but I don't.
2. I am all cutnessed out.
3. I'm very picky about what I am given to eat while my parents are eating so I stop beginning for food. I am supposed to be given bacon treats and if I don’t get them I refuse to eat.
4. I don't mind doggystyle as long as I get dinner first.

Poetry Thursday

 

Frank sat in his lawn chair

Eating peanut butter cracker by the square

When Jonathan L Seagull flew down and asked if he had any to sprare

And when Frank said no Jonathan responded "no fair"

ii

Jonathan L Seagull watched Frank it them all

On a bench outside the town line strip mall

And Jonathan thought "of all the gall"

If only they hadn't jailed his lawyer Better Call Saul

iii

Jonathan could not believe Frank could be so selfish

Like a pearl hoarding shellfish

He prepared revenge as a cold dish

And disaster for Frank he did wish

IV

A week ago Jonathan saw Frank on the boardwalk

Licking an ice cream cone and looking like a dork

It was time to put Jonathan’s revenge plan to work

And teach a lesson to the jerk

V

Jonathan swept down a stole the cone

Like a puppy stealing its big brother's bone

And flew off the parts unknown

Leaving Frank alone

VI

Jonathan landed began to eat hoping it was made of coco

But his experience was a bigger disaster than Fukuoka

Frank had picked a flavor most mediocre

It was frozen tapioca 

VII

I am not satisfied is what Jonathan said

And he thought over what to do while lying in bed

Back to the boardwalk via air he did sped

And took a big poop on Frank's head

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

No more energy drinks for you. You've got too much damn energy. You keep me up all day. What are you going to do with all this energy? You don't need it. Enough. You want it, reach up my ass and get it.