Beat This Caption

 

Henry was able to put three kids through college after inventing bird uber/ 

Monday Question

 Tell me a pet peeve that your parents have for you.

And, do you have a pet peeve about them?

My parents' pet peeve concerning me is my looking out the window and barking at nothing.

My pet peeve about them is when they aren't paying attention to me'

Foley's Tails From Rainbow Bridge: The Bird Flu

 

It is February and it has been a long time since I have been able to visit my parents as a bird. Some angels brave the cold to check on their family, but I am too delicate.

But, as we have passed the mid part of February #my thoughts have turned to the birds. I decided to take a walk to the bird body store to check out this year's model.

When I got there was a sign on the door that said ‘’Closed due to the bird flu.’’

I had heard of this affliction, but had not given it a lot of thought. Birds are the only creatures who are allowed to fly back and forth to the Bridge. It is why you never see dead birds on the ground. But with the bird flu dead birds are found in piles on the ground, and the new angels fly to the Bridge without their bodies, causing a shortage.

On the mortal side it has also affected the price of eggs, which has been bad news for the goose that laid the golden eggs whose output is now less expensive than store bought eggs. 

But none of that was my concern. I was consumed with the worry that come the spring months when my parents end their hibernation and stumble of out their abode like hobos off a rail car that I would not be in a pretty bird body to greet them.

I went to speak to the wise old owl who is in charge of the birds. I told him my plight but he was nonplussed, more worried about his brethren who could no longer take flight.

‘’Until we get a hold of this thing, birds are confined to their nests. Once a day the first bird who was hatched, born prematurely will go hunting because it has been ordered until this crisis is over that only the early bird gets the worm.’’

I protested but the owl could not be budged. ‘’I have seen you dogs in bird bodies. You fly too fast, you jump in the bird baths you canoodle in the nests, we can’t have that, at least until the flu runs its course.’’

I couldn’t argue. We dogs love to canoodle.

I went back to Doggyspace and put together a group to study the problem and find a bird substitute. They could only come up with bees. I am a first rate performer and I don’t want to be seen in a bee suit.

This year is not even good enough to be for the birds.

And I don’t see it getting any better. 

It is February and it has been a long time since I have been able to visit my parents as a bird. Some angels brave the cold to check on their family, but I am too delicate.

But, as we have passed the mid part of February #my thoughts have turned to the birds. I decided to take a walk to the bird body store to check out this year's model.

When I got there was a sign on the door that said ‘’Closed due to the bird flu.’’

I had heard of this affliction, but had not given it a lot of thought. Birds are the only creatures who are allowed to fly back and forth to the Bridge. It is why you never see dead birds on the ground. But with the bird flu dead birds are found in piles on the ground, and the new angels fly to the Bridge without their bodies, causing a shortage.

On the mortal side it has also affected the price of eggs, which has been bad news for the goose that laid the golden eggs whose output is now less expensive than store bought eggs. 

But none of that was my concern. I was consumed with the worry that come the spring months when my parents end their hibernation and stumble of out their abode like hobos off a rail car that I would not be in a pretty bird body to greet them.

I went to speak to the wise old owl who is in charge of the birds. I told him my plight but he was nonplussed, more worried about his brethren who could no longer take flight.

‘’Until we get a hold of this thing, birds are confined to their nests. Once a day the first bird who was hatched, born prematurely will go hunting because it has been ordered until this crisis is over that only the early bird gets the worm.’’

I protested but the owl could not be budged. ‘’I have seen you dogs in bird bodies. You fly too fast, you jump in the bird baths you canoodle in the nests, we can’t have that, at least until the flu runs its course.’’

I couldn’t argue. We dogs love to canoodle.

I went back to Doggyspace and put together a group to study the problem and find a bird substitute. They could only come up with bees. I am a first rate performer and I don’t want to be seen in a bee suit.

This year is not even good enough to be for the birds.

And I don’t see it getting any better. 

The Ruby Rose Report: Stressful Humans

 When River Song first approached me, at the same home she was born in, to interview me for her former position as the family dog, she told me that mostly life would be quiet, filled with long afternoons of resting on a blanket, followed by nights snuggled under a blanket until bedtime and sleeping with her parents.

At first, I made it seem like it was something I needed to consider, but after almost a year of living in Florida with a big pack, I was ready to be an only and it's been a single day why lives  peacefully ever after (which is better than happily ever after, which seems like a lot of work and very loud).

But River also told me the downside.

Both she and her parents had dealt with more than their allotment of stress, which had created two monsters buried within them, and it would be my job to suppress the monsters and drive them back down the hole.

River told me the monsters showed themselves in different forms. Mommy's monster is quiet and sneaky. Everything will seem fine, and then there will be a single tear.

Daddy’s monster is easier to spot. His breathing changes, his face turns red, and then something goes flying. Daddy is a thrower, but he has matured, and now only throws non-breakable items into the couch.

But, I soon found out, the telltale sign of the monsters rising is a change in the way they smell. I often know they are stressed out before they do, which makes me an early warning of the stress system. 

River also warned me to ignore Daddy’s sports related stress. It may seem silly, but it also brings out the monster, for a few fleeting seconds. ‘’No dog can fix sports stress’’ Foley told me.

She recounted a story from 200. The Patriots were playing the Panthers in the Super Bowl, and later in the game the Patriots scored a touchdown and both my parents yelled, waking Foley, who was asleep on Mommy’s lap. At the time they were living in the condo with stairs that had two turns and landings on it. Foley got out of the chair, went up to the first landing, looked at my parents, shook her head in disappointment and went up stairs to lay on her blanket.

Since then my parents have tried hard not to cheer during a game.

After River left and I got the job I, when the stress monster appears on Daddy I put my paws on his leg and implore him to pick me up, which he is reluctant to do , because he is busy being stressed, but I persist until he does, and I always calm him down, or at least switch his focus to me.

With Mommy it is different. She is usually in her recliner. I start on her lap. Grab a hold of grand tetons, pull myself up to her face, and lick away the stressful tears, and then the ones caused by more claws.

I work hard at keeping the stress monsters at bay, but there are more things to trigger the monsters every day.

I think all dogs are finding their parents’ stress monsters getting stronger, but we dogs are ready to defeat whatever empowers the monsters

Being a stress dog isn’t easy.

Thank God I sleep 20 hours a day

Poetry Thursday

 

This week's inspiration from the Two Spoiled 

Jimmy was playing on the floor

When he stood to make a diaper pee

Then looked up at the closed door

And thought ‘’there is a kid who looks just like me.     

They studied one another in great interest

The boys stood simultaneously

And moved without a difference

Both studying the boy who looks just like me

Jimmy pointed at the baby who pointed back

Then they touched their knees

They lifted their shirt to show their tiny six packs

One belonging to the boy who looked just like me

A head turn to the right

And hold i for a count of three

Jimmy was impressed with how bright

Was the boy who looked just like me

Sit down, sit up, spin around

They pretended to ride a pony

Jimmy threw himself on the ground

And so did the boy who looked just like me

Jimmy’s mom opened the door
And Jimmy shouted with glee

But suddenly across the floor

Went the boy who looked just like me

Jimmy stood his mouth open in shock

As he mommy picked up then boy who looked like me

His mom looked at him, and began to talk

Saying ‘’Why do you keep forgetting your twin brother Timmy?’’

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

Private Smith checked his watch. If Corporal Cupcake didn't climax soon Private Smith wouldn't have time to plow that bitch before they disembarked