Poetry Thursday

   

Jonce again Angel Sammys and and Teddys Pawetatonc have challenged us to write a poem about the picture below

“Tiger I don’t think you should golf today

You’ve been drinking a lot and starting to sway

Please listen to what I have to say

I doubt you’ll be able to hit the fairway

Tiger you should let me drive

If this afternoon you want to survive

And I don’t think with the clubs in your bag you will thrive

Because that’s a broom not your driver and using it you will never hit the green in five

Tiger I think I should drive the car

If you want to get far

And you always stop at every bar

And then on hole one you are nine over par

And no you can’t drive the golf cart

I know you think its the easy part

But when we needed the cart to restart

You put the chargers on your nipples trying to jumpstart

Tiger that would have been a fine drive off the first tee

And it would have impressed me

But you may need to issue an apology

Since you teed off into the clubhouse wounding three

You may want to take a drop because your ball hit a tree

I wouldn’t try to play if you were me

Looks like you just drove your wedge into your knee

No more golf today is my plea

They are asking us to leave after you threw up on the tree trunk

You’re a middle aged lush with no spunk

And I can no longer let you play you big lunk

Because friends don’t let friends golf drunk

Beat This Caption

 

Jacob was only in prison for a week when he became Gumdrop’s bitch, just had all the others

Monday Question

 

What animals that aren’t pets have you encountered?

On walks I have encountered turkeys and turkey vultures and for awhile in our old house we had a possum living in the walls. 

Ruby’s Sunday Funnies

A dumb man went ice fishing. He'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, he made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning his comfy stool, he started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

Startled, the dumb man moved further down the ice, swigged down a beer, and began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

The dumb man, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, swigged down another beer, and tried again to cut his hole. The voice came once more: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

He stopped, looked skyward, and said, " Is that you, Lord?"

The voice replied, "No, I'm the Ice-Rink Manager!"

Two whales walk into a bar. The first one says, ,"EOOOOOHAHHHHHMMMM-MMUUUUUUUUUOOOAAAAAAUUUU..."

The second whale turns to the first and says, "Frank, what the hell is wrong with you?"

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."

"Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty.

Friday Fill Ins

 

It’s Friday Fill In time. Ruby’s fill ins are in capitals.

My favorite Easter or Passover treat is PIZZA. DON’T JUDGE. PIZZA IS ITALIAN. THE POPE IS ITALIAN, WHAT’s THAT? THE POPE IS FROM CHICAGO. I DID NOT KNOW THAT. MY FAVORITE EASTER TREAT IS DEEP DISH PIZZA.

My life would be different without GRAVITY. I WOULD JUST FLOAT ALL OVER THE PLACE, GET STUCK UNDER TREE LIMBS, HAVE TO BE RESCUED FROM THE STRATOSPHERE. IT WOULD BE A WHOLE THING.

If I could I would give an Easter basket full of POOP to RYAN GOSLING. HE KNOWS 

WHAT HE DID. AND I WILL HAVE MY VENGEANCE EASTER BASKET FULL OF POOP OR NO EASTER BASKET FULL OF POOP.

Is it weird THAT I SNORT WHEN I LICK MY BOTTOM? IT’S NOT THAT I AM OUT OF BREATH. I AM JUST SO HAPPY.

Poetry Thursday

  

Jonce again Angel Sammys and and Teddys Pawetatonc have challenged us to write a poem about the picture below

Tommy cat said he could fly

But Bob the dog thought he would fail

And didn’t want Tommy to die

So Bob bit him on the tail

“Ouch,” Tommy cried

“You must release me at once”

Bob did, not wanting the cat to take a chunk out of his hide

Or surprise him with a swift and painful pounce

“I don’t think you should fly” Bob pled

The cat answered “I have nine live what could go wrong”

Bob wished he had a dime for every time that was said

Like the time their Mommy found Bob wearing her thong

“Come to the roof,” Tommy said. “I will show you what I can do.”

Bob reminded him that since they ate the shingles from the roof they had been stricken

Tommy didn’t care and accessed the roof from a window in.the loo

Reluctantly Bob followed not wanting to be labeled a chicken

Tommy licked his paw and held it in the air

He said “the wind is from the east”

Then Tommy said he would jump from right there

Then leapt into the air like a baby Robin leaving the nest

He made it almost a foot

Until gravity,took hold

Then Tommy hit a branch and then slipped down the gutter chute

And how many lives he lost in the fall could not be vet

Tommy went to the vet and stayed a few days

Then for a month he wore the cone of shame without fail

Once healthy Tommy announced he was swimming in the pool much to Bob,s dismay

And he had no choice but to stop the cat by biting his tail.   

Wordless Wednesday