What perfectly understandable and legitimate thing do you do that drives your parents crazy
For me, it's the barling. I sit looking over the back courtyard where everyone gathers in the early evening, and I bark at everyone and my parents sometimed really freak out about it,. And it's perfectly understandable my parents are wrong to get upset.
Larry didn't know how it came to pass.
Was it a sentence, community service, or a curse for some long-forgotten trespass.
Larry didn't want to complain en masse.
But for some reason, he had to walk for eternity with a guy on his ass.
Larry went to the Willis pond
A place of which he fond
But he could now only go to the submerged tree trunk not beyond
Because the man on Larry was not a strong swimmer, if they went out too far, he would drowned
One day, a frustrated Larry asked the man what he'd done to get stuck up a duck's butt.
He explained he had owned a bait shop where he sold machine guns to hunters to massacre ducks for a healthy cut
When he died, knowing he had killed so many ducks his gate would be you know what.
He cut a deal to be supportive of ducks and one duck’s butt
Larry and the mannwent to a bar to drink Fosters
and to ponder.
Who possibly could such a thing conjure?
When Larry realized it could only have been a decision made by Judge foley monster
They found Foley going through her briefs while lying on the grass.
They said that they weren't here to harass, but they’d like to know why she ordered the poor guy to spend eternity with his head up a duck's ass.
Folet said the punishment. wasn't just established for laughs.
But to also punish Larry who, when angered that he was shot at by the man the duck flew up his butt causing the hunter's heart to crash.
Taking into account their arrival at the bridge Foley decreed that they spend eternity together. It was only right.
But if they did well, maybe a compromise could end their plight.
Then Foley gathered her briefs and walked in the door. Before dipping out of sight,
She gave a knowing wink to the first readers of this blog, whose first words were written by Foley 17 years ago. Then she wished everyone a good night.
So, after tempting Adam with apple, Eve bit it, and long story short: You are going to the vet tommow morning to get your ovaries removed, and before I forget there is no breakfast either. How you like them apples?
When was the last time you were locked in a cage or a room “for your own good.”
Ruby’s Answer - while the EMTs were in the house to check out Mommy when she fell I was locked in the bedroom “for my own good.”
During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?" He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now." I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense." He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."
A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. “Captain,” one passenger asks, “who is that man over there?” “I have no idea,” the captain says, “but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.”
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."
"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."
"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat."
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"
"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time, but if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes," the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh.. equipment?"
"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted.
What perfectly understandable and legitimate thing do you do that drives your parents crazy For me, it's the barling. I sit looking ov...
Two boys from the mountains, Leroy and Jasper have been promoted from privates to sergeants.
Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroys says, "Hey, Jasper, there's the NCO Club. Let's you and me stop in."
"But we's privates," protests Jasper. "We's sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him inside.
"Now, Jasper, I'm a-gonna sit down and have me a drink."
"But we's privates," says Jasper.
"You blind, boy?" asks Leroy, pointing at his stripes. "We's sergeants now."
So they have their drink, and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Leroy. "You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to date you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhoea."
Leroy pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Jasper, go look in the dictionary and see what gonorrhoea means. If it's okay, give me the okay sign."
So Jasper goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Leroy the big okay sign.
Three weeks later Leroy is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhoea.
"Jasper," he says, "what fo' you give me the okay?"
"Well, Leroy, in the dictionary, it say gonorrhoea affects only the privates." He points to his stripes. "But not the sergeants.”
A nurse walks into a bank to deposit her pay check. She reaches into her purse to pull out a pen to sign her check. To her dismay, she pulls out a rectal thermometer. In frustration, she throws her arms up and shouts, "Oh, great! Some asshole has my pen!