Beat This Caption

“Let them learn an instrument,” you said, “it will give them culture,” you said.  Does this sound like culture to you?

Monday Question

When was the last time your food was changed

 Ruby's answer: I have been eating Blue Buffalo lamb almost since I arrived here. They tried to change it to Canidae, but I was having none of it. Since the end of last year. I am eating Ollie Pork and apple for wet food—that seems to be the one I like the most.

Ruby’s Sunday Funnies

 

A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another fellow and immediately notices that the guy has a very large disposable Bic cigarette lighter. The first guy says: "Wow, cool lighter. Where did you get it?"

The second guy replies: "A genie from a bottle granted me one wish."

"Great, can I try it?" the first guy asks.

"Sure," the second guy replies.

The first guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. "You are granted one wish," says the genie.

The first guy says: "I want a million bucks!"

"Done," says the genie and disappears.

A few minutes go by, and suddenly the bar door swings open and thousands and thousands of ducks start pouring in.

"I can't believe this," says the first guy: "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

The second guy turns to him and says: "Do you really think I wished for a 12-inch Bic?”

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. "What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"

"Better get a bikini," he replied.

"You'd never get it all in one

A guy walked into a doctor's office, and the receptionist asked him what he had. He said, "shingles." So she took down his name, address, and medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later, a nurse's aide came out and asked him what he had. He said, "shingles." So she took down his height, weight, a complete medical history, and told him to wait in the examining room.

A half-hour later, a nurse came in and asked him what he had. He said, "shingles." She gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, and an electrocardiogram, told him to take off all his clothes, and wait for the doctor.

An hour later, the doctor came in and asked him what he had. He said, "shingles." The doctor said, "Where?" He said, "Outside in the truck. Where do you want them?"

Friday Fill ins

It’s Friday Fill In time. Ruby’s fill ins are in blue

• If I would start a museum it would be a museum of me, but, so it doesn’t seem self centered the museum would be called the Ruby Rose Presidential library,
• If I see a professional soccer player get his foot stepped on and go down like Anwar Sadat at a military parade one more time I am going to lose my mind.
• Too soon?
• That the humans are going to throw the ball just because they have the ball and I are doing the throwing motion is the strangest thing I believed as a child.
• If my life had a mascot it would be Mr Met because I don't try hard, don't win a lot, and have a giant head that makes it impossible for me to wear a sweater unless it is one with buttons but I won't wear a sweater with buttons because I am not an animal. 

Poetry Thursday

 

Once again Angel Sammys and and Teddys Pawetatonc have challenged us to write a poem about the picture below.  Please to enjoy

Momma could not find her dogs and yelled for their barking affirmation

But the silence only added to her frustration 

And then she found the note which brought her further consternation

Because it read “dear mom, the dogs have gone on vacation”

Clyde was the dog who wrote the note

And convinced to go with him his brother Spot

Because years of play and snuggle left them overwrought 

And to get away they boarded a boat the size of a dreadnought

They arrived at their vacation place managed by Club Med.

And were stunned to see just how big was their bed

And they were happy no human would hog the bedspread

And they went to dinner to do the most popular vacation activity being over fed

The next morning they relaxed on floaties in the pool

They drank cosmopolitans and shouted “vacations rule”

They were the coolest of the cool

To live any other way was for a fool

For the next three days rain did fall

And the dogs could not go out at all

And on the computer the Netflix app would not install

So much for getting caught up on Better Call Saul

Finally Thursday broke sunny

But the manager told the dogs overuse of the mini bar had caused them to run out of money

And the only accommodation they could afford was to be caged with the bunny

Spot didn’t know who would go with Clyde on the next trip but it would not be he

Two days later the dogs returned home to be met by butt wiggling and happily shouting mom and dad

The dogs did not know people could be so glad

And they didn’t  get upset when their excited parents peed on the edge of the pad

The humans were so happy at their return how could they be mad

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

I get out of bed at the crack of dawn, am first in line at the worm store and a kid comes out and tells me “sorry Mrs. X but we are out of worms.” I was the early bird but I have no worms. When I find the manager there will be Hell to pay.