Beat This Caption

 

Hi Bob. Guess what? While you were at work I slept with your wife. I slept with her on the couch and the recliner. And, I am going to sleep with your wife every day for the next 18 years. So suck on that Bob

Monday Question

 Do your parents yell at you, and if so what sets them off?

My looking out the window, or at the door, for many minutes, breaks my parents and they yell, then beg me, to be quiet

Ruby’s Sunday Funnies

 A woman entered the pharmacy, approached the pharmacist, made direct eye contact, and began to speak.

"I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady: "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed: "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied: "Oh Well now That's different. You didn't tell me you had

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago."

"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.

"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell."

Her mother said, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."

A man is walking through the woods when he sees a bear charging at him. He books it, but he knows he can't outrun a bear for long, so he starts praying, "Dear Lord, I beseech thee. Please, o Lord, please let this bear be a Christian!" The bear catches up to him, knocks him down on the ground, then gets on its knees and says, "Dear Lord, thank you for this food I am about to receive..."

Friday Fill Ins

 

It’s Friday Fill In time. My fill ins are in capitals. 

I feel like EATING when I think of ANYTHING

January is a good month TO BE MR. SNOW MISER. THERE IS ICE, IN ALL FORMS, EVERYWHERE AND THE HOTTEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD IS COVERED IN IT. LET’S GO MR. SNOW MISER

GETTING FOOD WHEN I DEMAND IT is non negotiable in my llife

I could give up SEX as long as NO ONE FINDS MY FORLORN OVARIES AND POPS THEM BACK IN

Poetry Thursday

 

 My friends Angel Sammys and Teddys Pawetaton have provided the picture below to inspire our poetry

Bob promised his mom

At the dance he would show them

But when he did a move called the dirty plumb

He ripped open his scrotum

+

Bob’s screaming in pain lead to mayhem

A doctor came to him wondering what he was trying to overcome

But then he saw Bob’s balls hanging loose like two sore thumbs

And announced loudly “I think he ripped  his scrotum”

++

The doctor called for an ambulance to come

And told Bob maybe the pain they could numb

The EMTs arrived, and upon seeing Bob called their chums

And they all had a good laugh at the guy who tore his scrotum

+++

”Don’t just laugh help me,” Bob yelled trying not to let the pain overcome

Not only was he in pain, and embarrassed he felt quite dumb

The EMTS lifted him up but on the floor stayed his Eve Plumbs

And Bob had to carry his balls  on a tiny tray until they could be put back in his scrotum

++++’

At the hospital the doctors were shocked at what Bob had done

And asked him if he had insurance because sewing a scrotum cost a mighty sum

But Bob could only wonder if ever again he woul;d cum

And the doctor said it was hard to say because balls usually don’t leave the scrotum.

+++++

After the operation the doctor gathered around everyone

Saying the operation was a success and the mother thanked God for her son

Then Bob  was wheeled by, he because of swelling, had a penis the size of a Tommy Gun

And ice surrounding his scrotum

+++++++

They say sight, hearing, speech and touch were God’s gifts for anyone

But Bob knew in the long run

When all is said and done

There was no greater gift than an intact scrotum

Wordless Wednesdaay

 

Beat This Caption

 

We just prank texted the dog and told him he was adopted