We have bunnies! Oh not the cute ones that live in a cage just outside your house and wiggle their noses when you feed them carrots. These are the wild ones that hop across your yard and eat Mommy’s flowers.
our Mommy has busted her butt on her flower gardens. Really she has!
She was watering her flowers the other day, backed up, fell down, and
landed on the cement dividers between the gardens. Today she had to get
a shot in her rectum to deaden the pain. She was supposed to get a
shot in the neck but when the doctor saw her he said she needed a shot
in the butt proving a pain in the neck is no match for a pain in the
and I decided that, if Mommy’s garden meant so much to her, and the
bunnies were eating her buds, we needed to do something about the
garden. But Mommy insisted that we could not go outside and hunt them
down, which is like the 12th thing we were put on this Earth for. We
tried sitting on the arm of the recliner and bark at them when they
arrived but that is such a snuggle spot we soon fell asleep. Then we
ordered up some shotguns and sat on the porch like Elmer Fudd firing at
the varmints but then the neighbors began to complain because our aim
was slightly off. Shoot one old person and a whole village turns
we had Mommy put us in our stroller and we sat near the garden waiting
for the bunny. When it appeared we barked our most ferocious barks.
The bunny looked up at us. “Hey, you guys are in a stroller,” he said.
then went back to eating Mommy’s buds and we barked even more ferocious
barks. The bunny stopped, looked at us, and then began to taunt us
because we couldn’t get him. He shook his butt at us and danced around
our stroller. We were rocking and rolling in it but couldn’t knock it
on him. When Mommy came out we were both so upset because we didn’t
scare that bunny at all. I suggested a ScarePocket but no one
Mommy told us something very interesting. One way to protect your
garden from varmints is with pee so Mommy told us that we could either
go out and buy pee or Pocket and I could use our pee. Finally, Pocket’s
never ending flow of pee is worth something.
promised Mommy we would drink up a bunch of water and pee all across
the garden’s border. Daddy promised too but after Pocket shot the old
guy we are on triple secret probation with the Pruned people and we
can’t let him do that. So now we are the mighty pee warriors of the
see if that bunny keeps coming to our garden or if it is pissed off.
If you would like to help us in keeping our garden free of varmints
please feel free to urinate in a manilla envelope and send it to us. We
promise to do the same.
In fact look for Pocket and Foley Monster pee coming to your better varmint prevention stores near you.